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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel weird about buying pre worn clothes

377 replies

unikitty08 · 28/02/2021 00:03

DC is starting nursery next month.

A few friends have told me how messy his clothes are going to get and not to send him in anything expensive.

I was talking to one friend about buying him a puddle suit and she recommended ebay.

She told me she buys a lot of her daughters clothes (especially for nursery) in bundles and they are “pre loved”

I was surprised about this as her daughter is always dressed in Next, Zara, Gap. Brands I would consider to be that bit more pricey.

When I was growing up, to buy second hand or use charity shops etc was a big no no.
It was viewed as though you didn’t have money or couldn’t afford nice things.

I don’t have this view of other people, particularly not now as an adult, but I do have this view of myself if I were to buy pre worn clothes.

I’ve had a look at some clothes bundles this evening and I’m shocked at some of the lovely things I could get, the puddle suit id seen for nursery, which brand new is £35, I can get pre worn worn for £5!

I don’t think I can bring myself to buy pre worn though, I feel weird about it, like I’m “hard up” or
a bit trampy.

I feel really envious now of the people that clothes shop this way, it would save me a fortune!

How can I get past my weird feelings?

OP posts:
Original poster
unikitty08 · 28/02/2021 00:30

@grinchyvalentine

I shouldn't be encouraging you really you may outbid me!

🤣🤣

OP posts:
felineflutter · 28/02/2021 00:31

Yes 90% of our clothes are off ebay. It means I can buy a £200+ coat for £40 etc and also it just feels like a healthier way to live.

We got our DC into buying and selling clothes from about 7 years old. They are now demons at kitting themselves out in designer clothes and then reselling them so spend hardly anything on clothes tbh.

tiredmum2468 · 28/02/2021 00:32

I used to work in a very fancy children's boutique quite some years ago when I was in college as a Saturday job.

The owner used to offer an instalment plan where people could come in and pay bits off their order which was held for afew weeks for them and then they paid up the account to take the goods. She was a good business woman and also while they were in they'd see something else they liked and start another payment plan.

It was always people who probably couldn't afford it and told you honestly they'd sold something to pay a
Bit more off or got their "giro" back in the day.

Most of my friends who are wealthy buy Ebay bundles or in charity shops because it is cheaper and they are often people who are more careful with their money and you can get really nice things.

Don't waste money on nursery clothes there's years to come of wanting expensive things!!

Emeraldshamrock · 28/02/2021 00:32

Lose the shame you'll save a fortune.
If you like buying new re-sell them, it'll be your contribution to the environment. Wink
I don't buy from ebay the postage is high outside the UK.

RuralJuror · 28/02/2021 00:33

My son wore a lot of hand-me-downs from his cousins. Would that be considered "trampy?" Made sense from a financial and environmental point of view. Perhaps when your son comes home from nursey covered in paint, glue, glitter, sand etc, you will reconsider lol

felineflutter · 28/02/2021 00:34

It is an important lifeskill IMO.

I was listening to a colleague at work berating her DS for buying secondhand clothes as she could afford brand new ones. She said she was stingy and felt sorry for her DC . Confused

multivac · 28/02/2021 00:35

Guess what brand new clothes become after your kid has worn them a couple of times? Unless you are going to throw every garment away after a single wear, it's kind of bonkers to be worried that your children might be judged for wearing something that's been worn before- by them, or someone else. What's the difference?

BackforGood · 28/02/2021 00:38

Yes, YABU

Where I live it’s the wealthy who buy second hand and the poor who buy brand new.

A generalisation I know, but I'd agree with this ^

The only family I've come across who didn't want things passed down when they had their first (and then subsequent) babies are the ones on benefits.

Original poster
unikitty08 · 28/02/2021 00:39

@RuralJuror

My son wore a lot of hand-me-downs from his cousins. Would that be considered "trampy?" Made sense from a financial and environmental point of view. Perhaps when your son comes home from nursey covered in paint, glue, glitter, sand etc, you will reconsider lol
@RuralJuror

I don’t think it’s trampy, no.
Being passed down from family never seemed to be an issue. I remember once wearing my cousins dress!

I did grow up hearing references like that about charity ahoos, either from school friends or family.
Wether that’s because the clothes are from
an unknown person or they’re bought cheaply, I don’t know. Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
unikitty08 · 28/02/2021 00:41

@multivac

Guess what brand new clothes become after your kid has worn them a couple of times? Unless you are going to throw every garment away after a single wear, it's kind of bonkers to be worried that your children might be judged for wearing something that's been worn before- by them, or someone else. What's the difference?
@multivac

Well I don’t think there is a difference.
I honestly think it’s the stigma that’s attached that has obviously come from my childhood.

I can imagine if I told my mother I’d bought clothes on eBay for my son, she would offer me money or tell me I’m a bad mother... 🙄

OP posts:
Mylittlesandwich · 28/02/2021 00:43

@unikitty08 don't tell her, I bet she won't notice.

Emeraldshamrock · 28/02/2021 00:44

A shameful trick the wc had for years to save the environment.
We use to get the bus to the posh parts of Dublin the charity shops stocked with timeless pieces not good enough for the rich in the area.
I got a chanel scarf and sunglasses for a bargain. 😎
This thread reminds of Macklemore "thrift shop"

Original poster
unikitty08 · 28/02/2021 00:47

@BackforGood

**The only family I've come across who didn't want things passed down when they had their first (and then subsequent) babies are the ones on benefits.

OP posts:
Corcory · 28/02/2021 00:52

It's always very interesting this type of conversation because most people don't realise that the the well off always recycled their clothes be it handing them down to others in the family or to people who worked for them. I was brought up in a farming family and where hand me downs were absolutely the norm. When i was young in the 50s and 60s clothes were really expensive there was no cheap imports or synthetic fabrics. So it was absolutely normal to hand down clothes. My children were lucky to get a bursary to get into an expensive prep. school. In these schools there are second hand uniform and sports clothes shops. They all have them and most certainly wouldn't think twice about getting uniform from there. They all did it. However i have a friend who's children when there too. Her family did not traditionally go to these sorts of places, she could be classed as 'new well off'. She moves house and buys new furniture for every bit of it. She always bought brand new uniform. My house is full on hand me down furniture from past generations and I think it looks great. I love how most things I have have a story to tell.
So what I'm trying to say is that it's always been absolutely normal to wear second hand in the upper classes and has never been thought of as a bad thing at all.

Emeraldshamrock · 28/02/2021 00:53

The only family I've come across who didn't want things passed down when they had their first (and then subsequent) babies are the ones on benefits
Really the ones on benefits?
Lots of rich mums won't use hand downs on their first, look at instagram.
It is nice to have new things for your baby believe me it isn't wc pushing the spending frenzy for all the new fads.

Leeds2 · 28/02/2021 00:56

Spoke to my 22 year old DD today, who is having a weekend in New York (she isn't based in UK) and said she had been on a "thrift shop tour" and showed me what she had bought. She is very into doing what is best for the environment, and is proud to be wearing second hand, or pre loved, clothes.
If anyone is interested, she paid to go on this walking tour, and the guide tool them to unusual/out of the way thrift shops. I haven't seen this - yet! - in the UK.
When DD was little, I volunteered in a charity shop and bought her loads of clothes from there. If you look carefully, many are brand new (with tags) or as good as new (ie same as you would buy after a couple of washes) so no problem with wearing them for nursery.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 28/02/2021 01:00

I was a bit like you years ago when I had my DC. I'm from a very working class background where shame was attached to wearing 'second hand'. I've since changed my views and love charity shops but I only ever look for designer labels. My DD hardly ever buys new for her DC except for shoes as she's a strong believer in recycling and reusing, she could easily afford to buy new. Go for it and through the stigma from your past away.

cariadlet · 28/02/2021 01:01

Nothing wrong with 2nd hand. Most of my clothes for work are from charity shops. When dd was a baby and toddler I used to buy almost all her clothes from charity shops apart from shoes and underwear. I carried on until she was about halfway through primary school and started to be interested in fashion and wanted to go start choosing her new clothes for herself.

Buying 2nd hand saves money, gives money to good causes (if you buy from charity shops) and is much better for the environment than buying new.

FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 28/02/2021 01:03

YABU. Snob.

Finfintytint · 28/02/2021 01:07

@Emeraldshamrock

The only family I've come across who didn't want things passed down when they had their first (and then subsequent) babies are the ones on benefits Really the ones on benefits? Lots of rich mums won't use hand downs on their first, look at instagram. It is nice to have new things for your baby believe me it isn't wc pushing the spending frenzy for all the new fads.
Instagram mums have a vested interest in pushing new products and a certain lifestyle. It is the poorer parents pushing the spending frenzy.
PhoenixIsFlying · 28/02/2021 01:09

I buy the majority of my clothes off e bay. I am now a single mum barely able to make ends meet. This and the environment spurned me on to getting an e bay account. I now have clothes I could never have afforded. All of the items I have bought have arrived in tip top condition. It's a great feeling being able to dress so well for so little and feel good about the fact I'm recycling x

supersonicginandtonic · 28/02/2021 01:09

Where on earth did you grow up? I grew up in the 80s/90s, in Yorkshire and I can assure you, hand me downs and second hand we're the norm, even then. And that was among all classes.

SandlakeRd · 28/02/2021 01:11

My 14 year old and his mates often sell clothes between them. If a 14 year old doesn’t see a problem then neither do I! He even bought some pants off a friend but they were new to be fair!

Fairydustrust · 28/02/2021 01:18

It was very working class to look down on second hand clothes, op. I understand what you mean. You might get over it when you have spent a fortune on clothes that your dc never wore because they had a growth spurt Grin

Original poster
unikitty08 · 28/02/2021 01:19

@supersonicginandtonic

Where on earth did you grow up? I grew up in the 80s/90s, in Yorkshire and I can assure you, hand me downs and second hand we're the norm, even then. And that was among all classes.
@supersonicginandtonic

Same era! Hand me downs were never an issue. Charity shops were!

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