Opting out of Mothers' Day emails

[Newtonn]

Checking my emails (which are full of random places I've ordered online from), I've noticed many companies asking if I want to opt out of receiving emails advertising mothers' day.

I thought it was a weird coincidence to read a few with the same subject line and content and upon googling, I've found out this is now common, but it's bypassed me for a couple of years.

I understand it's not a happy time for everyone, and not everyone will celebrate, but I'm a bit bemused by the idea that it's really upsetting for an email from Asda that features an offer currently available on a bunch a flowers / bottle of Baileys to land in someone's email inbox.

Lots of people struggle with all sorts every day. Christmas is harder for some people. Valentine's day. And the associated tat is all over the real world (and social media), so aibu to think this is unlikely to really help anyone?

Several companies have only sent emails offering me the opportunity to opt out of Valentines day (which has obviously now passed) and mothers' day E-Mails - I haven't bothered opting out and have not received any other E-Mails on the topic.

So I very much assume it is a cold, cynical Marketing technique - oh! Aren't "Love Coco" compassionate/ kind/ invlusive/ thoughtful! They offered me the opportunity to opt out!

Except there was nothing after that, so nothing to opt out of...

Companies send numerous repeated marketing emails in the lead up to Mother's Day to capitalise on sales. I would much rather get one email from them offering me an opt out than 5 trying to sell me things over the next few weeks.

To give you an idea of my experience of this time of year...

17/02 first anniversary of my mum dying suddenly

Today - spent all week boxing up dead mums house and remaining belongings and moving my utterly distraught dad into a rental and finalising on completing sale on my childhood home today.

12/03 Dead sons 5th birthday

14/03 Mothers Day

That clear it up?

I can't believe that if it doesn't particularly affect you why on earth you would even bother to surmise about such an issue on an Internet forum and stir up thoughts on it??

I don't think it's a wholly empty gesture.

Are there a huge amount of firms that use it as a marketing tool? Yes absolutely.

Is that still better than being bombarded with...

LAST POSTING DAY BEFORE MOTHERS DAY, ORDER NOW TO RECEIVE FOR MOTHERS DAY, 10 WAYS TO SHOW MUM YOU LOVE HER THIS MOTHERS DAY, USE CODE LOVEMUM TO RECEIVE 10% OFF

From say 10-20 different companies over the space of a few difficult weeks.

And fuck off with the PA 'But you, with your lived experience, are clearly claiming to know better then me, so go ahead'

You should be extremely thankful if you don't know why you have upset so many strangers with your clumsy post.

Oh and if I posted what I wanted to post in response to you saying you were ' a bit bemused' then it would be deleted.

I am rather skeptical and tend to agree with PP who say it is a (pretty successful) marketing ploy.

This is the second thread I've seen on it, a friend mentioned it to me as did my sister.

However after losing my mum suddenly and unexpectedly (she dropped dead in her living room a few months ago) I find the OP's lack of empathy a bit disconcerting.

I'm lucky that I have my own kids and a big, supportive family. I'm lucky that losing my mum hasn't utterly broken me. I'm lucky that I'm coping alright and an email isn't going to send me over the edge.

I think it’s really good that you can opt out of them. It’s not just one email - it’s usually several, and if you can opt out of all future emails it would be worth having to fill out the online form once. I’ve been really moved by the stories on this thread. I’m so sorry for all the hardship that people have been through.

@Impatientwino thinking of you xx

I didn’t interpret the post as clumsy. I thought more goady and obnoxious

I'm sure you're not intentionally being goady but perhaps count yourself lucky that your reaction to this was "bemusement"
Mine was relief.

I fucking hate the emails. Not only do they (unintentionally) rub it in my face that my mother is no longer here, but they also (unintentionally) remind me that I am not a mother myself despite years of trying.

Mother's day really upsets me and I don't need numerous emails in the subject spamming my inbox for 3 weeks beforehand.

The opt out is a godsend.

It is a cynical gesture from companies who are starting to realise that opting out is better for sales than people unsubscribing.

But my inbox is my space. It’s not a shop, or a restaurant I might enter. Receiving an email asking if I want to opt out tells me that I am not alone in finding mothers’ day upsetting. This is far, far better than receiving an email suggesting I buy my dead mum a purse/flowers/other shite she would’ve hated to show how much I love her.

I can’t understand why this would be a problem significant enough to start a thread about.

@Impatientwino

Companies send numerous repeated marketing emails in the lead up to Mother's Day to capitalise on sales. I would much rather get one email from them offering me an opt out than 5 trying to sell me things over the next few weeks.

To give you an idea of my experience of this time of year...

17/02 first anniversary of my mum dying suddenly

Today - spent all week boxing up dead mums house and remaining belongings and moving my utterly distraught dad into a rental and finalising on completing sale on my childhood home today.

12/03 Dead sons 5th birthday

14/03 Mothers Day

That clear it up?

I can't believe that if it doesn't particularly affect you why on earth you would even bother to surmise about such an issue on an Internet forum and stir up thoughts on it??

I don't think it's a wholly empty gesture.

Are there a huge amount of firms that use it as a marketing tool? Yes absolutely.

Is that still better than being bombarded with...

LAST POSTING DAY BEFORE MOTHERS DAY, ORDER NOW TO RECEIVE FOR MOTHERS DAY, 10 WAYS TO SHOW MUM YOU LOVE HER THIS MOTHERS DAY, USE CODE LOVEMUM TO RECEIVE 10% OFF

From say 10-20 different companies over the space of a few difficult weeks.

And fuck off with the PA 'But you, with your lived experience, are clearly claiming to know better then me, so go ahead'

You should be extremely thankful if you don't know why you have upset so many strangers with your clumsy post.

We're both allowed an opinion of how much it's an empty gesture.

And many are claiming to know more, but actually only know their own response.

You have actually just created your own example of the types of things contained in these emails, whilst continuing to deal with unspeakable grief. So while I respect that you'd prefer not to receive them, I you obviously know what's in them and can read them and carry on. Life is harder than just that.

Others have opened and read a thread about mothers' day, opening themselves up to my question and opinion, but feel junk email is a step too far to cope with.

I guess everyone's free to opt out.

It's a fact that an image and text encouraging you to buy a token gift for your own mother (as the email is aimed at you as a consumer, not a mother) is hardly comparable to what you describe.

This is completely untrue - all companies of any size that have you on their mailing lists now will have basic software to personalise it so that it's 'Hi ' - virtually nobody has 'Dear Customer' or leaves it unaddressed these days. They will also cross-reference any data that they have on you to target it as much as possible.

I lost my much-loved parents in my early twenties, and MD/FD advertising has never bothered me - even the very personalised stuff - as I just rationalise that it isn't relevant to me and I ignore it. I've also never had an issue with receiving post addressed to a deceased person, as I figure they either couldn't have known, haven't updated their database or are just useless. HOWEVER, this in no way makes me a better person than those whom it does upset. We all grieve in different ways and nobody is 'right' or 'wrong' in how they grieve; but I'd have thought the idea that targeting MD/FD advertising at somebody who has/might have lost a parent or child - or had very difficult and challenging circumstances in their relationship with their parent or adult child - could cause deep upset, is a very obvious thing to realise and comprehend (and ideally avoid).

OP just trolling now

OP just trolling now

Agreed.

There are so many trolls get their kicks out of upsetting bereaved people. Pretty sick and twisted really.

There's business sense in not upsetting your customers by sending upsetting content.

I can’t understand why this would be a problem significant enough to start a thread about.

There was an earlier thread about this very topic, which was very interesting - but it was a respectful discussion and in no way used as a vehicle to tell people what they should or shouldn't find upsetting.

I'm opting out of this thread

Still doesn't seem as consequential as lots of other things people could do for others.

Like what? What do you think Ocado (for example) can do that is better for this situation than offering the option to opt out?

This kind of email can only do good, it doesn't do any harm or cause any extra distress to anyone.

I'm infertile and this year is the first time I've noticed these opt outs. I think it's a marketing ploy. I'm in marketing myself, it's all a bloody ploy.

Others have opened and read a thread about mothers' day, opening themselves up to my question and opinion, but feel junk email is a step too far to cope with.

There is a difference between making a choice to open and read a thread (which we can do when we feel capable of dealing with the subject matter. Fwiw if this thread had appeared on the anniversary of my mother's death, or a few years ago when the grief was more raw, I probably would have hidden it rather than posting on it.

The option to do that is appreciated (thanks for that feature MNHQ), in the same way that the opt out emails are appreciated.

No, opting out will not mean that I'm never confronted with things that make the grief rear up, but it is one less thing. It might only be little, but the thing about grief is sometimes the little stuff hurts more than the big stuff, it's not massively logical.

Yes, it's a marketing ploy to stop us unsubscribing entirely, but I don't mind that. Of course a business will want to maximise its reach, and tbf I don't subscribe unless I genuinely want to receive their emails. So I appreciate being able to receive the rest of their marketing materials.

There's clearly enough of us that find this small gesture helps (the businesses market research will show this too), so I think that overall it's a good thing.

I'm a bit bemused by the idea that it's really upsetting for an email from Asda that features an offer currently available on a bunch a flowers / bottle of Baileys to land in someone's email inbox.

a lot of the time its the wording and not the idea i think. A few years ago someone (very.co.uk i think but i dont remember) sent me an email and the header that popped up on my phone, during an important meeting, was something like "pssst...your dads got a message for you". unlikely as he had died 6 months previously. and i would hope if he was going to message me it wouldnt be "buy me this drill from very". but i remember it ended up in the papers that year as insensitive so i can kind of see where theyre coming from. it did shock me but i want distraught or anything. just thought it was tacky and insensitive.

i suppose the difference between people being upset at christmas is that youre not getting "GRANDMA SAYS HI!" specific emails.

As my mum would have said ‘if it’s for you, it’s for you and of not just ignore it’

Not sure how many different ways you need people to tell you that yes being able to opt out helps, OP. Grieving daughters don't seem to be getting through. Grieving mums don't. Those mourning the kids they can't have don't.
It helps.
I'm eight years on from my mum's death and can deal with the emails now but that first year every single one (yes, along with every shop display) felt like a personal attack. Even one email being removed from that made it a tiny bit less all encompassingly awful.

This kind of email can only do good, it doesn't do any harm or cause any extra distress to anyone.

I agree. Even though it comes from a marketing and bottom-line pov, it still goes out to everybody - and one might hope that some of those at whom the main marketing emails are squarely aimed might take a moment to realise that not everybody is as fortunate as they are. It might even make them treasure their loving, living relationship even more, whilst taking care to avoid upsetting others by assuming that everybody has the same happy circumstances as they do.

Actually OP you asked why people might be bothered so I told you why it bothered me.

The reason I clicked into your thread is because from the title it gives no indication as to the goady, insensitive content. I actually assumed it was a thread from someone stating that it was good to be able to opt out and to offer my agreement or offer some condolence to someone struggling right now.

If your title had read 'AIBU to not understand opting out of Mother's Day emails' or AIBU to think it's just a marketing ploy to send opt out emails for Mothers Day' I wouldn't have opened it.

I'll opt out here too