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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In being surprised that people hate me

111 replies

wusbanker · 08/03/2021 01:09

I have found out recently that two people who I've not seen in years, and who I thought I was reasonably friendly with, both tell people that they hate me! I don't know why. I'm 25 and haven't seen these girls since I was about 18, they're unrelated situations and my feelings are just a bit hurt... Plus I'm now paranoid that there are more!

Has this happened to anyone else? How do I stop obsessing over it?

OP posts:
ChameleonClara · 08/03/2021 04:28

I agree there's nothing you can do. How upsetting to hear this - but also how deeply weird that they are talking about someone in this way, at their age. This is schoolyard behaviour from 25 year olds.

Flowers for you

thosetalesofunexpected · 08/03/2021 04:31

@wusbanker

I also think these kinds of Arseholes type of people have usually got lots of emotiona baggages ,
Big enough to fill up ,Heathrow or Gatwork Airports hangar.!

Hence their Pathetic sick mind games needs to project (attempts to emotionally inflict, their manipulative ways on to unexpecting innocent people/individuals like yourself !

These kinds of Arseholes, thrive off drama like horseflies/blow flies thrive off any kind of hot steaming turds /shit ,they discover in life !

thosetalesofunexpected · 08/03/2021 04:34

@wusbanker

Covid 19 has shown us how frightening true , that life is far too short to allow negative /toxic people to pollute our life's in any way op.

Wiredforsound · 08/03/2021 05:28

This says much more about them than you, and is usually embedded in jealousy over something you’re probably not even aware of. I’m 52 and I found out a few years ago that someone I considered a friend (not a close friend but a friend nonetheless) didn’t like me because I had dated someone she fancied when we were 16. I didn’t even know she fancied him!

I wouldn’t give this a seconds thought. You clearly have good friends and you sound like a good person. Some people never manage to leave the school playground behind. I always say, “Well, if they’re bitching about me, it’s 10 minutes they’re not bitching about some other poor sod”.

Wannabangbang · 08/03/2021 05:29

Sometimes the reality is your not everyone's cup of tea. Sometimes people take an instant dislike to someone for zero reasons except for just not being 'their person' and that's okay. Don't be upset about it, it's just one of those things. If you really sit and think about it for a minute i bet 100% there's a person or people that aren't your bag either but doesn't make your or them horrible in anyway.

Original poster
wusbanker · 08/03/2021 05:33

@Wannabangbang I was their cup of tea though! We got on really well at school, they were both my friends and then we just didn't speak any more, as happens when everyone goes off to uni. I'd understand if we met briefly and they just didn't like my personality but we were friends for years Confused nowt as queer as folk.

OP posts:
ScotInExile · 08/03/2021 05:36

Maybe you were a bully at school? Bullies rarely consider or remember the mental and physical pain they inflict on others but their victims are unable to forget. I would suggest that if many people are saying they hate you then there must be a very good reason. I wouldn't avoid attending an event that the school bully was going to but I know some people who would, even thirty years on.

Original poster
wusbanker · 08/03/2021 05:42

@Wiredforsound I found out a few years ago that someone I considered a friend (not a close friend but a friend nonetheless) didn’t like me because I had dated someone she fancied when we were 16.

Lol I've remembered a third one! A girl a few years below me had a boyfriend who apparently really fancied me, to the point where she broke up with him over it. She then saw my sister on a night and ranted about how much of a "massive slag" I am and apparently still tweets passive aggressive things about me, baring in mind I've never spoken to the boy in my life.

That's it, query confirmed; I just have one of those highly punchable faces Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
wusbanker · 08/03/2021 05:46

ScotInExile I appreciate you bringing up the possibility as I have racked my brains but these are girls who I went on nights out with, studied with, they were my friends and as I said they did like me when I last saw them so certainly no bullying - Hater 1 is far scarier than me in any case, which is probably why she's managed to make all her friends get in on it.

OP posts:
ScopeToCreate · 08/03/2021 06:23

he said "x won't be happy with me talking to you"

Seriously? At 25? I am friends with two different people, they dislike (not hate, which is such a strong word) each other. Neither bats an eyelid that I talk to the other one because we are not 12.

Also do you think this ex friend of yours just loves drama? Needs an enemy in her head?

You need to ask yourself why their opinion matters to you now? It clearly did at 18 because they were your friends but now? You don't want to be friends now, maybe that is their problem. I don't give two hoots what people I was friends at school with think of me now. They are strangers. You are not the same person you were at 18, neither are they. You have matured, they clearly haven't.

Nith · 08/03/2021 06:33

Could it be that they resent the fact that you stopped all contact at 18, if that's what you did?

However, if they've really borne some sort of grudge for over seven years to the extent that they still bang on about not wanting their friends to talk to you, they sound very childish.

pasturesgreen · 08/03/2021 06:39

Fairly normal to delete old college acquaintances on social media after a few years, I'd say.

Try not to let it bother you too much: seven years have passed since you were last in touch and you wouldn't even be thinking about this people if it weren't for a random encounter at the supermarket.

MonochromeMinnie · 08/03/2021 07:58

Sounds like classic jealousy to me if there's genuinely nothing you've done to warrant it, and remember, happy people don't bully and insult others so feel sorry for them more than anything.

I imagine your life is going quite well and they hate you for it. I have a sister like that.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 08/03/2021 08:03

I find it helps to not really give two shits if people who aren't my friends like me or not.

I focus on making sure my own behaviour is kind, reasonable, polite etc, if they choose to dislike me for whatever other reasons that's beyond my control so meh.

Spidey66 · 08/03/2021 08:05

What does it matter? You've not seen or heard from them in years!

PhatPhanny · 08/03/2021 08:08

Take it as a compliment that your so superior even after all these years these girls talk about you and you have haters 😊

Chickychickydodah · 08/03/2021 08:08

I don’t care if people hate / don’t like me, just go on with your fabulous life and enjoy every minute ❤️
Life is to short to care about bullsh*t.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 08/03/2021 08:10

We got on really well at school

Did you really though? I've realised as an adult that in situations where contact is unavoidable and you are seeing someone regularly for years (school, uni, work, school gate), some people put a persona of quite convincing (false) pleasantry and you really do have to look beyond it to see how they really feel.

Eg there's a school gate mum ive known since our boys were babies. A bystander might see us chatting and think we were friends. What they don't see is that she never initiates contact/socialising with me beyond the unavoidable conversation at pick up time, and that those few times over the years that I've gently suggested a coffee, playdate, glass of wine etc she's had various polite responses etc but never accepted. She has with others, she obviously just doesnt particularly like me and that's fine. So I maintain pleasant behaviour, include her where appropriate if I'm organising a group social type thing etc (outside Covid obv) and leave it at that.

Hoppinggreen · 08/03/2021 08:12

@wusbanker

The first one was I saw someone from school in the supermarket and he said "x won't be happy with me talking to you" so I asked why and he said that she's hated me for years but he didn't give a reason, I was taken aback and a bit embarrassed so didn't ask, then I checked and she and all her 'girl group' have deleted me on all social media.

The second one was because a close friend of mine was organising a mini reunion with an acquaintance and she said that this girl wouldn't come if I was invited because she hates me, again didn't say why.

The person who told you this is an utter Dick. Avoid the lot of them
HeartsAndClubs · 08/03/2021 08:13

The second one was because a close friend of mine was organising a mini reunion with an acquaintance and she said that this girl wouldn't come if I was invited because she hates me, again didn't say why.

So this Hmm close friend was using it as a reason to not invite you to the reunion? She’s the one whose motives I’d be questioning tbh. She certainly doesn’t sound very sincere or like a good friend if she actively wants to stick the knife in. And I wonder if x knows that she’s being used as an excuse for your “close friend” to exclude you from events she clearly doesn’t want you at.

TBH they all sound as if they’ve never left the playground and I would ditch the lot of them, close friend included.

M0rT · 08/03/2021 08:19

It sounds like you went to uni and made new friends and moved on and this group stayed more connected.
That's why he thinks it's relevant 7 years after you left school that she "hates you" and her opinion of who he talks to matters.
If there was no falling out then I wouldn't worry about it, more about her issues then you.
I know women in their forties who still carry on with this creating cohesion by inventing a common enemy thing.
It's boring and best avoided.
I'd ask your close friend why she thinks this other woman hates you though, it seems odd your close friend knows this and mentioned it as if it was common knowledge!

Ohwhatevu · 08/03/2021 08:21

Having been the victim of hatred, I am convinced that it is jealousy.

Lalliella · 08/03/2021 08:22

[quote wusbanker]**@Wiredforsound* I found out a few years ago that someone I considered a friend (not a close friend but a friend nonetheless) didn’t like me because I had dated someone she fancied when we were 16.*

Lol I've remembered a third one! A girl a few years below me had a boyfriend who apparently really fancied me, to the point where she broke up with him over it. She then saw my sister on a night and ranted about how much of a "massive slag" I am and apparently still tweets passive aggressive things about me, baring in mind I've never spoken to the boy in my life.

That's it, query confirmed; I just have one of those highly punchable faces Blush[/quote]
It’s jealousy OP. And childishness. And small town mentality (apologies to small town dwellers). Rise above it. These people are pathetic and not worth your head space. Sounds like you have plenty of real friends, concentrate on them.

NotTerfNorCis · 08/03/2021 08:25

It was probably something they took offence to at school that got blown out of proportion and you didn't know it at the time.

Hoppinggreen · 08/03/2021 08:29

@Ohwhatevu

Having been the victim of hatred, I am convinced that it is jealousy.
Not always I hate a few people and I am certainly not jealous of them
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