Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not to organise video calls with PILs

129 replies

Minimumstandard · 10/03/2021 16:38

Just to preface this that I get on well with my PILs. They're lovely people and very caring towards my 3yo. However, MIL is having a slight moan that she never gets to speak to or see DC at the moment - they live in the north of England and we live in the south-east so obviously with Covid they haven't seen him since around October last year.

My parents are in the same situation (they also live around 4 hours drive away from us so we haven't seen them for months). I do, however, video call my mum either on Skype or Zoom once or twice every week so she can talk to DC and watch him play. At the weekends, we do some sort of activity together (painting, colouring in, cooking etc.) and I prop my tablet up so my mum can speak to DC while he's doing it. They chat and he gives her a running commentary on what he is doing. We find this works better than doing bedtime stories since DC is usually exhausted by bedtime and so doesn't really like having to chat to his granny then - he just wants to cuddle up with me. Having an activity to do means he actually stays in one place for the call rather than running off.

I've told my DH to organise some video calls between DC and his parents at the weekend, but DH can't be bothered. He isn't great at getting involved with activities for DC, although he'll take him to the park or playground quite happily, and his idea of looking after him in the house is turning the TV on. He does work hard during the week, so I don't give him too hard a time about this, but I also work 3-4 days a week and don't really want to have to sort out and supervise two sets of grandparent video calls at the weekend. Is it unreasonable of me to leave PIL contact with DS for DH to sort out? I should say that I already send them regular photos and videos of DS, so it's not like I ignore them.

OP posts:
oblada · 12/03/2021 09:18

Whilst I agree you have a DH's problem and it shouldn't fall on you to organise this - you may well be the paternal MIL in future - how would you feel if your son was as hopeless as your DH and you couldn't have satisfactory contact with your DGC as a result?
In your shoes I'd ask DH to do specific chores whilst you do the video call or even better agree a time with MIL for a call when your DH is around and ask him to take the lead. He needs to step up to the plate here.

Emeraldshamrock · 12/03/2021 09:19

I would do it for MIL with conditions attached, he takes the DC out somewhere another time. It is sad he can't be bothered to do it for his DM.

mainsfed · 12/03/2021 09:22

@Dee1975 she doesn’t have to do anything, the DC still still have a relationship with PIL

JanewaysBun · 12/03/2021 09:31

OP I resonate with you so so much. Some suggestions I have found useful

  1. You take responsibility for FT PIL and give DH one of your chores. So I will hand him the baby when she s done a poo and go to the toddler.
  1. You FT them but just so they are watching DC play (I.e. the screen is facing you). DC can come to phone if interested.
  1. FT when DH is near by and hand him the phone/walk off

I get it's not yoir responsibility (which is what I tried doing) but they are your family too so hopefully if you have a tall with DH he will pick up the slack

New posts on this thread. Refresh page