To feel weird about buying pre worn clothes

[unikitty08]

DC is starting nursery next month.

A few friends have told me how messy his clothes are going to get and not to send him in anything expensive.

I was talking to one friend about buying him a puddle suit and she recommended ebay.

She told me she buys a lot of her daughters clothes (especially for nursery) in bundles and they are “pre loved”

I was surprised about this as her daughter is always dressed in Next, Zara, Gap. Brands I would consider to be that bit more pricey.

When I was growing up, to buy second hand or use charity shops etc was a big no no.
It was viewed as though you didn’t have money or couldn’t afford nice things.

I don’t have this view of other people, particularly not now as an adult, but I do have this view of myself if I were to buy pre worn clothes.

I’ve had a look at some clothes bundles this evening and I’m shocked at some of the lovely things I could get, the puddle suit id seen for nursery, which brand new is £35, I can get pre worn worn for £5!

I don’t think I can bring myself to buy pre worn though, I feel weird about it, like I’m “hard up” or
a bit trampy.

I feel really envious now of the people that clothes shop this way, it would save me a fortune!

How can I get past my weird feelings?

Loads of my DS clothes are "pre loved" and what I do buy new I buy from ethical organic brands that I know I can get 70% + back on when I sell on. There are loads of groups for buying and selling whichever brands you decide you like on FB

I love thrifting clothes! my outfit right now is entirely bought from depop- there are guides online how to really deep clean thrifted clothes if you’re anxious, but really most people are pretty clean i’d say lol, never had any problems with my secondhand clothes 🥰

I think it is all about diversity and options.

Each to their own and without people buying new and then discarding used to charity there would be no market for used.

Buy what you can afford as the used market as with other goods (like cars etc) open up more price points. Used is cheap but can be economical if not rubbish.

I tend to prefer new build first owner homes and factory fresh cars but I don't mind preowned if it is fit for purpose and desirable. Some preowned items like rare jewellery and art is priceless and by default preowned.

Children's clothes tend to get recycled between siblings so essentially used but I guess used by the same family rather than strangers off eBay etc.

10 yo DS is wearing entirely hand me downs today - even the undies came from a friend's older boy, though they were bought surplus so came with tags attached. DS has ASD so much prefers clothes that are broken in, already. He's also having a growth spurt, so I'll be bringing the 11-12 bin liner down from the loft very soon

When I was growing up, to buy second hand or use charity shops etc was a big no no. It was viewed as though you didn’t have money or couldn’t afford nice things.

Lots of people have this hang up about second hand. They'd rather have brand new cheap Primark / supermarket than better quality second hand at the same price.

I know everyone on MN is class-obsessed but this is very much a class thing. Middle class mums who are comfortable in their own skin and have nothing to prove to anyone in terms of income happily shop in charity shops and pass round bags of hand me downs.

Poorer mums who live in fear of being judged or their child not looking "right" somehow will shun second hand bargains for new at all costs.

Also agree that the fast fashion industry is toxic. Wear it until it falls to pieces is my motto, along with buy well buy once. Love my charity shop bargains.

OP, I grew up thinking the exact same as you. Hand-me-downs, fine. eBay wasn’t a thing then. But charity shops were an absolute no-no. As an adult, I love nothing more than a charity shop or eBay bargain (as do my parents these days!), so I really hope you can make the leap, and love it!!

Trampy? Just give them a proper wash and away you go!! 99% of my clothes and my children's clothes are second/third/fourth hand! xx

I feel iffy wearing someone else's clothes so wouldn't want my child to wear them either. My partners attitude is a big no no too. I wish I was more courageous...it's better for the environment etc but I just can't bring myself to do it...maybe it comes from my childhood where we used to get stuff from my cousins but it would bring me out in a rash etc

I discovered car boot sales for clothes when my kids were little and never looked back. The thrill of the hunt, most kids have way too many clothes they never wear before outgrowing them. Prices as low as 20p an item for great quality items. Plus recycling. What's not to love?

You need to let go of this. Once washed they are no different to your own clean clothes. I have had loads of stuff off eBay and everything arrived clean. Have sold loads too and they were sent off clean.

Also agree that the fast fashion industry is toxic. Wear it until it falls to pieces is my motto, along with buy well buy once. Love my charity shop bargains.

That's the spirit! I've got to the stage that if I walk into a (new) clothes shop I almost don't know what to do, I'm so used to buying pre-loved!

@faithfulbird20 I can understand your reluctance, that's the other reason I wash before wearing, not just ocd but allergies too, dd and I have eczema and are allergic to many detergents, fabric conditioner and starch etc but that's why I wash new before wearing too

I got caught out once as I had to buy tights to replace ripped ones I caught on way to work, by the evening when I got home my legs looked like raw bacon! Itchy and sore too! After that I was always super careful to always have a couple pairs of spare tights in a sandwich bag in my handbag! Was itching for bloody days!

Julia Roberts proudly wore a pre-loved dress, that was much admired, to the Academy Awards the year she won her Oscar.

Admittedly, it was vintage Valentino, but it was still secondhand. It was an iconic dress amongst a night of new fashion extravaganza.

Do you think you'd still feel like you're dressing your baby as a tramp when you've got an extra thousand pounds in your pocket to spend on a holiday?

When you don't think 'Oh my God, that cost me fifty quid, you're not going to play with Jack when you're wearing that. Maybe tomorrow when you've got something cheaper on' or feel like crying when he's trashed five outfits in three days with food, grass stains that won't come out or finger paints?

I'm not saying don't take care of clothes, but if something cost you 50p, it just doesn't hurt anywhere near as much when spaghetti sauce won't come out, a coat disappears at Nursery/School or he falls over and rips the knees out of a pair of trousers, as compared to fifty notes-worth.

I know exactly the dynamic you mean - it was prevalent where I went to school as well. But I think nobody will know if you don't tell them. And that thousand pounds saved would be pretty bloody useful.

Princess Beatrice got married in a pre worn dress ( obviously it was pre worn by the queen but still)

When little, my children often wore clothes by Bonpoint (second hand) and I highly doubt anyone would have thought they looked "trampy" :-)))) You yourself were surprised your friend buys second hand because you could not tell, so where is the issue?

I actually try to buy second hand for my entire family (myself and husband included) whenever if I can for environmental reasons. Many people I know do the same - people who could be called extremely well off included. The tide has turned.

I think it's great for the environment to Doo this and used to buy some of Dcs stuff 2nd hand, dd does same for dgd.

Saves money so win win. Dc grow so quickly

@lunarlife

Princess Beatrice got married in a pre worn dress ( obviously it was pre worn by the queen but still)

That has got to be ultimate proof of the more posh you are, the more you are happy to have second hand!

I set it as a NY resolution one year - and just stuck at it... it did help that growing up I was next to a charity shop that lots of designers donated their runway samples to and so if I wanted a wardrobe of ball gowns I had to get over any oddness about it.

I still buy underwear and sportswear new but everything else is second hand for the past five years or so... have had to break and get some new maternity things because the charity shops aren’t open.

Finding myself being a bit squeamish about the second hand reusable nappy bundles for the upcoming baby so that maybe a new line for me (or until I see how much the new ones are, swear, and get them second hand anyway! )

From a cultural or psychological viewpoint all clothes are only originally new and unworn once. Once worn it is obviously worn and used. That's why I am always astonished why retailers permit worn clothing returns as if intended for temporary loan use and not outright non refundable purchase. However with young children clothing I am assuming knowing that a item of clothing is worn by you or your sibling or other family member makes it more palatable for the uninitiated. Naturally fast growing children will necessitate a range of sizes as clothes may only be worn repeatedly infrequently. Used is fine if of high near new quality. I initially thought it was not right to wear the clothes of another (as who would want to wear my clothes ideology). However when young child was in private nursery (pre pandemic) I noticed how clothes would be lost frequently and on occasions for emergencies spare used clothes would be worn as required by any of the class and taken home to be washed and returned to nursery. From that moment I realised inter changing clothes was not such a psychological barrier and accepted as sometimes a necessity for very young children on rare occasions. I would not necessarily seek out old clothes as new ones are very economical given the global (possibly not always most ethical) supply chains. But then again charitable good causes are welcome to my worn surplus to requirements clothes for others to buy and wear as they wish. There will not be used in nobody brought new initially.

Dislike of second hand clothes is a sign of being from a poor background. I think the thing to remember is that buying second hand out of choice, because you want your child to be free to get muddy or because you are spending money wisely or because you love a bargain or it's better for the environment, is completely different (psychologically) from only being able to afford someone else's cast offs.
If there is something that you want to buy new you can afford it (shoes and car seats being the main ones here). But you can use that £30 saved on a new puddle suit to save for his future or put towards music lessons or a ski trip or whatever other luxury thing he might want. We get nearly everything for our daughter second hand and not only do we have good quality kit that is practical and useful, we have also been able to save for her future hobbies and interests. When our daughter is 15 and wants to do an expensive trip, she won't care that her baby grows were second hand.

Dislike of second hand clothes is a sign of being from a poor background

No it isn’t. I don’t like them because the feeling that someone has sweated inside them makes my flesh creep.

Wore them all the time when younger but now they just make me feel a bit ugh.

I always buy big bundles of second hand clothes for my kids. I think people are crazy to spend such ridiculous amounts on new clothes that their kids will grow out of in a couple of months times. The clothes I buy are usually in pretty good condition, no holes or major stains. Usually after my kids have worn them, I then resell the bundle and usually make my money back

I just grew up with a very real stigma around buying second hand clothes

Well now, the stigma is about insisting everything is brand new. It's seen as selfish, spoilt, wasteful and stupid.

The environmental and social impact of clothing is massive, so for the sake of the planet, we really should be using the items for as long as possible. Children's clothes are almost always outgrown before they are worn out, so should always be handed down, donated to charity or sold. It's entirely up to you which of these you choose to do.

Did you win the puddle suit?

^Dislike of second hand clothes is a sign of being from a poor background

No it isn’t. I don’t like them because the feeling that someone has sweated inside them makes my flesh creep.

Wore them all the time when younger but now they just make me feel a bit ugh^

I take it you never stay in a hotel or other holiday accommodation? Those sheets have been slept on by thousands of people. Obviously they've been washed, just the same as if you got a second hand coat off ebay, for example.

Absolutely buy second hand clothes for nursery. They come back covered in paint, mud, food. They look like crap after one day.

If you have any friends who offer hand me downs, take them