Reasons my DH may end up under the patio...

[PringleMcDingle]

My top three...

1. He brushes his teeth with so much toothpaste that it ends up frothing and foaming everywhere. To wipe away this completely ridiculous amount of excess paste he always wipes his mouth on FRESH BLOODY TOWELS.

Every towel in our bathroom is covered in toothpaste. I swear on the odd occasion I've left something like pyjama bottoms on the radiator in there, he's pasted those too.

1. Instead of putting tea bags in the bin (which is right next to the kettle), he'll just leave them on the side or in something like a pan that's waiting to be washed by the sink. Why? Can someone, anyone, explain that to me?

1. Always asks me where certain items of clothing are without looking in his wardrobe. Or even worse, will ask me if he has any socks/underwear... Before just going to the sock/underwear drawer. I don't keep an inventory of sock availability... CHECK THE DRAWER.

So there, if you see me on the 9 o'clock news, you'll know that it was justified.

@1Morewineplease

Having a patio extension next week...pm me!

I have some industrial strength black bin bags and a roll of duct tape.

Include me in that PM.

Ha

Because every morning, as I am trying to get four kids out of the door, he chooses that exact moment to have a 💩

EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING.

(But he does balance it out by making me a cup of tea every single morning.)

1. Stop laundering fresh towels, keep your own in a drawer for when you need it. Crusted up old towels will soon make him reconsider his actions.

1. Leave a dedicated teabag pot next to the kettle.

1. Answer the lost socks question every time with a shrug

Oh god so many of these traits are familiar.

My DH is so fucking messy and disorganised. There will be toothpaste not only all over the sink and tap but also all over the outside of the tube, on the toothbrushes and toothbrush holder.

His clothes are constantly stained because he’s like a toddler, gets something on his hand and wipes it down his trousers.

The kitchen is my particular bug bear, coffee all over the worktop. Milk spilt and if he’s made a sandwich then there is enough butter on the chopping board to cover another slice of bread.

He’s also always having things just break in his hand or he can’t get them to work (especially if it involves technology). He’s like an old man stabbing away at his phone complaining that it’s not working. We have to treat him like a grandad and take it off him and fix it. He’s a software developer who leads a large team in his day job.

I have more - he leaves empty bottles of shampoo, shower gel etc instead of getting rid of them. We then have a full shelf of shower gels and he only uses one, the full one!

He also spreads stuff everywhere, I just don't understand this amazing ability to leave a trail behind him. I'd sit somewhere, work or relax, take my stuff with me, done. He always has to leave something, clothes, shoes, papers, keys, SOMETHING. Everywhere.

And every reusable shopping bag has tonnes of dirty receipts in it because he never empties them. Raging when I find them.

He also puts leftover food in tupperware and in the fridge and if I don't empty them, they'd grow legs and walk out on their own. Seriously. He'd never check the fridge first for stuff to get rid off before bringing fresh shopping in 🤦🏼‍♀️

My DH is nicknamed "Arthur Job" for his tendancy to do half a job. My favourite was the time he very proudly showed me the sink he meticulously cleaned but hadn't bothered to even wipe down the draining board.

Will ask questions like "why is the baby crying" as I'm frantically jiggling her with one hand and trying to wipe the toddler's arse with my other. I can't imagine why she's upset in this given minute.

Tells me my post Covid lingering cough is annoying. I know mate, imagine being the one coughing.

In fairness, he is irritated with the amount of hair that falls out of my head every hour.

My DH has at least two poos a day. The window is open so the smell blows under the door and down the stairs.
No one else in the house causes it. To eliminate him would solve the problem 😉

Not taking a shopping bag with him. He is perfectly happy to buy a bag every time 😡

Mines pretty good really

However he does make and cuts sandwiches on the work surface just after I've wiped them down and then acts all hurt when I tell him for the millionth time get a plate ffs. Tells me fine I just won't eat then grrr

Never washes up completely..acts so pleased he washed up, no you numpty you've left 2 saucepans a frying pan and the casserole dish..oh I'm soaking those overnight he says..yeah cos you know full bloody well you will forget the next day and ill end up washing the fuckers

When I wash up I wash everything up and wipe the sides down, sweep the floor etc. Why can't he?

My DH has booked a week off for no apparent reason. That’s obviously fine, he deserves one! I, however, am running my own business and have a lot to do. Both mornings this week he’s had a go at me for ‘waking him up’ (Monday it was coming in to get a jumper, this morning turning the shower on). It wasn’t even that early today - 8am!

Now he’s in a bad mood and grunting whenever I try to speak to him 😂

Thanks for this thread. It's making me feel better about my DH's inability to put the dishes in the dishwasher. He carries them through but then puts them next to dishwasher instead of IN the dishwasher.
Also, baby powder. He's a grown arse man who uses baby powder on his bum to stop it from getting sweaty. Frankly I don't care, but every morning I find flipping bum powder all over the bath mat.
Not to mention cutting toenails in the living room. Eurgh.
*off to invest in shares at B&Q.

@Turnedouttoes

Mine shaves his stubble every single time I clean the bathroom. My lovely clean pristine bathroom then has little tiny black hairs all over the place. I find them stuck to the wall and everything!

Now the kids have left home I won't share a bathroom with him, he has the ensuite and I have the bathroom. God help him if he makes a mess in my bathroom. Trimming a beard and not cleaning up should be a criminal offence.

Thought of a few more.....

He has the unerring ability to wait until I am actively showering before coming to the closed bathroom door to talk to me about something that is obviously very pressing in the moment, like a new DC or Marvel film release. Of course I can't hear him and think it might be something important so I shout "Wait a minute", stop the shower, open the door to discover it's never anything that important......

Sometimes he starts a conversation he has apparently been having with me in his head to ask me to contribute in reality, which means I have no idea what I have said in his head.....

He will absolutely insist we have had discussions that we haven't had at all.....

I have broken him of the habit of arranging social meet ups etc spontaneously without consulting me first (lockdown has helped) but it took a while for him to realise that five minutes notice to go out when I'm slobbing in front of the TV is not realistic, and that while he may be able to project casual insouciance in any setting wearing black jeans and a T shirt, due to my advancing age I need enough time to shower and apply some sort of make up so people don't keep asking me if I've been ill.

I have almost broken him of the habit of showing people I barely know but he does through his work the whole house if they come round. I know he's very proud of his interior design skills as am I, and our four poster made from scaffolding and swords is indeed a praiseworthy sight to behold - but not when I'm wearing my best Arthur Dent, half asleep and not remotely ready to meet a new person or someone I do know but only have only previously met while masquerading as a functional human being. Boundaries darling, bloody boundaries!!!

@DinosaurDiana

My DH has at least two poos a day. The window is open so the smell blows under the door and down the stairs. No one else in the house causes it. To eliminate him would solve the problem 😉

If my teenage GS was old enough to be married I'd think you'd married him. I've told him his bowels should be condemned. You could set the clock by him, how can anyone be that regular?

Sometimes he starts a conversation he has apparently been having with me in his head to ask me to contribute in reality, which means I have no idea what I have said in his head That reminded me of my husband being in a mood with me all day, I finally found out he was really annoyed about what I'd said in a dream. He acknowledged that was bordering on insanity but said he was still annoyed.

@ancientgran

I feel your pain

This whole sketch but @recoveringchocaholic you might appreciate it 3.22

Mine is currently slapping his chops around a banana and sucking his tea through his teeth while watching the goddam bloody news again 😭🤮

My husband has a pair of reading glasses that make a clicking sound every time he takes them out of the plastic container that sticks on his phone. So when we're watching tv they go in and out about fifty times, each time making the clicky noise. I've asking him to just leave them on the side of the sofa next to him but noooo. Arrrggghhh.

Also leaves everything on the kitchen island: jacket, hat, gloves, keys, random bits of paper.

If he can't hear what I say he guesses rather than say pardon or what. E.g. if I say, can you take out the bin please, he'll say, you want me to move the car? It's not annoying once but when it happens eleventy billion times a day, it's rage-inducing.

Sometimes he starts a conversation he has apparently been having with me in his head to ask me to contribute in reality, which means I have no idea what I have said in his head

Similarly my husband gets annoyed with me for not listening, when he suddenly remembers that he didn't actually say it out loud, just in his head.

Hahaha that made me laugh. And so bloody accurate. He thinks he's being helpful by putting it in the vicinity of the dishwasher.

I’m finding this thread simultaneously comforting and enraging.

@sleeplessinthecountryside

Also he always moves the hand soap from the sink to the side of the sink. Why? OMG I have so many......!

The classic leaving the toilet seat up. He used to put it down but has now decided this is pointless. Now I have 3 toilets with seats permanently up. Grrrrrrr!

Personally I think it's grim to flush the toilet with the lid still up:

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/bacteria-toilets-flush-lid-closed-b1535481.html

If the lid should be down, that means that the seat has to be too.

In our living room we have two sofas and an armchair. I usually sit on one sofa and he has the chair. He’s taken to coming to sit next to me after a while though and gradually stretches out so that I’ve got hardly any space and I end up moving.

My hearing isn’t brilliant and he can hear a pin drop from 2 miles away so (like now) he’ll have the TV on at very, very low almost silent on the scale volume and then gets sniffy when I say that I can’t hear it.

He’s a raging hypochondriac.