In being surprised that people hate me

[wusbanker]

I have found out recently that two people who I've not seen in years, and who I thought I was reasonably friendly with, both tell people that they hate me! I don't know why. I'm 25 and haven't seen these girls since I was about 18, they're unrelated situations and my feelings are just a bit hurt... Plus I'm now paranoid that there are more!

Has this happened to anyone else? How do I stop obsessing over it?

By "reasonably friendly" I mean we were friends at college when we were 18 and haven't kept in touch, but I wasn't aware of any bad blood. Now I'm deleted on social media and hear this through other people.

They don't hate you. People very seldom think that hard about anybody else. Who is telling you this stuff?

The first one was I saw someone from school in the supermarket and he said "x won't be happy with me talking to you" so I asked why and he said that she's hated me for years but he didn't give a reason, I was taken aback and a bit embarrassed so didn't ask, then I checked and she and all her 'girl group' have deleted me on all social media.

The second one was because a close friend of mine was organising a mini reunion with an acquaintance and she said that this girl wouldn't come if I was invited because she hates me, again didn't say why.

I’m the same. There’s a certain group - if I meet the people individually they are nice to my face, if I meet them as a group, the hostility is evident.
Luckily, I only come across them once in a while, so it doesn’t bother me.
OP, if you’ve not seen your “friends” in years I wouldn’t worry. For your friends that are around you now, why would they stick around if they didn’t like you? If you felt that you did want to mention it, you could do it a funny banter sort of way rather than anything serious.
Don’t worry!

They don't hate you. As a PP said people are busy with their own lives, it would be very unusual for them to actively hate you. People have other things to do! If someone's telling you this crap, be careful of their motives.

You sound perfectly nice from what you've posted on here so try not to pay any more attention to it!

If they are particularly childish people and haven't moved on since they turned 18, then I suppose they could be hanging on to playground silliness from years ago. But that's on them not you. Try not to worry about it, other people will see you for the nice person you are x

@RichPetunia Thank you that's a good point, I bet they wouldn't say anything to my face. My friends are puzzled too, so hopefully it's not a massive character defect that I was unaware of. It is so tempting to obsess over what I may have done though!

Not a single one of these people even matter. Don't give it another thought.

To add, I would bet my house that none of this nonsense is even about "hating" you for something you've done. It is most likely rooted in jealousy for some inane reason.

@Aquamarine1029 I will try my best. It's just not nice to think about what their groupchats must have said about me over the years while I was completely oblivious. If I found out about these by chance how many more could there be? Ugh.

@Aquamarine1029 Thank you, I will repeat that to myself - it's jealousy and I will focus on my own obnoxiously fabulous life that they can't even handle seeing on Instagram

@wusbanker

The first one was I saw someone from school in the supermarket and he said "x won't be happy with me talking to you" so I asked why and he said that she's hated me for years but he didn't give a reason, I was taken aback and a bit embarrassed so didn't ask, then I checked and she and all her 'girl group' have deleted me on all social media.

The second one was because a close friend of mine was organising a mini reunion with an acquaintance and she said that this girl wouldn't come if I was invited because she hates me, again didn't say why.

Jesus wept. Not worth giving a shit about being disliked or even hated by people as infantile as that. Utterly pathetic. Forget them.

I really wouldn't give it head space. My grandma once told me ' what other people think of you is none of your business'.

They probably don’t hate you, but if you are still living rent free in their heads after seven years then you must be memorable! Also v strange that your school pal is still embedded in playground politics.

I would suggest that, if you use social media stuff, you will find plenty of people spewing out nastiness towards others, and things that they would say to your face would be quite different.

I had a group of people hate me before which turning into mobbing. 15 years I’m still really badly effected by it & feel humiliated.

But this doesn’t sound like this, we’re not all going to be everyone’s cup of tea. You just have unfortunate enough to hear it back, but I’m sure nearly everyone has people that “hate@ them. Don’t give it any headspace xx

They sound like a bunch of 5 year olds. I wouldn't give it anymore thought- surely you don't want to be friends with people who are so silly and immature?

and he said "x won't be happy with me talking to you" so I asked why and he said that she's hated me for years but he didn't give a reason

Is your friend also 25yo? If so, what 25yo says ‘x won’t be happy if I speak to you’, that seems very immature and like something a 5yo would carry on with. Seems very odd.

Shit stirring and looking for a reaction, surely. Something to gossip about with the haters. Next time you see her walk off in another direction. No point interacting with idiots.

The word 'hate' like 'love' and 'honestly' is vastly over used.

Do you have a friendship group now? Nurture those . As suggested up thread, don't give gossip in a supermarket aisle don't give it headspace.

My opinion of someone who said this to me wouldn’t be great. What motivates someone to tell a friend that they’re hated. I’d be keeping a wide birth from these people, they clearly enjoy spreading upset.

@HoppingPavlova

and he said "x won't be happy with me talking to you" so I asked why and he said that she's hated me for years but he didn't give a reason

Is your friend also 25yo? If so, what 25yo says ‘x won’t be happy if I speak to you’, that seems very immature and like something a 5yo would carry on with. Seems very odd.

Yes we are the same age. He's not really a friend, this was the first time I've seen him in years.

It is a weird thing to come out with, which it made me think that it's such common knowledge that he thought I already knew? Or that it's a big thing in their friend group and they probably make fun of me a lot.

OP this is awful...

please don't dwell on this 🌺

Maybe someone made a lie about you because well they have issues and a bully

Honestly, it sounds like they are just bullies. You can’t explain why bullies do what they do

@wusbanker

Do not let these kind of people
Get to you,

Upset you in any way.!

They sound like you have had the misfortune (bad luck to come across,
Some people who are Arseholes !

(Nobody in life, nobody how popular will ever be universally liked by everyone !
(Neigh on impossible.!

These people who say Nasty stuff like that !
Sound very childish, and extremly insecure and very shallow(insincere)

With big Massive Personality disorders issues !

Be glad you hardly/never see them at all.

You sound a lot better, person to know than they will ever be.!

No wonder these kind of shit heads are so Jealous of you.!

They have shit Personalities !

Not much/very little going for them.

I can see totally why you do not bother with them.!

They sound so weird,that it would not susprise me,thats the issue they have got with you.!

Don't not even give a min/or a second headspace to think about these kinds of people.

They are simply not worth it !

Life is far too short.

Covid 19 has shown us all this is very true,