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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what intrusive thoughts you get?

151 replies

ObtrusiveIntrusuive · 27/02/2021 09:21

I'm pretty sure I have undiagnosed OCD, the pure O type. I'm having a flare up at the moment so thought I'd reach out try to talk about it here to stop myself spiralling into "I've lost the plot" territory as I know it's actually quite common

Mine manifests itself as thoughts about harm mostly, for example if I'm at the train station 'my toddler could fall into the gap between the train and the platform' or if I'm crossing a bridge 'I would die if I jumped over this'

When my children were tiny I would get regular ones about dropping them.

I've had slightly less sinister ones too like envisioning myself throwing a drink over whoever I'm talking to.

What intrusive thoughts do you get?

OP posts:

Phlewf · 28/02/2021 01:27

This thread has reminded me that before lockdown I used to jump everytime the phone rang, convinced they’re would have been a school shooting at Ds’s school. Likewise if there was a bigger than usual crowd at the gate. So that’s one benefit of lockdown. I used to chop and change pick up and drop off convinced that it would be the change in routine that would save everyone. I’ve never told anyone because I think it would sound like a hero complex when it was more like terror.

ktp100 · 28/02/2021 01:35

Me too, particularly when tired or in times of stress. Once you know what it is it's a much easier beast to live with, for sure.

Deereamer · 28/02/2021 07:18

Mine is all around the kids. When they were tiny, I struggled with thoughts about cot death - I would constantly google statistics and check for the latest safe sleep advice and now they are older, I worry about them getting seriously ill / getting hit by a car / getting kidnapped. I know it’s ridiculous but I can’t stop them. I do think I hide it well though - I don’t think any of my family have noticed that this is something I struggle with.

Buggeredpelvicfloor2013 · 28/02/2021 08:40

God yes. Got PND with my DD and these literally consumed me (still do at times). Replaying old situations in my head, did I do wrong etc? I was physically and mentally abused as a child and still have the thoughts that it's my fault, then ruminate over specific incidents. One that really plays out for me is when eating my tea, must have been about 6. My Mum telling me I ate like a pig and was fat and ugly. The shame and humiliation I felt. I see it in colour over and over. When DD was born, I was convinced the pram was going to slip from my hands and roll under a car, or that a child abuser would break into the house and snatch her. That she would choke. That she would die in front of my eyes and I would be able to do nothing to stop it. I used to be convinced I'd left her in the carseat in the car when I knew full well I'd dropped her off at nursery . Literally every 20 minutes I'd have to go outside to check the car. Then I wouldnt believe my own eyes and would have to get a colleague to come with me. That's because I saw on the news this happened to another poor baby and I was convinced it would happen to us.

I constantly relive situations where I wonder if I've done the wrong thing, for instance, sent a work email and I'm convinced ive copied the wrong person in. And I have to check over and over.

Checking the door is locked over and over and over. To the point of loosening the handle.

Being convinced I've left candles lit. Despite checking, rechecking and touching them to prove to myself.

Being convinced meat is not fully cooked and im going to make everyone poorly, despite decimating a cooked chicken breast by burning it and chopping it to check the temperature.

Or that someone evil has injected food with something.

Getting up every hour in the night to check that the kids are breathing because I am convinced they aren't and they've died in the short space between checking.

It's fucking exhausting. It's fucking soul destroying.

Jellyfishsandwiches · 28/02/2021 09:23

At the moment it's thoughts telling me I'm useless, I don't deserve happiness, I'm a horrible person who makes everyone around me miserable. The self loathing is hard to live with.
Often if I'm driving I think about driving into walls or off bridges. Jumping in front of a train. That sort of thing.

Cissyandflora · 28/02/2021 19:19

Here’s an example of my madness if anyone is interested- yesterday I took my children out for a walk/ play on bikes. On the way home I lost sight of my adult son who was out with us on his bike. He was ‘missing’ for no more than 5 minutes. In that time I gathered my young children together and we tried to think of what had happened to him. I tried phoning him and was trying to stem my panic. In my mind I had awful thoughts that he had gone missing and would never be heard of again. I had even imagined the police investigation that would ensue and how terrible it would be. I’d probably be accused of killing him. I thought he must have been knocked over and someone in a van had bundled him in the back. (The street was empty and we would have seen any accident). All of these disturbing thoughts happened in less than 5 minutes. He was actually behind us having had to stop and adjust his bike. He was bemused to find me worried. It’s exhausting.

Another example- I adore my cat. I can’t even relax and enjoy him because every time I look at him I imagine how awful it will be if he gets ill and dies.

Leafblower14 · 28/02/2021 20:57

Mainly things like leaving on ovens, locking doors etc however i went completely bonkers midway through my pregnancy and got intrusive thoughts around the baby not being my partners even though i had no memory of being unfaithful

Frozenintime · 28/02/2021 21:15

On buses. If the driver has to leave the cab for a minute or steps out for a quick break. I think the bus will roll away.

Misspacorabanne · 28/02/2021 21:23

God I have loads, but the strangest was today, I nipped to the shops in my car, DC were both home with DH, driving back I thought what if I get home and it's not home any more! What if I think it's still 2021 but really twenty years have passed and it's 2041... What if I arrive home from the shops and it's 2041, and my family have moved away after I've been missing for the last twenty years. Perhaps I had a bump to my head and have no recollection of the last 20 years, or where I've been, what if I think my DC are still young but they are now 20 odd!! I've no idea at all why that thought just popped into my head. Maybe too many films, or lockdown sending me funny!
Others I have are cars vearing off the road and knocking me over as I walk along the pavement. If I have to nip to my car after dark I imagine somebody jumping out from the bushes.

ballsdeep · 28/02/2021 21:29

When I had my first nine years ago, I had PNA. I didn't get help for it until years later but it built and built and I was convinced I would die. I thought I had cancer and I paid goodness knows how much on scans. It was horrendous. I only check my breasts once a month now and I can't look at any breasts cancer ads, charities etc or it will be a trigger for me. It got so bad I couldn't even wash my boobs in the shower.

MooChops89 · 28/02/2021 21:39

When I was younger I worked in McDonald's and used to get an urge to stick my arm in the vat of boiling oil that the fries are cooked in.
I sometimes get an urge to randomly swerve while driving on the motorway.
Also had PN anxiety after DD was born about everyone suddenly dying. DH snores loudly and one night I couldn't hear him, touched his arm which was ice cold (it was out of the covers) and shook him awake in hysterics as I thought he was dead. Still sometimes have to check in on DD and baby DS as I panic they've died in their sleep. Once also poked the cat awake as I couldn't see him breathing, he wasn't impressed!

SwanShaped · 28/02/2021 21:42

I can’t write them down. It’s too horrible. I know that I’m not a bad person and it’s just thoughts and I would never do it but.... they’re fucking annoying. Fuck off stupid pointless thoughts that make me feel awful, panicky and sad!!!!!

Whatflavourjellybabyisnice · 28/02/2021 21:44

My intrusive thoughts come from childhood trauma and merge into my dreams. I'm lucky enough to have a very good psychodynamic therapist that asks me about such things and helps me unravel them.
I get the urges to touch something dangerous also.
Right now I'm also numb which is very annoying but it's nothing new to me.

Hm2020 · 28/02/2021 21:50

I have constant thoughts that I’ve upset someone some how that I’ve embaressed my self, what if my ds dies, what if I commit a crime and get arrested, whAt if my son was kidnapped and so bloody many more I can actually pinpoint when they started after a very traumatic time as a teen I moved back in with my mum at 14 and got loads of pets I started with intrusive thoughts about my hamster getting hurt of dieing it got soo bad that I’d halucinate and see them every where I thought I’d really lost it but when I went to the gp she said I had a fever I didn’t even notice I was unwell the halucinations have never come back but the intrusive thoughts never went away they just change depending on what’s going on in my life... very interesting thread

Mrsmadevans · 28/02/2021 21:53

@CrayonInThreeBits

Mostly stabbing myself through the eye with a large knife.

OMG mine is using a fork !

CrayonInThreeBits · 28/02/2021 22:06

Mrsmadevans a fork? Clearly you're completely bonkers ;)

Littleseeds11 · 28/02/2021 22:08

Ohhh I have never heard of this but feel like I can relate - I may need to go and do some research...is it something you can get help for?

I've always blamed a vivid imagination for my thoughts- simple ones going back to childhood like what if I walk into that house across the road does anyone actually live there? I still get the what if none of this is real.? thoughts...what if im not Littleseeds? What if these children aren't mine and I've made it up, what if I've kidnapped them? What if I imagined their birth and It never happened? I worry about drowning them in the bath and I've banned kids scissors as they make me feel very unwell when they craft I can't stop imagining them stabbing themselves.

I've always worried about pushing the pram (I have 3dc) into the road and I tie the pram handle to my wrist I don't trust myself...even as I type this im wondering if I've made this thread up or wrote anything silly (i rarely post on mn due to fear of writing something silly!) Its kinda nice (is that the right word?!) To know there's others out there with these thoughts!

AllFrightOnTheNight · 28/02/2021 22:13

Oh God, I have had some really horrific ones. This post may be distressing, so I've left a gap.

Some can be quite horrible- like once I saw a woman holding a tiny tiny newborn and I imagined myself snatching that poor baby and throwing him on the floor. Obviously I would never. That one really scared me, TBH.

Then I did some reading on it. Apparently really common, doesn't mean we're mad. Even if we have a fleeting thought of violence etc, we can acknowledge it and dismiss it. Thoughts don't control us.

Mrsmadevans · 28/02/2021 22:16

@CrayonInThreeBits

Mrsmadevans a fork? Clearly you're completely bonkers ;)

Borntohula · 28/02/2021 22:16

Throwing my phone in the river...

OverByYer · 28/02/2021 22:18

@whatnow47 I have the same. My children are grown up and I can convince myself I was an awful mum in particular to my youngest. When these thoughts start I have to get old photos out to remind myself of all the good times we have had. If I don’t I can spend days going over and over minor incidents where I may have shouted, said something mean. It’s exhausting.
Like others I appear calm and fairly confident, but inside I’m a turmoil of worry and insecurity. I’ve recently got a promotion at work and have terrible imposter syndrome.

temproasted · 28/02/2021 22:22

Wow I have never seen or heard anyone else saying these things and it's so nice to hear I'm not alone! I have some horrible thoughts - like I'm torturing myself thinking of the worst possible things that could happen in my life to loved ones. From silly things like thinking what if i throw this drink over your face (while someone is talking to me) to really horrific thoughts that make me feel panicky and sick.
Just thought I was a bit warped and awful. Would never voice these things in real life!

LloydColeandtheCoconuts · 28/02/2021 22:23

Hello,

I too used to have intrusive thoughts that included harming my newborn. Or I'd imagine doing dangerous things when on a train platform or walking by a main road. It would also take up to 20mins sometimes before I could leave the house because I'd have to check windows were shut, tap off, cooker off etc. In the end I sought help via Talking Therapies and had CBT and it was great. I also had issues with cleanliness and couldn't touch anything. I had sessions once a week for 2 months and all was going well and then Covid came and suddenly it was quite normal to avoid touching things!
Seriously though it was so helpful. I wasn't diagnosed with OCD but I wasn't looking for a diagnosis just a way of coping strategies which I do have now. The intrusive thoughts still come but I deal with them now. And I don't think I'm a weirdo. Well not too much, anyway

Try this link

www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/free-therapy-or-counselling/

sharalanda · 28/02/2021 22:24

I've never been in a car accident (well only minor ones where I wasn't hurt) however I think about them a lot. I imagine it's how I'll die and it feels really real. I also dream it's how my mum died even though she died from illness. I also imagine how it feels to fall from a tall building. I don't know if they are intrusive or just strange thoughts. I also sometimes think what if I said/did something really strange in work or any formal setting. I play it over in my mind and for a moment worry I might really do it.

whatnow47 · 28/02/2021 22:26

@OverByYer - I know how your feel. For me I need to know they were dressed nicely and clean. Or had proper winter coats, mittens, hats, or had their hair combed, had birthday parties. I wake up at 3am and go through the photos and see perfectly presented, happy children. I go back to sleep then have to look at photos again the next day. It's exhausting. I have booked a counsellor for Tuesday because I am driving DH insane (lockdown and all)). xxx

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