The 'sayings' that were fashionable in school, stay with you forever

[FrankButchersDickieBow]

I remember a saying with school, that if you sneezed 8 times on the run, you would have an orgasm. I'm forty fuckin three and just sneezed 6 times on the run andi never thought 'oh I need a tissue' I thought, 'ooh another 2 sneezes and I'll have an orgasm' 🤣🤣

Nothing fact based please.

Just the sayings that went round in school that you kinda believed but were vvu!!

[OlympicProcrastinator]

That girl who ordered a takeaway curry and got really ill. Sample taken in hospital (of what?) revealed the semen of 7 restaurant workers.

Scared me off takeaways until I was an adult that one!

[VegetarianDeathCult]

Gosh, your schools were most racy about sneezing. Ours was

SNEEZE THREE TIMES INSIDE AN HOUR
AND YOU’LL BE IN THE DEVIL’S POWER!

[isthismylifenow]

If you rode your bicycle to school, you were no longer a virgin.

The seat will have broken your hymen.

[gutful]

It’s a constant struggle to not describe someone or something lame/stupid as “gay”

And look like a lesbian so mean no disrespect

My brother still is adamant “gay” legitimately means homosexual / happy / stupid / lame

[LazyDaisy10]

When you bend the pulley bit on a can of coke back and forward while saying the alphabet whatever letter it lands on when it snaps off is the initial of the boy who fancies you.

[MrWendel]

@Bellver888

Did anyone get told about that person who put 5 fruit pastels in his girlfriends vagina and swallowed one extra that was a “HIV lump” or were we just over imaginative

Oh no, this brought back a horrible memory of an urban legend which circulated around school - about a woman who bought a live lobster from the supermarket, took it back home whereupon she got into the bath and proceeded to masturbate using the poor lobster's tail (I know...).

A few months later she wakes up, bent over with excruciating stomach pains. She stumbles to the toilet, and proceeds to have what she thinks is the most painful food poisoning bowel movement. However, when she stands up, she looks into the toilet bowl and sees that she has 'given birth' to hundreds of tiny, squirming baby lobsters...!

Why were we so stupid?!

[olyolie]

In primary we had a 'ghost' in the girls toilets and the thought scared me so much that I would pretend to go to the toilet but never actually go in. The toilets were tucked away from the classrooms and we're always quiet and creepy. I don't recall ever using the toilet at junior school

[Selfcarequeereyestyle]

@EBearhug in my NQT year a kid was balancing on 2 legs, slipped hit his temple on the side of the desk and was out cold- ambulance was called and although he came round he was carried out. I was bloody terrified as were the class!
It has become my ‘burnt school shirt’ story - my chemistry teacher kept a burned school shirt in the prep room and would bring it out to show people how careful they needed to be with the Bunsen burner!
We were told you had to spin round 3 times if you walked over 3 drains.

[Lobsterquadrille2]

Ours seem really dull in comparison! If you sit on the radiators, you will definitely get piles.

[Selfcarequeereyestyle]

I wouldn’t have put it past the little shit to have been faking though!

[senoritachiquita]

If you put your pants on inside out by mistake it was bad luck to change them back and you had to keep them on inside out for the whole day. I still sometimes keep mine on inside out if I do this!

[Standrewsschool]

@Lobsterquadrille2

Ours seem really dull in comparison! If you sit on the radiators, you will definitely get piles.

That’s what I was about to say. Hertfordshire school?

[RinderTinderNotRinderGrinder]

That if you smacked someone on the forehead whilst they crossed their eyes, they wouldn’t be able to uncross them.

[BabyMoonPie]

@BluePeterVag

If you twisted the stalk on an Apple round and round saying the alphabet with each turn, you would reveal the first letter of your future husband’s when the stalk snapped.

That the school ghost moved though the pipes. Any time there was a knocking sound in the pipes it was Mabel, trying to communicate with us.

On the Mabel theme, no one ever used the last toilet in the row of six as it was bad luck to use it.

@BluePeterVag you were missing a trick: once you'd twisted off the apple stalk to get the first letter of the first name you had to poke it into the apple skin while reciting the alphabet again. The letter that it pierced the skin on was the first letter of the surname!

[hauntedvagina]

@MrWendel I remember this story!!!!!!!

[Thedarksideofthemoon30]

They used to say that if you swing on your chair you will fall and break your neck at our sxhool too!

Except a boy did swing on his chair and fell off and a pencil went in his eye. His parents pulled him out of the school and we never saw him again (no pun intended).

[mellongoose]

I remember some of these!

We also used to get someone to sit on a chair or to lie down and loads of us could lift them up and they were weightless and flew into the air. We said that they were levitating. No idea how or what we actually did, but they went miles 🤣

[solicitoring]

Vile story of the girl that put dog food on her bits and was found with the dog licking her out (that term too 🤮).

Really scary story of a car breaking down and the boyfriend went to get help and after ages the girl here's a tapping on the car roof. Eventually she gets out to look and it's the boyfriend hanging (from what???!) and his feet tapping on the roof..... I had nightmares about that one for years.

[SimonJT]

Those really thin plastic bracelets that you could get in all sorts of colours and glitter were caller shag bands, if you pulled a girls shag band and it snapped it meant you had to do something depending on the colour, I know black was sex and I think yellow may have been a hug.

They came back into fashion for a short time recently.

We had the game Thailand, so anytime anyone mentions Thailand or Bangkok I have the urge to punch people in the knob.

[goldierocks]

We had the aspirin/Coca-Cola one, i.e. if you drink a can of coke with two aspirin in it then you get high (probably a sugar rush).

Also if you had itchy ears, it was 'right for spite' (someone bitching about you) and 'left for love' (someone fancied you). Oh and if your nose was itchy, you were going to have a row with someone. As teenagers we had petty arguments all the time, so the nose one was definitely true!

[hansgrueber]

@EBearhug

If you didn't sit with four chairs legs on the floor, you'd over balance and break your neck. At one point, I wondered if this was something they put on in teacher training college, because pretty much every teacher said it, but I never saw it, despite people leaning back on just the two back legs of their chair in many lessons.

I used to tell the chair swingers that breaking their neck was their choice but don't do it because the subsequent paperwork would be horrendous for me.

[Scarby9]

@EBearhug
On the rocking on chairs topic, a child (8) in my class kept tipping his chair forwards on two legs. People (well, mostly me as the teacher) kept tripping over the legs and I repeatedly asked then told him to keep 4 legs on the floor.

One lesson, there was a sudden crash. He had swung so far forward that the chair had slipped suddenly backwards away from under him, crashing his head forward onto the table as he fell.

Almost instantly, a hen's egg sized lump came up on his forehead. I treated it with the ubiquitous wet paper towel, did my 'I told you so' speech and we carried on

Ten minutes later he did exactly the same again.

This time it was the lump that took the blow. He was in such pain we had to send him home for the rest of the day.

And the class self-policed chair swinging after that!

[Soontobeseller]

Love this thread but sadly can’t remember any from school!

[PintOfBovril]

Chanting 'white lady, grey lady, white lady, grey lady' in the girls toilets would summon the spirit of a dead dinner lady. Quite why she would choose that location to spend her eternity...?
Opening a bag of crisps upside down was bad luck.
Breaking a rubber band meant you fancied someone.
Writing 'yes' and 'no' on the two sides of an eraser, then chucking it up in the air to settle all debates.

[shouldistop]

@SimonJT I have a vague memory of that!