To no longer wash up

[ImaHogg]

For years and years I have wanted a dishwasher.
DH always says no, in his opinion they are costly to run and our household bills are enough as it is (they are not, dh is just a bloody tight arse).
Would I BU from now on, to only wash up my own bits and leave him to clean up his own mess?
Petty I know but I’m so piss off, this argument has gone on for years and it’s my way of making a protest!
I’m fed up of being the one who does all the washing up. He only does it occasionally.

@TheVolturi. It doesn't matter who is working/not working. Your time is important. It sounds like you have your hands full and there are a hundred better ways you could use your time (including sitting down and having a cup of tea or playing with your kids) than washing up for five people!

I'm sorry... it sounds again like the dishwasher is symptomatic of deeper relationship problems . I'm actually angry on your behalf. Three children, all of whom sound like they need constant attention, and your husband won't buy a fucking dishwasher because he has the human version instead .

@sheilatakeasheilatakeabow read OP’s previous posts - she can’t afford one.

YADNBU. I wanted a dishwasher in our previous house but DH said it was unnecessary blah blah. We've just moved and they left the dishwasher. I bloody love it and what a surprise, DH is happily using it . I do not miss doing all the bloody washing up.

I'm noticing a trend...

Why are the dishwasher-refusers not doing the washing-up? It should be their unpaid labour which they're trading, not someone else's.

Do you know how much he earns?
Where are the joint savings?
Surely you have a credit card?
Surely there is family money not his and hers?
A dishwasher is few hundred ao.com
It doesn't have to be top of the range
What about your pension?
You may be better off divorcing
Go see a family lawyer

@TheVolturi

I am the total skivvy in our house, cooking cleaning and washing and everything for five of us. Dh never helps. Dishwasher broke before Xmas and he will not replace it. It's made a really hard job even harder, I must wash up 5 times a day. My hands were sore the other day and he said get some rubber gloves 🙄

Why? Just why? See a,lawyer This is not aN equal marriage

I just bought one and had it fitted. I figured as i was working and could afford it i would make life easier for myself. DH sucked it up and now loads and unloads the thing and wouldn't be without it

What a shit way to live. Lose the husband, buy a dishwasher.

One thing I insisted on when I got a new kitchen was a dishwasher. I lived alone at the time so went for a slimline, so many people were outraged that I, as a single person would need one. People have strange opinions on dishwashers!!

I honestly really wish I had the spare money to buy you a dishwasher, OP. You absolutely should have one so that you don’t need to spend any more of your life being the only one in your house to wash pans. Go on strike. He’s squirrelling money away that benefits him retiring early while you run yourself ragged in the present. Pretty sure he won’t be using his extra free time when he’s retired to wash up!!!

Adding my voice to others, just go out & buy one. Why can't you do that?

OP, apologies....I hadn't read last posts...I see he is controlling finances. This strikes me as more serious than the initial post being the problem of the lack of dishwasher. I can't imagine your situation, being with someone who won't 'let' you buy a standard kitchen appliance. Maybe time to rethink this relationship & if it the one you want for the rest of your life. Also, def time to strike if is the only power you have to make him pay attention. I hope he is in no way abusive otherwise as don't wise to encourage you to do something that might put you in harm's way.

Buy paper plates and cups for a bit

Sounds like an arsehole

OP his hoarding of family money is appalling. If you are a partnership, a team, a family, then money needs to be shared so that everyone has an equal amount. As PP have said, he is financially abusing you. It is sad that he is treating you like this, total lack of respect. Good luck OP. If he wont change, you and DC deserve a whole lot better.

[quote TwoLeftSocksWithHoles]@alibongo5
I don't know what you mean... [/quote]
Well.....the planet perhaps? Foil is even worse than cling film. Just wash the fucking plates.

Without major rework I can get a slimline dishwasher in my kitchen. Proper game changer in effort

Paper plates from now on

@Alexindiamondarmour urgh. How depressing.

He either pays for the dishwasher or his life insurance pays his funeral expenses make a choice you cheap bastard

@Dontbeme

My BIL is like your dh, my poor sister is in her sixties but looks a good fifteen years older, is not allowed access to family money, she wasn't allowed to dye her hair when she started going grey, no make up, no hairdressers, no treats, no nice clothes, she always looks like she had a night's sleep in a ditch, she won't leave or accept help to leave. Her kids learned how to treat her from their father, so they are rude, arrogant and shit as well. His emotional ill treatment of her has now left her physically wrecked, he has just broken her, he is now ill and not likely to live another five years so she will be finally free then, don't have that be your life OP, he says charming things like "why get a dog and bark at the postman yourself?" While laughing and sneering at my sister. These kinds of men don't change, they just get worse with age.

That is one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve read. Must be so painful for you to watch

@stampsurprise It's like a slow moving crash, he is all she has ever known and believes in her own way that her marriage is a success because it has lasted so long. All I see is an insecure man who doesn't want his wife to be the best version of herself, he would rather keep her small and less than him.

How are you doing OP? Did you go on strike?