In being surprised that people hate me

[wusbanker]

I have found out recently that two people who I've not seen in years, and who I thought I was reasonably friendly with, both tell people that they hate me! I don't know why. I'm 25 and haven't seen these girls since I was about 18, they're unrelated situations and my feelings are just a bit hurt... Plus I'm now paranoid that there are more!

Has this happened to anyone else? How do I stop obsessing over it?

This has happened to me although not since I was 16... I went into school to be told by other people that all of my best friendship group had listed me as the 'biggest cause of stress in their life/hated me'.

It hurt at the time but I immediately cut them out of my life, literally from that morning I never spoke to them again. Turns out it was a good decision, because I have nothing in common with any of them now and made better friends as a result of looking for new people.

It's almost certainly not you, it's probably them being dicks! Try not to mind, you will be better off without people like that pretending to be your friends!

The person in the supermarket is nothing but a stirrer. They are the ones to watch out for.
They take things out of context and spread them around
100% this.
They clearly love the drama and were hoping for a reaction they could feed back to the mothership for a bit of cheap gossip.

When groups run on gossip and shared bitching, they're not groups you want to be part of.

I'm similar to honeylulu exevpt it's dyspraxia and dyslexia diagnose in my family and only suspected ASD.

I also grew up in a village and my parents always bemoaned fact their faces didn't fit. As an adult with lived in an incredibly cliquey community and I was sadden when people taking against me for no reason impacted on our children being invited to things - we thankfully moved but there still enough people there to dilute the impact but that was hard.

I think you just have to realise you’re not going to everyone’s cup of tea going through life.

Plus you and everyone else change with time anyway and 18-25 was in my life a huge period of growth and change and I don’t think that’s that uncommon an experience.

If these people aren't in your daily life I think you just need to shrug it off as their impact on your life in negligible why give them headspace.

I'd save the headsapce for the difficult people you may encounter in life and can't avoid and have to learn to manage.

That person in the supermarket is nasty. I’m sure they couldn’t wait to report back with your alleged retort. It may have been a throwaway remark made by one of the ‘friends’ but either way, relishing in telling you is unpleasant.

I think sometimes people have a small, historical gripe which, because they’re not particularly in a good place they inflate to match the general sense they have that things are negative and against them. It’s all about them, not you. They need to put their general dissatisfaction with life somewhere so why not at your door? Then they seek confirmation from others, “I never liked Wusbank because [no very good reason]”, “me neither, she caused [perceived] problems for me and my boyfriend”, then it’s an habitual conversation between one or two who can’t really justify this dislike outside their Coven and certainly not directly to you. It’s a bit pathetic really and indicative of dissatisfaction with their lot in life.

I think being off their social media is a very good thing as the less you know about each other the better. I can think of a few people I know who are lovely but if I was to only know them by their Facebook presence I’d feel less positive. If that’s the only exposure you have to each other then it’s unhelpful as your posts might inspire envy or irritation that just fuels the fire, not because you do anything wrong but because SM is all open to interpretation of the viewer. Best they have no visibility of your life.

Other than that they are completely irrelevant and I doubt you thought about them much before Mr Troublemaker took a gleeful chance to try and bring you down.

"The first one was I saw someone from school in the supermarket and he said "x won't be happy with me talking to you" so I asked why and he said that she's hated me for years but he didn't give a reason, I was taken aback and a bit embarrassed so didn't ask, then I checked and she and all her 'girl group' have deleted me on all social media."

That just sounds like he's shit stirring tbh

Of course it is jealousy and based on things you have no control over such as you are pretty, parents are rich etc etc......

It really depends on whether you think that everyone likes you or whether you have realised that it’s ok not to like and be liked by everyone.
It can come as quite a shock to a “popular” personality type, in your generation the ones who are bombarded by likes and “stroking” comments in social media, that not everyone adores them.
It’s part of growing up.
As someone who was not in the “popular” tribe at school I can think of many reasons why I hated some of the people I grew up with. Fortunately once you get past the teenage years you make friends with who you want and form social groups that are not based on popularity, well some of us do.

Send one of them a message telling them what you're being told by others and see what they say. These type of people tend to buckle when confronted...or just forget all about them, they are so clearly jealous of something. It's not you, it's them.

Someone recently said to my sister that they hated me and had done since school. This is going back about three decades. When I finally remembered who they were, I also remembered that at one point they'd dated my sixth form boyfriend. Before me. No overlap.

Couldn't believe they'd still hang on to that into their late 30s and me living hours away. I wouldn't know them in the street these days! I haven't thought of it again until now. Batshit.

Yes we are the same age. He's not really a friend, this was the first time I've seen him in years.

It is a weird thing to come out with, which it made me think that it's such common knowledge that he thought I already knew? Or that it's a big thing in their friend group and they probably make fun of me a lot.

As a warning, I knew somebody who would do that to women. He enjoyed seeing the hurt in their faces. Sometimes, it got him a shag because they were so upset and questioning themselves that he could pretend he was 'just being a good friend', but in all, his main pleasure was seeing lovely women who wouldn't ever sleep with him feeling pain and self doubt.

People don't like me either when I was younger it bothered me all the way through infants and juniors. Senior school I started smoking and people all of a sudden wanted to know me.
My boyfriends would get with my friends
My friends would make plans with other people and ghost me
They'd talk about me behind my back
I've had a couple of abusive relationships

I've completely cut people off and I've came to terms with the fact that I'm not likeable and Ive got a face people don't like. I'm in my 40s now and find it funny how people react to me and must admit I do wind them up even more