To award my DC all the points

[SayHelloToMe]

DC is in reception. He is a summer baby so still 4.

When he started school, they gave this class point system to the class. Each day, some kids make it to gold. There is a big fuss of clapping etc.

DC has really set his heart to get to gold. Pre lockdown he was helping TAs clear up after lessons. He is bright, very good at maths, well ahead his peer.

Each day while at school, it was only the naughty kids who made it to school... behavioural issues, learning difficulties... so during lockdown, it was only the kids attending school who got to gold.

It’s painful to see him get his hopes up and never get it.

After I complained to school about home schooled children missing out, they said parents could award kids up to 3 points each day to be redeemed when school starts again.

AIBU to award him all the 3 points for each day of homeschool? He’s done all the homework, helped at home, been flexible around my work, etc.

I am unsure how you can differentiate between who is 'naughty', and who is SEN, or know that your DS is ahead of his peers, especially in reception... perhaps leave that, and the star system, up to the teachers.

Honestly op you sound like you are going to be "THAT" parent!
Give your sin points of you want to or don't if you don't.
It really is a non issue

@WorraLiberty

Pre lockdown he was helping TAs clear up after lessons. He is bright, very good at maths, well ahead his peer.

Look OP what you need to understand is this (and I speak as a mum who had to explain this to my 3 DC)...

If your child is bright, good at maths, well ahead of his peers and has a good relationship with TAs/Teachers, he is already most definitely winning.

There are parents and children out there who'd gnaw off their right arms to be able to have that, and they'd gladly swap their DCs problems and behavioural issues for a few poxy points and some clapping from the class.

Surely as an adult you can see that?

Ok your DC won't be able to see it because he's 4 but it's your job to gently make him.

Absolutely this!

Definitely give him the points if he has done all the work. There was a time when only the high achievers got rewarded and effort meant nothing which was awful, my OH had 'tries hard gets nowhere' written on his primary school report, it still haunts him.

Now it seems to have gone quite far the other way and high achievers often seem to go unnoticed and only those who struggle get recognition. I was very surprised to go round to a friends house when my lo was 4/5 and see 6 weekly achievement certificates on their fridge when my son had had one. I didn't begrudge the child at all, it was just a piece of paper and my son wasn't bothered but I'd just assumed that they'd work through the class and everyone would be given one, for one reason or another, and then everyone would get another one if there was still time. I was just a bit shocked by the big difference in number.

Each day while at school, it was only the naughty kids who made it to school... behavioural issues, learning difficulties...
Are you for real? The children in school are the most vulnerable children. Learning difficulties = naughty?
Your son might deserve all three points, you my dear deserve zero.
Stop being ‘that’ parent.

I am so glad my DC are past that point. All of them were quiet and reasonably well behaved so tended to be overlooked by these systems. They all struggled to understand why some children appeared to be favoured time after time. With my youngest I eventually snapped after she had asked about what she perceived as unfairness yet again and told her the reward systems were used to control behaviour. I just hope she didn't repeat this in class

In reception teachers usually make sure everyone has a turn. Those that need a confidence boost or have done exceptionally well get it first. Your little boy may just have to wait his turn. I'm sure all home schooled children will get full points now you've complained. The teacher will manage your expectations and give your child the reward.

Not even going to address your SEN comments. I'm guessing the teacher knows you .. ...

Because using a token based rewards system is shown to help children with behaviour disorders.

My DD5 is frequently rewarded when others aren't because that is the approach that the school have decided to take to help her. It works and has almost eliminated any negative behaviour. She is in the process of being assessed and was potentially seen as the "naughty" child (by other judgemental parents) in her last two school years (nursery and reception) but thanks to an amazing teacher we are able to make her feel much happier, focus on her work and actually enjoy learning.

Children with ASD, LD or ADHD type disorders are not naughty.

@SayHelloToMe

What about non SEN children? Why don’t they ever Get rewarded? Genuine question.

They are rewarded by not having SEN Look, I sort of get it . DD was very well behaved and hard working,she actually told me in Reception that she needed to be naughty so that when she stopped she could get on the “well done wall” I explained that for some dc sitting still was as hard as reading or maths were for her, or even harder. I know that 5 year olds don’t have the best sense of what fair and what’s not but it’s up to you to teach him understand that everyone faces their own challenges As a parent if the teachers are using a tool that makes the class less disruptive so my child can learn more easily then it’s all good.

If everyone gets gold...noone gets gold.

The problem with these reward systems is that they are not transparent and children therefore don't understand them. Ideally reward of stars should be individual based upon individual progress. If that was made clear from the outset then children would understand. Each teacher is different and adopts their own approach even if there is a school system

If he's doing everything he has been told he needs to do to get 3 points then yes of course you should award it to him.

If he doesn't do everything he needs to do then it's important not to give him all of the points.

Don't compare to what the other children are or aren't getting. He just needs to do his best and if the school aren't rewarding him for that then surely there's no reason that you can't? You could give him your own gold star or certificate when he does things that are good?

@twelly

The problem with these reward systems is that they are not transparent and children therefore don't understand them. Ideally reward of stars should be individual based upon individual progress. If that was made clear from the outset then children would understand. Each teacher is different and adopts their own approach even if there is a school system

Actually I'm not sure I agree with individual progress. If a child enters school reading, for them to hit the progress target will take a lot more work than a child who has no reading skills on entry.

If the target behaviour is everyone sitting nicely at their desk, reward everyone for reaching the target behaviour. Not just the child who refuses to sit down.

OP, you sound genuinely lovely. All of your responses have been kind. You made one slip up in your original post, and all of a sudden the actual meaning of the post gets forgotten by people who just want to berate you and bully you. I don't think you meant that kids with learning difficulties are naughty.

Bottom line is that your child deserves gold stars. Why don't you create a system at home where he gets gold stars for doing well? I.e cleaning up his toys, putting his plate in the sink etc. I'm sure he would love that, he sounds like a lovely little boy

A problem with these schemes is that the children think they apply equally to all of them. When it becomes obvious that they do not apply equally some kids start questioning what they perceive as unfairness.

I sort of understand where you are coming from. I am a TA and it is something that worries me a bit.
We don’t have star of the week or anything that sets the children up against each other, but we do have a chart where anything done well can get the kids a star, and if they earn a certain number of stars they get to pick a small prize. No limits on the number of kids who can get one each day.

I do understand that some children can slip under the radar.
The child who almost never remembers to say thank you says it several times one day, so gets a star.
The child who doesn’t normally read at home/practice spellings/whatever it is does so he gets a star.
The child who has dyslexia and who finds writing a terrifying experience sits down quietly in English one day and writes half a page, so they get a star.

The child who always says thank you, who always reads at home, who always writes two pages without a fuss, can very easily go unnoticed.

I worry about this constantly in our class. I have been known to hand out stars for the most random things, or ‘fix it’ (Could you please go and tidy the cloakroom for me. Wow, that’s an amazing job you’ve done, here, have a star...) to try and ensure these quiet compliant children get their share of prizes.

But there is the other side to this.
The child who never reads at home probably doesn’t because he has no one making sure he does. In the end, he won’t progress as quickly as the others because he is just not getting the practice. He will miss the rewards that come with being a good reader - more able to get on independently at school, the little buzz the kids get when they move up a level - and it’s not his fault. (Certainly in my Year 1 class, they need parents who are engaged if they are going to do this regularly at home. If parents say they are too busy, they won’t do it because they can’t do it alone).
The child who is dyslexic is always going to be disadvantaged. My DD is one of these - in Year 3 and still spells her own name wrong. Is reading at the level of a Y1 child, and is aware that her friends are all outperforming her. She can get so frightened of school and what is expected that she runs from the classroom and hides - it must be like me going into a room and being confronted with a page of Chinese and told to read it, and then being asked questions on it. So she gets rewarded when she writes independently, even if it’s only a sentence.

Might seem unfair to the child who has sat and written loads without a fuss but the struggle to get to that stage isn’t equal, and you want to ensure that hose who have struggled to get somewhere feel recognised for that struggle and try and encourage them to keep going.
This shouldn’t come at the expense of those who find it easy but could become demotivated but it is hard sometimes to get it right.

Epic post, sorry.
I think if you do want to approach it, come at the angle of ‘he’s feeling a bit demotivated, what can we do to address that.’ No teacher wants any child feeling demotivated.

It is a crap system, yes scale the expectations to be met to the child, so a child that struggled has to meet an appropriate expectation for them, but not at the expense of all the other dc, they should all get a chance.

Additionally, seeing a child rewarded for helping to clear up may help model positive behaviour in others so a win win.

I get teachers and tas have alot on but either have a fair system or don't bother.

Your son has already got the best gold star going by being NT and not having any difficulties with learning.

Would you rather have him struggling with educational and behavioural issues and getting a gold star?

I think not. Be grateful. Reward him yourself.

•He is bright, very good at maths, well ahead his peer•

This bit stood out to me as a bit odd. If he's just entered reception, so literally had one term of school, how would you know he's well ahead of his peers? My DC is in Y1, I'm trying to think of the first parents evening we had in term 1. I'm pretty sure it was just to let me know they were settling in ok and doing well overall rather than telling me where they stood on the class rankings.

I think this might all be a bit PFB as you've just started the school thing.

And yes, the bitterness about the 'naughty' or 'SEN' kids getting praise is unpleasant.

PFB by any chance?

Points are not there so that proud parents can humble brag about little Tarquin being on the school page.

As others have pointed out - some chldren are born winning. Complaining that they don't also get all consolation prizes in addition to an advantageous start is a bit crass.

To clarify - that’s me thinking back to term 1 reception, so last year.

I can understand what op is saying, ds5 is in reception and hasn't had star of the week. He does feel like everyone else has had it apart from him and he feels disheartened by it, they don't understand at that age that everyone is different so they all have different targets to hit. He did receive a whole school award (only two in his year) but there wasn't the same fuss made in school like the star of the week so to him it doesn't seem like an achievement. He was happy when his best friend got star of the week as in his words 'he doesn't find it as easy as me' but he said he wishes that he worked hard enough for it.

*Tenacious
Actually I'm not sure I agree with individual progress. If a child enters school reading, for them to hit the progress target will take a lot more work than a child who has no reading skills on entry.

If the target behaviour is everyone sitting nicely at their desk, reward everyone for reaching the target behaviour. Not just the child who refuses to sit down.*

I disagree. From your example, if the child who enters the school reading takes ages to reach their next target then the target is wrong. It doesn’t need to be a formally set target, or one from the curriculum, just something to make the child feel they are achieving and improving.

Blanket targets are difficult. If the target behaviour is ‘sit down quietly’ then there will be some children who can do it easily, as by nature they are quieter. What about the child with ADHD? He finds this hard to do. So he doesn’t get a reward but the kids who find it easy do. No different then to giving out awards to everyone for writing a sentence. The kids who find it easy will get a reward. The kid with dyslexia will struggle, and not get a reward, for something that isn’t their fault.

My child is now in Sen provision and they don’t do this type of reward as it’s counter productive. The children end up becoming so anxious about getting/ not getting the reward that it can actually end up making behaviour worse through the increased anxiety