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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Instagram mums...

127 replies

JillBob · 06/03/2021 18:54

What are your thoughts? Are they good for the mental health of mothers or damaging? Personally I know of a couple who are showing a veneer of an amazing life being a mother but underneath they are completely struggling and put out a completely false facade. Had I seen or be following these in the early years of my life I would have taken them to heart and questioned myself and my parenting. Do you follow or ignore?

OP posts:
Thereshegoesagain · 07/03/2021 07:34

Fake people portraying fake lives for money.
Fuck that.

SinkGirl · 07/03/2021 07:38

I didn’t use Instagram until a couple of weeks ago - I am using it for my business (art / craft related) and have been hunting out accounts to follow so doing lots of searches etc.

I haven’t seen a single one of the instamum accounts (definitely for the best, I wouldn’t handle them well) so I guess a lot is based on what you’re looking at and following. I haven’t even had any advertised to me yet.

I would find them infuriating and upsetting to be honest - I know one wannabe instamum who is doing quite well now but everything is funded by large amounts of debt and the life she presents is not at all the reality.

snugglepuff · 07/03/2021 07:41

As others have said you just take it all with a pinch of salt. That said, I think it's easier for those of us who already have kids to do this. We know the reality of parenting and therefore can dismiss certain posts as BS, and mentally weed out the ones you know are highly staged and heavily filtered.

I often think about first time mums and the impact these accounts can have on them when reality hits. They'll have spent time looking at these insta mums accounts before their baby arrives and will form part of their expectation of life with kids on the narrative of the influencers. I think they'll hit reality with a bang when they realise it's not all cute and lovely.. far from it! This is where it is damaging to the most vulnerable.

Seasthedaytoday · 07/03/2021 07:41

@Magnificentmug12

One insta mum captioned her photo and called her kids dicks. They are the worst ones!!!!- who try and slate their children in order to look “normal” or to put across parenting is hard.

So fake- I’m sure it is hard for you to parent having millions of freebies come through the door and loads of money for ads whilst your at home. Giveover!

YES!! Just came on here to say the same. Also one refers to their children as 'little turds' or use to. They seem to have some money followers and people who think its funny. I think I unfollowed them. Imagine when their kids are older and see all these posts where your parents call you names to have a laugh on you..
snugglepuff · 07/03/2021 07:42

Also... what is the trolling one pp have referred to and who / what is the issue with clemmie?

teentipans · 07/03/2021 07:42

AND the fact that maybe a family is perfect, maybe they are rich and clean and happy and perfect but there will always be someone better than you even if your super perfect there is likely to be someone upping you somewhere but does it really matter?

Absolutely not, this people exist off insta too & don't have to be families.

However I can question the toxicity of SM as even though I'm not particularly bothered my dc are growing up in that world & I do think there are some legitimate concerns re plastering your dc all over the internet.

teentipans · 07/03/2021 07:45

@snugglepuff graziadaily.co.uk/life/parenting/mummy-blogger-clemmie-hooper/

I think it's quite a good lesson so to speak that it really can be very toxic for those who need to make money from it.

StubbleTurnips · 07/03/2021 07:56

We had a mum and dad influencer couple in one of the classes at school. Apparently showing the reality of parenting - Fake as the filters they use.

Although in between shots of their ads / family shite one of them did an Ad for lovehoney between pictures of their kids.

Since they have found the need for multiple other instas to monetise, one being home / lifestyle, one being vegan and one being that fragrance MLM bollocks which they hawk round school too Hmm

Ellpellwood · 07/03/2021 08:06

A good place to start is avoiding anyone on this list as they have basically sold their soul to a management company.

www.gleamfutures.com/ukroster

In the same week, you'll see the same "sponsors" pop up. Method, Disenio prints, Hello Fresh type boxes. And then one of them "writes" a book and they're contractually obliged to plug the free copy they all get. It's such bull.

CanofCant · 07/03/2021 08:58

No, not my thing at all. I think it's pretty pathetic really so don't go looking for it.

AgentJohnson · 07/03/2021 09:06

I’m not on SM so no, they didn’t impact my mh. Some are affected by them, the majority aren’t, it’s a choice.

LemonDrizzles · 07/03/2021 09:10

I have a two things to say.

  1. When I want to reorganise the spice cupboard or investigate toy storage solutions, I'm quite grateful they are there doing their thing.

  2. I did meet one in person once. Her Dc2, a little girl had on a most exquisite outfit. I complimented her (the mom) on the outfit and we got to chatting. Her older one, long curly hair, lavender clothing. Dc2 outfit was free and from a designer and works I follow them on ig. She volunteered that she didn't tie her older one to gender clothes, he was a boy. But wait, then why not dress dc2 in traditional boys clothes. Also, I also have a son and I found the most ridiculous outfits for him, including a baby sailor onesie from John Lewis with a matching hat. Boys can be cute. Maybe that just wasn't enough frills. But that's what she seemed to enjoy - frills. And I could not begrudge her that. Her kids were content. She was content. Husband seemed ok with it all. So that's their life. Not my style or what I'd choose to do with my free time. But golly I do still think how gorgeous that outfit was.

BobOrKate · 07/03/2021 09:13

Cherry Me love was the brand that we found years ago along with Peddlers.

Just had a peep, the whole 600k deal feel apart, she didn't become bigger than Kirsty, they used to look at her stuff and head the same way.

She's now running a deli in Petworth, sadly, but the video has been removed, there was a reference to when a relationship ends. So I guess a high price was paid.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 07/03/2021 09:13

I honestly think that if you're affected by SM, and can't understand that everyone is just showing the fun/positives in their lives, it's not a 'them' problem, it's a 'you' problem.

BobOrKate · 07/03/2021 09:14

Cherry Menlove, auto correct cant be arsed to get her name right.

peak2021 · 07/03/2021 09:16

Whether they are mums, dads, with or without children, the whole Instamum and other 'influencer' culture is awful and a sad reflection of our society that anyone takes notice.

BertieBotts · 07/03/2021 09:23

I don't understand why anyone takes them seriously Confused

teentipans · 07/03/2021 09:24

I honestly think that if you're affected by SM, and can't understand that everyone is just showing the fun/positives in their lives, it's not a 'them' problem, it's a 'you' problem.

Everyone is just showing the fun/positive sides, are they? So we shouldn't criticise racism or if someone fakes cancer? #sofun 😆

Figgygal · 07/03/2021 09:27

Fake bollocks people talking about their fake lives
I don’t get why anyone is interested

MolyHolyGuacamole · 07/03/2021 09:29

@teentipans

I honestly think that if you're affected by SM, and can't understand that everyone is just showing the fun/positives in their lives, it's not a 'them' problem, it's a 'you' problem.

Everyone is just showing the fun/positive sides, are they? So we shouldn't criticise racism or if someone fakes cancer? #sofun 😆

Racism or faking cancer?! Did you read the OP? Typical MN hysterics again.

Quote from OP:

'Personally I know of a couple who are showing a veneer of an amazing life being a mother but underneath they are completely struggling and put out a completely false facade. Had I seen or be following these in the early years of my life I would have taken them to heart and questioned myself and my parenting.'

This is the showcasing that I'm referring to, what the topic is about. And yes, if someone appearing to have an 'amazing life' is damaging to you, it's a 'you' problem.

YourWurstNightmare · 07/03/2021 09:31

This Vanity Fair article nailed it.

musicinspring1 · 07/03/2021 09:31

Urgh the ones that use their children make me silently angry. Those children have no choice but to have their lives all over the internet and I personally think that’s wrong. There are strict laws about working children who are modelling/ acting but not those whose parents are using them for likes.
I think in a few years we may see a backlash from these children who grew up with no privacy at all ...

Skythrill · 07/03/2021 09:32

All I can say is you’ll feel better if you don’t follow them.

BirthChoice · 07/03/2021 09:39

I seriously question the judgement of parents who use photos of their children on public social media accounts particularly when the parents are trying to ‘grow’ said SM account and gain followers who are complete strangers.

I also hate when people pretend a SM account is ‘just for me to look back at pictures of our family #making memories’ - then use hashtags such as #instamum #discoverunder1k #followme which are clearly designed to drive traffic to their account.

teentipans · 07/03/2021 09:40

@MolyHolyGuacamole I was simply replying to your point that everyone is just showing the fun/positives in their lives so you are not talking about everyone? And the OP title is called insta mums & an insta mum was outed for racism so not sure why that's Typical MN hysterics?

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