is this an appropriate reaction?

[sophiet882]

15yr old dd has been meeting her bf the past few days, socially distanced, both have had negative tests, and with masks etc. i have been totally fine with this.
tonight, i called her to ask when she was planning on coming home, and it sounded very quiet, so i asked if she was at his house. she immediately denied it and said that she was just in a sheltered place, still outside. after some probing she admitted she went to his house for 5 minutes while bf checked on his brother because his parents had been out all day. apparently, she stayed downstairs with her mask on.
i was furious that she lied to me, and that she broke covid rules, and told her she was grounded, and to come home immediately.
her argument is that it was only 5 minutes with minimal risks, and that she's going back to school next week anyway, so this is no risk, but i am so angry that she would break the rules.
i'm not sure if this is an reasonable reaction or if my anger is clouding my view.

“she has broken my trust, i am vulnerable enough to need my first vaccine, so this is really inexcusable.”

Make your mind up OP.. before it was the ‘fine’ you were mad about and now everyone has still told
You your wrong you’ve thrown being vulnerable in there. (Even though you said he has a negative test so what’s that got to do with it???)

You are completely and utterly being unreasonable.

She told a white lie because she clearly knows your a drama queen and how you would react. Do you remember what girls were up to when you were 15? She’s popped into her boyfriends house, who she was with anyway? Delete the find a friends and admit your being out of order. Give her a break and sympathise with her and maybe she would not have to lie to you. So what if “everyone has been through it” SHE’S your child not them, care what she is telling you!!

what Squirtle said ^
Also, teenagers lie as soon as they open their mouths

@HerMammy

The girls of these mothers are the ones who leave home asap and get into unsuitable relationships just to get away, I know; I was one of those girls.

Me too. OP, please do not be my mother.

Op..am I being unreasonable
Mumsnet, yes
Op, I don’t give a shit.

Look you’re not going to get a fine, ans she’s back to school ans tracking her is horrible.

You need to calm down and take a step back. Right now you’re not behaving in a responsible manner, tracking your child is not ok.

Your reaction will only encourage her to be more secretive and lie to you in future, possibly about much more concerning things.

Assume they will both at school tomorrow - inside - along with another 1,000 kids or so!! I suspect even if she stayed all day inside his house that will be "safer" than she'll be tomorrow.

Nobody is socially distancing when they’re out from what I can see. I think you’ve made this about yourself and your own vulnerability rather than thinking about striking a balance. I wouldn’t ground her and I wouldn’t track her either. I would have a conversation about lying though because that bothers me more than the Covid breach.

I think you ve been naieve if you think they have been sticking to the rules all this time. Mine have seen their girl friends all the way through, they aren't seeing other friends , going to gatherings etc and I am pretty proud of they way they've used their common sense. I would acknowledge it has been a really difficult year and say you hope she can talk to you next time but remind her you are vulnerable and to wash her hands etc .

@OfTheNight

Your reaction will only encourage her to be more secretive and lie to you in future, possibly about much more concerning things.

Yup, she will leave her phone in a safe place and do as she pleases.

You need to apply critical thinking. She’s in school tomorrow. She’s 15. She’s not went for months and not snogged her boyfriend. She’s no more at risk in his house than at school. The odds of you getting a fine are so low as to be non existent.

Take the tracker off. Tell her you were behaving inappropriately and that was an out of order suggestion.

Honestly when parents behave in this controlling manner, kids run as soon as they can. And they don’t come back.

Don’t be that parent coming on in a few years upset and wondering why your daughter never visits.

I think you are massively over reacting. And she's back to school next week. Indoors. So if you're allowing her back to school (as is the legal requirement) then punishing her is just silly. She's 15. Has a BF. And she sounds like a lovely girl who you are very proud of. There's a lot worse that kids of 15 could have been up to. I think you need to get this into perspective.

@sophiet882

Do you actually know one person who has got a fine? I don’t. Yabu way over the top. If you’re letting them meet up then what is the difference of going in for 5 mins? They will be kissing regardless so the risk is the same.

What are you going to complain about on June 21st? People having too much fun!?

You say your dd has broken your trust.
Your trust was naively misplaced.
Imo you’d be better talking to dd about safe sex than Covid.
And the checking up on the db line, you’re more naive than dd.

Sorry OP, you're being very naive. Likely, she'd been at his house the whole time. And probably most days they met. They would have kissed and cuddled. Not socially distanced.

You can't expect a 15 to meet up with her boyfriend and keep a distance. Given, as she said they go back to school tomorrow, id have said no to meeting up, it could wait.

Are you keeping her out of school until you’ve had your injection?

@Sleepingdogs12

I think you ve been naieve if you think they have been sticking to the rules all this time. Mine have seen their girl friends all the way through, they aren't seeing other friends , going to gatherings etc and I am pretty proud of they way they've used their common sense. I would acknowledge it has been a really difficult year and say you hope she can talk to you next time but remind her you are vulnerable and to wash her hands etc .

Well youve been allowing your daughter to socialise face to face through lockdown? That's naive too. You're lucky they didn't spread it between themselves and their families. This really annoys me, lots of us are making sacrifices yet it's been ok for your child to socialise the whole time?!

Of for gods sake ,
Yes we are in a pandemic and yes it’s braking rules and yes tell her off .
But yabu and very naive to think 2 teenagers that 12 months later are following the rules to a t.
I’m sorry but for me and you it’s hard but we stay home anyway outside work but for 2 teenagers no it’s not .
Cut her some slack ffs it’s really not that much of a big deal and I doubt very much you will get a fine .

YABVU and extremely naive. I have felt so bad for teenagers throughout all of this, give her a break.

You know damn well the police are not going to fine 2 teenagers getting a bit too close. And if you were that vulnerable and worried about catching covid then you would have made sure to point that out in your first post. Plus the fact that they've both had negative tests makes that muuuuch less of a worry.

My guess is you are controlling. And also that you're probably one of these covid nazis who has been very vocal about rulebreakers and you don't want anyone to find out that your own daughter has been breaking the rules because it will make you look stupid and hypocritical.

Why ask for people’s opinion if you’ve already decided and won’t listen to what they’re saying?

If you don’t sort yourself out, very soon you’ll lose the relationship with your daughter.

This is so over the top. The police are not going to fine a 15 year old for going into another persons house. I hate that covid has made some people feel this scared. I feel sorry for your daughter that she has to lie about it.

Yes I’m never sure of the point of asking when you don’t want to hear you’re behaving badly.

It’s like when this happens the op is so convinced they are right they post for validation and when everyone tells them it’s not ok, they just cling to it.

Tracking your own kid because she went to her boyfriends house two nights before back at school is beyond unacceptable behaviour.

I’m a grown woman, if my husband decided to track me, we would be divorced. This girl is 15 and totally impotent in the situation, so it’s so much worse. I really feel for her.

Surely this isn’t legit, poor child

Yabu for thinking they have been maintaining social distancing. I think your reaction was OTT.

Utter madness. Make sure she’s for contraceptives and let her get on with her life.

Keep it up OP if you are lucky when shes 18 she will move out and not come back.... seriousoy though. If you carry on with all this policing to the extreme she will run. My mum did similar but worse we are now no contact for other reasons but this sort of behaviour was the start of it

You asked if you were being unreasonable. Literally everyone said you were. You've decided you aren't.

Pointless escapade. Your daughter will be out of your house quicker than you can say "controlling parents". Reap what you sow!