And the Father of the Year Award goes to....

[FOTYAwards]

CEV DC10 hospitalised since mid-week. Multitude of IV antibiotics aren't helping. Worrying times.

CEV (vaccinated) ExH refusing to visit. I’ve checked with the ward staff, and they’ve not heard of a CEV parent declining the opportunity to visit with their really ill child before.

AIBU to expect a parent to, well, parent, and prioritise their child? DC10 now saying quite understandably "he won't visit me, so he obviously doesn't love me, why should I bother visiting him ever again?"

Father of the Year Award contenders please roll up...

He's kicked off at his seriously ill 10 year old child for not responding as he wants? What a total arsehole. Keep the texts, they may come in useful if you have to go back to court.

I'd agree with this. May come in handy as evidence for why your child wants no more contact with his father. I don't think children should be forced to have contact when it's evident from every word and deed that the father is completely selfish to the point of being harmful. Children in hospital don't need the stress of having to deal with an adult having a tantrum. Turning off his phone is the perfect response (but if you can somehow save the messages...).

Maybe the ex should only seek updates via the ward phone from now on.

Don't waste time or emotional energy on a WOS (waste of space) parent who refuses to parent. He's your ex for a reason. My CEV DS also spent 5 weeks in hospital last summer (inc ICU) so I know how draining it is. I hope your child starts to get better soon xx

I hope your little one is better soon ❤
As for his father, there are no words.

Thank you all so much. I'm now focussing all energy on my little DC (don't tell him I said that he's little!) who seems to have turned a corner overnight and the medics are very pleased. I am over the moon. He looks SO much better than he did yesterday - perhaps it was the undisturbed night of sleep (for me) or that my youngest literally skipped into school (they FaceTimed for hours last night it was too cute), but I feel much much more positive - and you're all (well, most of you!) right - giving any sort of headspace to their completely useless plank of a "father" is a ridiculous time wasting exercise. I've deleted the email app I specifically made for contact with him and he can enquire to the hospital himself for updates if he chooses (bothers) to. I got sick of justifying his behaviour, being his secretary, and waiting on him hand and foot hence the divorce. It's been a really good reminder as to why it was the very best decision I ever made - for the DC and for me.

Fingers crossed the improvement continues

Great news about your son, that sounds really encouraging. Ditto about deleting the email app!

I can't believe anyone is defending the poor excuse of a father. He sounds like a useless, selfish twat and his kids deserve better, luckily they do have someone better, you.
Glad your sons feeling a bit better, focus on whats important, leave that waster to sort himself out.

@FOTYAwards Fantastic!!

@FOTYAwards great news.

I've said nothing other than sending factual medical updates about DC, to which I receive no response. There's a term called "grey rock" which I use with exH, the information is passed on in a cordial and polite manner, no emotions.

I would stop sending him updates. What can he do? DC is angry at the right person.

Apologies, missed the last page, reading now.

I've deleted the email app I specifically made for contact with him and he can enquire to the hospital himself for updates if he chooses (bothers) to. I got sick of justifying his behaviour, being his secretary, and waiting on him hand and foot hence the divorce. It's been a really good reminder as to why it was the very best decision I ever made - for the DC and for me

So glad your DC is so much better and this (above) is great news too.

I think with men like this (entitled, selfish, manipulative) it's so hard not to be sucked in but there is literally no reason you should be the one providing updates beyond the first outlining the situation- you're in a crisis situation doing all the work, he's not. There is no reason he can't phone the hospital instead, that is what everyone else does in this situation. That is what anyone decent would do knowing how much stress you're under and that you need to be looking after your other DC too.

If he's contacting you or your DC now, given your DC has made his feelings more than clear, it's abusive. He needs to take a step back, get his info from the medics and not hamper your DCs recovery (a man-child hissy fit puts far too much stress on a poorly 10 year old) which I hope is very speedy and you can all be at home soon.

You are clearly a great Mum. You did the right thing getting rid of your ex, you continue to do the right thing - onwards and upwards.

Brilliant op. You'll feel so much better taking control. You can't force him to be a dad. But you can stop him draining energy you need for your little ones.

And that's bloody brilliant that ds is feeling better.

We had a dad using this excuse. His so. Was 12 weeks old and had never met him, as he's never been home. We needed dad to come in for teaching and he still wouldn't. We are a "shielded" ward. So as safe as you could get. We were not impressed.

@Toddlerteaplease

We had a dad using this excuse. His so. Was 12 weeks old and had never met him, as he's never been home. We needed dad to come in for teaching and he still wouldn't. We are a "shielded" ward. So as safe as you could get. We were not impressed.

This has reminded me of when DC10 was actually born: NICU admission and exH rarely visited. Claimed he didn't like the UV lights. I stayed with my critically ill baby for 10 days. I saw the HV more frequently - she came every day if not twice daily. Amazingly some of the doctors and nurses who were looking after us this weekend remember us from a decade ago. Familiar faces made all the difference!

@Toddlerteaplease

We had a dad using this excuse. His so. Was 12 weeks old and had never met him, as he's never been home. We needed dad to come in for teaching and he still wouldn't. We are a "shielded" ward. So as safe as you could get. We were not impressed.

Sorry - I meant to answer your comment. That's just awful - I really appreciate the viewpoint from the other side so to speak. Given the total efficacy of the cleanliness and PPE used by all the staff and parents on the ward currently, I felt very safe and very confident that we were protected. I think the return to school / mixing / coming into contact with asymptomatic cases, according to the logic he used to decline visiting our sick DC would / should certainly be more of an issue for them seeing their "D"F on alternate weekends to be honest - not that I'm going to bring that up with him - because it's not about that is it? It's about him and what he wants to do, and if it doesn't fit in with his own MO, he ain't gonna do it. You must have wanted to punch the dad of that 12 week old in the face. Poor baby.

I've just checked the email account on the PC - and there is no email enquiring as to the health and well-being of our son. I believe it is Wednesday. He hasn't got in touch to see how our child is since Sunday mid-afternoon.

He's not normal is he? I would love for someone with a psychiatry qualification to diagnose him with something - because then it would be justifiable. Having said that, maybe we don't need to do this, maybe he just isn't a very nice person. Thank goodness my kids have other perfectly balanced individuals as role models.

How is your son doing?

@Sirzy he is sooooo much better. The number of prescription drugs he has to take for the next 5 days means no school which is absolutely fine with me, but he is much chirpier which is wonderful to see / hear. Lots of R&R now we are home, and a chilled weekend before he finally (fingers crossed) returns to school on Monday

I suspect he'll claim he didn't get in touch because he assumed you would contact him if your son got worse. But it really doesn't wash. Any normal parent would be on tenterhooks the whole time and would be desperate for updates.

I would love for someone with a psychiatry qualification to diagnose him with something

Nah - being a selfish lazy arse isn't in the diagnostic manual.

I would just continue in the same vein but not sending anything but life and death information and leaving him to initiate contact and ask for any other information he wants. Hopefully he will fade out of your lives and you will be all the better for it.

Sounds like a dick OP. I can add my nomination though:

• Took DS window shopping for Christmas and didn’t buy him anything, not even a call on Christmas Day
• Latest birthday (18th) not even a card let alone anything else
• Didn’t notice for 18 months that we’d moved
• Hasn’t paid maintenance in 7 years
• Found out he was taking DS out in the car when he was banned for drink driving
• Used to make DS strip at the door when I picked him up and I had to bring clothes to take him home in. Heaven forbid I should steal some cheap Primark clothes.
• Once turned up 30 minutes EARLY to an access visit, we weren’t ready. Then yelled at me for being disorganised and wouldn’t take DS.

Sooo many more

@BigPaperBag - that all sounds rubbish. It saddens me that there are so many other contenders out there for the awards. Taking children window shopping on a promise to buy them something and not following through, is plain cruel. How did he not know his child had moved? Talk about hands off...