Opting out of Mothers' Day emails

[Newtonn]

Checking my emails (which are full of random places I've ordered online from), I've noticed many companies asking if I want to opt out of receiving emails advertising mothers' day.

I thought it was a weird coincidence to read a few with the same subject line and content and upon googling, I've found out this is now common, but it's bypassed me for a couple of years.

I understand it's not a happy time for everyone, and not everyone will celebrate, but I'm a bit bemused by the idea that it's really upsetting for an email from Asda that features an offer currently available on a bunch a flowers / bottle of Baileys to land in someone's email inbox.

Lots of people struggle with all sorts every day. Christmas is harder for some people. Valentine's day. And the associated tat is all over the real world (and social media), so aibu to think this is unlikely to really help anyone?

I would have loved to have kids, never happened. It’s one of the worse days of the year as the grief is hard to ignore. Being able to opt out is a great help when you get them off literally every company or service you have bought from to flog their wares.

I just was puzzled

Do you usually struggle with empathy?

I completely appreciate some of the reasons people might find it a difficult day and sympathise with the experiences some of you have replied with.

I'm glad then that the option is there for those that it helps (as some say it does), and although I'm not actually so naive as to not realise the various ways the day or the loss of relationships might cause people to suffer, I do still wonder at the extent that this helps. And that was my point, rather than discussing whether mothers' day itself is ever problematic, does Tesco really offer much by doing this.

Many of the arguments I've just heard for this practice give examples of all the other things that have been painful reminders, and this clearly doesn't take any of those away any more than it can fix the problem itself.

Restaurant offers, high street decorations, supermarket displays right near the entrance, a neighbour's front window will likely still be visible and unavoidable, so I wonder how useful these are.

I got one yesterday and assumed it was advertising, and didn't open it (albeit because I wasn't interested, not because of distress). But it wouldn't have helped me even if I would have benefited, as I would have ignored the words.

It was only as I got so many more today from all over, but with the same precise words, that it felt like being bombarded with them wondered if they were genuine that I looked. If they draw my attention to the idea of mothers' day when I'd otherwise ignore, then they arguably are doing the opposite of what they hope to achieve.

I completely agree with Rodent01

Also, the shops now deliberately lay it on thick in their marketing campaigns. They used to send generic messages saying something like "Mothers' Day: XX March - see instore for plenty of great cards and gifts" - which would be upsetting enough for some; but now their emails go down the faux personalised route with "Kate, don't forget to show your Mum how much she means to you" - which I'm sure many people must find truly harrowing.

@Lorianmando

Sorry are you so devoid of empathy not to understand why it could be triggering What a privilege you have not to understand after a stillbirth why those emails are not wanted.

I am not so devoid of empathy to not see anything.

I understand that our emotions can be triggered by lots of things, and there are lots of possible reasons to suffer. We've all experienced grief to some extent or another.

Most of the things others have mentioned have been worse than getting an email, and the issues themselves are obviously a source of great sadness with or without an email.

It's a fact that an image and text encouraging you to buy a token gift for your own mother (as the email is aimed at you as a consumer, not a mother) is hardly comparable to what you describe.

Mother’s Day was horrible for me after the stillbirth of my first baby, and the 4 miscarriages that followed. I couldn’t leave the house without bumping into my NCT group and their happy babies. I had to call up and cancel the nursery place, and give away the Moses basket and the cot and all the things I had bought for her. I was told I wasn’t entitled to my 6 week postpartum check at the GP surgery because, what would be the point with no baby?

When we bought my daughter’s burial plot they gave us a leaflet for a service that would put you on a list to be opted out of Mother’s Day spam, and I felt so touched that someone had thought to set up such a service, and wasn’t just telling me to get the fuck over myself. I felt like there might still be some place for me in the world.

My mum has recently died. The emails are very upsetting as they are a reminder that I don't have a mum anymore. I've unsubscribed from all M&S emails as they were sending Mother's Day emails and it was heartbreaking. They didn't have the option to opt out of them like other companies have.
I can avoid going into card shops, I can avoid the seasonal isle in shops, but I can't avoid things that come into my inbox.

If you have walk into a supermarket you can mentally put up with one aisle having a Mother’s Day display. But not every single time you look at emails for the 3 weeks before hand.

They’re a way to stop people from unsubscribing from all the emails - they provide an easy way to miss out on just the ones that someone might find upsetting.

That’s the business justification. Less upset customers = less unsubscribers. Email lists are valuable. Most companies will know what each person on their list is worth, on average.

I had one of these form opting out of valentine's day, which I did, not because it would upset me but I don't want the spam in my inbox!

However I've always struggled with fathers day since my dad died.

It's a good idea, I hope these companies do offer this for other times of the year too.

Say your mum has just died. And you are sorting out funeral arrangements and an email for mothers day flowers pops into your mail box.. do you really not see how this would be upsetting?

OP seems to be very hard of understanding. You've had your answers and yet you still keep going on. Maybe its not for you but enough people appreciate the thought behind the emails.

@Newtonn
The opt out email draws my attention to the option to not receive any more of the several emails the company is going to be sending their subscribers. It is vastly preferable to have my attention drawn to mother's day by that one email than to multiple emails urging me to celebrate.

I don't care if it's a marketing ploy, if it helps people get through w difficult time by having a bit less exposure then it's a good thing. It's impossible to avoid some reminders but why wouldn't you choose to avoid some if they will upset you. I avoid social media at these times too, unsubscribing is similar.

YABU

I assume companies do this because of complaints or feedback about this kind of marketing. And I do suspect jumping on the bandwagon may be part of it for some of them if their competitors are doing it

I have no issues personally with Mother’s Day, and I appreciate that other events will also be upsetting (birthdays, anniversaries etc). But this is a really small, inoffensive way that companies can make it a little less painful. It doesn’t affect me to get an email asking if I’d like to opt out but not having that option may be very upsetting for other people. So yes I would rather companies ask! The only reason I could see for not asking is that asking is still bringing up the subject which some people may find upsetting.

You’re very lucky it doesn’t make sense to you. During the three years when my mum died followed by our son, Mothers Day was a pain I cannot describe. I would have been delighted to have this option. At least my inbox wouldn’t have reminded me of all I had lost, even if the wider world around me did.

@Newtonn I have just read your latest post. Dear God read the room. It might be nonsensical to you but people are telling you that for them, it’s torture. Our son died. He was still born. At that time I felt a big enough failure as a woman without having ‘celebrate Mother’s Day’ brought into my own home too. You are being more than unreasonable.

Ignoring an opt out email is simple. There is no emotion vaused by the email.

I do wonder if it is as hard to receive these emails and select opt out as it is to receive the advertising emails. I imagine that is a one-off though saving future painful reminders.

Perhaps websites could have account settings where you select the occasions you are happy to hear about - rather than it hitting the inbox. I don't know, perhaps some companies already do this.

*no emotion caused

for everyone hurting right now

@Lorianmando

But *@Newtonn* I have experienced that and I find it upsetting. Surely your opinions of whether emails are comparable is irrelevant when some one has a lived experience of stillbirth is telling you it’s helpful The fact many baby loss organisations support this tells you of the need or do you really think you know best because...well I’m not really sure when so many people have told you why they want to be able to opt out

If you read what I've said before you posted, I acknowledged that some find it a positive and I think, therefore that it's probably a good thing on balance. I wouldn't call it 'so many' as a significant percentage of everyone who has ever had one of the widely ranging sad experiences with their parents or having children.

I haven't claimed to know better than anyone. I asked a question as to how much these could achieve, whilst being a reminder in and of themselves, and only stopping you from seeing a few pictures of pretty impersonal gifts.
But you, with your lived experience, are clearly claiming to know better then me, so go ahead.

My opinions don't not count because I haven't started a threat to tell you all about any of the things that actually cause me grief, but noone feels the need to do anything about, and many happily go around making much worse ij various ways.

I am entitled to feel that this is a bit of an empty gesture from big companies, especially when compared to things that others have said really do make life more difficult, as opposed to being something they'd prefer not to see.

Okay, it doesn't make things even worse. Still doesn't seem as consequential as lots of other things people could do for others.

It's a fact that an image and text encouraging you to buy a token gift for your own mother (as the email is aimed at you as a consumer, not a mother) is hardly comparable to what you describe.

Are you for fucking real?

You have the sheer arrogance to say this to a bereaved parent?

Have a fucking word with yourself.

You are plain ignorant at best.

This has got to be the worst case of someone asking if they are BU, bring told by the majority they are, then proceeding to argue why they're not.

I think you should stop now.

It may just be impersonal gifts to you but to others it is a trigger for their grief. Their raw emotional primal grief.