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Original poster

Opting out of Mothers' Day emails

142 replies

Newtonn · 26/02/2021 16:48

Checking my emails (which are full of random places I've ordered online from), I've noticed many companies asking if I want to opt out of receiving emails advertising mothers' day.

I thought it was a weird coincidence to read a few with the same subject line and content and upon googling, I've found out this is now common, but it's bypassed me for a couple of years.

I understand it's not a happy time for everyone, and not everyone will celebrate, but I'm a bit bemused by the idea that it's really upsetting for an email from Asda that features an offer currently available on a bunch a flowers / bottle of Baileys to land in someone's email inbox.

Lots of people struggle with all sorts every day. Christmas is harder for some people. Valentine's day. And the associated tat is all over the real world (and social media), so aibu to think this is unlikely to really help anyone?

OP posts:
mimbleandlittlemy · 26/02/2021 20:48

I thought it was ridiculous, OP. I thought ‘oh just ignore or delete it then if it upsets you’ when people moaned on - and then my Mum died and it will be six months almost to the day come Mothering Sunday that I found her dead in bed, and as these emails have come in I have realised I will never buy another Mother’s Day card for her, or carefully choose another bunch of MD flowers or make lunch for her again - so yes, I have opted out and I have learned my lesson and now think everyone should be able to if they want.

goose1964 · 26/02/2021 20:52

It's really hard getting emails about mother's day. I lost my mum 25 years ago,too young, and all they do is make the hole in my life more obvious.

Frankola · 26/02/2021 21:21

I'm a marketer and this is being heavily discussed in my industry.

Can I ask how people feel about getting that email in the first place? That email too mentions mother's day and mum's etc.

I'm interested if people are OK with that reminder because the positive emotion of feeling the company cares overrides the rational fact that they have just brought up mothers day to you....

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 26/02/2021 21:41

Can I ask how people feel about getting that email in the first place? That email too mentions mother's day and mum's etc.

Getting the email gives me an element of choice and control in a world where all of my choices and control were taken away from me.

It means a lot, regardless of it being a marketing ploy or not.

GeidiPrimes · 26/02/2021 21:43

Mother is a triggering word for many people - example on Thursady when an attempt was made for the word to be removed from the Maternity Allowance Bill. Seems to have annoyed some people...

It makes a nice change for a large supermarket to do something thoughtful regarding women, usually they just shit all over us!

pitterpatterrain · 26/02/2021 21:46

I like that you can opt out and you get asked
My DM died over 10 years ago now but I still miss her and it was too young

For those that don’t understand frankly I don’t care

BritWifeinUSA · 26/02/2021 21:54

Whilst Valentine’s Day might be miserable for a single, it’s a situation that is unlikely to be permanent (unless by choice, and someone who is single by choice doesn’t give a fuck about Valentine’s Day anyway). We only have one mother in our lives and when she’s gone, she’s gone. Or if the relationship was very toxic it’s unlikely to change and will always carry bitter memories. It’s a permanent loss.

Those of us who have lost children and have been unable to have a successful pregnancy find ourselves in a permanent state of whatever the opposite of motherhood is. After numerous attempts at IVF and an ectopic my husband and I have now resigned ourselves to a life without children, not through choice. Good for you that you find it funny. I wish I could say it’s funny.

There, but for the Grace of God....

Echobelly · 26/02/2021 22:08

I don't do mother's day one way or another, but I can see a person would want to avoid lots of 'Treat your mum', 'Show your mum how much you love her....' stuff if they have a painful relationship with theirs, or God forbid, have lost an only child.

CoffeeRunner · 26/02/2021 22:14

Why does this not happen with Christmas or Father’s Day emails?

My mum died almost 9 years ago & my dad 18 years ago. My dad died at the end of August & then his birthday was September. Back to school emails are as triggering for me personally, as it was that time of year.

Life goes on. Yeah there should be the option to opt out. But that should apply to everything not just Mother’s Day.

CharlotteRose90 · 26/02/2021 22:21

Wow this is a heartless post. I think it’s an amazing idea and believe it or not some people when they’ve lost parents don’t want to be bombarded with emails about the days they want to forget.

Daphnise · 26/02/2021 22:25

There are so many things I'd like to opt out of, but reminders of Mother's Day is not near the top of the list.

Stroan · 26/02/2021 22:28

I work in digital marketing and sent one of these emails this week on behalf of a client. More clients are considering it. I'm well aware that there are commercial benefits (reducing complete unsubscribes, brand positivity etc) but can honestly say that those haven't been discussed or taken into account- we aren't even monitoring how many people opt out. In the case of our clients, these have absolutely come from a place of kindness.

One thing to bear in mind is the sheer volume of emails from some companies (I don't work on any accounts like this). It's not a one off reminder from asda to pick up a box of chocolates, it's daily emails from lots of brands. Some where you can't predict the content until you open the email.

It doesn't hurt anyone and if it prevents further pain to some customers, then surely that can only be a good thing?

Frankola · 26/02/2021 22:45

I totally agree. I was just using this thread as a sounding board because it's something that we've been discussing in my company. All the responses I've seen are really helpful Smile

Svalberg · 26/02/2021 22:56

@CoffeeRunner

Why does this not happen with Christmas or Father’s Day emails?

My mum died almost 9 years ago & my dad 18 years ago. My dad died at the end of August & then his birthday was September. Back to school emails are as triggering for me personally, as it was that time of year.

Life goes on. Yeah there should be the option to opt out. But that should apply to everything not just Mother’s Day.

Opting out has been happening for the last couple of years with Father's Day, I know because I've been sad for about the last 20 years every bloody year. And now I'm sad every Mother's Day too but at least I can opt out of that too.
Waferbiscuit · 26/02/2021 23:09

I actually agree with the OP in the sense that as adults we should really turn a blind eye to fake commercial days that were created by greeting card companies to make money.

Mother's Day is a meaningless fake day designed by commerce to make money and says nothing about being a mother or motherhood. Just as Valentine's Day is a fake homage to romance.

Let's all see it for what it is - for course get upset by loss of real people but not be triggered by things that are constructs to make you buy stuff.

Waferbiscuit · 26/02/2021 23:09

Meant to write 'of course' not 'four course'!

Redrunbluerun · 26/02/2021 23:13

Mother’s Day is very hard for me, I really appreciated the opt out email.
The narrative is that everyone has a wonderful mother. Social media is awash with everyone praising their lovely mum who has offered them so much support and guidance.
It makes my heart ache.
So a company caring and not sending me emails about ‘flowers for my wonderful mother’ makes sense to me.

RoseAndRose · 26/02/2021 23:18

It's a hellish day for bereaved parents and the move by companies is one much welcomed by baby loss and child bereavement charities

Waferbiscuit · 26/02/2021 23:23

Since mother's and Father's Day is such a shit triggering day for so many people shouldn't we just be trying to get Mother's and Father's Day cancelled altogether as they probably do more harm than good and just exist to make money. They are stupid fake days. Let's cancel them and then there will be no day to feel bad about losing a parent, wondering if you are a bad mother, feeling sad about your childhood and shit relationship with your mom, grieving the loss of a child etc. Seriously what is the point of these days??!!

Cancel the days not the emails!!!

Bourbonic · 26/02/2021 23:26

I'm a bit puzzled really as to why you don't understand it.

If I go to a shop or restaurant etc in the lead up to any event, I fully expect to see displays dedicated to it. I can choose not to go to those places.

Opening my emails in bed in the morning isn't really as easy to avoid the build up. Being able to unsubscribe and thus have far less chance of my inbox being clogged on a daily basis with mothers day reminders, is ideal.

I'd have loved to have been a mother but I cannot have children. I hate mothers day.

iVampire · 26/02/2021 23:26

@CharlotteRose90

Wow this is a heartless post. I think it’s an amazing idea and believe it or not some people when they’ve lost parents don’t want to be bombarded with emails about the days they want to forget.
And do also remember the grief of those whose child has died, and who will never again hear that voice say ‘mum’
ethelredonagoodday · 26/02/2021 23:26

I've never had them through before this year and then a deluge.

LeopardFever · 26/02/2021 23:31

This reply has been deleted

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FortniteBoysMum · 26/02/2021 23:42

I received a few about opting out of valentines day this year. Also a couple about mothers day so far. I think it's a good idea especially during s pandemic when many people may have recently lost theirs due to covid.

Ilikeviognier · 27/02/2021 00:01

I think it’s a nice touch (mum been dead 11 years) not a nice reminder for me.