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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

“Kick her in the cunt” - “Joke”? Or misogynist?

128 replies

MisogynistOrNot · 03/03/2021 09:08

Someone posted in a facebook group about a young woman who’d been bullying them. Lots of advice given; some posts sensible/serious, some less so. One male respondent posted “Kick her in the cunt?”.

I replied that his comment said a lot about him, and none of it good. He took great exception to that and said that it was a clearly a joke (and followed up with a suggestion to punch her in the ovaries). He said it’s no different to people saying ‘kick him in the balls’, and several women seemed to agree with him.

My response was “I don’t find jokes about violence to women very funny at all, and assume that men who like to joke about kicking women in the cunt are misogynist arseholes.” I don’t find ‘kick him in the balls’ funny either, btw.

I was thinking about it afterwards, though, and wondering AIBU? I know a lot of women hate the use of the word cunt, but taking that element out of it a bit... would you assume someone who joked about kicking/punching a woman in her reproductive organs is a misogynist? Or is it no different to the ‘he deserves a kick in the balls’ kind of comments that I’ve seen written numerous times?

OP posts:

idontlikealdi · 03/03/2021 09:10

I'd think they were a dick and wouldn't be engaging with them on facebook.

Jokes about violence aren't funny whether against men or women.

Meowchickameowmeow · 03/03/2021 09:16

Or is it no different to the ‘he deserves a kick in the balls’ kind of comments that I’ve seen written numerous times?

I don't see it as being any different, both are encouraging violence and both are wrong.

VeniVidiWeeWee · 03/03/2021 09:32

About 18 posts under this is 1 headed "Reasons my DH may end up under the patio.."

Is that not allowed?

Porcupineintherough · 03/03/2021 09:36

It's exactly the same as "kick him in the balls" if you think about it. I like neither. I dont like "jokes" about burying people under patios either. But the truth is violence bw men and women goes mostly one way so joking about violence against women is far closer to the bone.

merryhouse · 03/03/2021 09:41

It's not funny.

But then, I'm That Mother who took two nine-year-old girls to task in the school playground over telling each other to kick him in the balls (and rather stroppily defended my actions to their mothers).

Panticus · 03/03/2021 09:42

would you assume someone who joked about kicking/punching a woman in her reproductive organs is a misogynist?

Yes. I agree with you OP - it is an awful thing to say.

Sahm101 · 03/03/2021 09:43

You were defending a woman who was a bully? Why did you get involved in that nonsense.

Bmidreams · 03/03/2021 09:43

Its a really aggressive image, and uncalled for, so probably a bit shocking to see out of the blue. I think it is the same as kick him in the balls, but balls is a different type of word to cunt, more humorous? IYSWIM.

FluffyHippo · 03/03/2021 09:47

To those of you who felt that the OP was being unreasonable, how would you feel if someone told your daughter or mother that they were going to 'kick them in the cunt'?

Would it still be funny?

FOJN · 03/03/2021 09:49

Flippant remarks about violence are never funny.

I've heard "kick him in the balls" being used casually but when my mother first said it to me it was in the context of self defence; if being attacked a woman needed to target a man where he was most vulnerable because she could not compete on strength.

ThePricklySheep · 03/03/2021 09:51

Report it on Facebook and see what they think.

TingTastic · 03/03/2021 09:53

No different to kick him in the balls, but I don’t think either is particularly funny

LolaSmiles · 03/03/2021 09:53

Joking about violence like that isn't acceptable in either direction, but choosing to use the word 'cunt' makes it a bit different to 'kick him in the balls'.

I also think a random man advising a stranger to kick someone in the cunt is the sign of a man who has quite disgusting views of women.

FrankButchersDickieBow · 03/03/2021 09:54

'Kick him in the balls' is usually used as a response to a man being sexually aggressive or suggestive in some way, towards women.

'Kick her in the cunt' used as a response to someone who is bullying someone is a very aggressive response.

The usual response on mumsnet to a female who is being bullied by a male, is usually 'go to HR'.

araiwa · 03/03/2021 09:55

No. I wouldn't say it's misogyny

Bluntness100 · 03/03/2021 09:56

Honestly why get involved in this. Bullying is not ok neither is what he said. It’s an ocean of wrong.

Blondiney · 03/03/2021 09:57

Distasteful perhaps but not necessarily misogynistic.

Borntohula · 03/03/2021 09:58

Yeah, I would actually assume they were a misogynist but I can't put a finger on why I feel it's different to 'he deserves a kick in the balls.'

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/03/2021 09:58

It’s disgusting.

I’m not in favour of “kick him in the balls” either. But “cunt” is a particularly nasty word to use for the vagina, particularly in this context, and makes it more misogynistic and violent. If he’d said “kick her in the fanny” it would still be bad, but more equivalent to “kick him in the balls”.

I also think that violence, or threats of violence, by men against women has a particular status as wholly unacceptable, and that men need to accept and acknowledge this.

Borntohula · 03/03/2021 09:59

It's not even that I necessarily think the comment itself is misogynistic, I just would assume the person who wrote it has questionable views about women.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 03/03/2021 09:59

I think the c word is much worse than the b word and so in my mind there is no comparison except the location on the body.

Mind you I wouldn't want to associate with people who talk like that, perhaps I'm just too old... I'll go into the drawing room and smooth out the antimacassars now and calm down.

Alexandernevermind · 03/03/2021 10:00

I think its horrible and coming from a man is misogyny. Because women being beaten by men is all too common, the comment is a punch down to a group of people who are already bruised ifyswim.
Telling a woman to kick him in the balls isn't great either, unless its done by a woman in self defence.
Generally though, its best to keep out of stuff like this on FB.

MissSM9102 · 03/03/2021 10:02

I don’t see it as any different to “kick him in the balls” but I am Scottish and the word cunt isn’t seen to be so offensive in Scotland, I’m not entirely sure why that is though.

Sahm101 · 03/03/2021 10:03

Trying to justify it by saying it's worse just because of the location in the body is ridiculous. Kicking someone in the balls can have just as disastrous consequences. I don't think it's any worse.

SerendipityJane · 03/03/2021 10:04

Ed Byrne quotes his fiancee as using that exact phrase in "Different Class".

I wonder how to score that on the wokeometer ?

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