Reasons my DH may end up under the patio...

[PringleMcDingle]

My top three...

1. He brushes his teeth with so much toothpaste that it ends up frothing and foaming everywhere. To wipe away this completely ridiculous amount of excess paste he always wipes his mouth on FRESH BLOODY TOWELS.

Every towel in our bathroom is covered in toothpaste. I swear on the odd occasion I've left something like pyjama bottoms on the radiator in there, he's pasted those too.

1. Instead of putting tea bags in the bin (which is right next to the kettle), he'll just leave them on the side or in something like a pan that's waiting to be washed by the sink. Why? Can someone, anyone, explain that to me?

1. Always asks me where certain items of clothing are without looking in his wardrobe. Or even worse, will ask me if he has any socks/underwear... Before just going to the sock/underwear drawer. I don't keep an inventory of sock availability... CHECK THE DRAWER.

So there, if you see me on the 9 o'clock news, you'll know that it was justified.

Obs not husbands with peri menopause.

I have another: washes wine glasses with just hot water. He asked me just now if I wanted a glass of wine. I said yes, I’m just about to wash the wine glasses. He said I’ll do it. I told him if he wasn’t going to use washing up liquid I’d do it myself. He just rolled his eyes. I’m obviously mad.

My husband uses me as an extra pair of eyes.

‘Have you seen the baby wipes’ ‘Have you seen my socks’ ‘do you know where ds’s T-shirt is’

RIGHT FUCKING THERE. If he looked for even 2 seconds he would see it but instead of looking he asks me. It’s infuriating. My sons do it too now. It’s as if everyone in my house thinks I have some sort of superpower to know where everything is. I don’t. I just use my bloody eyes.

I brush my teeth like that I have a designated towel for that!

@Joeblack066

For the PP who agreed putting the seat down is pointless- incorrect. Everyone should put the LID down before they flush to stop germs flying all over the bathroom, and usually the toothbrushes!!

I've had this conversation with DH so many times!

@Markies

Change this to reasons my wife may end up under the patio. Aye, not so funny now is it. 🙄

Women don't have the same record of domestic and sexual violence towards men as men do to women. So it's not just a simple matter of switching. These men are not at any real risk from their female partners. They also very likely still hold a significant amount of financial and social power.

Change this to reasons my wife may end up under the patio. Aye, not so funny now is it

i went to the trouble of starting a thread for it. Post away, it would be hilarious. Because none of this is real. It is hyperbole used for comic effect. And also a place to vent instead of doing the Face-Spade combo for real.

@Turnedouttoes

Mine shaves his stubble every single time I clean the bathroom. My lovely clean pristine bathroom then has little tiny black hairs all over the place. I find them stuck to the wall and everything!

Yep, mine too! When my DH washes his hands, he doesn't rinse them well leaving dirty soap all over my clean towels. Sometimes after he washes his hands he has to flick his hands up and down getting dirty soap bubbles everywhere! We are thinking of building a new patio this summer....hmmmm...

I swear DH is doing the Riverdance on our bedroom floor and possibly building an extension judging by the noise. How can one person be no noisy. I had the kids all settled and relaxed in their bedrooms and.now they are all up. Where is DH now, on the toilet for a change. Just as well I'm sober, drunk me would definately smother him in his sleep tonight.

@cathybates

I have another: washes wine glasses with just hot water. He asked me just now if I wanted a glass of wine. I said yes, I’m just about to wash the wine glasses. He said I’ll do it. I told him if he wasn’t going to use washing up liquid I’d do it myself. He just rolled his eyes. I’m obviously mad.

Not mad. At. All.

Here - have a smeary not properly clean glass. Umm. Cheers, no thanks.

My dh either makes a sandwich or butters toast not on a chopping board like most sensible people but does it on top of the counter too then leaves all of the crusts and crumbs next to his buttery knife! There is
also coffee granules left sticking all over the place, he never cleaned the toilet after having a number 2 ! Yak . He leaves blobs of spat out toothpaste in the sink rather than washing it away like a normal person, I’ve not been driving my car for a while due to recovering after having a painful Caesarean section and having a nasty infection so my dh has borrowed my car because it’s easier to drive and I went to use it to find it full of used masks, coffee cups and smelling of wet dog! Men

We were both given chocs for Christmas.

I shared mine.

He eats his in secret and last time left me two horrible mini Topics. (I hate nuts).

Meany.

Mine does point 1 too, it is easily solved- I bought loads of white or cream coloured towels so the toothpaste wouldn’t show up- those are his towels and I have separate darker coloured hand towels. We never use each other’s and I can never see the toothpaste stains on his! 😂

Are any of you at this point?

I brought dh a teabag bowl. Has a place to lean his spoon and pop his used teabags.

He will not put the lid back on the marmalade. Ever.
He doesn’t ever remember where he put anything.
Nope. That’s it. I get really narky with him, but these are the only consistent misdemeanours I can think off. I was so certain there would be tons too. He’s actually fab compared to me. I think I should just go and lie down outside and wait on the slab work hitting.

Here in Australia, we have had huge scandals with several rape allegations in Parliament House. 😡😡😡 Our PM’s office has done a lovely job of trying to cover it all up, and of course the texts and paper trails have proved this. The PM has wheeled out the old, “As a father....” response.... Australian women (especially survivors of SA) are so sick of men only being able to relate to us in relation to themselves!!! It’s not about them! Do we not exist simply as people??? No wonder we want the Ms. title!!!

@Joeblack066

For the PP who agreed putting the seat down is pointless- incorrect. Everyone should put the LID down before they flush to stop germs flying all over the bathroom, and usually the toothbrushes!!

The first PP didn't mention the lid. It is pointless for the PP's DH to put the seat down only to have to lift it back up for himself if he uses it next.

Whoops! Wrong thread!

Thought of another one...he has to listen to a podcast whilst doing any house task. It takes him 10 minutes to find the right one to listen to before he can even start washing up/cleaning the kitchen/hoovering. Drives me nuts.

Gross, but XH used to scratch his balls of a morning, and merrily scatter his pubic hair everywhere.
Suffice to say I don't miss it!

@PringleMcDingle

I won't be burying mine under the patio;that seems like hard work.

However there is a old very deep well down the side of our house;a crowbar and a carjack should get the heavy slab covering that up pretty easily.................

All of the above but.. watch for this one, my DH does this thing when he walks into a room to chat he puts on leg up on a nearby object, sofa etc when he's talking to me.

so if there is a chair, he'll be standing on one leg with the other one up, kind of does a stomp noise as he stands with his hands on his hips like he's about to do a full step up.

But the most bizarre thing I noticed one of my male work colleagues does it, as does my DS.

I'm curious, any others??

Only worth repaving, OP if in addition he "cleans the bathroom" but forgets the pubes under the toilet seat. It's hard for us to get pubes stuck to the rim of the toilet seat. Especially if we have very neat lady-gardens...

I was going to ask for a little space if we could shuffle them all up but he’s big. We might need a stacking system.

1. He opens those supermarket trays of meat and dumps the bloody tray, complete with the bloody sodden liner, into a washing up bowl of cold water, without pulling off the cellophane fully. And then he expects that the tray will somehow get washed and put in the recycling with the soggy cellophane and mushy liner adequately disposed of. Not by my fair hand mateyboy.

1. On any journey of over 1.5 hours (but only when accompanied by his long suffering DW and DCs) he drives half an hour and pulls off the road into a garage because on a long journey all the tyres must be checked for pressure, the oil dipsticked and topped up, the windows washed, and the washer water toppped up with detergent. This takes at least half an hour and can not possibly be done prior to leaving home however long in the planning the trip is.

1. Decorating a room takes at least a year. Preparation, which I accept is very important, is a couple of months, then the start of the painting, and then the nine month hiatus for no reason, then the near end of the tether from those inconvenienced, and finally reordering of the room with the final jobs (like painting the doors) left until we are in our dotage and the children have homes of their own.

Given that nothing happens round here if I don’t organise it, I’d better pop round to yours and start extending the hole. It sounds like he’ll be in good company.