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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

“Kick her in the cunt” - “Joke”? Or misogynist?

128 replies

MisogynistOrNot · 03/03/2021 09:08

Someone posted in a facebook group about a young woman who’d been bullying them. Lots of advice given; some posts sensible/serious, some less so. One male respondent posted “Kick her in the cunt?”.

I replied that his comment said a lot about him, and none of it good. He took great exception to that and said that it was a clearly a joke (and followed up with a suggestion to punch her in the ovaries). He said it’s no different to people saying ‘kick him in the balls’, and several women seemed to agree with him.

My response was “I don’t find jokes about violence to women very funny at all, and assume that men who like to joke about kicking women in the cunt are misogynist arseholes.” I don’t find ‘kick him in the balls’ funny either, btw.

I was thinking about it afterwards, though, and wondering AIBU? I know a lot of women hate the use of the word cunt, but taking that element out of it a bit... would you assume someone who joked about kicking/punching a woman in her reproductive organs is a misogynist? Or is it no different to the ‘he deserves a kick in the balls’ kind of comments that I’ve seen written numerous times?

OP posts:
AllMyPrettyOnes · 03/03/2021 10:05

@VeniVidiWeeWee

About 18 posts under this is 1 headed "Reasons my DH may end up under the patio.."

Is that not allowed?

Hahaha. This.
Aimee1987 · 03/03/2021 10:09

@idontlikealdi

I'd think they were a dick and wouldn't be engaging with them on facebook.

Jokes about violence aren't funny whether against men or women.

This was my thought. People who make those jokes would be more likely to trivialise violence and so not someone I would want to be around or be i reacting with.
PlanDeRaccordement · 03/03/2021 10:11

It’s not misogyny.
You have every right to dislike jokes about violence but that doesn’t make them offensive and misogynistic.

Misogyny is the hatred of women. All women at all times. A misogynist would enjoy kicking a woman for no reason at all.

Posting a joke on FB in support of someone who is clearly feeling a woman is bullying them is not misogyny.

It isn’t even sexism as it is equivalent to “kick him in the balls” and that actually hurts more. I’ve been kicked in the pelvic area very hard before in martial arts classes and I can tell you my pain level was way lower than the male students who also failed a block or side step and got it.

lioncitygirl · 03/03/2021 10:13

Both are disgusting but the kick him in the balls - people seem to use that all the time and get away with it so I can see their argument. Both vile tho.

PlanDeRaccordement · 03/03/2021 10:14

@VeniVidiWeeWee

About 18 posts under this is 1 headed "Reasons my DH may end up under the patio.."

Is that not allowed?

Exactly. If “kick her in the cunt” as a joke is misogyny, then “reasons I might kill my dear husband” would have to be misandrist.

Some people have dark senses of humour and that is not offensive.
You don’t have to like it or participate, but neither should you seek to censor it or censure the participants.

SoupDragon · 03/03/2021 10:17

would you assume someone who joked about kicking/punching a woman in her reproductive organs is a misogynist? Or is it no different to the ‘he deserves a kick in the balls’ kind of comments that I’ve seen written numerous times?

I don't think it is any different to "kick him in the balls" in this scenario.

Snoozysnoozy · 03/03/2021 10:20

You don’t have to like it or participate, but neither should you seek to censor it or censure the participants.

And yet this is exactly how cancel culture works. I don't like it/ am offended I'll find like minded people to help me remove this think I don't like

SoupDragon · 03/03/2021 10:22

@FluffyHippo

To those of you who felt that the OP was being unreasonable, how would you feel if someone told your daughter or mother that they were going to 'kick them in the cunt'?

Would it still be funny?

How would you feel if someone told your son, partner or father they were going to "kick him in the balls"?

I think the OP os being unreasonable because the question was about whether it is misogynistic (as she thought) or the same as "kick him in the balls"

I don't think anyone said it was "funny" anyway did then?

PlanDeRaccordement · 03/03/2021 10:25

@Snoozysnoozy
Yes, exactly. I really hate cancel culture. Yes a few people do deserve to be cancelled or boycotted but cancel culture is where it’s being taken to the illogical extreme.

Such as this weekend a tweet by a Tom Holland led to calls to cancel the actor Tom Holland even though the tweet was by a different person who happens to have the same name as him! It wasn’t his account or his tweet! And also Henry Cavill came under fire and calls to cancel his Witcher series all because a few years ago, he dated Gina Carano who was dropped by Mandalorian TV show for her tweet comparing persecution of conservatives in the US to how the Jews were treated in early 1930s Germany. It’s turned into utter madness.

Vegeetas · 03/03/2021 10:30

If I had a £ for everytime I'd seen a woman talking about kicking him in the nuts I would be rich. Punch her in the c**t is not different other than including a curse.

BalancedIndividual · 03/03/2021 10:30

YABU

How is it any different to say kicking a guy in the balls?

And his comment wasnt directed at womankind, but was directed towards a bully.

Bullies regardless of gender are scum, and I have no sympathy for them.

Helendee · 03/03/2021 10:32

Exactly the same as “Kick him in the balls” and both unpleasant.

patternnews · 03/03/2021 10:33

It's different because women are more vulnerable to violence than men. If it was a woman saying it i'd probably just roll my eyes, but a man posting a suggestion for violence against women, even if was a 'joke' is unacceptable. But I've got into rows about this kind of thing on SM and just get told I can't take a joke.

PlanDeRaccordement · 03/03/2021 10:35

@patternnews

It's different because women are more vulnerable to violence than men. If it was a woman saying it i'd probably just roll my eyes, but a man posting a suggestion for violence against women, even if was a 'joke' is unacceptable. But I've got into rows about this kind of thing on SM and just get told I can't take a joke.
Women aren’t more vulnerable to violence then men. The majority of homicide and assault victims are men. I have looked up the statistics and it’s why I worry for my sons than my daughters in terms of risk of being murdered or badly beaten.
PetalPath · 03/03/2021 10:39

He sounds like a red pill / nicely / MGTOW. Odious women hating creatures, and they can be violent in their most extreme form.

PetalPath · 03/03/2021 10:40

Nicely should be Incel

BalancedIndividual · 03/03/2021 10:42

@patternnews

It's different because women are more vulnerable to violence than men. If it was a woman saying it i'd probably just roll my eyes, but a man posting a suggestion for violence against women, even if was a 'joke' is unacceptable. But I've got into rows about this kind of thing on SM and just get told I can't take a joke.
Seriously....double standards much?
slashlover · 03/03/2021 10:46

@MissSM9102

I don’t see it as any different to “kick him in the balls” but I am Scottish and the word cunt isn’t seen to be so offensive in Scotland, I’m not entirely sure why that is though.
I'm in Scotland and thinking about it, I've heard "Kick HIS cunt in" a lot more than "Kick her cunt in".
Alexandernevermind · 03/03/2021 10:49

@PlanDeRaccordement yes you are right that males are at higher risk of violence outside the home, but I don't think you can argue that men are more likely to suffer sex based violence or DV.
To me a kick in the cxxx (sorry, can't even type the word) is a sex specific attack designed to humiliate the victim and make sex painful.
A kick in the balls is to temporarily disable.

Alexandernevermind · 03/03/2021 10:50

Just to add that kick in the balls isn't acceptable either!!

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 03/03/2021 10:52

@slashlover

I'm in Scotland and thinking about it, I've heard "Kick HIS cnt in" a lot more than "Kick her cnt in"

Yes well, that's the Scottish Episcopal Church for you!

MagdasMadHouse · 03/03/2021 10:55

It's similar to "kick him in the balls" which is also awful but cunt is a much more violent word. Why is it that mens genitalia only gets minor swear words and the worst thing you can say is the female genitalia? So the equivalent to "kick him in the balls" would be "kick her in the vulva" which is not quite so awful. Although, I think both are absolutely horrible. I don't think we should be minimising kicking men in the balls, other than as a way of getting away from them if they are trying To hurt or rape us. But men bullying people doesn't get discussed on Facebook groups by gangs of abusive vigilante women, there are too many men bullying people it is just the norm.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 03/03/2021 10:57

Bullying can bring up strong emotions and language.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 03/03/2021 10:58

I take it the the thread asking about help with bullying was now derailed into argument about the word cunt and suggestion of physical violence towards the bully, isn't it.

Hope the bully victim got at least some help before that

JeffTheOracle · 03/03/2021 10:58

[quote Alexandernevermind]@PlanDeRaccordement yes you are right that males are at higher risk of violence outside the home, but I don't think you can argue that men are more likely to suffer sex based violence or DV.
To me a kick in the cxxx (sorry, can't even type the word) is a sex specific attack designed to humiliate the victim and make sex painful.
A kick in the balls is to temporarily disable.[/quote]
Uh... I'm pretty sure a kick in the balls is going to make sex pretty painful. It's also pretty humiliating for men if they fall to the ground clutching their groin, they tend to get laughed at - it's widely seen as funny whereas the same wouldn't happen if a woman was kicked

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