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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it wasn't me that needed to apologise?

148 replies

JustNotCoping123 · 27/02/2021 11:12

This morning I was in Tesco for some shopping. It's an express store so aisles are a lot narrower than in the bigger shops and there's less space.

I was browsing by one of the shelves when a little boy (I'd say 4-5yrs?) who had been playing in the shop with his sibling ran straight into my leg. It was hard enough to cause him to then fall over and land on his bum. At which he promptly started crying.

His mum saw the whole thing- she just stared at me and then said 'well aren't you going to apologise to him?'

I just said no and walked off, to hear her then say to the little boy 'don't worry, some people just aren't very nice'

Was I in the wrong? I don't have children if that's relevant, and this isn't meant to be a post judging the little boy's behaviour. I couldn't tell you if he was being naughty or if he perhaps had special needs. Either way it isn't particularly relevant as I think his mother should have apologised to me, not the other way round?

It did actually hurt, and I have some health issues that cause me to be a bit unsteady on my feet anyway- that's probably not that relevant but thought I'd mention.

So was AIBU? Confused

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 27/02/2021 12:53

I would have asked wee boy of he was ok. That's what you do when child might be hurt no matter who was at fault.

Hoppinggreen · 27/02/2021 12:54

No need to apologise but to just look at him, say a blunt “no” to the Mum and walk off doesn’t make you sound very nice
There were a lot of things you could have said, no and sorry weren’t the only options

LApprentiSorcier · 27/02/2021 12:55

@Hankunamatata

I would have asked wee boy of he was ok. That's what you do when child might be hurt no matter who was at fault.
If he'd been lying there in a pool of blood, yes, but not for simply landing on his bum.
LouJ85 · 27/02/2021 12:57

If a small child crashes into me in a supermarket aisle then proceeded to cry, and there was no sign of a parent anywhere, I would instantly say "are you ok? Where's your mum?" Etc.

However - when you add angry and confrontational parent who is instantly on top of you demanding an apology (wrongly so) after the incident, I'm sorry, but it goes against most people's human nature in that situation to be apologetic.

So those saying the OP lacks empathy for a hurt child - ridiculous comment when you consider the broader context of what happened.

FenceSplinters · 27/02/2021 12:57

I don’t think you should have apologised. In fact, she should have aplologised to you on behalf of her son!

rawalpindithelabrador · 27/02/2021 12:58

@Ponoka7

I also think it's strange that you didn't react in anyway to a child being hurt. I would have said sorry and followed with an 'are you ok'. But an 'oh dear are you ok' would also be a usual thing to say. Not that you were to blame, but just as a usual reaction to a 4 year old crying. I'd say that your reaction was odd.
Some people don't have kids. Or can't abide them. And he had his mother to comfort him.
Daphnise · 27/02/2021 12:58

I'm afraid you don't understand a mother's logic: if a child runs into you, being out of control in a supermarket, it is your fault.

This applies no matter what the circumstances.

badacorn · 27/02/2021 13:00

She deserved that abrupt response Grin

Getting confrontational and demanding apology was just rude.

Rollmopsrule · 27/02/2021 13:04

If it was my child I would have apologised to you but if a child had ran into me I would have made sure they were OK rather than just walking off.

Aprilx · 27/02/2021 13:05

@rawalpindithelabrador

Some people don’t have kids

What has that got to do with it? I don’t have kids but if a small boy bumped into me, fell over and started crying, I would ask him if he is ok. You don’t need to be a parent to know that is the normal thing to do.

LouJ85 · 27/02/2021 13:06

@Rollmopsrule

If it was my child I would have apologised to you but if a child had ran into me I would have made sure they were OK rather than just walking off.

Even with a rude and confrontational mother demanding you apologise within seconds of the incident? You'd still stick around and be all empathic?

HildegardNightingale · 27/02/2021 13:09

The child’s mother should have been watching her child better. She’s totally in the wrong. There was no need for you to apologise, indeed the mother should have apologised to you for allowing her child to hurt your leg.

Original poster
JustNotCoping123 · 27/02/2021 13:15

I have explained why I didn't speak to the child directly in subsequent posts- there was literally seconds between it happening and his mother getting confrontational. I walked away to avoid an argument.

I pointed out in my OP that I don't have children, perhaps I shouldn't have done as according to some on this thread that must mean I lack empathy and am probably a cold, child hating monster.

I don't have children partly because one of my medical conditions has a big impact on my fertility. Though I'm also single at the moment so that further reduces my chances of conceiving to zero! I'm not drip feeding this- it hasn't got any relevance to the incident either but it's a bit hurtful how some of you have described me tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
JustNotCoping123 · 27/02/2021 13:18

But thank you to the posters who've stuck up for me, especially @LouJ85

I'll probably leave this now, as I've answered the main questions. There isn't really much more to say about it whichever side you're on tbh Smile

OP posts:
Catlover77 · 27/02/2021 13:22

Not you were not unreasonable at all. People treat supermarkets like playcentres.

LIamaDelRey · 27/02/2021 13:22

Bullshit. Even my teenager knows if a smaller child ran into her, she'd automatically bob down to their level and ask if they were okay sympathetically. Pre-Covid, would have helped pick them. YABSU what planet are you on?!

LouJ85 · 27/02/2021 13:23

I have explained why I didn't speak to the child directly in subsequent posts- there was literally seconds between it happening and his mother getting confrontational. I walked away to avoid an argument.

I don't think people are reading or understanding that part, OP, for some reason. I think you reacted how most people would when faced with confrontation like that, especially in a situation for which you weren't to blame at all. Don't let it spoil your day. Smile

LIamaDelRey · 27/02/2021 13:23

up.

SnuggyBuggy · 27/02/2021 13:24

For what it's worth I have two DC and I still wouldn't be fawning over this child in this situation.

LIamaDelRey · 27/02/2021 13:24

Only responded to original post not subsequent dripfeeding

SneezyGonzalez · 27/02/2021 13:25

He shouldn’t have been running in the supermarket, 4-5 is old enough to know better. She is not in control of her kid’s behaviour.

LouJ85 · 27/02/2021 13:26

@SnuggyBuggy

For what it's worth I have two DC and I still wouldn't be fawning over this child in this situation.

I have a child too, and be instantly apologetic to the person if she had barged straight into someone because I'd lost control of her in a supermarket. How anyone can think the mother of this child's response was justified is beyond me.

LIamaDelRey · 27/02/2021 13:26

Hardly fawning to check if a four year old is okay.

SnuggyBuggy · 27/02/2021 13:28

I wouldn't even fawn over my own child if they behaved like that.

LouJ85 · 27/02/2021 13:28

@LIamaDelRey

Hardly fawning to check if a four year old is okay.

So you'd ignore the mother confronting you and demanding an apology in a rude manner, and just focus all your efforts on her child on the floor? The mother's rudeness wouldn't bother you at all? You'd still be 100% empathic?

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