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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To no longer wash up

123 replies

ImaHogg · 07/03/2021 13:12

For years and years I have wanted a dishwasher.
DH always says no, in his opinion they are costly to run and our household bills are enough as it is (they are not, dh is just a bloody tight arse).
Would I BU from now on, to only wash up my own bits and leave him to clean up his own mess?
Petty I know but I’m so piss off, this argument has gone on for years and it’s my way of making a protest!
I’m fed up of being the one who does all the washing up. He only does it occasionally.

OP posts:
Alsohuman · 07/03/2021 13:15

I wouldn’t do any at all. Or actually I’d just go out and buy a dishwasher and he’d have to suck it up.

Porridgeoat · 07/03/2021 13:16

Good idea to stop doing the washing. Maybe do it as much as he does it

Aquamarine1029 · 07/03/2021 13:16

I fully support your plan. Stop being his fucking skivvy.

Fortunefavours1 · 07/03/2021 13:17

Yanbu at all. Give him a taste of his own medicine. Also, don't let him control you, if you can afford a dishwasher, buy one. He's welcome to not use it and do his own dishes by hand (he won't).

PradaBallbag · 07/03/2021 13:17

They're not costly to run at all - they use less power and water than washing up does as long as you don't run them half full.

I would absolutely leave all the washing up to him if he doesn't want a dishwasher. My husband insists on wine glasses being hand washed so guess who does it: him!

fabulousspider · 07/03/2021 13:18

Actually, I think they make a significant saving on water bill costs, so overall they may be more cost effective than he realises! And you always have to figure out the time implication. if that time spent washing up could be spent better elsewhere you'll likely make a net time saving / cost saving that way.

And yanbu to do your own only.

Also - why do you have to ask his permission? Surely if you have the cash you could just order one, get it plumbed in and use it only for your stuff!?

BlusteryLake · 07/03/2021 13:18

Show him the annual running costs to prove him wrong. Lots of manufacturers have this tool online. Ours has an eco setting that takes three hours but costs less. We run it overnight.

LunaHeather · 07/03/2021 13:19

Regardless of the row, it's reasonable for each adult to do their own dishes, or alternate days etc. So go ahead.

SeraphinaDombegh · 07/03/2021 13:19

Dishwashers are a) not costly to run and b) actually save water and sometimes even energy compared to washing up. If you bought an A+++ rated machine, these would both be true. So your DH is talking out of his arse. On that basis alone, YANBU.

ScaredOfDinosaurs · 07/03/2021 13:29

Do you have access to money? If so, just buy one. If not, you've got much bigger problems.

FictionalCharacter · 07/03/2021 13:30

They are not costly to run. I think it was Good Housekeeping who did tests years ago, they found it’s cheaper to run a dishwasher than to wash everything by hand. Some of the evidence is mentioned here www.telegraph.co.uk/interiors/home/best-dishwashers/

It’s more hygienic too - a lot of people wash dishes in warm water that’s nowhere near hot enough to kill bacteria, and don’t rinse properly. My parents used to wash up in dribbles of lukewarm water using a filthy dishcloth, and their dishes and cutlery were never clean. Didn’t bother them but it was revolting.

My DH didn’t want one either but I insisted when we had kids. Bought it myself. He’s still a bit weird about it, sometimes takes stuff out that I put in there waiting for a full load and washes it by hand, because he still thinks it’s “expensive” to run.

peak2021 · 07/03/2021 13:37

You will have to have an iron will if you decide to do this. And a large number of plates and other crockery/cutlery. It must not be an idle threat.

ForTheLoveOfWine · 07/03/2021 13:40

Just buy a dishwasher
Tell him you will pay for the portion of energy used to run it and he can wash up to his hearts content
If he wishes to use your dishwasher it’s £10 a time Grin

MessAllOver · 07/03/2021 13:45

You have amazing patience. I can't believe you've been denied a dishwasher for years but still do most of the washing up. How have you not cracked and gone on a crazy dish-smashing spree (joke, sort of...) Shock?

Mumski45 · 07/03/2021 13:46

I though dishwashers are actually less costly than hand washing although I can't get this through to DH.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 07/03/2021 13:47

I would just buy one anyway.

Why does he get the final say?

MessAllOver · 07/03/2021 13:47

Maybe he's confused you with a dishwasher and thinks the house only needs one?

Anordinarymum · 07/03/2021 13:49

I don't undertstand OP Is he your dad? Does he own you? Do you need permission ? Go and buy a dishwasher and to hell with him

JackieWeaverFever · 07/03/2021 13:49

He is a monster and YANBU

Lovewinemorethanhusband · 07/03/2021 13:51

I did this , I wanted a new kitchen and a full size dishwasher my husband wasn't keen so I stopped doing the dishes and just placed it on the sides for when he came home from work and it took only 3 days before he agreed to a dishwasher !!, it drove him insane especially with all the baby bottles and that, he never realised how
Much there was to do, I think he now loves the dishwasher more than me

DemolitionBarbie · 07/03/2021 13:51

Handwashing can use up to nine times the water of a dishwasher. www.comparethemarket.com/energy/content/how-much-does-a-dishwasher-use/

And you're wasting days and weeks of your life washing up his plates when he can't be arsed to return the favour.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 07/03/2021 13:52

Very petty and not really the model to set to children as to how to resolve adult disputes.

If he’s not doing his share of house tasks then talk to him.

Sexnotgender · 07/03/2021 13:54

So he doesn’t want a dishwasher and why should he, it doesn’t impact him in ANY way when you do it all. Fuck that.

I bet there’s a lot of other shit you do that he doesn’t.

SuperSleepyBaby · 07/03/2021 13:56

Why is it just his choice?

If you have the money just order it yourself?

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