To feel weird about buying pre worn clothes

[unikitty08]

DC is starting nursery next month.

A few friends have told me how messy his clothes are going to get and not to send him in anything expensive.

I was talking to one friend about buying him a puddle suit and she recommended ebay.

She told me she buys a lot of her daughters clothes (especially for nursery) in bundles and they are “pre loved”

I was surprised about this as her daughter is always dressed in Next, Zara, Gap. Brands I would consider to be that bit more pricey.

When I was growing up, to buy second hand or use charity shops etc was a big no no.
It was viewed as though you didn’t have money or couldn’t afford nice things.

I don’t have this view of other people, particularly not now as an adult, but I do have this view of myself if I were to buy pre worn clothes.

I’ve had a look at some clothes bundles this evening and I’m shocked at some of the lovely things I could get, the puddle suit id seen for nursery, which brand new is £35, I can get pre worn worn for £5!

I don’t think I can bring myself to buy pre worn though, I feel weird about it, like I’m “hard up” or
a bit trampy.

I feel really envious now of the people that clothes shop this way, it would save me a fortune!

How can I get past my weird feelings?

Honestly you sound snobbish. Time to get out of your ivory tower. I hope you raise you son to not be as judgemental.

Buying second hand nowadays is so different to when I was a child
I remember going to jumble sales with my mum and feeling “icky”
Now I buy second hand, branded clothes for my children when it makes sense. Especially for items like puddle suits / snow suits that are worn for 5 mins

I do it because it’s the sensible thing to do, not because I can’t afford new.

Buying something like a snow suit for £40+ and them wearing it twice before they grow out of it is not sensible!

I’ve also been getting bundles of clothes from the church clothes bank for free & then donating them back again, plus all the items I bought for someone else to use them.
What is the point of me spending £50 in Next on sleep suits for them to be worn 4 times each before they are too small?

Like others have said, wealthier families are the ones passing around good quality clothing at the moment

It depends on how and where you shop. I would never pay more than £15 for a puddle suit but that’s because I know what I’m looking for and Ebay is never hugely cheaper when you add on delivery.

I love GAP and H&M clothing but buy in sales so rarely pay more than £5-8 per item. I don’t tend to buy a lot of clothes because I like to leave growing room. DS started wearing 12-18 months when he was 9 months old - I just loosely hemmed up clothes and let them down as needed.

DN is a bit trickier because she doesn’t like to wear obviously adjusted clothes any more. But we tend to find Zara and H&M and Mountain Warehouse or black’s between them tend to cover whatever she wants.

I was lucky enough to be given clothes for DD when she was a baby/toddler and she was given a lot of Next, Monsoon, Gap, H&M, and other brands that I would not buy as couldn't afford it. I also bought her loads of stuff from charity shops and bought some lovely things.

DD went to my cousins wedding in a gorgeous £5 Monsoon dress from Ebay. I once bought a bag of 10 H&M items from a carboot sale for £5 and there were some lovely dresses and jumpers in there.

There is nothing "hardup/trampy" about it and that is actually a very offensive thing to say. Some of us just don't see the point in paying hideous prices for stuff just because it has a brand name on it, that you can get from charity shops or supermarkets for a quarter of the price. I wouldn't call you a snob as I try not to offend people myself.

I sold DD's old school blazer to a woman who turned up in a BMW and she said that she hated waste and preferred to recycle and reuse as much as possible and was happy to pay £15 rather than £30 for a new one.

One of the things I'm missing most is a rummage in a charity shop

I can afford new. But why would I when I can get lovely bargains

*Bloodypunkrockers
One of the things I'm missing most is a rummage in a charity shop

I can afford new. But why would I when I can get lovely bargains*

Same here- it's the charity shpd I miss most.

Like you I can easily afford to buy new- I choose not to.

My daughters nursery don’t put aprons on them when painting. They don’t put bibs on at dinner time. So there’s no way in hell I’d send her in new stuff, it’d get ruined in a day!

If anyone is missing buying old used stuff there are markets such as Portobello Road Market in London etc. However that is more likely over hyped over priced vintage upcycling retail more than charity not for profit ethical.

I don’t know if it helps OP but my wee boy is mostly in second hand! He is 18 months. The only new clothes he has had have been gifts (and we have kind generous friends and family, so they have been plentiful)

HOWEVER I got his puddle suit for £8 from eBay and it’s honestly the most complimented garment and so useful! Everyone loves him in it as it just really suits him! It’s a good quality make: Regatta.

Be warned though: once you get into eBay, it can become fairly addictive! I’m a relative newbie and I always seek out bargains there now as well as being a fairly prolific seller!

I agree with PPs that it's a working class hangup - the poorer people are, the more desperate they are not to appear poor and to look down on things associated with poverty. It's why catalogue clothing companies do so well out of working class communities, they allow you to spread the cost of new, branded, expensive clothing.

It's a crazy mindset but it definitely exists - friends of mine who are teachers will back this up, that the kids you know come from the poorer families will be the ones with brand new branded trainers and bags. Middle class parents are far more likely to buy second hand, good quality brands but different brands to those preferred by working class parents (e.g. Boden/Joules vs. Adidas/Superdry).

There's nowt so queer as folk!

Yes and they wouldn't be so poor if they didn't do this. We were very cash strapped when my dc were young but I wasn't bothered about buying 2nd hand and my dc were not brand conscious even as teens

I hope all these posters reassuring each others it is a WC issue, are actually working class.
People look down on WC people for so many reasons posture, accent, hair style and clothes, if a person is judged in everything and don't want to wear rags on top of it. Mc get away with rags as everything else about them again posture, accents, hairstyle, clothes, are still laced with a superior look.
People use catalogues because it is a tiny amount weekly, they are overcharged for the pleasure of social economics and it is their own fault according to some, how dare their DC want Nike trainers when they could get 2nd hand shoes, I mean shame is something he is aware of in his daily life anyway why would it matter.

Yes and they wouldn't be so poor if they didn't do this My point was right.

I would never have bought my dc Nike trainers unless it was for a birthday or Christmas

I would never have bought my dc Nike trainers unless it was for a birthday or Christmas
Who said it isn't for birthday or Christmas. I got my first levis from a catalogue at 16 for my birthday, I was ecstatic obviously I didn't realise DM would be paying weekly in time for my siblings birthday and her Christmas food hamper too.
It was worthy to her and invaluable to us as memories.

Why don't you consider it as recycling, thus better for the environment. (Which it is)

I would never have bought my dc Nike trainers unless it was for a birthday or Christmas
Ok not kids but I've bought several pairs of Nike Airc from Facebook market place.
All the sellers seem exactly like my son and his girlfriend where they buy too much stuff. Sometimes things don't fit right right so they forget to return or lose a receipt.
While they are young and haven't got financial commitments and on a good wage things seem to be easy come easy go.

In a few more years I'll bet they'll be lookingvfor bargains on market place!!

@Emeraldshamrock

I hope all these posters reassuring each others it is a WC issue, are actually working class. People look down on WC people for so many reasons posture, accent, hair style and clothes, if a person is judged in everything and don't want to wear rags on top of it. Mc get away with rags as everything else about them again posture, accents, hairstyle, clothes, are still laced with a superior look. People use catalogues because it is a tiny amount weekly, they are overcharged for the pleasure of social economics and it is their own fault according to some, how dare their DC want Nike trainers when they could get 2nd hand shoes, I mean shame is something he is aware of in his daily life anyway why would it matter.

It's just that it becomes a vicious cycle.

My WC, extremely poor, widowed grandmother semi-starved my mother and her siblings of food so she had money to buy them all 'respectable' outfits for Mass on Sunday, including, ridiculously, hats. They literally went short of food to present a presentable appearance once a week, because my grandmother had internalised shame to the extent that she took food out of her children's mouths to buy clothes.

My poor mother (now in her 70s and who suffers from several conditions associated with a lack of proper diet in childhood) never questioned this, and sent me and my sisters out in the most ridiculous frilly, elaborate dresses when we were young children playing out, which we then had to take care of, rather than be free the way you can in play clothes. To this day, she can't be seen in public with a speck of dirt on her, even if she's just been for a muddy walk on the cliffs, and the mud is confined to her walking shoes and ankles. She was utterly horrified when my newborn wore babygros passed on from friends.

Someone at some point needs to stop the internalised 'You're poor so everyone judges you so you need to armour yourself with a particular type of clothes.'

Have you posted about this before? I remember a poster about 6 months ago with the same issue so if not, I don’t think it’s wildly uncommon.

My teen DD has lots of clothes she bought in "vintage" shops but for some reason was a bit funny about buying a lovely dress she saw when we were in a charity shop. I asked her why and she said she felt a bit funny about buying clothes someone else had worn. I did ask her what she thought vintage clothes were. She seems to have imagined that they came from the "designer" (not all designer brands!) who had been saving them in their warehouse for years ready for them to be sold as vintage. I also pointed out that most of her school uniform (after the first year) was second hand and that her old clothes had been worn by various family friends and relatives. Again, she did not think about that in the same way.

I did tease her a little about being a snob (she really isnt, but clearly a bit dim!) but seems she was a bit spooked that maybe someone had worn the lovely dress in sad circumstances, so a bit woo (she had sort of imagined a history for the dress and its previous owner). Once she realised that this was a chance she had been taking with her vintage purchases for several years, she got over it and bought the dress (and also some other pretty cool finds until the charity shops closed again for lockdown 3). Now she contents herself with depop for the time being (which again she had not seen the same way...)

OP, I'm presuming this is your first child. If you have another in the very near future would you throw away the clothes you buy for your first child and then buy new for the second? Of course not. You'd keep the clothes and number two would happily wear them. So what the difference between number two wearing second hand and number one?

Someone at some point needs to stop the internalised 'You're poor so everyone judges you so you need to armour yourself with a particular type of clothes
It has always been something and between our own, my Nanny/grannies DM would shine and scrub her doorstep in the tenements, my granny was competitive about her washing on the line, people like to be better than others it is human nature unfortunately it is damaging to those with little reinforcing their worth or lack of.
It would be nice if we didn't put wc people in boxes like on this thread.

It can be hard to shake attitudes from our childhoods. One thing I observed is that the more money someone has, the less likely they are to feel insecure about second hand clothes. I know that oversimplified though.
One local private school near me has regular second hand uniform sales and the PTAs have occasionally done similar at comprehensives with more affluent catchments, but I've never worked at a school in a more deprived area that had a second hand uniform sale.
I'd say I'm comfortable but not affluent and most of DC's clothes are second hand. There's too much I want to do in life tham fritter money on clothes that will last 10 weeks. One of my relatives openly admits money is tight, but then their children are walking around in branded new garments, she had a new pushchair for each child, new moses basket, new everything.
When I was a child some children were horrible about people who didn't have the right bag, or were seen in charity shops, but as i got older i realised it was more about their insecurity than anything else.

I think I learned the lesson when a very posh friend of mine openly told me that she bought her DC's uniforms second hand and said everyone at their school did. The DCs went to a very expensive independent school. This would never have happened in my very working class family. I realised then that it boils down to having confidence in knowing that you can afford new but choose not to.

I often bought my dc second hand clothes and said yes to most hand me downs. I spent the money saved on holidays and the rest went into their bank accounts. They barely mention the clothes they wore yet are always talking about the fantastic holidays we had. And the savings came in useful when they left home.