"A very uninspiring woman"

[forinborin]

So, I was called just that, in the context that hardly would make me want to go and interrogate the person who said that further (it was a communication mistake, I was never expected to see it).

English is my second language and I am not yet perfectly fluent. I mean, I know the dictionary definition, but curious about (British) cultural nuances too. If you were to think about another woman as "uninspiring", what would you mean, in simpler terms? Mumsy? Plain looking? Domesticated? Unintelligent? Poor conversationalist? Unambitious? Anything else?

I mean, I am probably all of the above, and it is so hard to choose - but I need to decide how exactly offended should I be

[LH1987]

You might be uninspiring but this colleague is a horrible person who talks behind others backs. I know which I’d rather be.

[TherapyTankedMySelfEsteem]

You have said you are foreign & its semi professional - and in that context I would assume it was meaning that you are very competent at your role - but people find it hard to give you full appreciation for it because your communication is a block.

[minipie]

Eh well... in this particular case it probably goes both ways. The person saying this is indeed a high-energy type and always very active - daily teambuilding, let's hitchhike to Siberia for charity tomorrow kind of person. I am more homely and quiet, to be honest.

Well I think that’s your answer.

Some people are like this - constantly running from one thing to another, projects and social life always on the go. They thrive on stress and busy-ness. To them you will probably appear to be a “plodder” who hasn’t got much going on compared with them.

The fact is though, the world is made up of many many more “plodders” who get their job done, look after their family and occasionally see friends (I’m one), than people who hitchhike to Siberia and have plates spinning at all times. So if she judges everyone by that standard she’ll likely find most people uninspiring 🤷‍♀️

Also, as a PP said, I find these hectic people a bit exhausting and irritating - I’d rather be friends with someone more normal!

In short: you are just different types of people. So maybe you’re not the person to kick start a new initiative or lead a team building event but you will have other strengths that she doesn’t. Tact and attention to detail, for example

[apalledandshocked]

@SeaShoreGalore

People are allowed to think that others are uninspiring, and doing so doesn’t make them narcissists!

No, but talking about it does indicate a certain view of the world as existing entirely in relation to themselves (I know we all do that to a certain extent but more than the norm.) The same way that certain men will always want to let people know if they find a woman "unnattractive" (to them). Fair enough, but its unlikely said woman was trying to attract them in the first place (outside of a dating scenario). It suggests a certain view of the world. Not necessarily narcistic (which is an overused term) but possibly a wee bit more self centred than the average.
It would be different if they were talking about a teacher/motivational speaker they had because in that context you might want/expect them to be trying to inspire you.

[TherapyTankedMySelfEsteem]

Like - I have worked with people educated in China - and there’s a certain ‘ethos’ there - where the people really have not spoken up or engaged with the material on a personal
level (but got very very down on themselves if they made mistakes).

I think I would have been described as uninspiring in that way when I worked in Italy - because I wasn’t as emotionally open as them - so I got sidelined from their dramas, and eventually from anything that anyone cared about. I was given the ‘leftover’ work.

[ThreenagerToTeenager]

I would assume it meant ‘a bit boring, a bit.... meh’. If I were you although it must sting a bit I would try to remember that what a person finds boring and uninspiring is incredibly subjective. Someone else may well find the person who said it extremely uninspiring in turn. (In addition to being gossipy and unkind of course......)

[TherapyTankedMySelfEsteem]

Is there someone in your organisation who you could approach for mentoring?

It might help to see it not as a character attack - but an opportunity to expand your range.

[silverbubbles]

As it was said in a work context I would take this as meaning that, in relation to the task or job required of you - you were nothing special, not forthcoming with interesting or creative ideas, not the life and souls of the team, not inspiring to be around. It would seem they are describing you as a bit dull.

I don't think it is necessarily connected to how good you are at your job, how clever you are, its not connected to your appearance.
Also, it does not mean that they do not like you.

[Iamthewombat]

You might be uninspiring but this colleague is a horrible person who talks behind others backs. I know which I’d rather be

99.9% of the people on earth ‘talk about others behind their backs’. Are you naive enough to believe that most people only express opinions about somebody else whilst that person is in the room, listening?

Don’t be silly. Human beings have opinions. We see them expressed on here every day. Do you jump into threads criticising eg Priti Patel to tell the posters that they should only express a view about her when they are sitting in her office? Of course not.

Face it: people will say negative things about all of us, many times, without our knowledge. The best approach is to accept that you can’t win ‘em all and forget about it.

It’s much more sensible and effective than railing against anybody daring to do what 99.9% of people do!

[ScrambledSmegs]

It's an disparaging comment, intended as an insult (see the emoji straight afterwards) and quite frankly you're taking it far more kindly than I would be.

Utter arseholes, the pair of them.

[1WayOrAnother2]

Sounds like the sort of thing someone would say when gossiping (in the unkind sense) - they would really like to be critical of you but haven't anything in particular to hold against you.

If this is the most negative thing they have - they either don't know you very well or your haven't put a foot wrong yet :)

[Chewbecca]

I encounter few people at work who are inspiring, I think it is quite a rare quality.

The few who are, are full of realistic ideas, passionate, communicate them brilliantly and actually get things done.

So you’re the opposite of that - like most of us really. As long as you do have a useful purpose, it takes all sorts of characters in the workplace to make it function well, one full of inspiring people would be painful.

That said, it was said very meanly.

[Nsmum14]

It is a senseless thing to say. Different people are inspired by different things / qualities. I for one find people who are multilingual inspiring and you are clearly one of them, so there you go. You apparently don't inspire the person who wrote that comment. Still, she took the time to think and write about you... You've obviously made a strong impression on her.

[Cam77]

I wouldn’t talk talk negatively (ie personal insults) about a mutual friend/colleague behind their back. To someone completely outside the circle maybe. But not to another person in the circle. It’s bitchy and unprofessional. Playground stuff.

[YouokHun]

Eh well... in this particular case it probably goes both ways. The person saying this is indeed a high-energy type and always very active - daily teambuilding, let's hitchhike to Siberia for charity tomorrow kind of person. I am more homely and quiet, to be honest

Some of the most tiresome people I’ve worked with in my long career have been “high energy” types who spend time labelling others who are simply different to them as “boring”. Someone who is a truly inspiring person to work with has the ability to embrace difference and adjust their own behaviour/approach to be collaborative (and not gossip AND correctly address emails ). It sounds rather a lazy comment by them; humans are rarely boring or uninspiring once you get to know them in the context of their lives (and they may be running a very different race to oneself).

It is just an opinion, not a fact and I would really put it to the back of your mind. Of course, it’s always worth reflecting on whether there are adjustments you can make to your approach but I’d be wary of their analysis as the truth about you. Better to seek some feedback from someone sensible and neutral if you choose to make adjustments. You sound good humoured and fun going by this thread @forinborin. I’d rather work with you!

[Gwenhwyfar]

@TherapyTankedMySelfEsteem

You have said you are foreign & its semi professional - and in that context I would assume it was meaning that you are very competent at your role - but people find it hard to give you full appreciation for it because your communication is a block.

You're making some assumptions based on nothing there.

[LakieLady]

I would say it describes someone who seems to lack enthusiasm and doesn't come up with original or innovative ideas.

But organisations that have too many enthusiastic and innovative ideas often end up strangled by new initiatives that often compete or conflict with one another. We have quite a few of those in the organisation I work in, and the endless "inspired" ideas often cause choas and confusion, and no end of extra work for the people that actually have to deliver services. They're often abandoned, having caused shedloads of disruption.

One in particular drives me mad. They're so full of fucking enthusiasm about the latest bit of management buzzword bollocks that I feel like I do in the presence of a loud, demanding and hyperactive child: I want to say "Ffs, can't you just go and read a book or something?".

I'm more of an "if it's not broken, don't try and fix it" person.

[TherapyTankedMySelfEsteem]

@Gwenhwyfar - I’m making assumptions extrapolating from information OP provided. That’s what OP asked for!

IME unacknowledged cultural/communication differences can often lead to people who are otherwise very effective at their jobs being marginalised, excluded and ultimately blocked from reaching their full potential. These kind of comments can be a signal that this dynamic is at play. It’s not ‘nice’ - but it happens

[forinborin]

Wow, the number of responses! Sorry, won't be able to answer to everyone in person now. But thank you very much for your kind words!

I am not deeply insulted, these people take very little space in my head or in my life, and I am under no illusion that even outwardly friendly people don't gossip, criticise or insult other people behind their backs. So it is definitely not something I would take further officially to their HR. My question was indeed about the emotional "aura" of this characteristic. I am still none the wiser, as it seems it means different things to different people

And thank you @ClaryFairchild for suggesting ideas for a potential reply. Oh how I wish I mastered this understated elegance of delivering a message along the lines of "I am so sorry you're such an idiot".

[forinborin]

IME unacknowledged cultural/communication differences can often lead to people who are otherwise very effective at their jobs being marginalised, excluded and ultimately blocked from reaching their full potential. These kind of comments can be a signal that this dynamic is at play. It’s not ‘nice’ - but it happens
You are absolutely right - I don't really feel marginalised, I do have quite a good professional network and I'd like to think people find me generally pleasant. I probably need to make an effort to be more extrovert - I don't normally say a thing / propose an idea unless I thought it through properly and am 99% confident it is feasible. So yes, not always brimming with amazing and innovative proposals.

[Lochmorlich]

I would reply to the apology with
That was a very uninspiring apology.

My dsis once told me that her dh said I was tactless.
My reply, what does that make you for telling me?

[forinborin]

So, maybe take a little time to think about your role and responsibilities - are you fulfilled or do you want more? If the latter, bring this up in your next appraisal. Does your organisation offer any coaching/mentoring that you could access?
Oh, I am freelancing now, it is no longer in a professional context. I am quite good at what I do professionally, and I know where to find things that make me tick - they are not in the corporate context, moved now closer to academia. I probably do come across as disinterested / not career focused enough to many people. I am similar to many PPs, turned down promotions and really did not enjoy managerial responsibilities when I had them.

[Fairyliz]

In a workplace situation I would say someone who does their job but without any enthusiasm, moans a bit.
As a friend or family member would say someone who never organises anything is a bit quiet, nothing to add to the conversation.

[shoesaregood]

I work for someone who I would describe as uninspiring. There’s no imagination, creativity or excitement. Their lack of passion and enthusiasm doesn’t inspire me to do my best work.

But it’s a really personal thing - one person’s inspiring is another’s irritating.

I think I would find a way to let whoever levelled the criticism know I’d seen it and ask if there’s something I can work on or what they meant by it.

[turquoisewaters]

As a PP said, 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'

I personally find those who actively try too hard to be inspiring to others rather cringe-worthy, vacuous and predictable. Hitchhiking to Siberia?...I'd tell her to get a grip

The obsession with wanting to be regarded as 'inspirational' may stem from the whole Instagram/Facebook culture and its meaningless 'likes'

Also, there's something slightly disrespectful about actively seeking to be 'followed' - as if others were brainless marionettes who lacked the ability to discern for themselves and had to be 'inspired'