“Kick her in the cunt” - “Joke”? Or misogynist?

[MisogynistOrNot]

Someone posted in a facebook group about a young woman who’d been bullying them. Lots of advice given; some posts sensible/serious, some less so. One male respondent posted “Kick her in the cunt?”.

I replied that his comment said a lot about him, and none of it good. He took great exception to that and said that it was a clearly a joke (and followed up with a suggestion to punch her in the ovaries). He said it’s no different to people saying ‘kick him in the balls’, and several women seemed to agree with him.

My response was “I don’t find jokes about violence to women very funny at all, and assume that men who like to joke about kicking women in the cunt are misogynist arseholes.” I don’t find ‘kick him in the balls’ funny either, btw.

I was thinking about it afterwards, though, and wondering AIBU? I know a lot of women hate the use of the word cunt, but taking that element out of it a bit... would you assume someone who joked about kicking/punching a woman in her reproductive organs is a misogynist? Or is it no different to the ‘he deserves a kick in the balls’ kind of comments that I’ve seen written numerous times?

Depends on the context. Was the person named? What did they do?

It's only used in the context of hurting a woman

Erm, yes. I cannot imagine advising someone to kick a man in the cunt. State the bleedin' obvious, why don't you...

As opposed to "oh what a balls up", "aww that story was a load of balls". Compare and contrast to how the word cunt is generally used. Not very often in a playful or convivial fashion.

Unless I've had a sense of humour bypass and "stupid cunt" is often used with great affection?

I cannot recall anything untoward about Henry Cavill. Are you getting him mixed up with Armie Hammer?

Sorry for the derail....

Awww shit you're right, what a knob I am! God that's awkward.

For the record ... yes definitely AM I was referring to and not HC **

Cheers Tarty.

I would think to myself would my loving and kind grandfather and uncles ever have said something like this.
They would not, they would have thought this kind of language totally unacceptable to use in ANY context.
I'd avoid talking to or replying to a man like this.
Vile.

@tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz

"Awww shit you're right, what a knob I am! God that's awkward.
For the record ... yes definitely AM I was referring to and not HC grin**"

What a knob I am or what a c*nt I am ?

:)

It’s a vile, abusive and misogynistic thing for anyone to say, but particularly a man.

2 women a week die at the hands of a violent man in the UK - violent threats against women, however much of a “joke” they’re supposed to be, are not ok.

It's a really aggressive image, and uncalled for, so probably a bit shocking to see out of the blue.

This ^^

And the punching in the ovaries follow up sounds incredibly vicious and misogynistic.

@VestaTilley

It’s a vile, abusive and misogynistic thing for anyone to say, but particularly a man.

2 women a week die at the hands of a violent man in the UK - violent threats against women, however much of a “joke” they’re supposed to be, are not ok.

But it's against a group of bullies though? I have zero sympathy for them, they are not innocent people.

To me, "kick a bully in the cunt" is no different to advising a woman who is being attacked in an alleyway to kneeing their attacker in the testicles. It's just an effective away of protecting yourself in a situation where you are being victimised and need to get away.

If we want to live in a society where we aren't routinely armed, a kick in the cunt - or bollocks - is the best weapon we have.

*Ahhh balls (when spilling my tea)
What a balls up - when something goes wrong.

Still trying to think of ways the C word is used in a similar fashion confused*

Well, you muff something up - not the cunt word, but a similar meaning. "It's all cunted" or "for cunt's sake" are common where I grew up.

Perhaps where you grew up but not widespread. Unfortunately there are many on SM who will use phrases very similar to "kick a bully in the cunt" to refer to a woman who has a different point of view to them. Or "punch her in the ovaries ". Language like this is not ok as it sends a message it's ok to talk about women like this. It is not the same as "kick him in the balls".

There probably more helpful ways of addressing bullying than this too.

As an aside my DD 12 is watching more teen focused tv these days and we had a conversation recently about how language is used to give a negative view. Slut, slut shaming, slag, whore, cunt. It's all pretty unpleasant and there aren't many male equivalents, for want of a better phrase, that are used to the same effect.

YANBU, ‘cunt’ is a loaded term in a way that ‘balls’ isn’t.

@mainsfed

YANBU, ‘cunt’ is a loaded term in a way that ‘balls’ isn’t.

This depends on where you are, in places like Australia and Scotland this term is thrown around all the time without the same negative associations it seems to have in England.

Balls seems to have so many other associations (have the balls to do something, balls something up etc) so it’s thrown around a lot more. Cunt has more misogynistic tones.

It's certainly a turn of phrase I've seen on mumsnet before. Cant say its particularly troubles me.

@LolaSmiles

Joking about violence like that isn't acceptable in either direction, but choosing to use the word 'cunt' makes it a bit different to 'kick him in the balls'.

I also think a random man advising a stranger to kick someone in the cunt is the sign of a man who has quite disgusting views of women.

Yes that was exactly my feeling, @LolaSmiles

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

It’s disgusting.

I’m not in favour of “kick him in the balls” either. But “cunt” is a particularly nasty word to use for the vagina, particularly in this context, and makes it more misogynistic and violent. If he’d said “kick her in the fanny” it would still be bad, but more equivalent to “kick him in the balls”.

I also think that violence, or threats of violence, by men against women has a particular status as wholly unacceptable, and that men need to accept and acknowledge this.

Yes exactly @GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing! If he’d said ‘kick her in the fanny’, I wouldn’t have had that visceral response.

@PlanDeRaccordement

It’s not misogyny. You have every right to dislike jokes about violence but that doesn’t make them offensive and misogynistic.

Misogyny is the hatred of women. All women at all times. A misogynist would enjoy kicking a woman for no reason at all.

Posting a joke on FB in support of someone who is clearly feeling a woman is bullying them is not misogyny.

It isn’t even sexism as it is equivalent to “kick him in the balls” and that actually hurts more. I’ve been kicked in the pelvic area very hard before in martial arts classes and I can tell you my pain level was way lower than the male students who also failed a block or side step and got it.

Interesting.

I think it tends to be similar to "kick him in the balls". I've heard it with other words substituted for cunt, although I think it's popular because of the alliteration with "kick".

.. only time I have heard that phrase before was in the “Derek and Clive” sketches of Peter Cooke and Dudley Moore. They are grossly offensive, but they were supposed to be. Never found it particularly funny myself, but very edgy at the time. Maybe the guy was a fan ??

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I take it the the thread asking about help with bullying was now derailed into argument about the word cunt and suggestion of physical violence towards the bully, isn't it.

Hope the bully victim got at least some help before that

You ‘take it’ entirely wrong, @SchrodingersImmigrant. The OP got plenty of advice, including from me. I had a brief exchange with the guy who suggested kicking her in the cunt, in which he told me it was laughable to suggest that he was a misogynist (because he has a mum and a sister, apparently). I was mulling it over afterwards and wondering why it (and ‘punch her in the ovaries’) elicited such a visceral response in me, and thought I’d post here to further explore my thoughts.

It’s not particularly funny however I can’t get offended by it. It is the same in my eyes as saying ‘kick him in the balls’

Yet the cancel crouds don't actually use their "power" to actually make the world a better place. They do not target actual problem people, just people who they took a mild disliking to because someone nearer the front of their herd said so... Getting so worked up about what someone wrote on facebook is barmy. I disagree with the usage of the "C" word but not the sentiment as it obviously a total joke.

Firstly, @Vegeetas, I’m not in the slightest bit ‘worked up’, I was just mulling something over. I like to do that sometimes, you know - think about stuff. Secondly, I am about as far away from ‘cancel culture’ as it’s possible to get. But you carry on making stuff up; knock yourself out.

Some interesting and thought provoking responses here; thank you for those.

I think there are several factors, all of which have an impact on how the phrase is understood:
Who is saying it
Where they’re saying it
Why they’re saying it
Who they’re saying it about

If it’s a man saying it in public as a form of fantasised retaliation against someone who has not hurt him personally but is a woman, then yes I think it’s misogynistic.

Men who abhor violence against women don’t fantasise about kicking a woman in the cunt under any circumstances.