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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Instagram mums...

127 replies

JillBob · 06/03/2021 18:54

What are your thoughts? Are they good for the mental health of mothers or damaging? Personally I know of a couple who are showing a veneer of an amazing life being a mother but underneath they are completely struggling and put out a completely false facade. Had I seen or be following these in the early years of my life I would have taken them to heart and questioned myself and my parenting. Do you follow or ignore?

OP posts:
LookMoreCloselier · 07/03/2021 09:45

I think it will be laws around to use your children to sell things in coming years. Either a ban on it or make the parents keep money for the children like child actors.

wanderlnst · 07/03/2021 09:45

I actually feel sorry for some. And bewildered.

I follow a couple of instamums who had their babies around the same time as me. They spend hours of the day doing stories, 2x a week parenting YouTube videos. Where do they get the time?! I'm knackered by parenting a young baby and like to spend my free time (haha) with my husband or watching Netflix. The rest of my time I'm sorting the washing, cleaning up, dishwasher etc.

I follow one who's in her very early 20s with a young baby and she posts quite a lot about how she can't wait to get back into her pre-pregnancy clothes, how she's not very body confident at the minute, misses her pre-baby body, wants to stay doing hair and make up every day now, won't do a story without a filter and I feel quite sad for her. I have a good 10+ years on her and am comfortable in my post-partum skin. I think it must be very difficult to be trapped in the world of insta at a young, impressionable age, when you have the view that all insta mums are done up all day, on juices, fit and immediately very slim and are still quite focused on appearance/social media as many young men and women are.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 07/03/2021 09:45

[quote teentipans]**@MolyHolyGuacamole* I was simply replying to your point that everyone is just showing the fun/positives in their lives so you are not talking about everyone? And the OP title is called insta mums & an insta mum was outed for racism so not sure why that's Typical MN hysterics*? [/quote]
@teentipans but racism/faking cancer has nothing to do with the topic of people feeling shit about themselves because of SM. I assume if you see a post of someone perpetuating racism you won't feel bad about yourself? Would someone showcasing cancer, real or not, make you feel bad about yourself?

It's those 'amazing life' pics that everyone posts that is core to the thread. You're taking it off on an irrelevant tangent.

LookMoreCloselier · 07/03/2021 09:45

*there will be.

teentipans · 07/03/2021 09:48

@MolyHolyGuacamole will if you were not white I'm sure racism would make you feel bad, why would it not affect you.

The influencer who faked cancer pretended she cured her by a diet which her followers bought into & also took charitable donations. If you were fooled by that of our

teentipans · 07/03/2021 09:49

can't type!

If you were fooled by that of course it could impact your mental health.

teentipans · 07/03/2021 09:50

You're taking it off on an irrelevant tangent.

No you said everyone posts for fun, it's light hearted etc I was just pointing out it isn't just that.

Sunhoop · 07/03/2021 09:52

I've never followed any of the instamum pages - I'm not entirely sure what instamum even means?! I assume most of their posts relate to their DC how to wean and all that Jazz? I was never insecure in my parenting when my DCs were babies and would have found that dull. If I needed advice I would have looked up child development experts, not followed the word of Suzy down the street who was a makeup artist before popping out her sprogs.

That said, I do follow some accounts of "influencers" but you have to take all that shit with a pinch of salt. I follow people who generally have a real job on the side so they are knowledgeable on the topic to some degree . They have to appear nice and down to earth and not take their social media accounts seriously. Once they start talking about how hard they work on their "content", go on about people "trolling" them, or start taking pictures of themselves crying then I'm off!

Sadly many people are very insecure and naïve and lap all this shit up and feel bad that they don't have Chanel books on their coffee table or grey farrow and ball paint on their walls or some such shite.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 07/03/2021 10:05

Sometimes I think I'm living in a parallel universe. I have never heard of half these people and don't follow anyone on Instagram to be interested in their mundane daily lives. Why the hell would I be interested in total strangers? I do follow a couple of homes and gardens accounts just go get ideas as I'm useless with knowing what I want and thinking up my own original design ideas/colour combos etc.

It got me thinking, do people actually follow these other randomers because they don't even know how to live their own day to day lives, so get ideas from others?

It's the weirdest shit ever. It really is. So sad if people really need to be told by others how to just exist.

I used to follow a fashion one as I don't have much clue of looks and trends really. But the woman posted a picture of her wearing the most ridiculous sunglasses than her made her look like a total womble. I posted on the thread that I really wasn't a fan of them as they were very unflattering, as did a couple of others. We were very polite (didn't actually tell her she looked like a total womble ha ha), but lo and behold - an hour later those comments had been removed and all she had were the squealing ones going "Oh, they're amazing on you - how cool!"

Fake. As. Fuck. I unfollowed and barely use Instagram since then. I follow something for a little while just while I need some ideas for something then unfollow. Instagram is just Pinterest with added PR/marketing/branding fakery.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 07/03/2021 10:40

[quote teentipans]@MolyHolyGuacamole will if you were not white I'm sure racism would make you feel bad, why would it not affect you.

The influencer who faked cancer pretended she cured her by a diet which her followers bought into & also took charitable donations. If you were fooled by that of our[/quote]
@teentipans I'm black, thank you. I'd report a profile for racism. It wouldn't make me feel bad about myself. Because how I feel about myself is a 'me' problem, and not determined by some fool on Instagram. And I also wouldn't be so stupid to think a juice or whatever the instagramer was promoting could cure cancer.

You're still missing the point of the discussion being about 'fabulous living' being the culprit here. Whatever else may affect your MH, other people appearing to live a charmed life should not be one of them, and if that's the case perhaps coming off SM is the best thing to do. Which as been my point all along.

Cocomarine · 07/03/2021 10:42

@NeverMetANiceOne

I think you have to be a little bit thick to follow instamums and think that everything they do and show you is real.
Yep, that totally sums it up for me.
MolyHolyGuacamole · 07/03/2021 10:44

@teentipans

You're taking it off on an irrelevant tangent.

No you said everyone posts for fun, it's light hearted etc I was just pointing out it isn't just that.

I said people only show the positive aspects of their lives. Yes it was a generalised comment, I did not mean literally 100% of people who post on SM do this. But the majority do.

And I don't know why other people who presumably are only showing the positive things that are going on in their lives don't get that the ones they're following do this as well.

curious79 · 07/03/2021 10:46

They and any other social media post are bad for your mental health as long as you’re unable to view their posts with the pinch of salt they might all deserve. Montaigne said in the 16thC ‘Kings and philosophers shlt.... and so do ladies too’. Too many of us have our own self-worth bound up in superficial observations around what we see other people do.

snugglepuff · 07/03/2021 11:49

[quote teentipans]@snugglepuff graziadaily.co.uk/life/parenting/mummy-blogger-clemmie-hooper/

I think it's quite a good lesson so to speak that it really can be very toxic for those who need to make money from it. [/quote]
Thanks.. if not heard of this. Sounds like there is a very dark and murky side to it all.

CheshireDing · 07/03/2021 21:57

yesidolovecrisps I think James Van Der Beek may be genuine on his Instagram 🤷‍♀️ His Wife feels a little preachy though (not sure why I feel like that)😬 I do wonder whether she is constantly making green smoothies and humous etc from scratch with all those dogs and children to sort out.

bootlebum · 07/03/2021 22:03

I think monestising your kids is vile. I think instamum content is mostly moronic. If I see a brand using an influencer and stop buying that brand.

Lovebooksrunningandcheese · 07/03/2021 22:04

@Reinventinganna Mamalina is a fake, she used to work for google, she’s v well off and has a nanny! Just like Anna mathur pretending to struggle with being a mother but lives in a million pound house in surrey with a live in nanny, a cleaner too

HalfBrick · 07/03/2021 22:21

Mamalina is the only one I unfollowed after the holiday to Australia and announcing her third pregnancy - she peddles an eco life! I'm far from eco warrior but I thought it was totally taking the piss. I follow loads of them but I know it's fake, I know they're dicking about with phones all day, I don't feel any pangs of inferiority, it's just a nice passive activity for me.

Arrowheart · 07/03/2021 22:22

@GirlCrush

saccone-joly children.....poor poor kids.
The Dad on this is weird
Everleigh2021 · 07/03/2021 23:19

Mrs meldrum.... racist content
Susie verill......racist comments
Clemmie hooper....created fake account to slag off her mates
Part time working mummy....where is the pay pal donations gone?? She won’t say!

MondeoFan · 07/03/2021 23:28

@Everleigh2021 I can't believe PTWM hasn't been Investigated and still carrying on as normal. People were saying this ages ago and she blocks them when they ask about their money

snugglepuff · 08/03/2021 00:02

Mrs Hinch's kid is very cute but I think she over exposes him as a marketing tool.
She also paints too perfect a picture, this is where first time mums will come up against the expectation v reality disappointment.
It's not possible in anyone's world to keep a house so pristine whilst a young family lives in it. I often think she must never sit down.. never stop wiping and cleaning.

Reinventinganna · 08/03/2021 00:23

[quote Lovebooksrunningandcheese]@Reinventinganna Mamalina is a fake, she used to work for google, she’s v well off and has a nanny! Just like Anna mathur pretending to struggle with being a mother but lives in a million pound house in surrey with a live in nanny, a cleaner too[/quote]
Nooooo! Really? I’m shocked by that!

stillamummy · 08/03/2021 00:34

@StubbleTurnips

We had a mum and dad influencer couple in one of the classes at school. Apparently showing the reality of parenting - Fake as the filters they use.

Although in between shots of their ads / family shite one of them did an Ad for lovehoney between pictures of their kids.

Since they have found the need for multiple other instas to monetise, one being home / lifestyle, one being vegan and one being that fragrance MLM bollocks which they hawk round school too Hmm

Have they recently moved away??? How "fake" is fake, I think I know (follow)!
Candyfloss99 · 08/03/2021 00:40

Absolutely horrible how they pimp their children out to make a couple of quid on an advert.