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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"A very uninspiring woman"

175 replies

forinborin · 09/03/2021 10:09

So, I was called just that, in the context that hardly would make me want to go and interrogate the person who said that further (it was a communication mistake, I was never expected to see it).

English is my second language and I am not yet perfectly fluent. I mean, I know the dictionary definition, but curious about (British) cultural nuances too. If you were to think about another woman as "uninspiring", what would you mean, in simpler terms? Mumsy? Plain looking? Domesticated? Unintelligent? Poor conversationalist? Unambitious? Anything else?

I mean, I am probably all of the above, and it is so hard to choose - but I need to decide how exactly offended should I be Grin

OP posts:
Chewingle · 09/03/2021 10:30

@JemimaTiggywinkle

I would ask them to explain a bit more so you can work on becoming “inspirational”
Hoping you’re saying this tongue in cheek.
Chewingle · 09/03/2021 10:31

Following your update

They don’t find your professional contribution of any value.

M0rT · 09/03/2021 10:31

I agree with Thelnebriati, it sounds like someone who puts a lot of stock in thinking of themselves as "inspiring, a dynamic leader" trying to put someone unlike then down to bolster their own sense of self.
If this is in work I would be wary of whoever said it from now on and avoid working with them where possible.
People who need to bolster their own egos are not generally good for those around them.

Original poster
forinborin · 09/03/2021 10:32

@Silurian

More context would help, OP. I mean, it would be less out of place if you were doing a job which required you to be ‘inspirational’, like giving Ted talks or one of those after-dinner speakers where essentially the brief is that you’re there to inspire people, or someone giving a Speech Day/prize giving speech at a school, or a graduation.

Assuming it wasn’t in one of those contexts, I would assume it meant the person being described was habitually dull or moany in meetings, or the type — there’s always one — who is always the one to raise problems but never suggest solutions. But it might simply be a function of your not-yet-fluent English? I suspect we’re all duller in languages we’re not at ease in.

Oh no, I am in tech / back office / STEM, not involved much in public speaking. More of a niche expert in a niche area. And yes, a bit underconfident in public. Dull and moany can be me, that's fair Grin
OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 09/03/2021 10:32

Like others have said, it depends on the context

We need a new uniform, how about something like Forin wore last week?

Oh she's a bit uninspiring
Safe but not very exciting

Oh we need I speaker for international women's Day, how about Forin?
Oh she's a bit uninspiring
Haven't achieved much of note, doesn't go the extra mile, does the basics

B33Fr33 · 09/03/2021 10:33

I agree. Perhaps ask them what they think you could work on. And then see them back pedal frantically as it's a vague statement so insulting rather than constructive information which is just the basic expectation in a professional context.

Chewingle · 09/03/2021 10:33

* Dull and moany can be me, that's fair*

Well there is your answer.
I too would find those traits uninspiring in a person

PrimeraVez · 09/03/2021 10:34

To me it just means someone that doesn't really stand out, or isn't particularly memorable. So whilst it's not a very nice thing to say about someone, it's not a crushing insult. But it's still a very dismissive way to speak about someone, so I'm really sorry you received this comment Angry

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 09/03/2021 10:34

What an unkind and unprofessional thing of them to say.

I would say that they are either saying such a thing in order to gain advantage (a gig, a job, leverage of some kind) or just because they are horrible. And I would keep them at or beyond my periphery from now on.

GoodMumBadMum · 09/03/2021 10:36

I would take it to mean ordinary. As in nothing standout-ish, kind of nondescript, one of the herd.

Original poster
forinborin · 09/03/2021 10:36

@Chewingle

One of the worst criticisms I can imagine to be levelled against me.

It encompasses SO much.

Basically the person saying it looks at you and actively doesn’t want to be anything like you

Eh well... in this particular case it probably goes both ways. The person saying this is indeed a high-energy type and always very active - daily teambuilding, let's hitchhike to Siberia for charity tomorrow kind of person. I am more homely and quiet, to be honest.
OP posts:
Candyfloss99 · 09/03/2021 10:39

I would think it means boring.

JemimaTiggywinkle · 09/03/2021 10:39

After reading your updates, it could mean that you’re very competent in your field but you probably wouldn’t be first choice to do a big presentation/host an event, for example.

Willgetbetter · 09/03/2021 10:40

‘I agree with Thelnebriati, it sounds like someone who puts a lot of stock in thinking of themselves as "inspiring, a dynamic leader" trying to put someone unlike then down to bolster their own sense of self.
If this is in work I would be wary of whoever said it from now on and avoid working with them where possible.
People who need to bolster their own egos are not generally good for those around them.’

The treasonous fuckers!

I like the tongue in cheek response which will make them shit their pants...

That you’ll await their inspiring ideas for you to become more inspiring.... Grin

Original poster
forinborin · 09/03/2021 10:40

@RunnerDown

I think it depends on who said it and what their personality is like. I worked in health care. I was terrible at presentations, didn’t do research, didn’t take on projects or management roles ( though I could have) . I was quiet and not very confident. I’m sure there were many colleagues who thought me uninspiring. BUT - I really cared about my patients, gave them a lot of time , and got lots of comments about how approachable I was. Personally that was how I measured my success. Those around me who were more ambitious did not rate those characteristics.
Yes, I am also that type, so I do understand.
OP posts:
diamondpony80 · 09/03/2021 10:40

That's a really awful thing to say to someone. It's hard to know what it means because it encompasses so much. It's insulting your entire being! I'd be angry and HURT if someone said that to me and I'm sorry some dickhead had the audacity to say it (even if you weren't meant to see it).

Tal45 · 09/03/2021 10:40

It probably just means you're quiet/introverted and was said by an narcissistic extrovert. They're the one with the issue but couldn't possibly see that. Being quiet and introverted is also often mistakenly seen as being stupid, boring and dull by the same people. Don't waste your time on them xxx

fabulousspider · 09/03/2021 10:42

Hi OP, I would raise with HR or similar if I were you. And say you're disappointed with their lack of professionality and also judgemental attitude (ever so politely though). Sarcastically apologise for "not being up to their standards" but say we all live life differently!

Mummy1608 · 09/03/2021 10:43

You know what OP, your story has fired me up with righteous feminist rage on your behalf. (Hehe I love mumsnet for stirring me up sometimes). I appreciate that I'm massively self projecting some of my own workplace resentments but here goes.

  1. Why on earth would they choose "uninspiring" as an insult. How are they entitled to be "inspired" by you or any other woman for that matter?! Your only obligation in the workplace is to be competent. Not entertaining, ornamental or any of the other facets of "inspiring". (Especially as you are not in the entertainment or even say travel/leisure industry).
  1. Some PPs suggest that it's necessary to be "inspiring" to progress in one's career, etc. I'm not disagreeing or blaming those PPs. But the world shouldn't be like that! Again, you should only need to be competent to progress, not charming, etc etc.
  1. Words that have been used on this thread include dull, plain-looking etc. I just don't think men's looks are as noticed as women's in the workplace. I'm not disagreeing with those PPs, they're probably right that's partly what your colleagues meant. Yuck.
  1. I think you've concealed the gender of the colleague who used this word. Whatever gender they are, my point remains. I've seen nonsense like this from men and women in the workplace.

Just to be clear, I'm not completely sour grapes, I can be all smiles and charm in the workplace if I have to, but I hugely resent having to. Humbug!

You have my sympathy, OP.

Original poster
forinborin · 09/03/2021 10:43

@Chewingle

Following your update

They don’t find your professional contribution of any value.

Could be... although they probably have a very high-level idea only about what it is what I do (a bit like me being in software development, them in HR for the same company - we're not direct competitors).
OP posts:
Eddielzzard · 09/03/2021 10:44

If someone said that about me, my thought would be 'they don't know me very well.' And that's what I think you should take from it.

SirVixofVixHall · 09/03/2021 10:44

@Tal45

It probably just means you're quiet/introverted and was said by an narcissistic extrovert. They're the one with the issue but couldn't possibly see that. Being quiet and introverted is also often mistakenly seen as being stupid, boring and dull by the same people. Don't waste your time on them xxx
Yes I agree with this. I assume the person who said it finds you unexciting to be with, but this is all relative, and “exciting” people can also be exhausting. I would also assume that the person who said it was younger than you, and more privileged.
AnnaFiveTowns · 09/03/2021 10:45

In all honesty it tells me absolutely nothing about you but it tells me a lot about the person who said it; I already have a clear picture in my mind of the type of wanker they are.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 09/03/2021 10:45

It's an odd comment to make, unless you are selling yourself as inspirational, or applying for a leadership role, or volunteering as a mentor, or being considered as head of department etc.

What I will say is that anyone who puts such an opinion in writing can best be described as "unwise".

RonSwan · 09/03/2021 10:45

If I’m a work context, I’d take it to mean that the person doesn’t have confidence in your abilities :(