To think I wasn't rude to husbands colleagues?

[catnoirr]

Good Afternoon,

It's been playing on my mind all morning, yesterday I had to go to DH work to collect something. He's just a manager in retail.

As I was waiting a colleague came up to me and was like "Oh you're (dh name) wife, been wondering what you look like!" and started giggling, and then she goes "Aww he's such a good man, he doesn't even flirt with anyone and customers come in asking if he's married, giving their numbers but he just doesn't entertain it! He must really love you a lot!"

I just responded like "That's normal, don't think I'm gonna give him brownie points for acting like a married man" (I said it in a nice tone so not serious or anything)

Dh comes over to give me what I needed and colleague goes "I was just telling your wife how loyal you are compared to previous managers" and Dh just goes "oh yeah, but she doesn't appreciate it" (all jokey!)

I didn't say anything just smiled, said my goodbyes etc then left.

Dh comes home demanding why I was rude to his colleague embarrassing him. I said, I'm sorry but I don't appreciate the first time someone comes up to me gushing how you don't flirt with people lol, It's normal to not be disloyal.
He then goes on about how she's only young and was just trying to be nice (I'm 27, the girl was around 20). I said I don't need reassuring from a stranger lol but now it's just weird.

I'm literally dumbfounded at the whole situation lmao! He's now moody saying I've embarrassed him!
I am heavily pregnant and maybe hormonal but I don't think I'm being unreasonable here?

I can't think why this lady would say this unless she was trying to make you feel GOOD, she was letting you know how loyal your partner is to you! - really? See, I read it as Little Madam wanted to tell OP how 'loyal' her DH is, because she wants to 'sow the seed' that he might not be. In the future. With her.

And she 'wanted to know what OP looked like' - The wife of a veritable Adonis Manager? She would be a SuperModel surely? And then you (in your own world, a huge, angry woman) turn up - perfect sneering opportunity for Little Madam.

Little Madam was well rude. I think you did well to take it on face value, and shut it down, OP.

Good luck with the pregnancy.

You are right he shouldn't get brownie points for not cheating

What you look like is irrelevant and her comments were off

Very weird.

Initially have just put it down to her being gauche, then realising she'd said the wrong thing so she tried to put it right but made it worse. However the husband's reaction seems ovwr the top.

The photo - well people show photos roind so not too odd

@sabrinathemiddleagewitch

They fancy each other and probably flirt at work. She was testing the water.

Almost like how kids go "I like apples" instead of asking for an apple. She wanted to see what you thought of him, your opinion on him flirting at work and wether you would indulge a personal conversation about him with her.

I would be veryyyyy aware of their relationship at work going forward.

that's hilarious because it's so accurate...............I hate when kids do that, it's always annoyed me (irrational I know, they're just being kids but I hate it)

Not every young woman is actively "going after" her manager/colleague or the other slightly older men in her life, but some most definitely are! When I was 20, I was dating a man eight years my senior and eventually married him. Now, the man I was dating wasn't married, but you'd be a fool to believe that no 20-year-old is interested in a man of 27, and a certain number of those won't care if he's married. If anything, that might spice things up for her by creating a challenge!

The young woman in the OP's situation may not be interested in OP's husband, but that's not a normal way to talk to someone, especially the first time you meet them. I wouldn't be happy. The 20-year-old here needs to learn that this is not the way to behave in polite society! You're not her mate, and she shouldn't have said those things.

Its certainly a new take on "That's why mums go to Iceland" 😉

Yeah Dh said that all the boys are pestering her always and he has to sort them out.

She's trying to make herself look irresistible with all these relentless suitors but instead of just turning them down she's putting him in the hero role, her big protector.

You can't do anything about her, but you should make your DH aware of her game. She's approaching him from several different angles. There's a chance he may have been annoyed at you for threatening the romanticized image she has of him because he enjoys the ego boost. She definitely concern trolled him after you left, so if you see her again don't give her more ammo.

It wouldn't occur to be that my husband wouldn't be loyal so someone making a point of mentioning would be more likely to cause doubts than reassure.

Also, if someone at my husband workplace told me that he's been loyal to me and hadn't been flirting like the other men, I would probably never like that person and would keep them at the top of my list of people I don't trust. It's just not a normal thing to have said!

Even if she's completely innocent, she still needs to learn that that's not the way to speak to a colleague's spouse. If she continues to think this is acceptable conversation with brand new acquaintances, it will only hurt her chances of success in life, because most people won't appreciate that approach, at all.

@Mmn654123 I’m not naive. I’m also not willing to ever manipulate my DH into seeing a 20 year old as a teenager so he won’t fuck her behind my back.

Your husband telling you that he is getting sympathy in work because he's not getting attention and you at home heavily pregnant with a toddler...🙄

Oh it just gets worse...what a slimeball.
The sort of man whose ego is so fragile he has to be telling his wife how lucky she is🤮.

YOU are too good for him.

@BrownEyedGirl80

Its certainly a new take on "That's why mums go to Iceland" 😉

Hahaha

I would be keeping my eye on that one...

I think people are building this up to make the conversation much more important than it actually was.
The OP is heavily pregnant, no doubt feeling a bit vulnerable - please think about how your responses are making OP feel.
A youngish member of staff just prattled on and said something a bit stupid, OP responded off the cuff quite well, husband a bit peeved through misplaced embarrassment. Nothing more or less.

Definitely sounds like she’s been trying it on with him and he has turned her down.

Or worse, from her POV - he hasn't even noticed her batting her eyelashes at him!

I did ask him about that comment, his response was "Oh all the supervisors and what not openly flirt with customers regardless of girlfriends etc and apparently the previous manager was always cheating on his wife"

Yeah Dh said that all the boys are pestering her always and he has to sort them out.

To give a different perspective - I wonder if the previous manager and the boys she works with have been inappropriate/tried to be inappropriate and your DH is the first man she's worked with who has treated her respectfully. I remember working when I was 18 with a creepy manager who tried to be "flirty" and guys who found it difficult to accept a No. When the manager left and a different manager started, it was such a relief, my work environment completely changed. I think if I had met his wife I would have ended up gushing because of the difference he made to my work life.

Also it's totally normal for a manager to try and keep boys away from young ladies, I've worked in retail and managers would try and keep the boys away from us when they pestered too much, they have a duty to do that type of thing, it doesn't mean she's 'putting him in protector role' and the other bullshit people are saying. I can't believe how much hate this young woman is getting...she didn't do anything wrong and now is being accused of trying to steal husbands and having bad intentions and all sorts.

I worked in Iceland ( the store not the country) many moons ago. Everyone was at it like knives.

If she was trying to get Ops husband then she probably wouldn't have tried to boost her self esteem and told her something that would make most normal people very happy...

@BrownEyedGirl80

Its certainly a new take on "That's why mums go to Iceland" 😉

Thank You, here was me trying to figure out a Supermarket chain that sounded like aurora borealis

@Mmn654123 I just feel quite insecure at the moment.

He doesn't realise how his comments come across to me, he will say comments like "HR seems to send good looking girls for me to interview, the drivers keep asking do I employ them on purpose" and then sort of gaslight me if I don't appear cheery after the conversation.

Or he will say how another colleague wears tight jeans and everyone calls her "phat ass" and then he thinks because he tells me "how beautiful i am, and he's such a loyal guy" I should be happy!

It's like over-justifying how loyal you are comes across shady as anything.

And he always tells me that I'm way to friendly to women and women can see that so I should be more firm as that's apparently the reason my female friends take advantage of me bla bla

And that TIME I AM FIRM, yet still friendly I'm being called rude.

Apparently she said to him "I was just praising you saying how you don't entertain people and she shut me down all defensive like how she doesn't trust you" she's literally made her own assumption.

I wish I could post a voice note how I said it.

Apparently another young colleague told him afterwards that I was really sweet and nice so now this girl in particular has made out I've victimised her and only her lol!

Honestly OP, you can't do better than to appear mildly incredulous yet amused at the whole situation. You haven't done anything wrong, he is being inconsistent and weird.

What? She said that you said you don't trust him?

Also, the more you say about your DH, the more off he actually sounds. They both do

I do feel like it's my husband who is making the situation look worse.
If he had never mentioned her before, or tells me a running commentary on everything that goes on etc

Jeeze, what vivid imaginations MNers have. Talk about reading far more into something than is warranted.

She's young and silly and it was a daft conversation. Your response was slightly more huffy than it need have been. I'd just have laughed and said "just as well!" while inwardly rolling my eyes.