Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He deleted her straight away.

156 replies

Summerpetals · 05/03/2021 11:51

I'm the best part of 8 months in a dating now relationship. All is good between us. No problems. He treats me really well. He's open and I know about his past relationships as he does mine.

He's mid 40s and I'm 12 years younger. one of things I liked about him was how he has treated me. He's still got some of the old fashioned gent in him. Hes given me no reason to doubt him. He's shown me a women that's messages he's never opened and he blocked her. She made a second profile to contact him again. He showed me all that. He tells me all the time to ask if I don't know who someone is that he talks to online etc. Although 99% of his Facebook his work mates or ex school friends and family.

Last weekend I saw he had liked a profile picture of a women around my age. I had never seen her before. She was also the last friend he had added to his Facebook and it seems he added her last weekend. . I thought nothing much more of it. Even though in the picture she's in a see through white dress on holiday.

I woke up this morning after we spent last night together. He sent me a lovely message before work. I popped on Facebook and it was in my newsfeed he had been looking her photos in the night. I knew he couldn't sleep. But my heart sank. That horrible feeling you get when you can sense what's going on. He liked another holiday photo of her in a skimpy dress and then a selfie of her at home posing as you do.

So I decided to ask. I said it's ony newsfeed this morning you were liking "Sarah Smith's" photos in the night. He said he had known her years and asked if it was a problem as be was happy to delete her. I said no it's not a problem but just so we are clear If you have any interest in her based on looks and you are going to be checking her out I would appreciate you ending things with me first. Within seconds he said oh I've deleted her she's gone. I only want you.

He called me just now on his break and I said can we speak about this morning as you said you had known her years and deleted her so fast. Why did you react like that. He claimed he needs to go through his profile and have a clear out and she's one of them he might aswel delete as he doesn't speak to her.

This is absolute nonsense as she's new on his Facebook and he was checking her out in the night.

I'm feeling abit quiet today as I feel abit confused by his panic delete. As soon as I asked he was straight onto deleting her and telling me how much he's in love with me. I want to believe him. But one of the photos was from her profile 6 months ago so it wasn't a new one.

Not sure what I'm writing this for. Just hope someone can tell me how they would feel.

OP posts:
toobusytothink · 05/03/2021 14:01

I’m not even friends on Facebook with my bf of over 2 years. I trust him completely and he can look at and like whoever/whatever he likes on it. Perhaps you shouldn’t be friends with yours either. Save yourself some stress .....

Rachie1973 · 05/03/2021 14:01

@MizMoonshine

Follow that lead. The way he's acted sounds alarm bells. Message her and ask her how she knows him etc. Enact the girl code.

If he's being honest go forward trusting him.

If he's lying dump his arse.

Girl code lol. Funny

Yeah, go ahead, be a psycho

thelegohooverer · 05/03/2021 14:03

The phrase “old fashioned gent” jumped out at me. My df is in his 80s and he wasn’t of the generation to be described as an old fashioned gent.

Ime the kind of “gents” that take exaggerated care of their women are to be avoided like the plague.

NuniaBeeswax · 05/03/2021 14:04

"Follow that lead.
The way he's acted sounds alarm bells.
Message her and ask her how she knows him etc. Enact the girl code."

If some stranger messaged me out of the blue to ask me how I knew her boyfriend she'd be told where to go.

lucywho123 · 05/03/2021 14:04

But he had added her the weekend before.

But how would the OP even know this? Thats crazy stalker mode

MRex · 05/03/2021 14:04

It isn't "trust" if you have to contact random strangers on Facebook to ask what your boyfriend gets up to. What a ridiculous recommendation.

FTEngineerM · 05/03/2021 14:05

@thelegohooverer

The phrase “old fashioned gent” jumped out at me. My df is in his 80s and he wasn’t of the generation to be described as an old fashioned gent.

Ime the kind of “gents” that take exaggerated care of their women are to be avoided like the plague.

True ime too
Pebbledashery · 05/03/2021 14:06

When I read multiple threads about husbands and partners who cheat on their wives with no second thoughts for their family..
OP. You've been with him for 8 months. You clearly don't trust him. You feel insecure about him liking a photo of a female. I know you can't help how you feel but you really need to instil boundaries here. He's been open with you about everything.

Bluntness100 · 05/03/2021 14:06

How is it creepy? He has lied to her. He said she's someone who's been on his FB for ages and needs clearing off... But he had added her the weekend before

His actions don’t make hers any less creepy. They are two seperate individuals. He can be a liar and she can be behaving creepy. One doesn’t exclude th other.

The fact he lied doesn’t make it less creepy, it just makes him a liar.

RevolvingPivot · 05/03/2021 14:06

How can you tell he's liked her photos and how can you tell he looked at them last night?

Bluntness100 · 05/03/2021 14:07

[quote Pebbledashery]Deja vu
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4179727-Do-we-just-have-to-accept-theres-always-someone-else[/quote]
Yes, looks like the same poster, although on Monday it was a five month relationship,,,

MizMoonshine · 05/03/2021 14:08

If some dude added me out of the blue and then his missus messaged me and asked how I knew him I would tell her without a second thought.

Some people are insecure. It is what it is.

Bouledeneige · 05/03/2021 14:09

Once you start excessively stalking your partner on social media you can guarantee you will never be happy.

RevolvingPivot · 05/03/2021 14:10

I wonder what outcome you wanted.

Pebbledashery · 05/03/2021 14:11

It won't end well.

LindaEllen · 05/03/2021 14:12

For goodness sake everyone. OP clearly meant he was LIKING her photos in the night; not LOOKING. And that DOES show up in the newsfeed if the post is visible to you (so it'd have to be set as public if you're not friends with them).

Unsure why so many of you have berated her for this when it's obvious what she means and that it's a typo.

I suppose you're all perfect.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 05/03/2021 14:12

@Busbotch

This is really weird. Facebook doesn’t notify you if someone is looking at/liking other people’s pictures?
It can do, depending on privacy settings.

When you're scrolling on your newsfeed, it will often say "A Jones liked this". If the photo is recent, you can easily figure out when it was liked.

MrMeSeeks · 05/03/2021 14:12

I dont think you’re ready to be in a relationship, certainly not fair on him!
stAlking his fb, he’s not allowed to like photos, where does it end?
If this was a bloke saying this the comments would be different!
He’s allowed females friends, and allowed to like photos!
If this upsets you, end it.

ErickBroch · 05/03/2021 14:13

I mean, you're lying because your news feed would not show him liking her pics in the middle of the night. Only if you were also friends with her could you possibly see that he had liked/commented on a photo.

The fact she is a new add and he's liking skimpy photos in the middle of the night, and you're clearly logged into his FB account, I would say this relationship is absolutely dead in the water.

Fundays12 · 05/03/2021 14:13

You both sound hard work and you seem controlling. I would be furious if my husband sent me a message like that over a picture I liked in the virtual world. Equally I wouldn’t do it too him. Our marriage wouldn’t survive if we did.

thepeopleversuswork · 05/03/2021 14:19

Agree that it sounds like hard work.

I also think he sounds like he's bending over backwards to give you transparency on his social media activity in a way that suggests he has something to hide or has previously been caught out like this.

This whole business of him offering to tell you who all his contacts are: that's just weird and totally unnecessary if there is trust.

Maybe I'm being cynical but it sounds like he's come a cropper in a previous relationship for messaging or ogling his contacts and is on the defensive.

I think you also sound like you're spending far too much time worrying about what he does on Facebook.

1forAll74 · 05/03/2021 14:20

Social media seems to cause a lot of problems with a lot of people these days.All the checking up on people, all the secrecy stuff, all the stalking. and the total addiction to phones that people have.

lilmishap · 05/03/2021 14:22

@ErickBroch Gets it.

emilyfrost · 05/03/2021 14:23

[quote MizMoonshine]@Bluntness100

How is it creepy? He has lied to her. He said she's someone who's been on his FB for ages and needs clearing off... But he had added her the weekend before.

She's not getting the truth out of him. So you ask her.

She can then confront him with the truth and decide how she wants to go forward.

Why are people so against taking control of a situation? She's satisfied with something, this is how to get satisfaction. Otherwise she can continue with him continually doubting him or leave him and doubt her decision.[/quote]
There’s no proof he’s lying. OP doesn’t have a clue when he added her; she can’t possibly know she’s just assuming because she’s insecure.

lurkingfromhome · 05/03/2021 14:25

How can I guy in his 40s be "an old-fashioned gent"? That really makes him sound like one of the Krays or Roger Moore or something, rather than some rando born in the 1970s who spends half his life on Facebook.

Swipe left for the next trending thread