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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

is this an appropriate reaction?

132 replies

sophiet882 · 06/03/2021 21:07

15yr old dd has been meeting her bf the past few days, socially distanced, both have had negative tests, and with masks etc. i have been totally fine with this.
tonight, i called her to ask when she was planning on coming home, and it sounded very quiet, so i asked if she was at his house. she immediately denied it and said that she was just in a sheltered place, still outside. after some probing she admitted she went to his house for 5 minutes while bf checked on his brother because his parents had been out all day. apparently, she stayed downstairs with her mask on.
i was furious that she lied to me, and that she broke covid rules, and told her she was grounded, and to come home immediately.
her argument is that it was only 5 minutes with minimal risks, and that she's going back to school next week anyway, so this is no risk, but i am so angry that she would break the rules.
i'm not sure if this is an reasonable reaction or if my anger is clouding my view.

OP posts:

Freezeboy · 06/03/2021 21:32

No way they would give them a fine, it’s not like they are a party. Risk is low and definitely not socially distancing. It’s been a hard year and if this is the only rule they break let them.

Original poster

sophiet882 · 06/03/2021 21:33

of course i remember being 15 but there wasn't a pandemic going around then??

OP posts:

LolaNova · 06/03/2021 21:34

15 year old me would never have managed social distancing...

AWhisperWillDoIfThatsAllYouCan · 06/03/2021 21:34

You're a fool if you believe they've been keeping their distance and masks on for all their meetings. And they were only inside for 5 minutes, but it was the exact same 5 minutes that you called? Yeah.... how old are you? Because you sound like you were born yesterday.

Herewegoagainok · 06/03/2021 21:34

If it's a fine you're worried about then they shouldn't be meeting outside unless they're exercising so that could have landed them one anyway. I think you've overreacted. Loads of people doing their best to follow the rules have been caught out in different contexts or having to think on the spot what the right thing to do is because we're in a weird situation. It happens, no big deal.

Original poster

sophiet882 · 06/03/2021 21:35

i haven't been happy with her meeting up as it is only meant to be for exercise but the improvement in her mental health has been lovely so i have let it go but i feel like she's pushed it too far this time.

OP posts:

SquirtleSquad · 06/03/2021 21:35

Is the pandemic going to magically disappear when they're snogging behind the bike shed at break time at school on Monday?

Anyway, you asked if it was an appropriate reaction and you've got your answer. I'm sure DD will accept your apology, as you say she's very responsible.

Ihoeihoeihoe · 06/03/2021 21:35

We’re all aware of the pandemic and the question you’ve asked. We mostly agree YABU, no need to be angry with us, you asked us for our opinion.

Chimoia · 06/03/2021 21:36

You're missing the point. All 15 year olds would do this and its part of normal development to break the rules. Parentally, she will learn better if you accept her choices are her choices. Does she know how to access contraception?

partyatthepalace · 06/03/2021 21:37

OP - if you ask for opinions you need to listen to the advice you get. Every single poster on this thread is telling you you are being OTT. Your daughter is 15, she does not have the self control of an adult.

Of course tell her off, but don’t be really angry, it’s daft. As several posters have explained you are not going to get fined. Anxiety of some sort has got the better of you here, take some deep breaths, send her calmly to her room, talk to her in the morning.

Original poster

sophiet882 · 06/03/2021 21:38

i'm not angry at anyone here haha i'm not sure where you got that from. i see that most people are saying i am being unreasonable and i appreciate the responses.
what would you say is an appropriate punishment for this? or how should i go about addressing this?

OP posts:

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 06/03/2021 21:39

She will be in school on Monday. She won't have been social distancing with him!

The fine is a red herring. So few people have actually been fined. How would anyone even know she didn't live there? You're massively over reacting.

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 06/03/2021 21:39

Don't punish her at all. What would it achieve?

willithappen · 06/03/2021 21:40

I don't think grounding her will help the situation if I'm being honest. Quite hard to tell them to socially distance when they are heading back to school also

GiveMeNovocain · 06/03/2021 21:40

Acknowledge she's had a tough year and ask how you can support her? Tell her money is tight so if she gets fined then you'll have no money to spend on stuff she likes. That's what I'd do.

TheOneWithTheBigNose · 06/03/2021 21:40

Punishment? Are you mad?

SquirtleSquad · 06/03/2021 21:41

I wouldn't punish, I would communicate.
Apologise for your over reaction and probably embarrassing her in front of her boyfriend. Explain you were just worried as you didn't know where she was and that she had felt the need to lie.

Your other post says she's going to be 16 this month so she does need freedom and will most likely be having a more serious relationship than you think.

Have an open conversation about trust, knowing she can talk to you about things without this sort of reaction and the importance of knowing where she is so if she's ever in trouble you can help her.

thenightsky · 06/03/2021 21:41

I wouldn't punish her at all.

majestypalm · 06/03/2021 21:42

you do know they’ve been indoors shagging all day right?

ludothedog · 06/03/2021 21:43

The only thing I would be doing is talking to her about contraception and don't stop her from going out again, please.

Original poster

sophiet882 · 06/03/2021 21:43

a few weeks ago, she had a meltdown when i told her she wasn't allowed to go out to meet him, because she was being rude to me. she mentioned that she has been stuck inside for a year, lots of pity party behaviour, tbh i didn't deal with it the best way, i told her everyone else has dealt with the same thing, she can't just take it out on me etc. i did apologise after but i am starting to wonder if she's responsible enough.

OP posts:

Ihoeihoeihoe · 06/03/2021 21:44

@sophiet882 honestly I would apologise to her for going off on one and explain why you feel so strongly about it. To me, it’s a simple case of a normal 15 year old feeling like they’re invincible and getting caught out. She’s right about going back to school and if she’s behaved well for a year one slip up is absolutely fair to me. It happens!

AWhisperWillDoIfThatsAllYouCan · 06/03/2021 21:45

I would chat about contraception but that's about it. If you wanted her to stick to the rules then you shouldnt have allowed her out with him. But you did, and you must have known what they would end up doing.

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 06/03/2021 21:45

She's 15!!!

ludothedog · 06/03/2021 21:46

How will she learn to be responsible if you don't let her out? You can't lock her up! You're just going to push her away and she'll lie to you more.

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