“Kick her in the cunt” - “Joke”? Or misogynist?

[MisogynistOrNot]

Someone posted in a facebook group about a young woman who’d been bullying them. Lots of advice given; some posts sensible/serious, some less so. One male respondent posted “Kick her in the cunt?”.

I replied that his comment said a lot about him, and none of it good. He took great exception to that and said that it was a clearly a joke (and followed up with a suggestion to punch her in the ovaries). He said it’s no different to people saying ‘kick him in the balls’, and several women seemed to agree with him.

My response was “I don’t find jokes about violence to women very funny at all, and assume that men who like to joke about kicking women in the cunt are misogynist arseholes.” I don’t find ‘kick him in the balls’ funny either, btw.

I was thinking about it afterwards, though, and wondering AIBU? I know a lot of women hate the use of the word cunt, but taking that element out of it a bit... would you assume someone who joked about kicking/punching a woman in her reproductive organs is a misogynist? Or is it no different to the ‘he deserves a kick in the balls’ kind of comments that I’ve seen written numerous times?

Misogynist.

It’s not very nice and I would be a bit wary of him (would any decent man I know ever say that as a joke? Nope)

I don’t see it being misogynist though, as he would likely have said something similarly ‘hilarious’ about a man’s bits.

That's truly awful.

It’s not a nice thing to say but he wasn’t saying he was actually going to do something like that. Why can women speak about kicking a mans genitals but a man can’t talk about it. I’m not saying either is right, just asking why the double standards? As for the word, some people have a filthier mouth it’s not always man v woman. I hate the word but also hear people say ‘john’s a good cunt’ for example. It’s just a word to some.

And yes as someone said up thread ‘kick their cunt on’ applies to both male and female where I’m from.

@Borntohula

Yeah, I would actually assume they were a misogynist but I can't put a finger on why I feel it's different to 'he deserves a kick in the balls.'

Because you believe one group of people should be treated differently because of their inherent physical characteristics?

"KnobblyWand

I lived in a long row of terrace housing, behind which ran a locked, gated alley which we all had keys to, where we all stored our wheelie bins. One day, DH lost his set of keys with the alley key attached, and at the time we were bare-arse skint and couldn't afford the £5 to replace it. They were tough times for us and we literally couldn't spare a fiver.

So we kept our wheelie bin tucked beside our bay window, at the front of our house. Technically, it wasn't 'allowed', but it was one of those things that everyone did from time to time. It wasn't an obstruction at all. We thought it would be fine until we could buy a new key (next payday, maybe)

The first week we left our bin outside our property collection, we went out to find a note attached to it, saying "KEEP ME IN THE ALLEY PLEASE" - all caps, anonymous. I chucked it away.

The next week, another note. This time saying something along the lines of, "PUT ME AWAY. THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE!!!" - again all caps, anonymous, the author referring to the bin in third person as though it had written the note itself hmm This time, I looked around to see if anyone was watching me read it. They were. A woman five doors up, standing at her front door, arms crossed and a face like thunder. I threw the note away while she watched.

Third week, and my bin had been moved to the entrance of the alley, this time the note said something like, "IF YOU LEAVE ME OUT AGAIN YOU WILL BE REPORTED AND YOUR WHEELIE BIN TAKEN FROM YOU!!!"

I was really annoyed at this point. So I put my bin back to the front of my house, went and knocked on this woman's front door, and very calmly asked her if she had a problem. She shouted and swore at me, and slammed the door in my face. She actually did report me to the council, but instead of taking my wheelie bin, they just gave me a new key and a couple of spares, so that was nice.

Anyway, this was a long way of saying that a couple of months later we were moving, and it coincided with bin day. She put her wheelie bin out and I stole it, walked it the mile or so up to the end of our very long road, and stuck a note on it that read, in all caps, "MY OWNER IS A CUNT, SAVE ME"

Still brings me joy."

mycatisgivingyouthefinger

Wonderful! Some people get their knickers in a twist about the stupidest things. What a miserable bitch. There must be something wonky physically inside these people's brains.*

So are these posts from mumsnet tonight misogynistic?

Not taking a side either way, but it is a legitimate joking insult where I'm from.

We call it cunt punting.

And no, it doesn't bother me actually.

I would imagine kicking a man in the bollocks is a good deal more painful than a blow to the female genitalia. Vaginas are tough, think of those hours of labour!

That's beside the point though but if you would "jokingly" refer to kicking a man in the balls, you can't really complain about someone jokingly referring to a woman being kicked in the cunt.

I think perhaps it gives some additional discomfort if a man is advocating violence against a woman (even jokingly) because of the strength differential. Though in the example the man was not saying that HE would do it himself but was advising (I think) the female (I think) victim of the bully to do so. That puts a slightly different nuance on it.

When I had a horrendous boss who happened to be female I would sometimes light heartedly say to my husband that one day I would give her "a kick up the twinkle ". I would never have actually done so obviously but it was a jokey way of expressing my annoyance with her.

I'm not particularly bothered about the word cunt itself. It's just a word. The idea that the female genitalia is the worst thing you can think of calling someone is a bit ludicrous. I sometimes call my husband a dozy cunt, it's a sort of term of endearment. But it depends how it's used. I would be offended if it was used in an obvious vitriolic and misogynistic way.

That's beside the point though but if you would "jokingly" refer to kicking a man in the balls, you can't really complain about someone jokingly referring to a woman being kicked in the cunt.

I wouldn’t.

@MaxiPaddy

Not taking a side either way, but it is a legitimate joking insult where I'm from.

We call it cunt punting.

Interesting. Where are you from @MaxiPaddy?

I don’t have an issue with the use of cunt as a word, particularly - just the violence of suggesting that a woman be kicked in it.

@honeylulu

I would imagine kicking a man in the bollocks is a good deal more painful than a blow to the female genitalia. Vaginas are tough, think of those hours of labour!

That's beside the point though but if you would "jokingly" refer to kicking a man in the balls, you can't really complain about someone jokingly referring to a woman being kicked in the cunt.

I think perhaps it gives some additional discomfort if a man is advocating violence against a woman (even jokingly) because of the strength differential. Though in the example the man was not saying that HE would do it himself but was advising (I think) the female (I think) victim of the bully to do so. That puts a slightly different nuance on it.

When I had a horrendous boss who happened to be female I would sometimes light heartedly say to my husband that one day I would give her "a kick up the twinkle ". I would never have actually done so obviously but it was a jokey way of expressing my annoyance with her.

I'm not particularly bothered about the word cunt itself. It's just a word. The idea that the female genitalia is the worst thing you can think of calling someone is a bit ludicrous. I sometimes call my husband a dozy cunt, it's a sort of term of endearment. But it depends how it's used. I would be offended if it was used in an obvious vitriolic and misogynistic way.

It was a young man who posted about being bullied by the young woman, so male advising male to kick her in the cunt.

“Kick up the twinkle”... that made me realise that I wouldn’t find “kick up the arse” offensive in the slightest, and would take that in a jokey/metaphorical way.

It was a young man who posted about being bullied by the young woman, so male advising male to kick her in the cunt

Oops sorry that was me not reading properly. Yes I think male on female violence, even jokingly (and if any type) has an uncomfortable ring to it; a sort of "let's put women in their place by asserting greater male strength". Though I don't think any violence is good.

@MisogynistOrNot

Some interesting and thought provoking responses here; thank you for those.

My comment wasn't directed at you I promise!

I should have been more clear.

I was just being ranty too lol

Thanks @Vegeetas. I totally agree about cancel culture, actually, and that’s not where I’m coming from at all. I don’t think it’s cancel culture or censorship to pull someone up on something offensive they said, though - it’s not telling them they can’t say it, just pointing out how other people are likely to interpret their words.

Meh. I wouldn't get hung up on this. It's just an expression.

A tasteless expression but an expression nonetheless.

@MisogynistOrNot

I'm from Canada, but to be fair, I do live in a very hick part of it.

No, I don't think it's misogynistic because this man is supporting a woman to defend herself against being bullied (albeit with use of offensive language). Why would a misogynist care if a woman was being bullied? Misogyny is the hatred of women, right? Surely he wouldn't give a shit about the woman being bullied if he was one, instead he'd more than likely want to join in.

That said, it's still an unpleasant phrase which essentially encourages violence, which is never OK, against either sex. For that reason, I find "kick him in the balls" equally distasteful and I wouldn't condone either phrase.

I've just read that it was a male being bullied.
In that case I'm not sure about the misogynistic part. It depends whether the man would have used the phrase "kick him in the balls" if the bully was male rather than female. If so, unlikely to be misogynistic - perhaps he just feels strongly about bullies of either sex. Still personally hate either phrase though.

I’d think they were vile.

Probably if you kick someone IN the fund it implies an act of penetration that kicking someone in the balls or nuts does not.

Maybe because it's not said as often it's more graphic and jarring.

But both are indicative of the sort of aresehole who thinks violence is a joke. It's not.

Fund? Wtf? Cunt obviously!

@MaxiPaddy

Not taking a side either way, but it is a legitimate joking insult where I'm from.

We call it cunt punting.

That sounds vile.

And I thought Canada was overly woke!! Obviously not.

No, I wouldn't think that. In the slightest.

Echo PP who said I assume you have no issue with the light hearted thread about murdering husbands.