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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being forced to go to contact centre on mother's day

142 replies

Pebbledashery · 10/03/2021 15:59

Despite giving over two months notice to ask for a change of date.
Just fed up of it.
Always going to be controlled my this abuser :(

OP posts:
ContessaDiPulpo · 14/03/2021 07:31

It is your first one away from him though OP - you're waking up in your own place, with your own DD, without him. It's you and her, and you're safe together. I can't imagine how tough it must have been to get to this point, but you've done (and are doing) amazingly.

Happy Mother's Day to you Flowers

Sahm101 · 14/03/2021 07:32

I'm so sorry you are still going through this op. You and dd don't deserve this. Flowers

Ladybigbeach · 14/03/2021 08:46

Good luck today Op, hope it all goes
Well for you. Flowers Happy Mother’s Day

FOJN · 14/03/2021 08:47

I'm so sorry he's doing this to you. It's enraging that the law facilitates abusive men to continue abusive behaviour and we all know that's exactly what this is.

Maintaining your integrity is vital to your self esteem however I think you realistically he won't stop trying to unsettle you so you may have to compromise it a little to maintain your sanity. I don't think it's possible to create an excuse for not attending the contact centre today because you've already gone through official channels to change the date. On this occasion honesty has not served you very well.

I wonder if in future, when he suggests an inconvenient date, you would consider going along with it and then have a last minute reason for not attending. It's far from ideal but then having to deal with your abuser is far from ideal too and in some small way you may feel you've claimed back a little bit of power by playing the game his way and getting a small win for you.

Happy Mother's Day.

harknesswitch · 14/03/2021 09:32

Happy Mother's Day OP Thanks

Maverickess · 14/03/2021 09:38

It is your first mother's Day away from him, there's 24 hours, because you did what you did and decided not to take his shit any more, you only have to put up with him for 2/3 hours out of those 24, instead of the full 24. That's a win in my book.
Happy Mother's Day 💐 and I hope despite the hours he is having today, you enjoy the rest with your DD and 🖕 to him

Original poster
Pebbledashery · 14/03/2021 11:20

Thank you everyone. Taken DD this morning, was a bit wobbly this morning as she woke up at 4am and we didn't sleep much after, so combination of exhaustion and emotions set me off.. But I know we'll have a lovely day after, bought lots of snacks and we'll watch films under the duvet when we get in. I'm keep trying to remind myself he will never have what we have and we've escaped but it's the fact he thinks he can force me here and he has that's what's upset me. The contact centre said because its court ordered they can't get involved too much but there was always room to reschedule to another day with the amount of notice I gave him.. He's just done it to be utterly spiteful. Xx

OP posts:
RedBlackCandle · 14/03/2021 13:10

@Pebbledashery

Thank you everyone. Taken DD this morning, was a bit wobbly this morning as she woke up at 4am and we didn't sleep much after, so combination of exhaustion and emotions set me off.. But I know we'll have a lovely day after, bought lots of snacks and we'll watch films under the duvet when we get in. I'm keep trying to remind myself he will never have what we have and we've escaped but it's the fact he thinks he can force me here and he has that's what's upset me. The contact centre said because its court ordered they can't get involved too much but there was always room to reschedule to another day with the amount of notice I gave him.. He's just done it to be utterly spiteful. Xx
Happy Mother's Day OP, honestly it gets better.

When you go back to court suggest it's written into the order that no matter whose contact day it is Mother's Day is your day with her, I am so glad I did.

Dowser · 14/03/2021 13:31

@Pebbledashery

Thank you everyone. Taken DD this morning, was a bit wobbly this morning as she woke up at 4am and we didn't sleep much after, so combination of exhaustion and emotions set me off.. But I know we'll have a lovely day after, bought lots of snacks and we'll watch films under the duvet when we get in. I'm keep trying to remind myself he will never have what we have and we've escaped but it's the fact he thinks he can force me here and he has that's what's upset me. The contact centre said because its court ordered they can't get involved too much but there was always room to reschedule to another day with the amount of notice I gave him.. He's just done it to be utterly spiteful. Xx
They do and it’s time the judges in the family courts wised up to what these dangerous men are capable of. I can’t go into it here but we’ve had three years of absolute hell and misery and it isn’t over yet. And I lay it all at the judges feet

When a child does not want to see a parent that child should be listened to not forced.

Argh! I must stop because it winds me up so much
Join fb mothers unite and the court said for great support and keep praying that you only have to see him in a contact centre

Original poster
Pebbledashery · 14/03/2021 16:32

Have returned home and DD keeps saying "daddy horrible to mummy" she keeps saying.. Not sure what's sparked it as her contact today has gone OK and I had a positive feedback from the supervisor. Have asked her if she misses him and wants to see him again and she's said no.. I know she's only 2.5 years but I feel like she's being forced to see her abuser.. Not forming a relationship with a loving father.

OP posts:
FOJN · 14/03/2021 16:48

He's just done it to be utterly spiteful.

Of course he has and he can hide his spite behind a court order. It must leave you feeling powerless. It's unlikely you have had time to heal from the abuse he subjected you to but with time his behaviour will affect you less even though it won't change. It will get better.

For the rest of the day enjoy the safe and peaceful home you have created for you and your daughter.

HTH1 · 14/03/2021 17:12

So awful. I know it’s illegal (assuming you married ex or he’s on the birth certificate) but, honestly, I would do a midnight flit to another country and start a new life with DD under a different name.

Original poster
Pebbledashery · 14/03/2021 17:17

Honestly. If I wouldn't get arrested and imprisoned for abduction.. I would. Even the distance I moved away from him he's still tormenting me.
I just have to really hope when we get to a section 7 being ordered that cafcass will see right through him.. I'm praying. One of the judges we had actually said it was extremely serious domestic abuse and he had been horrified to read the court file.. had I appealed the decision to stop interim contact it would've been a successful appeal :(

OP posts:
Maverickess · 14/03/2021 18:39

You did it, it's done now and you should be proud of yourself because you held it together for the sake of the person who means the most to you -- DD.
You're amazingly strong and level headed to have coped with all this, I hope you know that. And one day, you'll have an amazingly strong adult DD too, because you've shown her how to do it.
Enjoy those films and snacks both of you!

Original poster
Pebbledashery · 14/03/2021 19:57

Thank you @Maverickess that means a lot xx
I've decided just to stick to the court order, not lie, no more, no less.. Whatever happens. I just hope the court see him for what he is.

OP posts:
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 14/03/2021 21:57

At least it’s over for a while now and you can just be the two of youFlowers

Ladybigbeach · 14/03/2021 22:04

Hope you and your DD managed to snuggle for awhile today. Well Done OP it sounds like a really difficult day. Flowers

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