Reasons my DH may end up under the patio...

[PringleMcDingle]

My top three...

1. He brushes his teeth with so much toothpaste that it ends up frothing and foaming everywhere. To wipe away this completely ridiculous amount of excess paste he always wipes his mouth on FRESH BLOODY TOWELS.

Every towel in our bathroom is covered in toothpaste. I swear on the odd occasion I've left something like pyjama bottoms on the radiator in there, he's pasted those too.

1. Instead of putting tea bags in the bin (which is right next to the kettle), he'll just leave them on the side or in something like a pan that's waiting to be washed by the sink. Why? Can someone, anyone, explain that to me?

1. Always asks me where certain items of clothing are without looking in his wardrobe. Or even worse, will ask me if he has any socks/underwear... Before just going to the sock/underwear drawer. I don't keep an inventory of sock availability... CHECK THE DRAWER.

So there, if you see me on the 9 o'clock news, you'll know that it was justified.

• sprays toothpaste all over the taps and mirror
• widdles on the floors and refuses to admit it’s his (it is not MINE!!)
• leaves doors and cupboards open
• forgets to turn off the gas hob when he finishes any cooking
• never wipes spills up on countertops
• scrunches up tea towels and leaves them on the side to fester
• leaves socks EVERYWHERE and then complains that he has no socks. HE HAS NOTHING BUT SOCKS!!!
• boils water from cold on the hob with no lid on the pan

He is really annoying...

Sitting reading out all the conspiracy theories and fake news from his mobile phone feeds. I'm not interested and I tell him this about twice a day. I'm having decking moved and a patio put down.... So tempting...

Omg so need to join in with this, get it off my chest...

• stubble over clean bathroom
• recycling in the refuse bin
• refuse in the recycle bin
• dogs on the clean bed getting dirt/grit on my part of the sheet 🤬
• shoes constant trip hazard directly in front of doors
• me tidying the garage (again) and he dumps stuff in the pathway (trip hazard)
• generally being the messiest person around and then you don't tidy up after yourself because you're tired / back hurts then he's all over it! 🤬
• moaning that you got up for a wee in the night which then kept him awake when it was his snoring in the first place that woke you!
• bringing the dirty (potentially viruses) washing from work and putting in front of the kitchen sink every time! 🤬
• starts a diy job but never quite finishes it and never tidies up!
• complains I make a mess in the kitchen... yes I cook from scratch and use fresh ingredients his idea of providing a meal is ordering a take away!

🤔

Remember when you bury a body to plant some indigenous plants on it - it is illegal to dig these up! Happy to despense with some more gardening tips if you need them

Oh yes forgot a regular early hours conversation we have;
Me: DH you're snoring turn over
DH: I've been awake for hours I haven't slept at all
ME: stop fucking snoring then !

Putting every light on as he moves through the house and leaving them on 😣

Chomping & grinding his teeth in his sleep 😡

Leaving plates complete with left food spread out across the kitchen work surfaces when he's cleared the table 😡

Actually ignore my other list.

The patio one is
LEAVING HIS BLOODY SIZ 10 TRAINERS RIGHT BY THE BACK DOOR WHEN HE COMES IN

So I can't go out with bending down to move them.
He can't be arsed to move them 18 inches to 'the place where we keep shoes'.

His excuse ?
I was going out again soon.

THIS. Many times a day.

Yup all of above with the addition of toothpaste on the bathroom mirror...

I also don't even say anymore if i have the cold it will go like this

Me: i think i might be getting the cold
Dp: now you mention it i felt like I was getting the flu earlier

Me: i have a little headache
Dp: i feel a migraine coming on

You get the jist....

Or the latest thing.. Dp has started asking.. How many steps have you done today? When i reply not many i work in office he will reply just me on 15 000 then. Hes the only person i know could do 10k in the house all day. I have visions of running around in circles when im not there

@LunaTheCat omigod about your knickers, ffs does he make you sterilize your flange or offer to boil his nob before sex??

Standing in front of fridge/drawer/cupboard and saying where’s the butter/tape measure /my blue jumper in injured tone. I say ‘I’ll just check my inter uterine tracking device.’ Feel bad, go over to said fridge/drawer/cupboard and the thing is inevitably RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF HIM.

Seconding the not putting a lid on a boiling pan. Infuriating.

And why can't he understand recycling?!

put the used teabags and the toothpaste in the bottom of his sock drawer.

My DH and I both have Covid right now. He took to his bed on day 2 of symptoms and has stayed there ever since. Playing xbox mostly. All I can hear is him fucking sighing. I'm on day 3 and am looking after myself, DD and him. His answer is that I don't get as ill as him. No, I fucking man up when I am ill, that's the difference!

1. Not refilling the water filter
2. Using EVERY single pot and pan in the kitchen to boil an egg
3. Asking what's on the menu and throwing a strop when they don't want it
4. Complains I "watch too much telly" but then binge watches who series through the night.

My husband asks me where things are ... the obvious things ... my reply up my arse on the left shelf. Then he shuts up!!! Been my line for the last 25 years.

Lol 😂 So familiar! Have you tried typing and printing messages and leaving them around the house in strategic places. ( yes, I have done this). Eg: ‘please use this facecloth to wipe your toothpasty mouth on because I’m fed up of you leaving toothpaste all over the clean towels.’
It works best if you leave several notes all
Over at the same time. He’ll think ‘WTF!’ - then he might consider what he’s doing. He’s probably completely unaware of how much he’s annoying you.

Can I borrow someone’s patio? He trimmed his beard over my dressing table in the bedroom and was confused when I shouted at him after I’d applied my foundation with a make up brush full of beard hair!

@MotherOfChaos28 I'll fetch a spade and give you a hand.

Leaving dirty dishes on top of the dishwasher when it is empty/ or half full of dirty. Why?! Why?! For the love of god whhhhyyyyy?!!!!

The tea bag thing. Just blows my mind each time. The sink is further from the kettle to the bin. Just, why?!?

He thinks that flicking the switch on the kettle = making a cup of coffee.

Today I nearly died of thirst because I was too busy multi-tasking to stop and, you know, get 2 mugs out of the cupboard, get a clean dry spoon out of the drawer, open the coffee jar and the sugar jar, spoon the right amount of each into 2 mugs, give them a stir, open the fridge, get the milk out pour the right amount of milk into each mug, give them another stir, put the dirty spoon into the sink for a wash.

Give him his due, he did actually make some toast to go with it, as I discovered when I came in from hanging out the washing. This was about 45 minutes after he had flicked the switch on the kettle.

He has no idea how close he came to that patio!

Number 3 on your list reminded me a lot of this OP:

Thank you all for reminding me once more how fortunate I am in not having a husband any more. Total bliss.

to everyone

... and I don't even have a patio...