To no longer wash up

[ImaHogg]

For years and years I have wanted a dishwasher.
DH always says no, in his opinion they are costly to run and our household bills are enough as it is (they are not, dh is just a bloody tight arse).
Would I BU from now on, to only wash up my own bits and leave him to clean up his own mess?
Petty I know but I’m so piss off, this argument has gone on for years and it’s my way of making a protest!
I’m fed up of being the one who does all the washing up. He only does it occasionally.

Why does he get to decide whether or not you have one? Two of you live there.

Every man I've ever come across who thinks dishwashers are not a good idea, is never the person doing the washing up.

Why are you giving him all this power? He doesn't apparently value your opinion, why should you value his?

Yanbu. But to me the bigger issue is yuur husband being tight to a point it has a negative impact on your life.

Dh wasn't keen. He did most of the washing up. I insisted. Best thing I've ever done.

Take note of your average water and electricity bill.

Order a dishwasher. Use it for only your own dishes.

Pay any gas/electricity water billed over the average amount. I bet it will be cheaper for you.

Charge your H if he dares use your dishwasher.

Consider seriously what you get having this man in your life.

I didn’t have a dishwasher previously as my kitchen was tiny.
First thing DH ordered when we moved in together in a bigger house was the exact dishwasher I wanted.

Your H thinks he’s got free house elf so obviously he’s not going to pay for any household appliances.

Sadly, I can not currently afford to purchase my own dishwasher as I work part time, the rest of the time I help my dad look after my mum who has Alzheimer’s so the very last thing I need when I come home is to do all the washing up.

I'd be moving a dishwasher in and your dh out!

I would literally just get one installed while he’s at work and be done with it.

Have you got space for one ?

I can’t really get over the idea that your DH says no to it yet doesn’t do the washing up; it’s incredibly selfish as he’s clearly saying no because it has no positive impact on him.
I’d stop doing the washing up altogether.

@nimbuscloud

Have you got space for one ?

Definitely have space just the lack of funds on my part and my tight arse dh stopping it from being installed!

Ok I was going to say just buy the dishwasher! Yip stop doing his dishes he might be quick to change his mind! I honestly don't know why some folk don't have them.

What a cheek he has! Definitely stop washing his dishes.

I am pretty sure dishwashers are repeatedly shown to save water & electricity over hand-washing, unless you are very efficient in your hand-washing methods.

A divorce is costlier...

I'm pretty sure I had this difficulty 20 years ago, now DH would install one in the living room if there wasn't space in the kitchen.

And people are right, it's more efficient in time, electricity & water. He's not costing your time...hes not valuing you...

I'd reassign duties so that he could be the one doing all of the dish-washing. Let me guess... That'll never happen.

There are times when you bend and do things that aren't as important to you, simply because they are important for them. This should be one of those times. A dishwasher doesn't cost that much, they don't cost much to run, and they make life easier.

I'd have a hard time not taking his obstinate refusal as a sign that he didn't value or respect me.

I love my dishwasher as I hate washing dishes. If a bit of food ends up in the water and I accident touch it I end up gagging. Being forced into
It as a teenager put me off dishes forever. My friend always bangs on about ‘you have to fill it and empty it’ fill it as you go and you have to put dishes away after hand washing anyway. ‘You have to buy tablets!’ Get them out the £ shop and you save on electricity, water and it washing up liquid. It also steams the dishes so they are sanitary!

The dishwasher is hands down my favourite appliance. They aren't costly to run and apparently use less water than hand washing dishes (somehow!). Absolutely let him wash his own dishes OP!

I suggest:

1. Price up the dishwasher and the plumbing costs etc ie do everything required except actually getting one, in case it's the thought of the work involved that's putting him off. Present him with your findings and discuss it as a joint purchase, since the whole household will benefit. If he says the household can't afford it even though you know you can, then he obviously doesn't think it matters because it doesn't affect him. So make it affect him by:

1. Stop washing up completely. When you run out of clean pots and space to stack the dirty pots stop preparing meals. The kids won't die from living on toast for a few days. If he asks whats for tea tell him you've no idea because there's no clean pots and no space to prepare anything. Stick to it and don't cave in and do them - you're only treating him how he treats you, and if he won't wash up why should you? you're supposed to be equals.

I'm posting this because I was in the same position for years. Eventually I just basically went on strike re the pots, and it worked, where years of asking nicely, nagging and arguments had failed. It put him in my position and forced him to see it from my point of view. It hits them where it hurts and they can't ignore it any more. He now takes his turn without being asked (in fact more since lockdown!) I wish I'd done it years earlier.

I don't know why it's considered a pain to wash up normally,it doesn't take long to wash up, and put things away. There are sometimes posts on here, about conflicts at homes, where people say its a pain to load and unload a dishwasher, or someone hasn't done it properly. who who's job it is to do it etc.

I haven't got a dishwasher, but when I lived in the USA for three years many years ago, the dishwasher in the house there was a bit larger than average, and used about 15 gallons of water per cycle.

I’d just get the dishwasher.

Sounds like you have waited more than long enough.

@1forAll74

I don't know why it's considered a pain to wash up normally,it doesn't take long to wash up, and put things away. There are sometimes posts on here, about conflicts at homes, where people say its a pain to load and unload a dishwasher, or someone hasn't done it properly. who who's job it is to do it etc.

I haven't got a dishwasher, but when I lived in the USA for three years many years ago, the dishwasher in the house there was a bit larger than average, and used about 15 gallons of water per cycle.

It is for me. We are a family of four and as per my post further up, I am spending most of my days looking after my mum who suffers from Alzheimer’s. I am knackered at the end of the day and washing up a whole days worth of dirty dishes and glasses is not how I want to spend my evenings.

Definitely have space just the lack of funds on my part and my tight arse dh stopping it from being installed

Do you have access to family money op?

Hang on, so your lazy, selfish husband denies you access to household money AND won't do his own dishes?

And you tolerate this why?

We had this EXACT issue in our house some years ago. I wanted one. He said we didn't need one. He didn't realize just how much dishwashing went on in our house. He always helped after tea - but breakfast, lunch, random cups, the clean-up-as-I-go-along-while-cooking, completely escaped his notice. So I started saving it all up. Every cup, every spoon, EVERYTHING, all day long, to be done after tea so he could help with those too.

Didn't take long OP.....