To feel weird about buying pre worn clothes

[unikitty08]

DC is starting nursery next month.

A few friends have told me how messy his clothes are going to get and not to send him in anything expensive.

I was talking to one friend about buying him a puddle suit and she recommended ebay.

She told me she buys a lot of her daughters clothes (especially for nursery) in bundles and they are “pre loved”

I was surprised about this as her daughter is always dressed in Next, Zara, Gap. Brands I would consider to be that bit more pricey.

When I was growing up, to buy second hand or use charity shops etc was a big no no.
It was viewed as though you didn’t have money or couldn’t afford nice things.

I don’t have this view of other people, particularly not now as an adult, but I do have this view of myself if I were to buy pre worn clothes.

I’ve had a look at some clothes bundles this evening and I’m shocked at some of the lovely things I could get, the puddle suit id seen for nursery, which brand new is £35, I can get pre worn worn for £5!

I don’t think I can bring myself to buy pre worn though, I feel weird about it, like I’m “hard up” or
a bit trampy.

I feel really envious now of the people that clothes shop this way, it would save me a fortune!

How can I get past my weird feelings?

[quote SleepingStandingUp]@unikitty08 do you bin am her outgrown clothes too?[/quote]
@SleepingStandingUp

I haven’t thrown away any of his clothes. They’re all vacuum packed in storage bags.

Princess Beatrice wore her granny's old dress to get married in, even royalty wear second hand.

@lunarlife

I grew up in working class area with a real prejudice against 2nd hand clothes, charity shops and jumble sales. They existed but you were judged.

Glad it wasn’t just me. This thread was starting to make me feel like I’d imagined it. 🤦🏻‍♀️

@theThreeofWeevils

Please excuse my ignorance, why is it better for the environment? I have not RTFT, but it seems to me that, if you are posting in good faith, you must be incredibly dim. Please excuse my judgment. dillygaf.

@theThreeofWeevils

How incredibly rude. Wouldn’t the kind thing to be to educate someone when they ask? Instead of making a judgment like that.

You just have to gradually start doing it. Buy stuff on eBay from nice shops for the kids, boden, Joules etc. They’ll generally arrive smelling of fabric softener and neatly folded. Your kids will look great and you can start to feel smug about doing something eco friendly while saving money. Honesty that feeling is addictive!

I come from a reasonably well off background and we are very comfortable now. I pretty much go out of my way to buy good quality used items for the children - actually, for all of us. My parents were the same when we were children.

Lots of their toys and clothes have come from charity shops, eBay, Facebook marketplace and selling sites. Plus hand me downs from friends. When they're outgrown, items always get handed down to friends, charity shops, back on eBay or marketplace.

It's not just about saving money, it also means if you buy them a toy that they don't play with as much as you thought they would, it's not such a big deal because you haven't paid much for it. You don't need to be too precious about their clothes when they're playing outside, painting etc because they were second hand anyway. It makes life so much easier!

@Wiredforsound

It’s possible that because you’ve grown up in poverty you’re much more conscious of being seen to be affluent. Posh people genuinely couldn’t give a shit what people think of their clothes. Their kids run around quite happily in hand me downs, often pretty threadbare or with holes. As long as they’re warm and cleanish who cares?

This!!

95% of my clothes are second hand.
If I need a new item then my local charity shops are my first port of call.
I could easily afford to buy new, but I feel it is wasteful, and not good value.
I have some beautiful clothes whicj have cost me only a couple of pounds.
It doesnlt concern me what others may think- but how would anyone even know?

Where I live it’s the wealthy who buy second hand and the poor who buy brand new

This ^

I don't understand why it's an issue. Clothes are clothes. Give them a good wash if you are worried, and they are no different to something you bought new that your dc has worn a few times.

If I see something nice with little wear in the charity shop I'll buy it. If I don't I'll buy new. I also pass on all my dcs clothes to friends, or home start, or a charity shop, or a clothing bank. I don't like sending usable things to landfill.

I wouldn’t have been seen dead in a charity shop as a kid, now I love a good charity shop rummage, mostly because I live in hope of finding a designer bargain. (Unlikely around here but I live in hope!) My best bargain was a Joules dress with the tags on for my daughter for 25p!

I’ve just kitted my daughter out in good quality (mostly Jojo) clothes for nursery for less than £10 from Vinted, most of it looks like it’s barely been worn. It’s cheaper than the supermarkets and I won’t be gutted if she trashes it. It wasn’t so bad in the baby room at nursery but now she’s in the toddler room she’s managing to stain at least one top a week that I just can’t get clean. (And I mean stained beyond being able to be worn again).

@OverTheRainbow88

It’s weird how often a thread about bashing second hand clothes comes up.... and disappears as quickly as it arrived!

My thread isn’t to bash second hand clothes.

I’m genuinely envious about people feeling comfortable buying second hand, I wish I did

I hope you can understand that my feelings have come from my childhood and not something I’ve just thought up as an adult.

It’s hard to just lose that stigma when it was what you were raised with.

I grew up in a well off family, but new clothes were a treat, I used to get bags of hand me downs from friends and family. I used to love rummaging through those bags! Now I have my own family we are all dressed mostly from charity shops and ebay, though obviously will buy something new if I can't find it 2nd hand. For me it's both the environmental concerns and also cost. Like others say, we are better dressed in 2nd hand clothes than we would be in new clothes on the same budget!
I have friends who feel like you do though, and find it hard to get past it, even though it makes sense!
Maybe get one ebay bundle to try, give it a wash and an iron, and see how you feel about it!

@TheCatWithTheFluffyTail

Where I live it’s the wealthy who buy second hand and the poor who buy brand new.

This

@Wiredforsound

It’s possible that because you’ve grown up in poverty you’re much more conscious of being seen to be affluent. Posh people genuinely couldn’t give a shit what people think of their clothes. Their kids run around quite happily in hand me downs, often pretty threadbare or with holes. As long as they’re warm and cleanish who cares?

And this

I get it OP, I used to love a good charity shop rummage and I even volunteered in one when I was between jobs. When I developed OCD I couldn't buy second hand any more. I have since had treatment but there is still residual ick.

My plan is to wait until charity shops are open again, at least in the shops you can have a good look over the item before committing to buy. Also charity shops are much different to how they were when you were a child, much more light and airy and less like a jumble sale. If I do buy anything I plan to have an empty washing machine ready to throw the clothes in when I get home. I have tried to buy a few things off marketplace and Ebay, but I think with tips and charity shops closed people are desperately trying to get rid if so much tat and the things I did get back had holes in them and were a bit whiffy. I haven't tried Ebay because every time I look, the prices are too close to RRP to be worth it.

All the kids i know from wealthy families always look a bit dishevelled and scruffy. All the kids I know from working class families are always dressed pristine and often in expensive designer gear. Is this a UK thing ?

I am from a poor background and lived in a deprived area. It was definitely a stigma. My friend who has brought her children up in a deprived area says to an extent it still is. She does go to charity shops now but said when her children were babies/toddlers it all had to be brand new Next. A lot of it was shoplifted (not her, quite often you would get a knock at the door with people offering you beautiful stuff)
I do both. I buy new and for a day out we head out to Cowbridge (Welsh mumsnetters will understand) and rifle the charity shops there. You get some beautiful brands there for bargainous prices.

I can tell you aren’t bashing second hand clothes. I totally understand that it’s something deep rooted from child hood. I think loads of people feel the same. It’s a privilege to not be worried that people will think less of you for what you are wearing.

I think I you just need to start small, buy a few bit here and there. You don’t need to tell anyone. If it grosses you out that someone else has worn the clothes, give them a good wash. It’s only the same as using towels and bedding in a hotel.

I used to wear some second hand clothes growing up it was no big deal. The family friend we got them off had nice things. When I was pregnant with DD I was handed a big box of second hand clothing and barely had to get anything new. I love buying her new clothes but it's too expensive to get everything she needs that way and I've been buying her bundles of second hand clothes and shoes in her current size. A lot of it is from more expensive shops than I tend to use so that's nice

I recently bought a first bundle off eBay for DD. I would normally look in charity shops and then buy new things as necessary.

She's basically got a whole new wardrobe of better-quality clothes than I would ever have bought new.

I could buy new I tend not to for all the reasons previously stated
We look for bargains in every other aspect of life why not clothes?
Some of my favourite stuff for my boys has been 2nd hand

Um someone has to buy new clothes so someone else can buy them second hand.

Op. Its clear you’re not bashing second hand clothes, how silly and no you didn’t imagine it, there used to be a real stigma against it.

Charity shops in the eighties at least, were musty places, with something akin to your nans old China in one corner, some well thumbed books in another, couple of rails of dated well worn clothes, a rack or two of done in shoes, and a box of old toys.

There was no term “pre loved” in common usage, you could not go onto eBay and buy second hand there, so it was just charity shops or jumble sales, and it was perceived as you only bought your clothes or shoes from these places if you were really poor.

I’m fairly sure some of the posters bashing you know that full well.

I grew up in a deprived area.

No one bought second hand clothes. There were no second hand clothes shops in town, because everyone wore clothes until they were threadbare. Families would reuse and every child was dressed in hand me down clothes, but they were stitched and repaired intil they were threadbare.
Even then the fabric would be used as patches, woollen jumpers would be pulled apart and the wool used to re-knit something else.
Eventually the fabric would be used as cleaning clothes.
No one had anything to donate.
There wasn't a single charity shop in town.

It’s definitely a class thing. If you’ve got money you couldn’t care less that people see you in second hand stuff.
I grew up near Bedales school in the 80’s. Uber cool school for the sons and daughters of the media and arts world. My school were buying clothes that were identical versions of each other from the high street. Acid wash skinnies being a fave.
They were raiding the charity shops for unique tops to go to with their ripped 501s.

I’m guessing it why it’s not called second hand now, rebranded as vintage or pre loved.

If you’ve got money you couldn’t care less that people see you in second hand stuff.

How do people know?