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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say ‘no vaccine, no seeing grandchildren’ to my anti vaccine in laws?

569 replies

Hfjshdhs · 07/03/2021 17:47

Name changed because I’m sure that IABU and I’m a bit scared of the fallout!

My PIL are anti vaccine, conspiracy theorists (don’t think Covid exists). They are refusing to get the vaccine.

I have a 3 year old and 5 month old. The 3 year old goes to nursery, but other than that we are incredibly careful and follow all rules. My 5 month old hasn’t met anyone because we are staying safe. None of us are CEV, but equally we have friends who are healthy, have had covid, and had a really awful time of it. So we really don’t want Covid in the house.

AIBU to say to my in laws that if they don’t have the vaccine, I won’t see them, and they won’t be seeing the grandchildren? Or is that a really shitty thing to do?

For context, I have never got on with them. They are extremely controlling. My husband has a very poor relationship with them. But our daughter loves her grandparents so we make sure they have a good relationship. My PIL are both still working, in offices, so exposed every day. If I see my PIL I don’t think I could see my own parents in the following two weeks because they are vulnerable (though have been vaccinated).

OP posts:
Teachertired92 · 09/03/2021 19:43

I would say it depends on how long you plan to not see them for? When will the vaccine not matter anymore? When cases are low, or when the country reopens? When the rule of 6 is introduced, would you see them following the rules? I think if you are clear that you will not see them until... then you are being completely reasonable

Whippyflipp · 09/03/2021 19:46

@Hfjshdhs I think you're absolutely right to make the decision not to see them anymore, particularly as your parents haven't even met your baby yet. You have every right to decide what risks you think are reasonable to expose your family to, there are greater risks from covid to particular age groups etc, but as you have seen covid can unexpectedly knock a young healthy person for six. Ignore those who in this thread are clearly anti vax, they're the only ones who would condemn your right to make this decision. You PIL are being extremely selfish, and given your history although a difficult decision it's clear.

Lunar567 · 09/03/2021 19:51

It is you who is being controlling not them.
You need to stop watching BBC propaganda and life will be much better.
Why deprive you daughter of having relationship with grandparents?

LockdownIsDrivingMeMad · 09/03/2021 20:00

Wonder why people who were admitted to hospital didn't see many people in their ward?

I'm sure someone will come up with a theory to avoid the truth.

In the news they said the hospitals were at full capacity though.

Maybe people on MN especially think that talking of the Taskegee experiment in USA, which by the way is a fact, is somehow scaremongering?

That was sinister. To trick a certain group of people into believing they would get free health care, but turns out they allowed them to die instead.

WTF?

The truth came out in the end.

Thank God it did, but sadly the truth came out long after these people died

Many people don't like their in laws at all anyway, and look for ways to keep them away, maybe this is yours.

Cuppachino · 09/03/2021 20:01

Exactly this. The only people affected by not having the vaccine are those not having it

And those who CAN'T have it.

LovelyIssues · 09/03/2021 20:03

Of course YABU. You can not dictate to them and shouldn't use their grandchildren as a weapon Angry

Cuppachino · 09/03/2021 20:04

Why deprive you daughter of having relationship with grandparents?

Why would the grandparents deprive their grand-daughter of a relationship by not getting the vaccine?

LockdownIsDrivingMeMad · 09/03/2021 20:12

Wonder why those who do not believe in news propaganda are given the label 'anti vaxx'?

That is nasty.

Just because some people have their own opinion, which, last time I checked, we were entitled to.

Such verbal aggression is not healthy.

Some people are not brainwashed.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 09/03/2021 20:22

And some people would rather believe conspiracy theorists than people who know what they are talking about and have absolutely no reason to be lying.

Swings and roundabouts.

TheChip · 09/03/2021 20:34

And some people seem to think that people who question things have questionable beliefs, when all they are doing is questioning questionable things.

LockdownIsDrivingMeMad · 09/03/2021 20:37

The news had people believe that the people of Libya, Iraq and Syria are so terrible and ruthless people.
Every single one of them. What a judgement.
That every person who is a Muslim is a terrorist.
For f sake
That is racist
For f sake.

That is why good old saviours of England and USA are angels who had to leave their countries to fly all the way out there into these peoples homes and countries to bomb innocent civilians.
Men women and children.

If they believed the Muslims were so bad why not stay out of their homes and affairs?

Then these innocent people are left homeless and hungry in a war zone when they had everything before good old England and USA went in there.

Then when these people who are left with nothing ask for asylum in England and USA, the people say 'no, we don't want those people rehoused over here'
WTF?

Can you imagine what the victims of dear old England and USA's bombs say.

But hey, let's believe the news propaganda.

Cuppachino · 09/03/2021 20:41

And some people seem to think that people who question things have questionable beliefs, when all they are doing is questioning questionable things

Haha, that's just your arrogance speaking. So you really think you know more than people who have spent their life working on and studying these things knows? Do you really think TheChip is going to smash some big cover up from your sitting room using a gadget?

cannockcandy · 09/03/2021 20:42

YNUBU
at all!
I would feel the same with my son. He has a compromised immunity and so do I. So does my ex mil. They (her and her partner) have both had the vaccine and have had both doses and still haven't seen their grandson even though legally they can (court order) they have chosen not to put him at risk because getting the vaccine doesn't actually stop you from catching the virus. They have, along with myself and my sons step father, decided that we will ensure we take no risks and when my son returns to school and restrictions have been lifted if any one gets any symptoms then visitation will stop again.
Keeping the kids healthy is the most important thing. Xx

MNWorldisCrazy · 09/03/2021 20:42

How does the vaccine stop you spreading the virus though? All it does is stop it from affecting you - you can still pass it on to others once vaccinated Hmm

DenisetheMenace · 09/03/2021 20:42

TheChip

And some people seem to think that people who question things have questionable beliefs, when all they are doing is questioning questionable things.“

For the love of (insert your chosen deity or otherwise).

The Covid vaccine is not questionable 🤯

DenisetheMenace · 09/03/2021 20:43

MNWorldisCrazy

How does the vaccine stop you spreading the virus though? All it does is stop it from affecting you - you can still pass it on to others once vaccinated“

Many announcements last week that it does prevent transmission to a good degree.

Cuppachino · 09/03/2021 20:43

LockdownIsDrivingMeMad

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For example, a person using the Gish gallop might attempt to support their stance by bringing up, in rapid succession, a large number of vague claims, anecdotal statements, misinterpreted facts, and irrelevant comments.

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MNWorldisCrazy · 09/03/2021 20:44

@TheCountessofFitzdotterel

You’re absolutely wrong about that Motherchicken, the evidence is suggesting that while the vaccine doesn’t lead to zero transmission it massively reduces the likelihood (likely by something between 66 and 75%) so it affects op and her family very much. I wouldn’t want to see people who didn’t care about my family enough to do everything they could to keep them safe.
What evidence? Source?

I'm finding it really difficult to imagine that there's any way they could prove this without putting someone's life at risk 🤷🏼‍♀️

MNWorldisCrazy · 09/03/2021 20:49

@dementedpixie That link clearly states "early data" - That is NOT evidence nor proof.

It was made very, very clear to me by my consultant and the doctors at the vaccine centre, that I'm still very likely to transmit the virus if I caught it

TheChip · 09/03/2021 20:49

Lol I wasn't talking about the vaccine. It was in response to those who are talking about conspiracy theorists. As conspiracy theories are not only based around covid, yet it seems that is all anybody sees when the words are mentioned these days. Same with anti vaxxers being anyone who refuses to accept this one vaccine.

And no I dont believe I know more than anybody, especially around a virus or vaccine and I have no plans of trying to uncover any kind of cover up haha. But that response @Cuppachino kind of proves my point. From what I have said, my beliefs are assumed. People are are cautious or weary about this vaccine are assumed to be conspiracy theory anti vaxxers.

TheChip · 09/03/2021 20:49

People who are* not are are

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 09/03/2021 20:51

I don’t believe you really want evidence but here is a relevant news article detailing one such study with links to others.
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.com/news/amp/health-56211755
I am frankly surprised that anyone with a genuine interest has overlooked this, it has been reported all over the place.

MNWorldisCrazy · 09/03/2021 20:56

@TheCountessofFitzdotterel

I don’t believe you really want evidence but here is a relevant news article detailing one such study with links to others. www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.com/news/amp/health-56211755 I am frankly surprised that anyone with a genuine interest has overlooked this, it has been reported all over the place.
The info in that article does t quite say what you think it does and also makes it quite clear that transmission is still very possible. (Especially if you've had one particular vaccine...)
TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 09/03/2021 21:08

If transmission is reduced by three quarters it would obviously still be possible, I don’t know why you think that’s a gotcha Hmm

LockdownIsDrivingMeMad · 09/03/2021 21:11

Cuppachino

Like I said earlier, why is it when a person views things in a different way to the sheep who follow the shepherd, do they get labelled or even demonised?

For not obeying to follow the crowd?

For having a mind of their own?

It is an accurate and a valid point to state that the media does tell lies to create a divide between people.

They have been doing this for years.

It's clearly happening here on MN

If you choose to have an opinion that differs from the crowd, does that make you stupid?

I guess mums on here would like to throw their opinions of me that I don't know anything or I'm trying to be smart.

Personally I don't give a f*

To assume what level of knowledge or accuracies people do or do not have, just makes no sense.

For f sake

Just let people be.

Why dictate or judge anyone who chooses to leave a comment.

We are all free to speak, but we share different opinions.
It's the way of the world.

Why can't some people accept it instead of assuming that they know better than the next person?