is this an appropriate reaction?

[sophiet882]

15yr old dd has been meeting her bf the past few days, socially distanced, both have had negative tests, and with masks etc. i have been totally fine with this.
tonight, i called her to ask when she was planning on coming home, and it sounded very quiet, so i asked if she was at his house. she immediately denied it and said that she was just in a sheltered place, still outside. after some probing she admitted she went to his house for 5 minutes while bf checked on his brother because his parents had been out all day. apparently, she stayed downstairs with her mask on.
i was furious that she lied to me, and that she broke covid rules, and told her she was grounded, and to come home immediately.
her argument is that it was only 5 minutes with minimal risks, and that she's going back to school next week anyway, so this is no risk, but i am so angry that she would break the rules.
i'm not sure if this is an reasonable reaction or if my anger is clouding my view.

Why do I get the feeling that find my friends won’t be deleted when the “rules” allow it...

How invasive

The girls of these mothers are the ones who leave home asap and get into unsuitable relationships just to get away, I know; I was one of those girls.

At 15 you're extremely unlikely to listen to an adult when that kind of opportunity presents itself. Pandemic or not. By all means talk to her rationally but at this age they are not rational. Good luck OP.

Do you have any insight into how controlling this comes across? You tracking her?

Urgh. Hate tracking apps on kids. It’s hugely invasive.

Anyway OP you’re nuts. Let it go.

Don't worry DD only 72 days until your mother stops stalking you.

Hopefully she has the insight to leave her phone at home or turn your location settings to OFF.

she has broken my trust, i am vulnerable enough to need my first vaccine, so this is really inexcusable.

I wonder if they were the 2 teens I saw today. We have a bench that can only be seen from our window in the office. They came round the bushes all nicely social distanced with masks on...
Once they were out of sight it was a different story. Let's just say they were close enough that if one has anything they'll probably have passed it to the other

Drip drip drip

@sophiet882

she has broken my trust, i am vulnerable enough to need my first vaccine, so this is really inexcusable.

Why bother asking then?

Anyone else concerned that this lad had to check on his DB as parents out all day? That would be more of a concern to me. No doubt all their socially distanced walks have ended up back at his. You only caught her this 1 time. The Police are not going to raid a house where the neighbours have reported 2 kids being together.
I think your concern should be about whether they are using contraception.
I do agree on the tracker though rather than complete grounding.

@HerMammy no I didn't actually take the tv out. She is at her bfs house until tomorrow
I just told her I would but she knows fine well I don't carry through and yes she us leaving at 18 to go to uni but until then I am going to try my best to keep her on the right path.
There is a big post on Facebook about a town nearby having alot off teenagers out In gangs tonight with knives ambulance and police at the scene
My dd hung out in this area to I told her several times it was not a good area and she understands that now and thanks me for advising her it took a while for it to register with her but eventually with lockdown 3 she didn't go near it.

She'll be turning that off then.

I'll never understand parents like you OP. My best friend had similar and she's struggled to form positive relationships with no healthy relationships role modelled to her.

Is she going back to school Monday? That will be far far 'worse'.

@Andi2020 So again, what’s the point of your made up isolation period?

And I’m not sure what knife wielding gangs have to do with it?

As pps have said my concern would be contraception rather than anything else. Sad that it seems your parenting style will mean this is something your dd wouldn't be able to come to you for advice with.

OP I hope you read this back tomorrow once you’ve calmed down and realise how you come across, your daughter is 15, hormonal and struggling with the fact the last year has been utterly shite. They’ll all be back at school next week and are hardly going to socially distance then, my friend is a secondary school teacher and she said it’s impossible to keep any of them apart. Like previous posters have said, they’ll have hardly been socially distancing during their meet ups but believe what you will. There’s a reason some kids feel like they have to lie to their parents🤷🏼‍♀️

OP you are too much

Punishment for meeting her boyfriend and now find my friends to ensure she isn’t at his house?

I promise you now your going to end up regretting this because she will turn into a nightmare if you carry on with this

You’re making your own devil

If you dole out harsh punishments you will encourage her to lie in the future. Can you really not see things from her PoV at all? At 15 building a trusting relationship with open communications would likely benefit you more, she should be allowed to make mistakes and come to you to help her to navigate solutions. You should explain your worries and let her explain how she feels and then come to a compromise. Punishing her won't necessarily help her to make good decisions but it'll probably help her to be better at covering her tracks. Next time you call she will know to run outside to somewhere noisier before she answers

Anyway sounds like you've made up your mind. Hopefully restrictions will ease soon and teenagers can just have to worry about normal teenage stuff again

She's going to rebel, you're holding her way too tightly at the moment OP. She sounds like a good kid, you need to cut her more slack. The correct response when she told you she was indoors would have been to ask that she doesn't stay long and why she couldn't wait outside if it was only 5 minutes. Not to track her on an app! Please let her be a teenager, she's right it has been hard for her and all of them this year.

I remember saying to my DH, back in April last year, that I felt really sorry for all the 15/16/17 year olds who are in relationships and can't see each other due to lockdown. I vividly recall the virtual pining I felt for physical contact with my boyfriend at that age - not seeing him for even 24 hours felt like forever! It sounds like your DD has coped far better than I (or many others) would have done at her age (or even now - imagine if you hadn't been allowed to meet up with your DH/DP for a whole year!)

I totally agree with PPs that if your DD and her BF have met up, out of your line of sight, then there is zero chance that they remained socially distanced from one another. Seriously OP; do you not remember being a teenager at all?!

No punishment necessary I reckon. As long as she's apologised for lying to you and tells you she'll follow the rules from here on, then considering they'll be back in crowded classrooms in less than 36 hours I'd just let it go.

You don't have to punish your daughter at all.Just tell her that you are a bit annoyed , if you think she has broken the rules, and leave it at that. A And you won't be getting fined at all.

Madness for you to think that two 15 year olds would ever social distance I would have been at it like rabbits any minute we had alone not walking two metres away from each other anyway that's for sure I agree with what others have said in terms of coming down too hard on her , it will definitely backfire on you

I would be more concerned about her taking precautions in regards to not falling pregnant or catching STIs not getting you a fine..... but it’s ok she was only in his 5 mins and wore her mask lol