To feel weird about buying pre worn clothes

[unikitty08]

DC is starting nursery next month.

A few friends have told me how messy his clothes are going to get and not to send him in anything expensive.

I was talking to one friend about buying him a puddle suit and she recommended ebay.

She told me she buys a lot of her daughters clothes (especially for nursery) in bundles and they are “pre loved”

I was surprised about this as her daughter is always dressed in Next, Zara, Gap. Brands I would consider to be that bit more pricey.

When I was growing up, to buy second hand or use charity shops etc was a big no no.
It was viewed as though you didn’t have money or couldn’t afford nice things.

I don’t have this view of other people, particularly not now as an adult, but I do have this view of myself if I were to buy pre worn clothes.

I’ve had a look at some clothes bundles this evening and I’m shocked at some of the lovely things I could get, the puddle suit id seen for nursery, which brand new is £35, I can get pre worn worn for £5!

I don’t think I can bring myself to buy pre worn though, I feel weird about it, like I’m “hard up” or
a bit trampy.

I feel really envious now of the people that clothes shop this way, it would save me a fortune!

How can I get past my weird feelings?

I have always loved charity shops, from being a teenager in the 80's/90's, and also love a jumble sale and car boot sale. Have dressed my children in second hand clothes from birth, I liked really nice stuff but didn't have the funds to be constantly buying it new, so only bought new for special occasions.

Does the nursery have a uniform ? or will you be sending your child in their own clothes ? Clothes do get messy at nursery, once they are covered in a variety of mud/grass stains/paint/glitter/food nobody will be able to tell if they are new or second hand

I had to wear second hand clothes as a kid and hated it as they were definitely scratty looking. Nowadays though, there's so much disposable fashion that things are barely used when they're sold on.
I have bought some second hand stuff for my daughter but I sell tons online. Most things have only been worn once as we massively overestimated how much stuff she needed so it's all gone to waste.

I buy loads of clothes for my DS on eBay. I can't bring myself to spend loads of money for things I know will only get worn for a few months and will get stained at nursery anyway. Better to save the planet (in a small way!) and buy second hand. We do buy him some things new, but for expensive purchases I usually check eBay or Facebook Marketplace first.

I am really missing a good rummage through the charity shops. Grew up in a working class area, we had everything brand new. My kids by comparison have loads of second hand stuff, either from friends, eBay or charity shops. Second hand books are a steal compared to new. It's good from both a environmental and cost perspective.

I pretty much wore exclusively vintage for about 5 years in the early 00s (and made a profit when I sold it all).

I had an ex-boyfriend who had a huge aversion to secondhand clothes. He was grossed out that my friends and I would happily search the racks at our local Salvation Army store and church jumble sales for something we liked, for cheap. We all grew up in a middle-class area, with some poorer working-class towns surrounding us.

It was the first I'd heard of judging secondhand clothes, because my mom and I wore all sorts of cast-offs from family and friends. But i always thought it was a kind of sensory issue with him: he didn't like the smell of the clothes in the charity shop. They were clean, but there was always a distinct "charity shop" kind of smell that took getting used to. That's easily washed out when you get it home, though.

As for myself and my own kids, the only reason I hesitate buying secondhand is that a lot of what I find online is bobbled, faded, has marks on it, and still marked up because it's a Scandinavian or designer brand or something. I am clearly looking in the wrong places!

It’s definitely a class thing. If you’ve got money you couldn’t care less that people see you in second hand stuff

It’s really not. Wealthy people aren’t all down the charity shops buying their clothing. Teenagers looking for vintage pieces is very different and was not class related.

I don’t know why folks keep trying to insinuate wealthy folks all buy their clothes from charity shops. It’s nothing to do with class. The people who buy clothes second hand come from all walks of life, and do it for a variety of reasons, be it budget, frugality, environment, whatever, but it’s fuck all to do with class.

I can easily afford new (not bragging, just stating the facts) but 90% of mine and DC’s clothes are second hand.
DC wears Boden, JoJo, Joules, Gap, White Company, etc and I wear lots of Whistles, Reiss, Hobbs, LK Bennett (for work). Also have expensive kit for my hobby, mostly second hand via Facebook selling pages.

I just fail to see the point of buying new when I can get immaculate second hand for a small percentage of the cost.

But obviously someone has to buy the new item or there wouldn’t be a 2nd hand market

I grew up completely I hand me downs from cousins. I hated in and remember being very young and thinking I will never do this when I grow up. I hated that I saw others wearing the clothes and knowing that I'm going to be wearing that when it's old. It probably affected me on some level because I cannot bear to wear used clothes or dress my dc in them. My dsis otoh was much younger and got everything new by then and she has no problem using second hand clothing.

Perhaps when your son comes home from nursey covered in paint, glue, glitter, sand etc, you will reconsider lol
I have to say that I had 2 dc in nursery and they never came home like this.

I do think Preloved clothing is now becoming a thing. I have seen this on the rise recently. The stores/sites selling them have rules about what brands and quality you can resell.
I think for higher end items it is fine.

It just comes down to personal preference.

@TheCatWithTheFluffyTail

Where I live it’s the wealthy who buy second hand and the poor who buy brand new.

Yep!

It’s honestly not a sign that you can’t afford new.

It’s just sensible, and not just for environmental reasons - if you can find nice things more cheaply - often a lot more cheaply. How about putting the difference into savings for your dc?

My dd and her friends nearly all pass outgrown things around among themselves. A pair of M&S dungarees I bought for crawling-age Gdc1 over 5 years ago, recently came back to dd for her Gdc3!

It’s true about clothes for nursery, BTW. Paint, mud, you name it.

I’m not sure why people are saying that it’s those who have money that buy second hand.

We have money. My husband and I both earn a respectable salary.

I don’t buy new clothes to try and keep up with anyone. I don’t buy designer or certain labels.

I just grew up with a very real stigma around buying second hand clothes.

Not many clothes go to landfill.

They are either sent to poor developing nations, or recycled into a fabric called ‘shoddy’ which is used for blankets or cleaning cloths.

I say more the fool people who don't buy children's clothes this way

Most of the clothes I've bought for my first baby are second hand. I dont wear new clothes every day it's no different someone else wearing them first, most clothes you put on have been worn before. I've got lovely stuff that would have gone to waste and saved money that I can spend on more important things for our child.

I buy all of my clothes on eBay. I might treat myself to something new every so often, but why spend full price when you can buy something so much cheaper, better for the environment and help someone out in the process?!?

On eBay you can search for exactly what you want and the clothes are usually in good condition. People don’t tend to sell bobbly, out of style or worn items as they don’t have a good resale value and wouldn’t be worth bothering posting- plus their seller rating would be affected. Buying good quality used clothes on eBay is a far cry from going into a charity shop and buying whatever fits because that is all you can afford.

I buy everything for my baby on eBay. I'm not spending lots of money on clothes she will grow out of in a couple of months. Then I sell them on eBay when I've finished.

My older kids get mainly eBay stuff too. People sell really nice clothes.

My 7 year old Dd can't wait for charity shops to open again. She loves going in and looking for clothes. She's found some really lovely outfits and enjoys it.

My SIL looks down on us. Her children only wear big brands or designer. She spends hundreds, I spend a few quid. My children look no scruffier than hers.

Loads of unworn things on eBay too, selling for a fraction of their retail cost. Almost everything that is worn here is secondhand, as is everything in the house. I always buy very good quality items so they last and last and all clothes get passed on. We could afford new but it just seems wasteful.

@chillibeansauce

All the kids i know from wealthy families always look a bit dishevelled and scruffy. All the kids I know from working class families are always dressed pristine and often in expensive designer gear. Is this a UK thing ?

I don't know if this is a UK thing. But I work in mental health and look after people in some really difficult social circumstances.

What I would say is that people who live comfortably (myself included) don't worry about their kids being a bit scruffy. Their kids are well fed etc.

Whereas people who are really struggling, who may have social work contact or contact with services like mine, genuinely worry that their kids looking a bit scruffy will result in them being judged adversely by professional organisations.

Little Johnny has a holey t shirt but his mum and dad are well off and live in a nice big house. Everyone has a laugh about how it's the only t shirt he will wear.

Little Jimmy has a holey t shirt and lives in a small overcrowded flat where money is tight. His mum legitimately worries that this might be the thing that gets her family referred to social services and school wonders if that's the only top he owns.

I don't think that's right - parents with less money absolutely are as good and effective parents as those who are well off. But I can see where the anxiety about kids looking really neat and well turned out comes from. That isn't to say the OP has this background but it does perhaps account for some of what is being observed

Lots of people use second hand clothing for their dc. When I have sold some of the toys/clothes they have grown out of, the clothes tend to sell first. Things like splash suits are expensive and you don't get a lot of wear out of them, so I would definitely get second hand. Your friends are correct, clothes get trashed at nursery. Never send your child in anything you would be upset at getting ruined!

I have an 18 month old and have just started buying more on eBay and Facebook market place. I I also sell his bits on there too. When you think about how quick they grow some of these clothes have only been worn a hand full of times. He also has a few second hand toys of Facebook, perfect condition.

I buy the vast majority of my DSs clothes in bundles off Facebook. You often get a mix of supermarket brands and high street including alot of next, gap and Zara stuff. Each baby bundle I've got us around 30 on this occasion including a coat ( a lovely next one) for the baby sizes.

I could afford to buy all his stuff new but my point of view is that it saves money for us to spend it on other things such as family days out ( covid permitting) rather then clothes they grow out of in 5 minutes. Also keeps hardly warn clothes out of a landfill.

OP I think you need to change your mindset - I work in the City, earn multiple 6 figure income and bloody love buying good quality second hand stuff for my DC from eBay or local FB groups. The seller makes a bit of £ back, I get something lovely at a bargain price, it's a win:win.

But then (not saying you personally do this) I hold no truck with designer clothes for children and am perfectly happy putting them in normal high st/supermarket clothes. I call that good financial sense, not being trampy

DH and I are very comfortable financially, but I maintain that buying second hand clothes for DC and us is better for the environment and our pockets. By used and save the difference.

My DC have Hatley coats, a full Boden wardrobe, Joules, JoJo Maman Bebe all for a fraction of the cost of new. Some stuff arrives with tags on!
Shoes and underwear I buy new, my DC are always complimented on their outfits.

My work colleagues often ask me where I bought something and I have 0 shame in saying eBay or Shpock. It's fashionable to be financially secure and environmentally aware and your son won't know any different

Thanks for the tip op, just snapped up a couple of bundles for my lo’s! Throw it all in the wash and it’s like it’s been theirs all along... don’t even think twice.