Reasons my DH may end up under the patio...

[PringleMcDingle]

My top three...

1. He brushes his teeth with so much toothpaste that it ends up frothing and foaming everywhere. To wipe away this completely ridiculous amount of excess paste he always wipes his mouth on FRESH BLOODY TOWELS.

Every towel in our bathroom is covered in toothpaste. I swear on the odd occasion I've left something like pyjama bottoms on the radiator in there, he's pasted those too.

1. Instead of putting tea bags in the bin (which is right next to the kettle), he'll just leave them on the side or in something like a pan that's waiting to be washed by the sink. Why? Can someone, anyone, explain that to me?

1. Always asks me where certain items of clothing are without looking in his wardrobe. Or even worse, will ask me if he has any socks/underwear... Before just going to the sock/underwear drawer. I don't keep an inventory of sock availability... CHECK THE DRAWER.

So there, if you see me on the 9 o'clock news, you'll know that it was justified.

That's it ladies. The happy place cafe is getting a patio. As it is virtual it will hold as many bodies as you can imagine.

OK onw virtual patio on its way, near the petting zoo, I may add a pigsty too.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4093913-The-happy-place-cafe-2-advent-opening?watched=1&msgid=105236286#105236286

@Oysterbabe

1. Faffing. He takes 1000 years to do anything especially leave the house.

1. Loads the dishwasher but doesn't turn it on.
2. Unloads the dishwasher but leaves anything complicated, like tupperware, on the side rather than putting it away.
3. Never finishes anything. Leaves half a teaspoon and puts it back. He'll open a new one rather than finish something. See exhibit A for the defence.

We may actually be married to the same man

He's married to three of us Oysterbabe and Ouch.

Mine takes an hour to get turned round in the morning, Everything he does is so deliberate - it's almost like some weird performance art.

And he can't be in the kitchen without me, for some reason, in that when I go in to make a meal, suddenly there he is, as though I am magnetic and he has no option but to be drawn to my sheer gravitational pull. This man, who has sat on his *rse all bliddy day, suddenly has the need to empty bond and sort recycling and look in cupboards (but not for anything - just "wondering what's in there").

We used to have a magnetic knife rack, but fortunately got rid of it. It's only the fact that it takes me 10 minutes to sort through a drawer for sharp implement which has kept him alive. (I can always immediately lay hands on my "good" knife, but I'm not spoiling that with murder)

@Homebird8

I was going to ask for a little space if we could shuffle them all up but he’s big. We might need a stacking system.

1. He opens those supermarket trays of meat and dumps the bloody tray, complete with the bloody sodden liner, into a washing up bowl of cold water, without pulling off the cellophane fully. And then he expects that the tray will somehow get washed and put in the recycling with the soggy cellophane and mushy liner adequately disposed of. Not by my fair hand mateyboy.

1. On any journey of over 1.5 hours (but only when accompanied by his long suffering DW and DCs) he drives half an hour and pulls off the road into a garage because on a long journey all the tyres must be checked for pressure, the oil dipsticked and topped up, the windows washed, and the washer water toppped up with detergent. This takes at least half an hour and can not possibly be done prior to leaving home however long in the planning the trip is.

1. Decorating a room takes at least a year. Preparation, which I accept is very important, is a couple of months, then the start of the painting, and then the nine month hiatus for no reason, then the near end of the tether from those inconvenienced, and finally reordering of the room with the final jobs (like painting the doors) left until we are in our dotage and the children have homes of their own.

Given that nothing happens round here if I don’t organise it, I’d better pop round to yours and start extending the hole. It sounds like he’ll be in good company.

Ha!! No.2 made me laugh. I can imagine DH doing similar, definitely the tyre pressure.

Thanks for the patio addition @sashh, much needed by the sounds of things!

Mine likes to try and occupy the same space as me too and stand in front of cupboards I need to open.

@smellyolddog

All of the above but.. watch for this one, my DH does this thing when he walks into a room to chat he puts on leg up on a nearby object, sofa etc when he's talking to me.

so if there is a chair, he'll be standing on one leg with the other one up, kind of does a stomp noise as he stands with his hands on his hips like he's about to do a full step up.

But the most bizarre thing I noticed one of my male work colleagues does it, as does my DS.

I'm curious, any others??

Mine doesn't do this but I'm picturing the Friends episode where Phoebe's boyfriend does this and displays a bit too much in his shorts 🤣

I came on this thread to add to it because my DH is guilty of quite a few annoying misdemeanours, but having read through all 11 pages I've realised that there's a lot more he could do that would piss me off so much more.

I'm going to give mine a stay of execution.

For now.

The case for the prosecution:-

Always answers a question with a question. Infuriating!

Never knows where anything is. Even after I've TOLD him its in such-and-such a cupboard he still can't find it and swears it's not there. Whereupon I have to retrieve it from said cupboard. This has happened more times than I can count.

Incomplete washing up or dishwasher stacking. An offence that a lot of DHs seem to be guilty of.

Giving me a full running commentary on what he's doing or what he's about to do. This includes announcing his many visits to the toilet. (Maybe necessay as he stays in there for so long)

Telling me he's going to do a household job or repair and then forgetting to do it, by which time I've mentally ticked it off my list so it doesn't get covered until I notice the omission later.

Flushing the toilet, quite rightly with the lid down, but then omitting to check that everything has been flushed way. So I get a nasty shock when I left the lid later.

In mitigation:

He's very good at digging holes and laying patios!

So many of these quirks resonate with me! Mine is guilty of the following:-

• Slurping every kind of drink
• Making funny breathing sounds when he is chomping on his food, exhaling really loudly. I thought I would imitate him last night, and after a couple of loud exhalations, he asked me if I was alright!!
• Loads the dishwasher incorrectly with bowls in the plate part and mugs not on the hooky bits
• Never, ever empties the dishwasher as he 'doesn't know where things go'
• His answer to anything he does which I point out is not right for how the house runs is 'I didn't know'
• Never rinses out the bath or wipes down the surfaces in the bathroom - all covered with bits of shaving foam, beard, soap and toothpaste! Ugh

I'm surprised that toast crumbs in the butter hasn't come up yet. Maybe that's an annoying wife thing 😅

@hedrivesmecrazy

I'm surprised that toast crumbs in the butter hasn't come up yet. Maybe that's an annoying wife thing 😅

Mine doesn't have butter on anything. Weirdo.

I can't be bothered to put him under the patio, it's bin day tomorrow and they are collecting general waste.

[gri]

I've thought of another few;

He trims his beard normally on the day I clean/wipe sink over. Little hairs stuck to everything including the tiles.

Leaves empty shower gel/shampoo around the bath then proceeds to use whatever is left (my femfresh wash for example to wash his hair).

Winds the dog up at night when he's already been walked and is settled, throws his rope, hits him (gently) with sofa cushions (the dog loves playing with sofa cushions makes him do "zoomies" around the house) so our peaceful sleepy dog then ends up like the Tasmanian devil wanting to play until gone midnight.

Never feeds the cat, the cat can be meowing around his feet in the kitchen and he will ignore him until I come and put a pouch down.

I know this is meant to be a light hearted thread, but some of these made for very uncomfortable reading.
Ivfbeenbusy who's awake with twins while her husband sleeps a full 8 hours in the spare room and complains of tiredness is a particular highlight. And @Fiona2020, who's cleaning and sorting out the whole house for selling while hers moans and bitches is another i can think of off the top of my head.

I am doing my ex's garden up before house goes on the market. It's a probate sale, so I may scatter ex's ashes there. Means there is space under the patio if people have something they wish to bury. 😁

The DC are inheriting everything so I'm working on it to hopefully get a great price for the house, he'd neglected the garden.

The tiredness thing seems to be very common I see.
Mine claims he hasn't slept a wink when he's been snoring loudly all night every night keeping me awake!

He also spends ages to stack the dishes neatly by the sink when he could've taken that time to just wash them!

He has to be asked to do any housework.

*Mine doesn't have butter on anything. Weirdo
*
Neither does mine! Or cheese! To be honest I'm starting to wonder why I married him 😉

Mine is a tiredness moaner too. He starts yawning about how exhausted he is at about 8PM. And he does the competitive tiredness too.

He also poos at times that annoy me. Whenever I’ve got my hands full and need him to watch the kids, this triggers his bowels and he has to nip off for a poo. Heading on a day out? Got to make it to the airport on time? Yep it’s shitting time.

HE TAKES MY NICELY FOLDED BATH TOWEL OFF THE TOWEL HEATER AND HANGS IT OFF THE TOP EDGE OF THE TOWEL HEATER BECAUSE RATHER THAN FOLD HIS BATH TOWEL AND PUT IT ON A LOWER RUNG HE WANTS TO HANG IT.

He could hang his towel without disturbing mine but oh no.

He leaves things I use more than him on really high shelves and seems to forget he's 6'8 and I'm certainly not. Then tells me off for endangering myself for climbing up the kitchen cupboards to get the sodding pasta.

Oh god 😂 there are so many things that my fiancé does, that I have read on here! That have had me reaching for the “add post” button to say “me too”! But I never quite got there until I read this! My fiancé does this. Every. Single. Time. Why? Whyyyyyyyyyyy?

Change this to reasons my wife may end up under the patio. Aye, not so funny now is it. 🙄

No, it’s not funny, but it’s also not the same because men do kill their female partners with terrifying frequency.

@PringleMcDingle

He's tired. All the time

Let me guess, no one is ever as tired as he is either?!

Oh my god this. And no one is ever as busy at work. Even though I work a much longer day and get up much earlier, so am, logically, both more busy and more tired.

I also just had to write the note for shopping out for him. Because he would forget most things we needed - but come back with 50 gajillion unneeded things .. so I wrote the note. And made him read it back to me .. then he added other stuff to the list but “he will remember it” .. sigh! He’s good though, so I can’t bury him yet! Wait- he just came back because it’s started raining!! (to get the brolly- I was about to murder him then and there!)

He uses the last of something and doesn't tell me or add it to the list.

Leaves the milk seal thing on the side.

Leaves cupboard doors open.