Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He deleted her straight away.

156 replies

Summerpetals · 05/03/2021 11:51

I'm the best part of 8 months in a dating now relationship. All is good between us. No problems. He treats me really well. He's open and I know about his past relationships as he does mine.

He's mid 40s and I'm 12 years younger. one of things I liked about him was how he has treated me. He's still got some of the old fashioned gent in him. Hes given me no reason to doubt him. He's shown me a women that's messages he's never opened and he blocked her. She made a second profile to contact him again. He showed me all that. He tells me all the time to ask if I don't know who someone is that he talks to online etc. Although 99% of his Facebook his work mates or ex school friends and family.

Last weekend I saw he had liked a profile picture of a women around my age. I had never seen her before. She was also the last friend he had added to his Facebook and it seems he added her last weekend. . I thought nothing much more of it. Even though in the picture she's in a see through white dress on holiday.

I woke up this morning after we spent last night together. He sent me a lovely message before work. I popped on Facebook and it was in my newsfeed he had been looking her photos in the night. I knew he couldn't sleep. But my heart sank. That horrible feeling you get when you can sense what's going on. He liked another holiday photo of her in a skimpy dress and then a selfie of her at home posing as you do.

So I decided to ask. I said it's ony newsfeed this morning you were liking "Sarah Smith's" photos in the night. He said he had known her years and asked if it was a problem as be was happy to delete her. I said no it's not a problem but just so we are clear If you have any interest in her based on looks and you are going to be checking her out I would appreciate you ending things with me first. Within seconds he said oh I've deleted her she's gone. I only want you.

He called me just now on his break and I said can we speak about this morning as you said you had known her years and deleted her so fast. Why did you react like that. He claimed he needs to go through his profile and have a clear out and she's one of them he might aswel delete as he doesn't speak to her.

This is absolute nonsense as she's new on his Facebook and he was checking her out in the night.

I'm feeling abit quiet today as I feel abit confused by his panic delete. As soon as I asked he was straight onto deleting her and telling me how much he's in love with me. I want to believe him. But one of the photos was from her profile 6 months ago so it wasn't a new one.

Not sure what I'm writing this for. Just hope someone can tell me how they would feel.

OP posts:
Cuppachino · 05/03/2021 15:02

Message her and ask her how she knows him etc. Enact the girl code

Oh my goodness no, don't do this. If someone I was with did this, I'd end the relationship.

Madre1972 · 05/03/2021 15:03

I could not cope with someone who had such an unhealthy interest in my social media activity (I mean you OP), I’d end a relationship 8 months old where I was being monitored.

ChickenyChick · 05/03/2021 15:08

Poor bloke, why can't he like woman's pic?

It' so controlling of you to even check

Liking someone's profile photo is not stalking, or being sexually attracted to them . It's just liking a pic.

Sorry but you sound very intense about this. He deleted quickly because he does not want the hassle of having to defend himself.

The fact that he liked a picture in the night makes no difference to him liking it during the day. It just means he wasn't sleeping an idly browsing social media. He probably also liked his mate Barry's new profile pic, and Auntie Sue's.

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 05/03/2021 15:12

I hope neither of them have a rabbit.

MMfanalltheway · 05/03/2021 15:12

If FB notifies me of when people like photos, then I haven't noticed.

Why can't he like her photo? She's attractive I presume? Can he like uglies?

flakymate · 05/03/2021 15:14

You both sound weird

murbblurb · 05/03/2021 15:15

blimey, so liking someone's photo means you want to sleep with them? Have I been giving out all the wrong signals?

you sound about 12.

ErickBroch · 05/03/2021 15:18

I find it weird here how many people would be happy with their husbands/partners adding random women on facebook and liking scantily clad pics of them in the night. Really?

emilyfrost · 05/03/2021 15:20

@ErickBroch

I find it weird here how many people would be happy with their husbands/partners adding random women on facebook and liking scantily clad pics of them in the night. Really?
Firstly, we don’t know she’s new or random to him. He says he’s known her for years.

Secondly, a holiday snap in a white dress is not “scantily clad”.

Propagandalf · 05/03/2021 15:20

The OP has been caught previously posting a similar thread.

The OP has also done a post-and-run.

This alone warrants the YABU button.

TableFlowerss · 05/03/2021 15:26

1- pretty sure you don’t get notifications to say someone been looking at someone’s profile?

2- as above regarding someone liking someone’s profile/picture?

3- how do you even know who he added recently/years ago?

None of it makes sense tbh...

FuckyouCovid21 · 05/03/2021 15:27

You definitely don't get notified when a FB friend comments or likes on a post unless it's on a post of a mutual friend.

TableFlowerss · 05/03/2021 15:29

@Propagandalf

The OP has been caught previously posting a similar thread.

The OP has also done a post-and-run.

This alone warrants the YABU button.

True!!! One divisive post the pooooof disappearance - gone
FuckyouCovid21 · 05/03/2021 15:29

@FuckyouCovid21

You definitely don't get notified when a FB friend comments or likes on a post unless it's on a post of a mutual friend.
I worded that wrong. You don't get notified when a FB friend likes or views a post unless they are mutual friends. I don't see any of my friends comments on their friends posts but I do see comments on random pages (not groups) that they may follow
NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 05/03/2021 15:30

You are insecure and intense, he sounds like one of those slightly creepy guys with a wandering eye for pretty girls.

Either way its unlikely to be a go-er between you.

Moral..... get off social media....

SpringtimeForShitler · 05/03/2021 15:30

Facebook doesn’t do that anymore (show you what other people are commenting and liking) unless it’s a mutual friend they’re interacting with.

MorganKitten · 05/03/2021 15:43

To know who he’s added you have to be going through his page and friends a lot. You are the problem here - he’s allowed to have friends and like pics - why quiz him on everything?

Rhiannon13 · 05/03/2021 15:44

My partner did this. He added a new client on his Facebook and mentioned her more regularly than was healthy. When I looked to see what the fuss was about I realised he'd 'liked' quite a few of her photos, many of them in the night and many of them going back to before he met her.

I asked him if anything was going on and he assured me nothing was so, as I trusted him, that was the end of that.

Until a couple of years later when her ex-husband sent me all the messages between them and I discovered they had indeed been shagging. My suspicions were founded after all. We live and learn: always trust your instinct. And stay off social media if you don't want to find out details about you partner's cheating.

SplendidSuns1000 · 05/03/2021 15:48

This sounds so toxic. He could simply have added someone he used to know, liked some of her photos and went about his day but now he's deleted her to prevent you from overreacting even more. The fact you've clearly been looking through both his and her accounts to see what they're doing and what photos he's liked is seriously concerning.

You imply that you have no reason to not trust him yet treat him like you're holding him back from cheating on you! Let the man like photos of his friends on facebook and work on your insecurities and trust issues. If he had posted this situation I'd be telling him to notice your red flags and leave you immediately tbh.

VapeVamp12 · 05/03/2021 15:54

One of my friends is very much like this with social media - she drives herself mad with it. Her partner can't comment or "like" anything without being questionned. It's an awful relationship.

leftistbimbo · 05/03/2021 15:58

Not sure what the issue is here, you were annoyed about him adding this woman on facebook and liking her pictures but you’re still annoyed now that he’s deleted her? Surely that was the outcome you wanted if you felt threatened by this woman.

I had a boyfriend who used to throw hissy fits if I liked another guy’s picture and deleted a lot of my male friends from my social media. That’s one of the reasons why he is an EX boyfriend.... social media brings out some pretty controlling behaviour imo.

PondDipper · 05/03/2021 16:01

I can’t tell you the issues stalking my partner on FB/Twitter/Insta has caused. It made me ill with paranoia. We got rid of it all. It was a huge relief and my life is honestly better for it.
I missed the scrolling through shit in my downtime but now I feel free.

I’ve been there OP wondering why he’d liked this and that. Who these women were, why, why all the time. It was the worst feeling.

He sounds like he adores you. Get rid of social media if you both want this to go anywhere. That’s what I did and it worked! We move in together next month Grin

MessagesKeepGettingClearer · 05/03/2021 16:05

I agree. He sounds insincere, something isn't right.

If it were me, I'd just say I was being nosey. But then I wouldn't randomly like someone's photos unless they were of family time or special in some way. I wouldn't like a photo of a man in a tight top for example, just seems a vain silly thing to do.

The fact he deleted her does sound suspicious. But you'll never know so it's up to you how you proceed.

TheSparkleJar · 05/03/2021 16:06

Are you sure you're happy with this man? It sounds like you're trying to justify the relationship to yourself.

He's over explaining and over defending (and probably lying about knowing this woman for years because it's an easy way to dismiss her), and there's probably a reason for that. It would never occur to me to tell a partner that I can explain anything he sees on social media, because why would I need to?

AllGonnaLaughAtYou · 05/03/2021 16:07

For those saying 'Facebook doesn’t show you what other people are liking unless it’s a mutual friend' It does if the other person has an open profile.

I know cos one of my mates is constantly 'liking' this sexy-yoga-pose-lady and I know he doesn't know I or others can see it haha. I can see it cos her profile is open to the public, so Facebook tell me 'Pervy friend liked sexy yoga lady photos' and sometime this comments like 'nice' etc