To think it wasn't me that needed to apologise?

[JustNotCoping123]

This morning I was in Tesco for some shopping. It's an express store so aisles are a lot narrower than in the bigger shops and there's less space.

I was browsing by one of the shelves when a little boy (I'd say 4-5yrs?) who had been playing in the shop with his sibling ran straight into my leg. It was hard enough to cause him to then fall over and land on his bum. At which he promptly started crying.

His mum saw the whole thing- she just stared at me and then said 'well aren't you going to apologise to him?'

I just said no and walked off, to hear her then say to the little boy 'don't worry, some people just aren't very nice'

Was I in the wrong? I don't have children if that's relevant, and this isn't meant to be a post judging the little boy's behaviour. I couldn't tell you if he was being naughty or if he perhaps had special needs. Either way it isn't particularly relevant as I think his mother should have apologised to me, not the other way round?

It did actually hurt, and I have some health issues that cause me to be a bit unsteady on my feet anyway- that's probably not that relevant but thought I'd mention.

So was AIBU?

No way should you have apologised!

I'd have said "no, because he ran into me".Then walked off.

@SleepingStandingUp

I couldn't tell you if he was being naughty or if he perhaps had special needs I'm not sure what in your post suggests either tbh. He didn't see you, it was an accident - mom should have got him to apologise to you - but I think an "oh he ran into me but it's ok, I know it was an accident" might have been politer than a haughty no whilst you judged them

Of course he didn't mean to run into me. He was busy chasing his sibling around the shop and didn't see me. I never implied he did it deliberately, the bad behaviour I was referring to was running laps around a fairly small shop (there's 5 narrow aisles in total) but I wasn't judging that, I was looking at the shelf doing my shop.

If I'd stepped back and caught him, I would have apologised. And even in this case I'd have checked the kid was ok. But it took me by surprise and it was literally seconds between it happening and his mother becoming confrontational with me.

I'm not sure what gave you the impression I was judgy and haughty I walked away because I didn't feel it needed to become an argument, that's all.

@WorraLiberty

I just said no and walked off, to hear her then say to the little boy 'don't worry, some people just aren't very nice'

Well she's got a valid point. Some people are just not very nice.

And being completely unconcerned about a small child whose crying because he's hurt himself, would put you in that category for me.

An actual 'I'm sorry' would've been unnecessary as you didn't cause the accident but to show no concern at all, is just cold.

I'm more concerned about the coldness of the mother. She stood there while her child cried and didn't care. Just wanted someone else to deal with it. Poor kid is screwed.

Was I in the wrong?

No, of course you weren’t. I’ve been bashed in the Achilles’ tendon by an out of control child in public, and it hurts.

The child’s mother was rude. And sometimes when I’m faced with such outright rudeness in public and unexpectedly, I find it hard to respond as later I might wish I had responded! I don’t expect to be rudely spoken to in public - I imagine you were taken aback at the women’s rudeness.

She should have apologised to you.

m more concerned about the coldness of the mother. She stood there while her child cried and didn't care. Just wanted someone else to deal with it. Poor kid is screwed.

Exactly this.The mother’s behaviour, in the circumstances, was stranger than the OP’s.

But it took me by surprise and it was literally seconds between it happening and his mother becoming confrontational with me.

This is how I read it OP. That she was literally straight on you with "well are you going to apologise?!" when you'd literally just realised what had happened. I'd be lacking empathy in that confrontational situation too I'm afraid! Had she approached it with "I'm so sorry" whilst t to her crying child (as I would have done), then I'd definitely inclined to respond with "that's ok, no worries, hope he's ok". Her unnecessarily confrontational approach would not have put you in an apologetic mindset, understandably!

Oh the typos!

Whilst *tending to her crying child, that was.

I can see a lot of you have commented it's odd I didn't say anything to the child. If I'd stepped back into him I would of course said sorry. I don't think he was actually hurt, more surprised to end up on the floor! But yes, I would have normally asked if he was ok, but from it happening to his mother getting confrontational was literally a few seconds. I didn't want an argument over it so I walked away

@LouJ85

But it took me by surprise and it was literally seconds between it happening and his mother becoming confrontational with me.

This is how I read it OP. That she was literally straight on you with "well are you going to apologise?!" when you'd literally just realised what had happened. I'd be lacking empathy in that confrontational situation too I'm afraid! Had she approached it with "I'm so sorry" whilst t to her crying child (as I would have done), then I'd definitely inclined to respond with "that's ok, no worries, hope he's ok". Her unnecessarily confrontational approach would not have put you in an apologetic mindset, understandably!

Thank you- yes exactly that! I'm not some child hating monster

I think you could have expanded a bit. "No, he is the one who ran into me" but it should have been obvious if he was running around what happened

@JustNotCoping123

Don't worry I could picture exactly what you were saying. There is not a chance I'd have dutifully stood and said, "yes, of course, I'm very sorry" just because a confrontational parent demanded it, after their child^ ran into you^. Like I say, if the adult had immediately apologised for the incident (as most people would if their kid just ran head on into someone), they would receive a much friendlier response from me!

Also if she was there there was no need for you to check he was OK.

Absolutely not! She should have apologised and told her son to look where he was going!

Also, he should not be running around a store in the first place! I have an almost 4 year old myself and do not tolerate that!

I wouldn’t have apologised but I would have asked if he was okay. I do get frustrated at children running around shops though as have almost fallen over them a few times and have RA, so not easy for me to get up if I do fall.

Something similar happened to me once in a fracture clinic. I had a broken leg and literally couldn't keep my feet in because of the cast and a small child was sprinting around the clinic. He ran straight into my leg, rebounded and fell quite hard. I did ask if he was okay but his mother asked me if I was going to apologise. In that case I said that a child shouldn't be running around a fracture clinic of all places. Before she could snap back and I could tell she was going to, a nurse said 'quite right' and took her to one side.

@CoraPirbright

YANBU at all! But I do think instead of saying ‘no’ and walking off, i would have said “no, he crashed into me” so the silly cow would have understood why.

Yeah - I'd have said this sentence and then walked away in that exact situation you describe. Like I say, different response if the mum had instantly apologised.

Of course you didn't need to apologise but it wasn't very nice to just say no and walk off

An out-of-control child crashes into someone and it hurts, and that someone ought to be nice about it? Seriously?

I would have shown concern for him e.g oh dear you didn’t spot me there, are you okay?

Children don’t have the same spacial awareness as you do as an adult.

If I was the mum I would have just dusted him off, muttered sorry he bumped into you, but thought you were a bit callous and moaned to my OH about the state of the world when I got home.

'Most people, I think, would have made some soothing noises and asked if he was OK. '

I would have asked if he was ok....but 'soothing noises'? 🤣 Wha? Like a dove cooing...

I also likely would have said, given his Mother's attitude, that it is a shop aisle not a playground... I can't stand parents like that who think rules don't apply to their children...you know, the kids who are nasty rude & parents say nothing because they are only expressing themselves.

You didn't need to apologize but you could have said something. He is a 4yo. You seem proud that you got one over a 4yo.

Most people, I think, would have made some soothing noises and asked if he was OK

I don't think I would. I'd probably have been unable to stop myself exclaiming to the mum 'but he bumped into me!'

She should have been controlling her DCs. Quite often parents who can't be bothered to parent expect everyone else to look out for their DCs.

I wish you'd told her to control her DCs and it wouldn't happen.

YANBU. The mother should have told him off for running around, and made him apologise to you

Unfortunately it seems to me that more and more mothers think their children can do no wrong

You did the right thing, rude woman.

@LApprentiSorcier

Most people, I think, would have made some soothing noises and asked if he was OK

I don't think I would. I'd probably have been unable to stop myself exclaiming to the mum 'but he bumped into me!'

Soothing noises?!

And are people not reading that the OP has said there was a matter of seconds between him crashing into her leg and the mother being on top of her with her confrontational demand for an apology? At which point should she have started making "soothing noises", in the split second before or after she was verbally confronted in an aggressive manner? 🤦🏼‍♀️