“Kick her in the cunt” - “Joke”? Or misogynist?

[MisogynistOrNot]

Someone posted in a facebook group about a young woman who’d been bullying them. Lots of advice given; some posts sensible/serious, some less so. One male respondent posted “Kick her in the cunt?”.

I replied that his comment said a lot about him, and none of it good. He took great exception to that and said that it was a clearly a joke (and followed up with a suggestion to punch her in the ovaries). He said it’s no different to people saying ‘kick him in the balls’, and several women seemed to agree with him.

My response was “I don’t find jokes about violence to women very funny at all, and assume that men who like to joke about kicking women in the cunt are misogynist arseholes.” I don’t find ‘kick him in the balls’ funny either, btw.

I was thinking about it afterwards, though, and wondering AIBU? I know a lot of women hate the use of the word cunt, but taking that element out of it a bit... would you assume someone who joked about kicking/punching a woman in her reproductive organs is a misogynist? Or is it no different to the ‘he deserves a kick in the balls’ kind of comments that I’ve seen written numerous times?

Sorry, yes @PlanDeRaccordement you are right, men are more likely to victims of violence. I was thinking of within relationships (which this post isn't about) because it was a comment by a man about a woman.

@BalancedIndividual why do you say that? As I've said above, I was wrong about women being more vulnerable to violence, but it's not a double standard to think that threats by men against women are different than threats by women against men, because men are far more likely to assault women than vice versa. But FWIW, I think I made a stupid comment, and IRL I pick people up on any violent language or threats of violence, whoever they are.

To me a kick in the cxxx (sorry, can't even type the word) is a sex specific attack designed to humiliate the victim and make sex painful.
A kick in the balls is to temporarily disable.

They are both simply intended to cause pain in the context the OP describes.

@JeffTheOracle you missed out the bit where I said kick in the balls was also awful.

Just for the record, and this may be off topic, bullies will only stop if you fight back. Trust me.

I never started trouble in my life (ever), which is why it was so hurtful when bullies tried to push me around.

Growing up, getting teachers and parents involved made things worse. Fighting back was the only thing that made a difference.

Bullies are pure evil and deserve no sympathy, regardless of gender.

[quote PlanDeRaccordement]@Snoozysnoozy
Yes, exactly. I really hate cancel culture. Yes a few people do deserve to be cancelled or boycotted but cancel culture is where it’s being taken to the illogical extreme.

Such as this weekend a tweet by a Tom Holland led to calls to cancel the actor Tom Holland even though the tweet was by a different person who happens to have the same name as him! It wasn’t his account or his tweet! And also Henry Cavill came under fire and calls to cancel his Witcher series all because a few years ago, he dated Gina Carano who was dropped by Mandalorian TV show for her tweet comparing persecution of conservatives in the US to how the Jews were treated in early 1930s Germany. It’s turned into utter madness.[/quote]
Yet the cancel crouds don't actually use their "power" to actually make the world a better place. They do not target actual problem people, just people who they took a mild disliking to because someone nearer the front of their herd said so.

The Gina Carano thing was disgusting. I have followed her on twitter for ages and she is a genuinely sweet and kind person. She was always talking supportively of people who were not just "vanilla" types. Also for the longest time she was an advocate of "we might see things differently but we can still be friends".

She posted things she either found thought provoking or or sometimes amusing which many more people also found funny too. The second she refused to conform to the expectations of the hyper offended types was the second her fate was sealed.

Getting so worked up about what someone wrote on facebook is barmy. I disagree with the usage of the "C" word but not the sentiment as it obviously a total joke.

Mmmmm. Life experience has shown me that in general men who use that language are indeed misogynist twats. They'll be the first to crow up "but it's ok for women to hit men, eh?" In discussions about DV or, if a woman slaps a guy and he punches back knocking her teeth out, "well, you women wanted equality now you've got it"'.

Anyway, I digress so back to the OP.

For me there is something in the choice of words - cunt and ovaries feel very specific more so than balls. They hint at very deliberate harm. Let's not forget that 3 WOMEN A WEEK IN THE UK DIE AS A RESULT OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. So right now, as we chat here there are several women being beaten to a pulp. They may live. Some won't. Anything that feeds into this problem is not ok.

As another aside it's interesting that they're also the kind of words TRAs use to attack women via social media. Funny that.

@FrankButchersDickieBow

'Kick him in the balls' is usually used as a response to a man being sexually aggressive or suggestive in some way, towards women.

'Kick her in the cunt' used as a response to someone who is bullying someone is a very aggressive response.

The usual response on mumsnet to a female who is being bullied by a male, is usually 'go to HR'.

This

[quote PlanDeRaccordement]@Snoozysnoozy
Yes, exactly. I really hate cancel culture. Yes a few people do deserve to be cancelled or boycotted but cancel culture is where it’s being taken to the illogical extreme.

Such as this weekend a tweet by a Tom Holland led to calls to cancel the actor Tom Holland even though the tweet was by a different person who happens to have the same name as him! It wasn’t his account or his tweet! And also Henry Cavill came under fire and calls to cancel his Witcher series all because a few years ago, he dated Gina Carano who was dropped by Mandalorian TV show for her tweet comparing persecution of conservatives in the US to how the Jews were treated in early 1930s Germany. It’s turned into utter madness.[/quote]
Ahhh the same Henry Cavill who we've recently seen displaying such a healthy love for women.

Not funny.

Totally right, OP.

Misogynistic fuckery.

Of course violence is never ok (self defence aside). It's not right that so many men are harmed by men's violence. Let's not kid ourselves about the common denominator here though.

Some men are the perpetrators of most violence that harms both sexes.

Its not the same as kick him in the balls.

That is usually a term used either by women to protect themselves from men (who are stronger and is pretty much the only way they can be overcome in a certain situation). Or used by men who are joking about with their mates. like 'you deserve a kick in the balls mate ha ha ahaha'.
Balls is also a totally different category of word to cunt.
A man suggesting to kick a girl in the cunt is clearly not joking. And if they are they are a massive twat and pathetic man.

@FrankButchersDickieBow

'Kick him in the balls' is usually used as a response to a man being sexually aggressive or suggestive in some way, towards women.

'Kick her in the cunt' used as a response to someone who is bullying someone is a very aggressive response.

The usual response on mumsnet to a female who is being bullied by a male, is usually 'go to HR'.

This. A kick to the balls is designed to immobilise so you can get away. Look how we're socialised to see it. It happens in movies all the time. When a man attacks or restrains a woman, the go to fail safe to immobilise is a kick to the balls before the woman runs away.

A kick to the cunt is solely aggressive, not a defensive move. A woman restraining/attacking someone would be more likely to be defended by an instinctive elbow in the face etc.

Not defending him but because of the way its worded, its kind of catchy and shocking, which is one reason why its popularity has increased. Its thrown about quite flippantly without thinking for shock value and laughs, for the phrase rather than the action. Kick her in the vulva is used less often

The same as saying kick him in the balls imo

@Borntohula

Yeah, I would actually assume they were a misogynist but I can't put a finger on why I feel it's different to 'he deserves a kick in the balls.'

Probably as a pp said - women don't usually beat up or murder men.

And the words are very different. Balls is also used in other contexts like having the balls (courage or chutzpah) to do something. The c word is only ever used in a horrible context (and I know people from Glasgow and they never use it as a term of endearment so don't try that one on me).

@FluffyHippo

To those of you who felt that the OP was being unreasonable, how would you feel if someone told your daughter or mother that they were going to 'kick them in the cunt'?

Would it still be funny?

If it was my mum, I'd offer to hold their coat.

@tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz
Henry Cavil not the best person, agree. But in the context of those calling to cancel him because of a guilty by past sexual association with Gina Carano, it is ridiculous. If it were about something he had done or said, then would look at the merits of it certainly.

p*oppy
*
Definitely, also -

Ahhh balls (when spilling my tea)
What a balls up - when something goes wrong.

Still trying to think of ways the C word is used in a similar fashion

[quote PlanDeRaccordement]@tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz
Henry Cavil not the best person, agree. But in the context of those calling to cancel him because of a guilty by past sexual association with Gina Carano, it is ridiculous. If it were about something he had done or said, then would look at the merits of it certainly.[/quote]
Fair point although definitely a coincidence as an example of the kind of man you may not want your son to emulate.

@tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz

Of course violence is never ok (self defence aside). It's not right that so many men are harmed by men's violence. Let's not kid ourselves about the common denominator here though.

Some men are the perpetrators of most violence that harms both sexes.

Yes. Men are the vast majority (>90) of perpetrators of violence and a comfortable majority (>60%) of the victims of violence. Man on man crime is much higher than man on woman which is much higher than woman on man and woman on woman, etc.

Taking that into consideration, it is more likely that a man will kick another man in the balls as a form of attack than a woman will as a form of defence.

@tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz
Lol. Agree. Thankfully they do not.

Its true it's no worse than to say kick a man in the balls. The only difference is the general assumption a man is stronger than a woman.

Having said that I'd never use either term and hate violence so to me neither are acceptable.

Bullies do deserve a kick in the c u next Tuesday or balls. Whichever one is relevant. Bullies are vile.

@freddycentury

Bullies do deserve a kick in the c u next Tuesday or balls. Whichever one is relevant. Bullies are vile.

I agree

But think about the factors behind the stats though .... I know I may be statistically less likely to be attacked this evening when out than a man so less likely to defend myself.

A huge driver for this is due to my need for safety I'm unlikely to go out alone when it's dark or I'll avoid anywhere there aren't lots of people. I won't run then but instead go this afternoon when it's light. Unfortunately my movements are curtailed as I'm of the sex class that, all other factory's being equal, will probably come off worse of a man does attack. Even the old kick him in the balls thing? Let's be honest, many of use will just freeze as there are other things we worry could happen if we try to fight back.

But in terms of comparing the phrases .... kicking in the C or ovaries is nasty and deliberate wording. It's only used in the context of hurting a woman. Mostly by men.

That should say factors