Not letting my 6 mth old stay overnight at his grandparents' house as they are heavy smokers?

[mrsgrimwig]

Am unwilling to take my 6 mth old DS to stay at his grandad/step-grandma's house (they live some distance from us) as they are very heavy smokers. They smoke everywhere in the house (including upstairs)and even after a short visit we leave reeking of stale smoke. Have said that we don't want DS exposed to smoke but think they have us down as excessively over-protective/neurotic or are using it as an excuse not to visit (not true!!).I have said they are welcome to come over to us at any time to see DS.

Does anyone else have the same problem and is there any way of dealing with this one tactfully? Do others feel the same way?

gosh well I take my dd to stay at her grandma's (my mum's) and she smokes like a chimney. I hate it (although she 'smokes outside' i.e sticks her wrist through a window) but I can't stop my daughter seeing her own grandmother, can I? It never even occurred to me that I would. The house stinks and there are ashtrays everywhere but if the alternative is no relationship between them then I think I prefer the smoke.

No your not being unreasonable atall but i don tthink this issue is worth reisking your childs relationship with his grandparents for.

My mil and fil both smoke like chimnys, they do smoke outside when dds there but she still comes back smelling of stale smoke as their house does. It gets on my nerves enormously that everything needs washing when she's been there and obviously because of the health implications but i honestly feel that my daughter having a good relationship with them and feelign at ease in there house it worth it, it also gives me a break.

as someone else said if it were a choice of involved grandparents and smelling once a week or no grandparents but fresh air i know what i'd choose and i know what dd would too, she loves going there.

I'd probably have a differing opinion if dd had ashtma though but she doesnt.

YANBU, It's hard, and some of the older generation don't know what all the fuss is about.
You are doing the right thing

I wouldn't be staying at the house of a relative who smoked indoors, TBH, DC or no DC. I grew up with my mother smoking and I really really really can't stand the smell of smoke -- and DH is even more picky about it than I am.

It's clear that the OP's DS does see his grandparents, so not sure where the "can't stop a DC seeing his/her own grandparents" comes into it...

yanbu

yanbu. we passed up the opportunity a while back to stay for free with friends in their seaside house in devon because they are big smokers and we didn't wnat out dds exposed to it.

Stay overnight - I wouldn't blame you for never setting foot in the house. And as for being over-protective - well when it comes to protecting your child from a range of nasty illnesses - oh yes - and death - then protect away! YANBU!

You are just right. I'm sure they'll come sround.

My parents both smoke and when DS1 was born I just simply said I wouldn't bring him whilst they ever smoked indoors and not just for the period of time he was there but full stop. 2.5 years later they still don't smoke in the house. I would stay firm. If they really want to see their GC they will do the right thing.

YANBU its a health risk. Your not saying 'begone foul smoky grandparents never darken our door' as youv'e said in your post that they are welcome to visit you, and if they really wan't you and grandchild to stay they can change their smoking habits and smoke outside.
My boyfriend smokes but When we met I told him (nicely lol) that if we were to get to the point that he met the children that I don't want them being smoked all over, so he goes outside when he visits us.

YANBU - it is not over-protective/neurotic to ensure your DS is not exposed to cigarette smoke. It is not a complicated situation: if they want your DS to stay with them, then they must not smoke inside, in any room. Then they make their own choice. Stand your ground. And tell them you will know if they have been smoking around him (if you are planning to leave him there without you for a while) because you will be able to smell it on him.

Do not back down. If they choose not to comply with your wishes then it is their fault they are not seeing their GDS as much as they would like.

Can i just say that NOT ALL smokers are self-centred.
I am a smoker but would not smoke in a non smoking household and wouldnt ask.
I smoke outside MY house because my kids dont like it.
Even though my son left home 3 years ago if he comes to visit i still get a leacture!
When i have grankids i will not smoke around them in my house.
If you have parents/in law that smoke invite them to your house put ashtray in garden and send them out there!
problem solved

I wouldn't let 6 mo out of my care overnight with any one, and certainly not smokers. Even if they smoke outside, smoke stays on your breath for hours after a cigarette so baby will inevitably be exposed to the toxins.