Reasons my DH may end up under the patio...

[PringleMcDingle]

My top three...

1. He brushes his teeth with so much toothpaste that it ends up frothing and foaming everywhere. To wipe away this completely ridiculous amount of excess paste he always wipes his mouth on FRESH BLOODY TOWELS.

Every towel in our bathroom is covered in toothpaste. I swear on the odd occasion I've left something like pyjama bottoms on the radiator in there, he's pasted those too.

1. Instead of putting tea bags in the bin (which is right next to the kettle), he'll just leave them on the side or in something like a pan that's waiting to be washed by the sink. Why? Can someone, anyone, explain that to me?

1. Always asks me where certain items of clothing are without looking in his wardrobe. Or even worse, will ask me if he has any socks/underwear... Before just going to the sock/underwear drawer. I don't keep an inventory of sock availability... CHECK THE DRAWER.

So there, if you see me on the 9 o'clock news, you'll know that it was justified.

[quote BasiliskStare]@Fiona2020 He dug up the garden? Keep your wits about you [/quote]
@BasiliskStare ironically to lay a patio 😂 this was June last year. I finally lost my shit last week after having to explain to 3 estate agents why there was a hole.
There’s now a patio. But Christ sometimes I wish he was under it !

I have another one to add to my list.

Does the washing up- puts everything away except Tupperware/Jugs/ baking trays as he’s “unsure where they fit” so they just get left on the worktop.

And numerous items get left to “soak” every.single.night.

@PringleMcDingle

What is it with men never knowing where anything is

Ahh yes, the man scan we call it. He couldn't find his own nose if you paid him honestly.

He will insist something isn't there or is lost. I end up sounding like I'm talking to one of the DC 'if I come up there and find it you're in trouble' 🤣 spoiler: I always find it. Typically right in front of his face.

It’s a “Daddy look” in our house. If the kids ask me where something is the conversation goes “Have you looked properly yourself?” “Umm, no, not exactly. I did a Daddy look. If I look properly and I can’t find it then will you come up and help me?”

DH somehow thinks it’s cute.
“I can’t find...”
If I do look, if I happen to be in the same room and cast my eyes around and find the missing item, or move a cushion and locate it immediately, he says “See, I need you - it didn’t jump into my hand and then you just knew where it was.”
Which was funny the first time but is wearing a touch thin 17 years later.

Another for my list...

DH always exclaims 'WHY HAVE YOU MOVED X' if he can't find something.

Except I haven't moved it, I've just put it away back where it actually should be otherwise we'd have random crap in random places dotted all over the house.

I've 'moved it' because nail clippers don't live on the arm of the sofa DH.

“See, I need you - it didn’t jump into my hand and then you just knew where it was"

HA yes! I've had this too. 'See I just couldn't cope without you'.

Funnily he did actually manage it for a number of years before we met!

If we decide to do a deep clean of the house, I usually end up doing the hoovering and mopping and find DH reorganising a bookshelf or something else that is not needed when we are doing a proper clean up grrrrr

@Oysterbabe

1. Faffing. He takes 1000 years to do anything especially leave the house.

1. Loads the dishwasher but doesn't turn it on.
2. Unloads the dishwasher but leaves anything complicated, like tupperware, on the side rather than putting it away.
3. Never finishes anything. Leaves half a teaspoon and puts it back. He'll open a new one rather than finish something. See exhibit A for the defence.

Oh my god. The dishwasher. DH will decide I haven’t loaded it properly. It appears to offend him of it’s not done for maximum efficiency, which is fine. But he then doesn’t turn it on. So nothing actually gets cleaned. Having a beautifully loaded dishwasher is worthless if the stuff in it remains dirty. He usually claims it is because there was space to put in one more spoon and mug, thanks to his beautiful loading. This, in my eyes, is somewhat negates by the fact that we have no bowls left for breakfast because he didn’t turn the thing on, so now I have to wash something up before we can eat. Which I guess means we have room for the breakfast bowls.... I do wonder if he thinks the dishwasher is just a place to store dirty things while you get round to washing them up, so they don’t create an eyesore on the kitchen counter.

Eating is irritating ha ha
He's has issues with is nose he can't help it ..but OMG how much noise he makes eating a plum !!!!!

DH announced to me yesterday he'd run out of pants. I responded "Really?" and looked pointedly at the pile of clean washing he had not put away.

And the perennial 'must go for a shit just before we leave the house' despite having faffed on his computer for the previous half hour declaring "I'm ready whenever"... hmm.

My DP is even worse with tea bags, he will put tea bags in the sink.
Why? oh why?

He stayed up until 1:15 AM on the PlayStation with friends. I don't begrudge him at all usually, he does it once a week with a group of friends online. But I'd had an awful day and it was after 1AM!

@PumpkinPie2016

My husband asks me where the butter/cheese/whatever is without first looking in the bloody fridge As if I am some inventory for the fridge!

If it helps anyone, I have a large field. We're very remote too! No witnesses to be had apart from cows and sheep

I actually did a fridge and freezer inventory when DS was born and stuck it on the fridge. It was more to help me than to help him as I couldn't remember what we had and didn't want to have to search through, but it stopped the annoying questions!

Has a multi level 'floordrobe' with a 'system' as he mostly wears work clothes so if he wears a normal outfit he will keep it out for next time (possibly months away!). I had to sacrifice one of my laundry baskets so his floordrobe was contained but it outgrew that several years ago.
He doesn't put his clean laundry away, just places it in a pile as there's no room in his drawers (because he still owns most of the clothes and underwear he had before we met). There are currently 5 separate piles of clothes on his side of the bed (which he doesn't actually ever sleep in anyway), and I refuse to touch them so they just grow and grow. Our bedroom looks permanently messy because of this and it drives me potty. Of course he's always going to sort it out and never does.

Leaves paperwork in random places then gets irate when he can't find it. Even though he has several dedicated areas for his own paperwork. Last week he found his psychiatric notes from 18 months ago in the garage/his workshop.

@Thelnebriati

Dont bury your DH under the patio. The slabs never go back properly.

Soooo true😂

My DH is amazing. But... he's going in this ever increasing patio because he'll ask me something (often from another room) and i don't hear the question so i ask him to say it again. And he just repeats the last word, so it will go

"do you know what time the bank closes today?"
"say again?"
"Bank?"

arghhhhh....

Puts rubbish on the bench above the bin. I mean why, just put it in the bin.

Adapts recipes and wonders why I don't like it.

Refuses to see a doctor till it's bad and then I have to ring up arrange appointments around his work schedule ,without actually knowing his work schedule, and then re arrange when I inevitably get it conflicted with a meeting.

Oh and the best is to tell the five year old off for hording stuff and leaving toys out.

The phrase like father like son is often used by me.

Nothing changes

I do the teabag thing, because if I'm having a brew (I don't have many of them) it's always with a snack of a couple of biscuits, and if I put the teabag in the bin I'd then have to wash my hands before I ate the biscuits .. so I leave them on the side and bin them later. I do always bin them though. Admittedly it would annoy me massively if someone was doing that and then just leaving them for me to put in the bin later.

1.Disappears to the toilet for an hour everyday after work (has ibs apparantly but eats everything that's meant to aggravate it)

1. Has outrageously long showers, soaks the bathroom and doesn't open the window.

3.Falls asleep every night as soon as he sits on the sofa and then goes to bed and watches a film on his phone when I'm trying to sleep. 4.Piles and piles of paperwork in every drawer and surface he can find.

1. The usual "I can't find my keys, wallet, work planner"

6.I counted how many times he went up and down the stairs this morning before he went to work.... 13...like wtaf?? Three of these times he came into our bedroom with the torch on his phone to "look for something".. at 6am 7.Every programme is paused numerous times. 8.Takes so so so long to get ready to go anywhere. 9."Cleans"the kitchen but this doesn't include unloading or reloading the dishwasher.

Loads loads more but I'm getting the rage now.

Mine is always exhauuuuuusted.

Even when I was up every 3 hours breastfeeding our son, he "got woken up too" so he was exhausted. Now he's just had covid and he's exhausted, and is telling me that I've never had covid so I don't know what exhaustion is like. 🙄

Forgive me for having little sympathy DH.

Also he farts, but parts his ass cheeks. When I tell him it's disgusting he says it was an accident. I don't know how you can accidentally part your ass cheeks but there we have it.

Also yes, he can't find shit for himself. When I say "check the drawers in the kitchen" he'll give me "yes, but WHICH drawer". We only have fucking 3.

Save a space in the patio for my DH. Whenever we go somewhere new in the car (remember that) I have to drive because he is better at map reading. His instructions to me (especially at roundabouts, my favourites) is follow that car or go over there......really helpful when I am concentrating on the road in a strange location.

Mine is still in bed, asleep, right now (11.04am). He has to go for his Covid jab this afternoon and will expect me to wake him in time.

He has to have 2 baths a day, even if he doesn’t leave the house, and uses 2 fresh towels for each bath...he will not use a towel twice...4 towels a day to wash. He also won’t wear the same clothes twice so everything has to be washed...even jeans.

A couple of days ago I went upstairs to tidy around, as I went up he said ‘I think I’ll have an orange’.....came downstairs to this (see picture).

There’s much, much more 😳

He gets up much earlier than me mon-fri and always brings me a cup of tea before he goes. It's ridiculous to be annoyed about this but I don't need tea then add I'm not awake but he also leaves the milk out in the counter Every. Single. Time.

I come down a couple of hours later and the milk has been sat out for hours. He literally has his breakfast almost within arm's reach of the fridge and counter - why can't he just put it away???

Oooh and cleans the kitchen but doesn't wipe the surfaces and the hob has a bloody cloak of invisibility!!