Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

In being surprised that people hate me

111 replies

wusbanker · 08/03/2021 01:09

I have found out recently that two people who I've not seen in years, and who I thought I was reasonably friendly with, both tell people that they hate me! I don't know why. I'm 25 and haven't seen these girls since I was about 18, they're unrelated situations and my feelings are just a bit hurt... Plus I'm now paranoid that there are more!

Has this happened to anyone else? How do I stop obsessing over it?

OP posts:

m0therofdragons · 08/03/2021 08:31

The mum of one of my daughter’s friends was friendly enough then suddenly wasn’t. I sensed something when her dc could never come to birthday parties but chose to rise above and smile etc. Dd reached year 6 at primary and came home upset that df said “my mum says your mum’s a bitch!” ... unfortunately her dm works in the school in an admin role and I have 2 younger dc so still have to deal with her. She clearly thinks she knows something about me that I’m sure isn’t true but I don’t think I’ll ever know. It’s baffling but I’ve concluded she’s misinformed along the way and not very bright. It’s infuriating though.

Hangingover · 08/03/2021 08:31

OP something like this happened to me with my former colleague. I still don't know what it is I've done because she never not it touch to ask about it or raise it with me. Bottom line is...it clearly suits them to "hate" you better than actually reaching out to try to mend whatever the rift it. Ie. They are drama lamas, not friends.

Amdone123 · 08/03/2021 08:48

I understand it's bothering you, but seriously, draw a line under it. I honestly wouldn't care if I found out someone disliked me. I don't like some people I've met through life, we're not going to get on with everyone. I have people around me who love me and that's good enough for me. Surround yourself with your type of people.

Tal45 · 08/03/2021 08:49

The person who told you in the supermarket was just shit stirring IMO. The friends who hate you are either jealous or have taken some very tiny slight (you went off to a different uni and didn't keep in touch as they'd hoped for example) and instead of deal with it they'd rather hate you.
Just carry on carrying on with your life and let them waste their time on hating. xxx

sonjadog · 08/03/2021 09:07

Really strange behaviour from the person you met in the supermarket. Who says that to someone they have just bumped into for the first time in years??

honeylulu · 08/03/2021 09:13

I've had this happen to me all my life and it's infuriating and upsetting because (hopefully) I'm actually a nice, kind person. With me I think it's because I'm a bit socially awkward, just ever so slightly off wavelength. My eldest child has ASD and I suspect I do too. Irritatingly some of the people that have shunned me are those that post #bekind and #autismawareness stuff on social media.

I'm also quite quiet (I struggle slightly knowing if it's my "turn" to speak particularly in a group conversation) and quite well spoken which some people assume is me being haughty, snobby or stuck up. Even one of my very best friends admitted that when we first met she thought I was a bitch and tried to avoid me!

I'm not saying any of the above is true of you but rather that many people are shallow and make split second judgments about people for rather flimsy or incorrect reasons. I can understand why that would translate into indifference. Strong dislike or hatred is harder to understand. But it can stem from jealousy, insecurity or a desire to be top of the pecking order by kicking people "lower down " or who might be a threat to queen bee status.

As PPs have said I'd also be wary of the motives of the messengers delivering those ugly missives. You don't need to know that. I had a work "friend" telling me that one of our colleagues had said I hadn't deserved a promotion and was "useless". I was left thinking "now why did she think I needed to hear that" and I kept her (politely) at arm's length from that point on.

sanfranfibber · 08/03/2021 09:15

The second one was because a close friend of mine was organising a mini reunion with an acquaintance and she said that this girl wouldn't come if I was invited because she hates me, again didn't say why.

Didn't you ask? If she's a close friend, surely she'd tell you?

WhySoSensitive · 08/03/2021 09:21

It sounds like they just don’t like you, not everyone will. But it also sounds like they’ve been a bit dramatic, and childish about telling people they hate you.

AnnieGetYourPun · 08/03/2021 09:22

Do not give these horrid people another moment’s thought.

Seriously.

And the bloke you spoke to in the shop... dreadful. Who needs that shit? Hold your head high and know that you’re better than that.

iamaMused · 08/03/2021 09:28

Wusbanker I am a people person who wants everyone to like me and this has caused no end of issues for me psychologically as I think by doing this and trying to be cheerful it just makes 'that kind' of person hate me more. You have been given all sorts of excellent advice but to say 'just forget about it' isn't taking into account that monkey in your head that just won't allow you to. With age becomes experience and I've realised they don't hate 'you' they hate favourable properties in you that they don't have themselves.

I'am also fortunate to have elderly parents who have lived 70+ years hating people for no actual reason, just perceived injustice.

I'am so sorry, it hurts but if you surround yourself by 'your sort' of people their opinions become less relevant.
Also, the person who said perhaps you were a secret bully.... 🤔 that's the sort of thing my parents say because they can never see any fault in their bad behaviour.... I experienced bullying in school but I'm a grown up now, I use every opportunity as a learning one and hold myself accountable, if there were times I could have handled something better, fine, but mostly I accept that 'it says more about them than me'
People like my parents and those school associates will never look at their own behaviour so they will go through life wondering why people always treat them badly🤔🤔🤔

PepeSilviaDoesNotExist · 08/03/2021 09:38

I always tell myself ‘They don’t hate me, they don’t know me.’ I am a totally different person to who I was when I was 18.

I’ve had this with some people back home and it actually gave me crippling anxiety to the point I never visited my friends and family because I thought people hated me. The reality was it was two girls from sixth form that really need to grow up.

I hope you’re okay OP. It can really take a toll on you reliving moments thinking ‘what did I do?’ You didn’t do anything, some people just don’t like you and there’s no rhyme or reason.

Templetree · 08/03/2021 09:41

[quote wusbanker]@Wannabangbang I was their cup of tea though! We got on really well at school, they were both my friends and then we just didn't speak any more, as happens when everyone goes off to uni. I'd understand if we met briefly and they just didn't like my personality but we were friends for years nowt as queer as folk.[/quote]
Hmmm I would take it with a pinch of salt.
Think about why a "friend" might want to tell you this?
Its manipulative behaviour designed to upset and wrong foot you, get you questioning yourself and if you havent had a fall out not likely to be true .
Not everyone will like you -fact
Someone who needs to tell you this when you have no other issues with the other people is sneaky and unpleasant.
Take a step back

Pbur · 08/03/2021 09:55

OP are you good looking? I honestly think these sorts of reactions come from nothing but jealousy. It you were annoying or a freak, they would never “hate” you. A reaction like that only comes from jealousy, especially if you literally haven’t done anything mean. Jealousy because you’re cute, or maybe in uni you moved faster to new friendship groups and they felt left behind, or you got better grades, we’re more confident etc. Unfortunately jealously breeds hate, and people often don’t want to admit that they are jealous so will try to justify their feelings towards you by picking you apart - rather than just admitting they are jealous! Move on and find your new tribe. As long as you are kind and honest you have nothing to worry about in terms of having a fatal character flaw that you haven’t spotted yet.

WhySoSensitive · 08/03/2021 10:01

I always tell myself ‘They don’t hate me, they don’t know me.’ I am a totally different person to who I was when I was 18

AlSo this, I’m certainly a very different person. Even from when I was 22/24. People change but if you’ve not seen them in so long, they wouldn’t even know!

OldRailer · 08/03/2021 10:04

They sound like drama llamas.
Move on.

Ponoka7 · 08/03/2021 10:09

Some men, especially immature men, like to pit women against each other. He could have been trying to knock you down a peg or two. Did you share that your life was going well, or it looks like you are doing well and perhaps he didn't like it? Younger women set far too much store by what men have to say.
You aren't mixing with them, so they could have deleted you because of that. My DD also 25, has regular fb clear outs. There's nothing particularly personal about deleting the people who she does.
You should have just responded by looking at him confused and asked if he lets other people still dictate his life, even though you are all adults.

OldRailer · 08/03/2021 10:10

You could in future take time to keep in touch with old acquaintances to keep in their good books so to speak. Just speculating but maybe someone felt dropped or ignored when you moved on?

Those I know who are beloved by all spend a lot of energy tending all levels of relationships. ( I don't do this by the way! Just observe it.)

Original poster

wusbanker · 08/03/2021 10:12

I always tell myself ‘They don’t hate me, they don’t know me.’ I am a totally different person to who I was when I was 18

I LOVE that!!!!

OP posts:

dottiedodah · 08/03/2021 10:13

Do you think they are jealous of you?Maybe you have done more ,and got a better job/degree moved on with your life more?TBH I think they sound very shallow and infantile! Just avoid them and get on with your life !

crystalcherry87 · 08/03/2021 10:18

You're either more attractive than them or you have something they don't have. Nothing more to it. If they're still talking about hating someone they haven't see for years then they need help.

BlackBucketOfCheese · 08/03/2021 10:18

I don’t understand having people on social media if you haven’t seen them since school or college.

Original poster

wusbanker · 08/03/2021 10:21

dottiedoodah No my job isn't anything amazing, I don't think she'd even know what I do to be honest. Our friend groups don't mix at all so it's just so odd for her to still hate me enough that he'd say that.

OP posts:

Original poster

wusbanker · 08/03/2021 10:22

BlackBucketofCheese Perhaps it varies between towns or even schools? We're all pretty much still linked on social media, even if we never speak.

OP posts:

MyCatHatesEverybody · 08/03/2021 10:23

I once read a quote which helped me with beating myself up over what others thought of me:

"You don't have to be liked by everyone and if you are, you are doing something wrong. Being not liked by some people actually means that you have values and that you stand for something. So instead of having the ideal of pleasing everyone, be your authentic self so you will attract the right people into your life who will like you for who you are."

MyLittleOrangutan · 08/03/2021 10:24

What's your social media presence like? Do you share alot of things, express opinions, put boring pictures of your dinner or your kids doing normal things, do those stupid "what pie are you" quizzes?
All things that have made me dislike someone I used to be friends with and delete them. I deleted my own auntie for sharing a "Britain first" post, and deleted someone else because I was sick of seeing her tits out everyday.
I wouldn't say I hate them, but when people are in a group things like that escalate because you bounce off eachother

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread