"A very uninspiring woman"

[forinborin]

So, I was called just that, in the context that hardly would make me want to go and interrogate the person who said that further (it was a communication mistake, I was never expected to see it).

English is my second language and I am not yet perfectly fluent. I mean, I know the dictionary definition, but curious about (British) cultural nuances too. If you were to think about another woman as "uninspiring", what would you mean, in simpler terms? Mumsy? Plain looking? Domesticated? Unintelligent? Poor conversationalist? Unambitious? Anything else?

I mean, I am probably all of the above, and it is so hard to choose - but I need to decide how exactly offended should I be

[YoniAndGuy]

I would think that they were trying to be deliberately bitchy about you and trying to find a word that sounded as if they weren't, that it was a considered opinion, if that makes sense? It's quite a patronising, lofty term to use really. I can almost picture this person looking down their nose.

So my instinct wouldn't be to think that you were 'uninspiring' - it would be to think - lol, what an insufferable twat the person saying it probably is!

[forinborin]

@fabulousspider

Hi OP, I would raise with HR or similar if I were you. And say you're disappointed with their lack of professionality and also judgemental attitude (ever so politely though). Sarcastically apologise for "not being up to their standards" but say we all live life differently!

Ah no, we're parted ways a long time ago (more than 2 years). I am not even sure why I was brought up in their conversation, I certainly remember about them only when something pops up on linkedin about their new job / qualification or there's one of those "how are things" short message exchanges.

[BehindMyEyes]

I imagine they are the kind of person at work that I call a "dust stirrer " - they create a lot of dust in saying the right thing but the dust hides underneath the fact that they are sloppy and lack attention to detail. Sadly they often seem to be the people who impress others who don't look clearly enough .

[LIamaDelRey]

Sorry I'd be calling them out on that measly-mouthed 'wasn't about you' bullshittery.


''Wasn't about me? Really? That's what you're going with?!''
You might find me uninspiring but I am professional and loyal and I don't lie my ass off

[AndThenTheDayBecomesTheNight]

I wouldn't put too much energy into trying to establish what exactly it means in this context. I read it as an unpleasant but rather semantically empty put-down made by someone who thinks it makes their views sound of consequence. If it means anything, then possibly 'quiet' - there is a distinct and tbh rather tedious strand of UK culture to which 'quiet' is a character flaw/an insult.

[SilverRoe]

I’m the context you mention i’d find it a basically catty way of putting you down. It’s the sort of vaguely bitchy thing someone might say if they have no real complaints and just want to be a dick.

[thesunday]

THIS It probably just means you're quiet/introverted and was said by an narcissistic extrovert. They're the one with the issue but couldn't possibly see that. Being quiet and introverted is also often mistakenly seen as being stupid, boring and dull by the same people. Don't waste your time on them xxx

AND THIS In all honesty it tells me absolutely nothing about you but it tells me a lot about the person who said it; I already have a clear picture in my mind of the type of wanker they are.

I'm sorry you came across this. Delete from mind and get on with your life.

[forinborin]

@Mummy1608

You know what OP, your story has fired me up with righteous feminist rage on your behalf. (Hehe I love mumsnet for stirring me up sometimes). I appreciate that I'm massively self projecting some of my own workplace resentments but here goes.

1. Why on earth would they choose "uninspiring" as an insult. How are they entitled to be "inspired" by you or any other woman for that matter?! Your only obligation in the workplace is to be competent. Not entertaining, ornamental or any of the other facets of "inspiring". (Especially as you are not in the entertainment or even say travel/leisure industry).

1. Some PPs suggest that it's necessary to be "inspiring" to progress in one's career, etc. I'm not disagreeing or blaming those PPs. But the world shouldn't be like that! Again, you should only need to be competent to progress, not charming, etc etc.

1. Words that have been used on this thread include dull, plain-looking etc. I just don't think men's looks are as noticed as women's in the workplace. I'm not disagreeing with those PPs, they're probably right that's partly what your colleagues meant. Yuck.

1. I think you've concealed the gender of the colleague who used this word. Whatever gender they are, my point remains. I've seen nonsense like this from men and women in the workplace.

Just to be clear, I'm not completely sour grapes, I can be all smiles and charm in the workplace if I have to, but I hugely resent having to. Humbug!

You have my sympathy, OP.

Thank you for writing this! I am indeed probably on the more moderate end of the "charming" spectrum when it comes to my professional life, my job never required it - I have days where I don't even need to speak to another person. It was said by a woman to a woman (about a woman, obviously).

[Bimblybomeyelash]

I think it means that you have nothing of value to offer the person who said that (from their perspective). It’s a mean thing to say. I’m sure that you have many fine qualities, they just aren’t valued by this person. Maybe they lack the qualities that you do have, so they dismiss your value in order to increase their own.

[forinborin]

@JemimaTiggywinkle

After reading your updates, it could mean that you’re very competent in your field but you probably wouldn’t be first choice to do a big presentation/host an event, for example.

Oh yes, that describes me well.

[lljkk]

the person probably typed my name in the "cc" box to copy the correct spelling

Did they actually say
"your-name is a very uninspiring woman"
OP?

Given they disrespect OP, why would they care about spelling her name perfectly? Why wouldn't they refer to the subject just by initials or lazy spelling?

[HeyDemonsItsYaGirl]

I'd think a lack of charisma. I like uninspiring people, by the way. Inspirational people generally either exhaust or annoy me.

[SoulofanAggron]

@forinborin I would say 'boring' is a synonym. Maybe you're sensible, dilligent/hard working and they don't like that, or it's just a random opinion they've formed of you.

You know now not to waste your time on whoever it is if you can avoid them. x

[forinborin]

Yes I agree with this. I assume the person who said it finds you unexciting to be with, but this is all relative, and “exciting” people can also be exhausting. I would also assume that the person who said it was younger than you, and more privileged.
Yes, slightly younger (as in mid 30s vs late 20s)... and I guess more privileged in some sense, as they are British born and bred. But salary-wise, they probably would be significantly behind (not that it is a measure of professionalism, we are in different jobs which are paid differently).

[SoulofanAggron]

And I agree with PP's. 'Uninspiring' people are a lot less hard work to be around, rather than those that show off all the time.

[springydaff]

She's a cow. Take no notice. As a pp said, says way more about her than you.

[SoulofanAggron]

@forinborin Do they like to get quite drunk and you don't? It could be something like that.

[EmbarrassingAdmissions]

I've no idea of the context. I remember a woman candidate for a top position who was described as "uninspiring and lacking charisma" by the appointment board.

*She was a leader in her field
*Dual-boarded and had 3 other areas of expertise in which she was internationally recognised
*One of those breathtakingly and effortlessly knowledgeable people who transformed the most abstruse into the readily understandable
*Her staff in her own institution lionised her.

Just because a group of people don't recognise it doesn't mean that person isn't a gem of great value.

(Man was appointed. I can't say that I ever heard much about his charisma or ability to inspire.)

So - context is everything.

[AmyDudley]

I wouldn't let it upset me although it is a rather nasty rude thing to say. But essentially it is an opinion. Someone once said to me about another colleague 'I find her very draining, she is so negative' and I looked at her in astonishment because that was not my perception of that person at all - I found them warm and engaging and told her so.

Maybe you come across as uninspiring to these colleagues because they aren't capable of bringing out the best in people.
Anyway - they sound like arrogant arseholes and I would ignore them.

[WhySoSensitive]

Boring with no ambition or drive comes to my mind.
I’m very uninspiring!

[whatcangowrong]

To be more positive OP, from the limited insight into you one can get from your posts, I don't find you uninspiring. I think you're curious, good humoured, and reflective. You haven't made it personal, you haven't slagged off the writer of the email, you haven't taken it too much to heart. You've instead looked to see what you can learn from the experience, whether there is something about you that would justify such a mean remark. It doesn't sound as though you're in a field that requires you to be a firecracker, rather you sound good at what you do. I would just crack on as you are, but stay curious and keep trying to learn. :-)

[NewModelArmyMayhem18]

I am sure a lot of the grey suit brigade who run our country are deeply uninspiring. And what of the person who said it? Exactly how inspiring are they, OP?

[forinborin]

@lljkk

the person probably typed my name in the "cc" box to copy the correct spelling

Did they actually say
"your-name is a very uninspiring woman"
OP?

Given they disrespect OP, why would they care about spelling her name perfectly? Why wouldn't they refer to the subject just by initials or lazy spelling?

Well, it was a bit more informal than that - "i can only say she's a very uninspiring woman" and then a zip-mouthed smiley, my name is mentioned immediately before that in a slightly different (rather neutral) context.

[LadyAddle]

I've had experience of these bumptious types, they can't see past their own noses - you would be my choice for a coffee companion, much more interesting!

[forinborin]

[quote SoulofanAggron]@forinborin Do they like to get quite drunk and you don't? It could be something like that.[/quote]
Well, as I said, I am mumsy... has always been rushing off from the office to pick up from the after-school club, never joined team drinks or entertainment. Maybe it is that.