Reasons my DH may end up under the patio...

[PringleMcDingle]

My top three...

1. He brushes his teeth with so much toothpaste that it ends up frothing and foaming everywhere. To wipe away this completely ridiculous amount of excess paste he always wipes his mouth on FRESH BLOODY TOWELS.

Every towel in our bathroom is covered in toothpaste. I swear on the odd occasion I've left something like pyjama bottoms on the radiator in there, he's pasted those too.

1. Instead of putting tea bags in the bin (which is right next to the kettle), he'll just leave them on the side or in something like a pan that's waiting to be washed by the sink. Why? Can someone, anyone, explain that to me?

1. Always asks me where certain items of clothing are without looking in his wardrobe. Or even worse, will ask me if he has any socks/underwear... Before just going to the sock/underwear drawer. I don't keep an inventory of sock availability... CHECK THE DRAWER.

So there, if you see me on the 9 o'clock news, you'll know that it was justified.

@PumpkinPie2016

My husband asks me where the butter/cheese/whatever is without first looking in the bloody fridge As if I am some inventory for the fridge!

If it helps anyone, I have a large field. We're very remote too! No witnesses to be had apart from cows and sheep

The digger will be a bit of a giveaway - especially since a couple of posters have probably already logged this thread with 111!

@Thelnebriati

Dont bury your DH under the patio. The slabs never go back properly.

Ah! The wise voice of experience.

@sleeplessinthecountryside

My DH loads the dishwasher from the front back instead of the back towards the front. Is it weird that this really bothers me? 🤔

NO!

That is a crime against God and humanity.

Mine does the same the bar steward.

On the subject of our four poster bed. When he proudly showed it to me the swords (useless decorative ones for anyone who thinks we're properly dangerous, however still chunks of metal) were artistically laid across the scaffolding bars at the top - very aesthetically pleasing. I liked it.

I asked how he was going to secure them, and he genuinely thought I was being over anxious that one of the bastard things might be dislodged, for example while DTD leading to headlines in our local press such as "Local couple die in freak sword kebabbing incident".

He grudgingly zip tied them all in place but really thought I was being overly paranoid. I believe aesthetics and safety can go hand in hand.....

My hearing isn’t brilliant and he can hear a pin drop from 2 miles away so (like now) he’ll have the TV on at very, very low almost silent on the scale volume and then gets sniffy when I say that I can’t hear it*

Any music has to be on 100 on the tv so people 20 miles away could be at a rave. Anything with dialogue he turns down to 3 or 4 so it’s like watching a silent film. I've downloaded the tv remote app so I can override his volume choices!

I know he's very proud of his interior design skills as am I, and our four poster made from scaffolding and swords is indeed a praiseworthy sight to behold

Can I borrow him to make a bed before you take the spade to him. Or at least post a pic because this sounds awesome.

@sashh

Why thank you! I do think he could be hired out for wacky design projects, I shall give that some thought

Sadly I'm a technophobe so won't risk trying to post a picture -you'll probably end up with an up the nose shot lol!

Which is one of the reasons I might end up under HIS patio.....

Thank you for this thread. It has given me a much needed belly laugh today. Several times over.

It also makes me think ‘how can you want to have sex with men like this’?!

Still laughing at ‘man scan’

Leaving bits in the sink

Leaving the toilet seats up

Leaving the bathroom taps running (not just dripping!)

Leaving mucky fingerprints everywhere he goes.

Dropping toothpasty water on the bathroom floor.

Using my towel.

Blocking the toilet with ginormous poos.

Oh god, the toothpaste. It gets everywhere apart from in the sink. I have to wipe lumps of it off the floor most days. Like how the fuck does it get on the floor??!

He's going deaf but won't admit it or have a hearing test. So everything has to be repeated, and having visitors is a nightmare as it's a round robin of the same conversation. I appreciate he can't help it but he can do something about it.

Every morning, he has a poo in the downstairs bathroom. So everyone else in the house can't have a quick wee (without a gas mask) before leaving or has to go upstairs. He also never cleans the pan, never opens the window or sprays air freshener. It's right next to the kitchen and his party trick is to leave the door open too so everyone can heave over their breakfast.

He's the worst hypochondriac. He's had Covid about 7 times so far ..... and regularly has to have a day in bed as he's "brewing" some mysterious infection like bubonic plague. We can never watch anything medical as he's got it the next day......... I swear he's got his own chair in our GP surgery and the worst part is that they seem to enable his never ending need for tests and attention

He can't do the simplest household task without having to ask about 12939043203 questions about it. Every. Single. Time. He thinks I'm stupid and won't ask him again to do it again if he mithers me enough. Every day for 30 odd years and he still hasn't cottoned on that his efforts are in vain.

Oh. My. God!! Never have I been more relieved to live on my own... 😁

My Dh is guilty of number 3, but the thing that nearly made him end up under the patio was the time he woke me at 3am to ask where his car keys were! Im afraid i was a tad hugely grumpy and may or may not have angrily said "how the fuck should i know? I cant even fucking drive!"

My DPs idea of tidying up is to randomly chuck stuff in cupboards. He has no idea what he's putting where and piles loads of stuff up so trying to get the thing that I use regularly that he's shoved right at the back behind everything else becomes a mammoth task. He's a bit OCD about having stuff put away too. We have a dd5 and a 4 month old. I'm downstairs with both of them whilst he wfh upstairs. I'll have a playmat and chair out for the baby so it's easy to pop her down if I need to help dd with something or she falls asleep and he'll come down regularly for cups of tea etc and every damn time he tidies it all away and piles stuff on top so it's awkward to get to Makes me want to scream sometimes.

He's also particularly hopeless at looking for things. He's text me whilst at work from home before to ask where things are in the freezer rather than get up and look. And if it doesn't jump out and bite him on the nose then it's not there

He’s just done this AGAIN. See earlier post. Now where’s that shovel?!

Dishwasher is bloody underneath

@cathybates

He’s just done this AGAIN. See earlier post. Now where’s that shovel?!

I'm picturing this in your house now 😅 @cathybates

@hedrivesmecrazy - exactly that

[quote cathybates]@hedrivesmecrazy - exactly that[/quote]

He totally deserves it for leaving that bowl there 😂

@hedrivesmecrazy and it’s also more noticeable because it was TOMATO soup. It’s like he thinks I’m a bull and that’s the target (actually I take that back, he just doesn’t think at all)

STABBY STABBY

Oh I have another as well.

If he's cooking tea, he'll shout from the kitchen 'How long do I Cook this for love?' ... Whilst holding the packet, with the cooking instructions on...

????

The more I type and the more I read all of your posts, I'm thinking there must be some sort of husband/partner alliance where they all group together to think of the best ways to piss us all off.

"Local couple die in freak sword kebabbing incident"

😂😂😂

He wears big stompy boots and leaves them in the middle of the hallway that leads to our downstairs bathroom and side door, in the evenings I'll walk through there in the dark and trip on them or stub my toe and I'm far too near the shovels for him to keep doing it.

He leaves things I use more than him on really high shelves and seems to forget he's 6'8 and I'm certainly not. Then tells me off for endangering myself for climbing up the kitchen cupboards to get the sodding pasta.

Instead of finding his keys for his car and only taking them he'll take the clump of keys he leaves in the drawer including all house keys, his car, my car, bike, car and tractor keys, shed keys and any other metal resembling a key and then complains about our bad key system. I've started keeping my keys in the pantry so he'll never find them.

He hasn't got long left.

I've picked out a viking sized plot for him in a wooded area of our field, there's room for a few more if we stack them

He does a massive leg twitch/judder at 4am every night which wakes me up. Every single night. Its like clockwork! I am so fed up with it! I get so angry now that it's hard to fall back to sleep!

I could write a long post about my DH but this thread reminded me of another a while ago, about peri menopause husbands being annoying.
This was the standout post for me by @TheGrump.