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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What to do about this wedding?

108 replies

Onedaysomedaynowadays · 07/03/2021 09:42

We've been invited to a wedding in the Canaries which was supposed to be this summer and is now next spring.
It's no kids so lots of our friends are making arrangements to leave kids with grandparents etc.
We don't have anyone to leave our toddler with and I'm pregnant so we'll also have a 5 month old baby by then. I think the options are:

  • DH goes on his own and I stay home with the kids (the groom is his friend)
  • we all go and make a holiday of it for a week and I just stay at the villa/hotel with the kids the day he goes to the wedding
  • I try to find someone here to have the kids - we have a babysitter who used to come pre covid but I feel weird about leaving her in our house for several days

Feels like option 2 is the obvious one but don't know if it will be crap if everyone else is having a kid free holiday!

OP posts:
mildlymiffed · 07/03/2021 09:44

Could you do option 2).... and maybe try on some local forums to see if you could find someone to childmind for the day if you could express? Not sure if you'd be comfortable with that?

AmazingCoffee · 07/03/2021 09:45

Oh definitely option 2!

BluebellsGreenbells · 07/03/2021 09:45

Can you go option two and hire a babysitter over there for the day? There will be agencies who are checked - ask the hotel or holiday rep for a decent company.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 07/03/2021 09:46

Option 4 - don’t go?

Do you want a holiday in the Canaries at that time? Can you afford it? Is it in the right place? Presumably opportunities for hanging out with friends when you’ve got kids in tow and they haven’t is going to be limited. I’d decline politely and spend my money on a nicer family holiday.

Rainbowqueeen · 07/03/2021 09:47

Can you afford option 2 and is the canaries somewhere you want to go?

There is option 4 - politely decline. It’s an invitation not a summons. If it’s not something that works for your family don’t do it. Anyone having a destination wedding will understand that not all their guests can make it

MaryShelley1818 · 07/03/2021 09:47

I'd definitely do option two. The holiday will be amazing 😊

Crockof · 07/03/2021 09:48

I'm in group 4 as well. Pools will be too cold for baby, which island as some are windy at that time. Everyone else will be child free so it will be crap.

Crockof · 07/03/2021 09:50

You definitely can't meet up with people if they are child free

Original poster
Onedaysomedaynowadays · 07/03/2021 09:52

Option 4 is surely really option 1? Got no issue with DH going and I'll just stay home with the kids. Am not bothered about going for a week in Tenerife, would rather go somewhere we choose ourselves

OP posts:
Freezeboy · 07/03/2021 09:53

Option 2 if you actually want to go if you don’t just decline. It’s what people should expect if they do a no kids wedding and invite people with kids. There will be a certain percentage that will decline

An0n0n0n · 07/03/2021 09:54

The thing is, you aren't obliged to attend so think about if you want to spend that much and go to that place.

It might work but I suspect you'll either be on your own a lot or you/your OH may feel left out and resentful(ish) about not being able to just go do what the others are doing and the others may not want children tagging along so you may feel a bit like a nanny. X

JackieWeaverFever · 07/03/2021 09:54

Option 2 or option 4 dont got

Rollmopsrule · 07/03/2021 09:55

People just seem so demanding when it comes to weddings. Invite people to a wedding abroad but your not allowed to bring the kids Confused
Personally I wouldn't go but as your dh is close to the groom it would be option 1 unless you absolutely want a holiday in the canaries so in that case option 2.

RampantIvy · 07/03/2021 09:58

Option 4 - politely decline. They have no right to expect parents of children to be able to magic up childcare for a wedding abroad.

peak2021 · 07/03/2021 10:02

Politely decline, your circumstances are different from the original date and you are giving plenty of notice. If it were a brother or sister of you or your DH then perhaps one of the other options, but not for someone outside family.

IndecentFeminist · 07/03/2021 10:04

I'd say option 1 if it is important that he is there. It's only 4 hours away from.most UK airports, he doesn't have to be gone for long.

We had a lovely holiday in gran canaria with ours a year or so ago, a hotel with own bungalows. If you would like a family holiday then 2 is fine.

But equally, so is not going at all! I certainly wouldn't be leaving kids behind.

Otherwise

curious79 · 07/03/2021 10:05

Option 4 - find nice hotel, ask about childcare. 5 months old is very manageable for a sitter

Dontjudgeme101 · 07/03/2021 10:08

Option 1

Exhausted4ever · 07/03/2021 10:09

Definitely option 4, don't go

StopGuacAndRoll · 07/03/2021 10:13

Since we are just adding options we feel like, I suggest:

Option 5 - RUDELY decline

MissConductUS · 07/03/2021 10:18

Unless your DH is super close to the groom, I'd decline. People who invite others with kids to an overseas, kid-free wedding are really over the top.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 07/03/2021 10:18

I’d be option 4 and declining as well.

I really can’t abide weddings that out the costs into the guests. It would have to be very close family with a very good reason for the destination for me to attend.

AmazingCoffee · 07/03/2021 10:18

Option 6. Go and renew your vows at the same time.

Grin
AmazingCoffee · 07/03/2021 10:19

(But actually 2 sounds great to me! I get a holiday and don't have to go to the actual wedding!).

IloveJudgeJudy · 07/03/2021 10:20

Can't your DH fly out for a few days rather than a week and use less annual leave?