To ask what intrusive thoughts you get?

[ObtrusiveIntrusuive]

I'm pretty sure I have undiagnosed OCD, the pure O type. I'm having a flare up at the moment so thought I'd reach out try to talk about it here to stop myself spiralling into "I've lost the plot" territory as I know it's actually quite common

Mine manifests itself as thoughts about harm mostly, for example if I'm at the train station 'my toddler could fall into the gap between the train and the platform' or if I'm crossing a bridge 'I would die if I jumped over this'

When my children were tiny I would get regular ones about dropping them.

I've had slightly less sinister ones too like envisioning myself throwing a drink over whoever I'm talking to.

What intrusive thoughts do you get?

I was diagnosed with pure O in my twenties. I had acute intrusive thoughts like I'd killed someone or someone I loved was a sex offender, that kind of thing. It was devastating. I was prescribed an anti-depressant called Paroxetine (Paxil), which is pretty old-fashioned now (this was 20 years ago). It was one of the only ones approved for OCD at the time. It changed everything for me. Within a couple of weeks I felt like my old self. Not advocating medication at all, just wanted to share as my situation got to the point were I was utterly depressed and had a panic attack.

The best advice I got was that everyone has these thoughts pop into their heads all the time. The difference with the person with pure O is that they attach huge meaning to them. Like, what kind of monster am I to have even thought this? Now I can let these thoughts come and let them go. Not 100%, but the medication gave me some breathing space to deal with the diagnosis and get therapy.

My children falling from bridges, shopping centre floors, windows etc
My children falling under a train
Being run over by every car that passes us
Being shot at from passing cars (I've had this one since I was a teenager)
My toddler falling into the oven when I open it to take food out
Driving over the edge when going over a bridge
Running down pedestrians walking past

@Welikebeingcosy

I know this is isn't what was asked, but when I was having the intrusive thoughts when DD was an infant, I asked to speak to someone about it a hospital when I was getting DD's reflux checked. I went into full glory detail of the thoughts I was getting, prompted by the mental health nurse and ended up being locked up for three months by social services, and having a listening device in my room and DD was put on a child protection order. They were convinced I had psychosis even though three psychiatrists confirmed I didn't. I had to wait two months to see an independent maternity health psychiatrist who wrote the situation down and explained to the courts the difference between OCD and psychosis was. But anyway, the shock and worry of what happened really made the thoughts subside. I guess the part of my brain which looks for danger had something to focus on with the danger of having my baby taken away and so stopped looking to be useful with creating made up situations.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm glad I didn't have kids yet when I went for help.

Hugs to those of you suffering and finding them upsetting

As far as I know, intrusive thoughts can appear as part of all manner of MH problems.

Depression
Anxiety
PND
PTSD etc.

I first became aware of mine after having children, I had awful PND and anxiety.

My youngest is 2 now and the intrusive thoughts persist so I no longer attribute them to being postnatal.

The thoughts, coupled with my compulsions about checking the doors, is what leads me to think I have OCD to boot.

Sorry, that's not to say people with kids shouldn't get help! They absolutely should. I just know it would be an added thing to worry about.

Mostly stabbing myself through the eye with a large knife.

Gosh I've had these consistently since having children but I thought it was normal and hells to ensure you are evaluating the risks around you. Balconys, busy roads, open water, electronics- my kids being near any of these make me think of the worst that could happen!!

As far as I know, intrusive thoughts can appear as part of all manner of MH problems.

That's true and for me it was a bit of a chicken and egg problem. I think the thoughts came, which led to depression and anxiety because I couldn't stop them but maybe I was anxious and depressed which led to the thoughts becoming intrusive.

All the time. Most of the above too, mainly about my children. I will make myself cry imagining something happening to them.

I also can't leave the house without checking the gas hobs are of multiple times. I have physically touch each knob on the hob to make sure it's off - I've even gone back to check.

I don't get it any more, but sharp kitchen knives always used to give me a mental image of getting severely cut by it, or a finger getting chopped off.

Anything around around the vulnerability of small children, especially infants. Lots of that when my first daughter was born.

When watching TV shows and the topic of death or dying comes up (happens in almost every programme) thoughts imagining my own death, when it will be, how it will happen, will it be distressing and painful, the nature of existence etc

plus lots of others I'm sure. I've never recognised them as intrusive thoughts before, thought everyone had them. Though I do now realise in hindsight that my state of mind after having babies was not 100% and feel much better now that I did then.

Kids are going to die, kids are going to be taken away from me, someone is going to hurt the kids, the kids are too quiet there’s been a gas leak and they’re all dead, I’m at my daughters/sons funeral, the schools gone on fire, the childminders crashed, the bus is going to topple over and I’m going to die and my children will be orphans. I’m an awful mother, I’m destroying them, I’m harming them just by existing. And on and on and on, it’s relentless.

When I reached the feeling like I’d genuinely gone mad stage I spoke to my nurse, I was convinced the social services would take my kids but by that point I thought that was for the best because a mum that’s lost her mind isn’t best for them. She gave me a hug, told me I wasn’t crazy, it was all going to be ok and we’d get this dealt with there and then. One appointment with a CPN later I was diagnosed with postnatal OCD. Just knowing there was a reason for what I was experiencing helped, it’s not gone away but there are people that can help you learn how to cope with it and help you get to the point where you’re not being terrorised by your own head anymore

I've never recognised them as intrusive thoughts before, thought everyone had them.

Part of my therapy for pure O was recognising that everyone does have these thoughts from time to time. It's the meaning the pure O sufferer attaches to having had them in the first place that is part of the problem and why they become intrusive rather than just annoying.

I have diagnosed OCD. There is a lot of it in my family as apparently it can be hereditary. After years of therapy I have decided not to think of my OCD as a mental illness. My brain thinks in a different way to others. My mind is obsessive...and there are good things about being this way as I am very good at research and solving problems as I get obsessive and won’t give up. The down side there are some behavioural things which aren’t helpful but we can get therapy on tools to be in control of these. I use to have intrusive thoughts but since I learnt to deal them, thankfully I don’t get them anymore. But they are very stressful and I encourage anyone who is considering therapy to go for it. The nhs has been very helpful with my OCD.

You know those grainy cctv pictures in local newspapers from police trying to trace petty criminals. I sometimes look closely at those, my heart racing thinking one of them could be me. Never commited a crime in my life, but maybe I had accidently forgotten to pay for something or a misunderstanding. Even worse mistaken identity.

I told my DH once and he said he does the same, but it amuses him and distresses me.

@Hazardflash

Most of these resonate with me. I regularly think about suicide (I think the word is ideation) even though I'm neither suicidal or depressed.

I'm generally not a worrier particularly but I'm constantly worried (and angry) about work.

I've been told I'm a perfectionist and I certainly don't suffer fools. I'm a anally tidy and worry about the state of the house when I'm not there. I dislike disorganisation and chaos and and I seem to have a constant battle with myself over self - imposed deadlines.

I don't generally fantasise about harming others but I exhaust myself trying to understand other people's behaviour.

I've never thought of myself as having mental health issues but, come to think of it, there are mental health issues in the family. My grandfather had a breakdown and was given electric shock treatment. My cousin has also had several breakdowns and has been too ill to work since he was 25.

But I’d just like to make a point - everyone in the world experiences intrusive thoughts. Good intrusive thoughts don’t bother us though, and bad intrusive thoughts only become an issue when they’re repeated and causing distress. Intrusive thoughts themselves aren’t a sign of mental health problems, it’s when they become distressing and you’re unable to let them pop back out of your head that’s the issue.

I've never really told anyone about mine, they started when DC1 was a newborn. I'd have really graphic thoughts about harming my precious baby. They were horrific. A minor one was pushing the pram into the road or letting it go at the top of a hill. The others I can't bring myself to type.
I was treated for depression and they stopped for about years.
They started coming back again, they started off with quite minor things, we were shopping for a TV and I was looking at the really gigantic ones and imagining smashing them, the same thing happened with large windows, then similar to pp I'd imagine throwing a hot drink over someone or pouring a kettle of boiling water over my head, they've progressed to being about killing myself. Where I'd do it, how I'd do it. I either get incredibly upset by them or I feel numb and cold.

@coupleacuppas have you thought about CBT? It can be extremely helpful. And if no one has ever told you this, violent intrusive thoughts normally occur in those who are the least likely to ever be violent. It’s in no way a sign that you’re a bad or violent person. I’d also like to ask, have you spoken to the doctor about your thoughts around suicide? Often when OCD dips into that territory it’s extremely important you reach out and get help

Mine are almost always about Dd in various horrible situations. Being kidnapped, tortured or ran over. Or me hurting her or sexually abusing her. I do sometimes think about having disgusting sex with family members whilst they’re talking to me. It’s awful. I have to shake my head to get the thoughts away. It’s so distressing!

I do have more normal, harmless ones like jumping in front of a moving car or punching a random person. Those ones don’t bother me.

@Welikebeingcosy

I know this is isn't what was asked, but when I was having the intrusive thoughts when DD was an infant, I asked to speak to someone about it a hospital when I was getting DD's reflux checked. I went into full glory detail of the thoughts I was getting, prompted by the mental health nurse and ended up being locked up for three months by social services, and having a listening device in my room and DD was put on a child protection order. They were convinced I had psychosis even though three psychiatrists confirmed I didn't. I had to wait two months to see an independent maternity health psychiatrist who wrote the situation down and explained to the courts the difference between OCD and psychosis was. But anyway, the shock and worry of what happened really made the thoughts subside. I guess the part of my brain which looks for danger had something to focus on with the danger of having my baby taken away and so stopped looking to be useful with creating made up situations.

I'm so sorry, that is absolutely terrifying.

I never spoke about my intrusive thoughts after giving birth because I was scared of exactly that happening.

Infact I've never spoken about them to a professional, at all.

I went through counselling and EMDR through the IAPT pathway for past trauma and still didn't mention the intrusive thoughts out of fear they'd think I'm too unstable to parent.

What happened to you was a travesty

@ChancesWhatChances
Thank you. I've been on the verge of telling my GP a couple of times but I get so worried that I'll tell someone and they'll section me or take my children or something.
I told my husband when the thoughts of suicide first manifested and he was so worried he took a month off work and virtually locked me up himself. I begged him not to tell anyone professional and pretended I was better.

Loads. Mostly that I’m not good enough at ANYTHING. That I’m going to end up as a divorced, middle aged woman with no one and nothing.
My husband cannot love me properly, because I’m NUTS.
My children must hate me because I’m a shit mum.
I’m obsessed with “what if” scenarios (what if I actually killer myself, would my kids be ok with DH, if I hit a tree in my car how badly would it hurt, would the kids be ok? Etc)

Haven't had any for a while but had one the other day when I was sat behind someone in a meeting and had an overwhelming urge to kiss the back of their head . I didn't and distracted myself by thinking of a tv programme I watched the previous night.
I used to have them while driving along the motorway and what would happen if I drove into the barrier.
I have sexual ones too.

Honestly if thoughts could be viewed by other people I would be committed

Definitely identify with the "what if questions". Like, "what if I actually do want to kill myself?" (I don't), "what if I was sexually abused by a loved one as a child?" (I wasn't), " what if I do want to murder someone?" (I don't).

I am a totally normal, nice person who had a decent childhood. Which I makes these thoughts all the more disturbing. If we were murderers, these thoughts wouldn't bother us would they!

I had some intrusive thoughts after my dd was born. I didn’t a bit of research, and it really helped me to understand that everyone gets intrusive thoughts sometimes, it is just that some people are better at pushing them away or brushing them off faster, and paying little or no attention to them.
I learned to not feel bad about the thoughts, and it helped me to push them out of my head.