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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it wasn't me that needed to apologise?

148 replies

JustNotCoping123 · 27/02/2021 11:12

This morning I was in Tesco for some shopping. It's an express store so aisles are a lot narrower than in the bigger shops and there's less space.

I was browsing by one of the shelves when a little boy (I'd say 4-5yrs?) who had been playing in the shop with his sibling ran straight into my leg. It was hard enough to cause him to then fall over and land on his bum. At which he promptly started crying.

His mum saw the whole thing- she just stared at me and then said 'well aren't you going to apologise to him?'

I just said no and walked off, to hear her then say to the little boy 'don't worry, some people just aren't very nice'

Was I in the wrong? I don't have children if that's relevant, and this isn't meant to be a post judging the little boy's behaviour. I couldn't tell you if he was being naughty or if he perhaps had special needs. Either way it isn't particularly relevant as I think his mother should have apologised to me, not the other way round?

It did actually hurt, and I have some health issues that cause me to be a bit unsteady on my feet anyway- that's probably not that relevant but thought I'd mention.

So was AIBU?

OP posts:

Glitterblue · 27/02/2021 14:07

@hansgrueber

Walking along a wide pavement on a very windy day I noticed a toddler pushing a toy buggy 20m or so ahead of me, no other adult in sight. A gust of wind blew the buggy into the road and the child started to run after it, I took off and managed to grab her before she got there. Her 'mother' who had been well behind came up and started to ramble on about how I could have hurt her arm when I grabbed her!

Oh my goodness! I'd never have let my child that far out of sight, but supposing I had, or she'd got away from me somehow, I'd have been SO grateful to you for getting hold of her before she ran into the road! Nobody dares do anything these days.

MagicSummer · 27/02/2021 14:18

YANBU. In fact I would have said to the mother 'he just ran into me at full pelt. I suggest you keep him a bit more under control when in a shop'.

SweetPetrichor · 27/02/2021 14:24

I would have asked her why she was allowing her children to run around out of control and get close enough to collide with someone when we are meant to maintain social distancing. Yes, a wee child can’t grasp social distancing but for that reason he should have been kept in hand. I certainly wouldn’t have apologised to him, or asked if he was okay...I don’t want someone’s manky child touching me.

dontdisturbmenow · 27/02/2021 14:25

Exactly what @AtSwimTwoBerts said.

It's so obvious she thought you'd knocked him over. And maybe without realising you did a bit. Either way, it's a misunderstanding and nothing worth a drama.

user1471462428 · 27/02/2021 14:33

It’s a fucking pandemic not party time. I have two young children and am a single parent. They are either in the trolley or strapped into a pushchair. I’m not putting other people at risk because of my children. It’s not your fault she can’t control her children

LouJ85 · 27/02/2021 14:39

I don’t want someone’s manky child touching me.

*It's a fucking pandemic not party time.
*
Sorry but I just wanted to highlight my two favourite quotes from this thread so far. 😂

Catlover77 · 27/02/2021 14:40

@LouJ85

I don’t want someone’s manky child touching me.

*It's a fucking pandemic not party time.
*
Sorry but I just wanted to highlight my two favourite quotes from this thread so far. 😂

user1936784158962 · 27/02/2021 14:41

Lol at all the "if this had happened to me I would not have experienced any kind of shock or human emotions and would have responded faultlessly like a scripted actor in a play".

Such idiotic bullshit.

sst1234 · 27/02/2021 14:42

Ignore her OP. People who cannot control their brats often then come on here a few years later asking for advice on how to deal with feral teens.

LucilleTheVampireBat · 27/02/2021 14:43

Even if it was only “seconds” before his mother spoke to you your immediate reaction should have been to ask if he was okay

Why? If some random kid runs into me I don't care remotely if he is "okay".

mcmooberry · 27/02/2021 14:45

In case you do come back, another one in full support of you, of course you didn't need to apologise, she should have been mortified at her child running into you. One of those occasions that has you reflecting later on what you should have said to her had you had time to gather your wits. You did well to walk away, the red mist would have come down if it had happened to me.

emilyfrost · 27/02/2021 14:45

Why? If some random kid runs into me I don't care remotely if he is "okay".

LucilleTheVampireBat Surely as a human being you should have basic compassion and care if someone else is hurt or in pain?

JesusAteMyHamster · 27/02/2021 14:46

Kids running round supermarkets seriously pisses me off. There's just no need. I once reached peak judgypants when outshopping a kid was scaling the sugar packet mountain thing. There were ripped packets of sugar everywhere.

His mother was oblivious, DD actually muttered oh this is going to be good (( meaning the reaction of the mother when she finally clocked what her kid had done )) but no. Other than doing that pretend to walk off and leave him thing (( rehoming the kid would probably have done him a massive favour )) absolutely nothing was done. Didn't help him down, didn't distract or divert, didn't even bring out the death glare. My flabber was well and truly ghasted that day.

Lindy2 · 27/02/2021 14:49

You were quite restrained to just say no.

I'd have probably told the child and mum that's what happens when you run around inside a shop.

LouJ85 · 27/02/2021 14:50

I once reached peak judgypants when outshopping a kid was scaling the sugar packet mountain thing. There were ripped packets of sugar everywhere.

Noooo. This is insane. Who lets their child do this?!

UrAWizHarry · 27/02/2021 15:07

@LucilleTheVampireBat

Even if it was only “seconds” before his mother spoke to you your immediate reaction should have been to ask if he was okay

Why? If some random kid runs into me I don't care remotely if he is "okay".

You seem nice.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/02/2021 15:24

@LucilleTheVampireBat

Even if it was only “seconds” before his mother spoke to you your immediate reaction should have been to ask if he was okay

Why? If some random kid runs into me I don't care remotely if he is "okay".

I'm curious of there's a line?

Kid runs into you, falls over and cries, you don't care / have no interest
If he falls over and start bleeding?

If he falls over and cut himself?
He falls and a load of tin cans fall on top of him and chase him significant distress / injury?
He falls over bumps his head and is knocked unconscious?

And of those elicit any emotion?

ClarkeGriffin · 27/02/2021 16:14

@SleepingStandingUp and @emilyfrost

I hope you're both more appalled at the mother who cared more about someone apologising to her kid and dealing with it, than her own child being upset and hurt.

Said this on page 1, I find it way more concerning that the child's own mother didn't give a shit that he was hurt. She just wanted op to deal with it. That's not parenting, that's not even caring. It's not ops job to console the child, that's the parents.

Some reactions on this thread are highly concerning considering this is a parenting site. More people bothered that the non parent and stranger didn't care than the actual mother.

LouJ85 · 27/02/2021 16:20

[quote ClarkeGriffin]**@SleepingStandingUp* and @emilyfrost*

I hope you're both more appalled at the mother who cared more about someone apologising to her kid and dealing with it, than her own child being upset and hurt.

Some reactions on this thread are highly concerning considering this is a parenting site. More people bothered that the non parent and stranger didn't care than the actual mother. [/quote]

Good point.

Veryverycalmnow · 27/02/2021 16:59

My DS once ran into a lady (who had suddenly stood still in front of us) and I automatically apologised. She then proceeded to wind him up saying, "I want an apology from you now!" to him (he had just turned 3, so didn't know what was going on particularly) and then she said to him, "should I run into you? How would you like that?" not in a friendly, jokey way, but in a very immature unpleasant way. People are strange. I just assumed she was going through something and taking it out on us, so I got us away from the situation quickly.
You did nothing wrong.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/02/2021 18:15

@ClarkeGriffin I said earlier the Mom should have got the boy to say sorry. And there's no suggestion that Mom left the child crying. No one's suggesting the op should have scooped the child up and comforted him.

I was just curious about the pp saying she wouldn't care if a child was hurt

ClarkeGriffin · 27/02/2021 18:23

[quote SleepingStandingUp]@ClarkeGriffin I said earlier the Mom should have got the boy to say sorry. And there's no suggestion that Mom left the child crying. No one's suggesting the op should have scooped the child up and comforted him.

I was just curious about the pp saying she wouldn't care if a child was hurt[/quote]
The mums main concern was to get op to apologise. If that was my child, my main concern would be if my child was OK. And people did suggest that op should have comforted the child, making soothing noises and such other stuff. Why should she? He's not her child. That's the parents job.

I'm not sure why you're concerned about another poster not caring if a child they don't know is hurt or not. If we are all meant to be concerned about any child being hurt, none of us will ever get any sleep ever again, there is probably a child being beaten right now. Another one probably being killed. Another starving to death. She doesn't know this child, why would she care? Again the fact the mother showed no concern is far more troubling than a stranger not caring.

SnuggyBuggy · 27/02/2021 18:50

Also unless there is a crushed by cans of beans freak accident how hurt is a 4 year old going to get by bumping into someone and falling over?

SleepingStandingUp · 27/02/2021 19:03

@ClarkeGriffin it's a chat forum, I can ask a question about any poster I want. It sounds like the 4 yo cried because he was shocked not injured so I'm not sure the "mom didn't care about his wellbeing" washes but I do agree Mom should have grabbed the child / apologised /got the kid to apologise / kissed the booboo and was rude .

However suggesting caring about anyone other than yourself / immediate family means you'll be lying awake crying about every beaten child is a tad melodramatic.
Of a child fell over at the park today at my feet I'd be mindful of touching for many reasons but I'd care enough to stoop and talk to them until their parent came / they got up. If anyone boxes into me by accident and fell over bad cried I'd care enough to ask of they were ok. It's a bit odd to think you either totally don't care if anything happens to anyone you don't know or you cry every second of the day over the whole world.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/02/2021 19:04

@SnuggyBuggy

Also unless there is a crushed by cans of beans freak accident how hurt is a 4 year old going to get by bumping into someone and falling over?

Agreed, I'm sure he cried from shock and a bit of a sore bum than anything else but we sort of "are you ok / oh dear / etc" seems fairly standard if someone cries and falls over at your feet

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